Roll Me Away: A Smokey's Roadhouse Novel (8 page)

Obviously, the women they called Bunnies didn’t mind fucking in public, but it hadn’t occurred to me that it was because they did it on camera. Would that be so bad? I’d watched a few porn films. They riled me up, but there were some scenes I didn’t think I’d be okay with as a participant. Double entry, for example. I didn’t want to be that close to another man’s dick, even if there was a barrier of female flesh in between.

Were these guys bisexual? Or was it just a job to them? Before I knew it, I was questioning things I’d never even thought about before, except in passing. While I was watching a video, for example. And Cricket was right. I wasn’t a video virgin, but I didn’t watch much. Why should I? I got plenty of pussy, and I didn’t need to watch it to get my dick up. It was only when I was horny and alone, but that didn’t happen all that often.

So instead of confronting Sarge when I saw him, I just told him I was going to grab a bite and then do my thing. He nodded and said, “Good luck.”

Z
ach kissed
me like he meant it and then left me propped up against the outer wall of a building. What the hell had just happened?

It took me a minute to regain my senses, but when I did, I stared after his retreating back. Whether it was his kiss that got me started on a new line of thought, or the fact that he’d left me without a backward glance, I had to suppress an urge to run after him.

It was time to sit down by myself and assess what was going on with me. My behavior in the past couple of days had been anything but typical, and I had to think hard about what it meant. When I’d agreed to come on this vacation with the family, I thought I might have a chance to come out of my shell and explore my feelings a bit. But what had happened so far was way out there. In just twenty-four hours, I’d gone from wanting to break out of the mold a bit to indulging in truly dangerous activity and craving more.

Was I depraved? I didn’t think so. I didn’t feel evil, or dirty, or any more rebellious than usual. But for the first time since I’d declared my college major, I questioned what I wanted to do with my life. Was there more to life than getting a college education and a good job and settling down to raise a family? What kind of adventure was I missing by accepting that scenario?

I made my way back to my motel room in a daze, no longer interested in going to the Downshift to see if I could find Jake again. The events of the last day had created a profound shift in my view of myself, and I had to sort it out before I did something that would knock me right off my foundations.

I began with how I felt about meeting Jake. This time, I kept my mind off his incredible body and focused on what it had done to me. I’d knowingly gone with a man who was a stranger to me, so I could have sex with him. At the time, it had felt like a dream, unreal. How did it feel now, considered dispassionately?

I turned the concept over in my mind, deliberately attempting to apply the judgment my mother would, if she knew. I couldn’t summon any guilt over it. He could have hurt me, yes. He didn’t. All I felt about it was how good I’d felt, and what a great adventure.

Having had a good time, it was normal to want to repeat it, wasn’t it? I examined every part of my logic and emotions for a real expectation of a future, and couldn’t find one. I knew if I got to have sex with Jake again, it wasn’t a promise. It wasn’t anything but two people who enjoyed making each other and themselves feel good, doing just that.

In a tiny corner of my mind, the same one that had always expected to grow up to find I was a princess, lurked a fantasy of what it would be like, but I still knew that’s all it was – a fantasy. Not even one I particularly wanted to come true. Just an experience to be had.

Okay, so did that make me a slut? Honestly, I hadn’t ever thought before about what made a slut. Was it having sex with a lot of men? Did the frequency or the number make any difference? What about the motive? Every time I went down a train of logic, it came to nothing. The only definition I could come up with was someone who deliberately seduced other women’s men. That meant I wasn’t a slut. I’d never do that.

Which brought me to the question of whether I’d like to have sex with Zach. He’d implied that he was even bigger than Jake. Was that a factor in my decision? I’d seen Jake on camera, so meeting him in person had brought back the sensations in my body that watching him on a small screen evoked. When I watched his videos, I fantasized that I was the woman, and I’d had a chance to live out those fantasies. I didn’t think the size of his cock had anything to do with it, but was I wrong?

Sometime around my normal dinner time, my body informed me I was hungry. When my long reverie was interrupted by hunger pangs, I had to laugh at myself. I’d been applying some cracked version of a decision-making class to something that should be a physical response, not a logical decision.

I gave myself a shake and determined to stop doing this. I’d cross every bridge when I came to it. Right now, it was time to find the family again and have dinner. Maybe afterward, I’d go bar-hopping and see what else there was to do in this town besides dream of having sex with bikers.

B
ad idea
.
I should have known the third degree had only stopped for Zach. It started right up again as we grilled hot dogs on Dad’s portable propane grill at the RV park. Mom sent the sibs to bring out side dishes and condiments, and she grilled me while Dad grilled the dogs, with an occasional word of support for Mom thrown in.

“Caroline Baxter, what were you thinking, bringing a…a
thug
around your brother and sister?”

“Mom, I hate that name. Please call me Cricket.”

“We’ll talk about your disrespect in a moment. I want to know where you were to pick up such a disreputable man. Your father convinced me to overlook the fact you were clearly hung over when we saw you earlier, but I have to seriously question your judgment if you met that man at a bar. Where were you last night? Aaron went by your room after nine to let you know where we were having breakfast, and you weren’t there.”

“I wasn’t aware I had a curfew, Mom. Did you happen to notice I passed my twenty-first birthday over a year ago?”

“Young lady, keep a civil tongue in your head. As long as you live under our roof…”

That tired old excuse for them to control me. I’d had enough. “That can be corrected.”

Mom gasped. “How dare you!”

“Mom, I love you, and I don’t mean any disrespect. But can’t you see I’m an adult now? I’m responsible for my own decisions, and you and Dad have no say in them. If you think you do because I’m living at home, then I’ll just have to move.”

Mom threw up her hands and turned to look at Dad. “Richard…”

“Carol, she has a point. We can’t control her any more. As for you, Cricket, it was cruel of you to tell your mother you hate the name she gave you.”

Seriously? That was what he got out of all that?

“I’m sorry, Mom. I shouldn’t have said that.”

“But you do hate it,” she retorted.

“Yeah, but I shouldn’t have said it.”

“
Richard!
”

“Sorry, Carol, you opened yourself up for that one. Should have just accepted her apology. So, Cricket, what’s your plan? Do you have one? Because your mother and I agree, we can’t condone whatever it is you were doing last night if it involved those outlaws. We
are
paying for this vacation, and we’re not going to supply you with a motel room where you can… Well, I think you know what I mean.”

“Oh, I know exactly what you mean, Daddy. I think I may have some alternatives.”

With both of them calling my name, I ran from there as fast as I could go. I didn’t have any idea that Jake would take me in, but I thought Zach would help me if Jake wouldn’t.

I
was still fucked
up over what had happened with Cricket earlier in the afternoon. I went straight to the Downshift and shared a few pitchers with some of the guys. Sarge’s appearance scattered the rest, but he put a big hand on my shoulder when I started to leave.

“You drunk, boy? Can you ride?”

“I can ride.”

“Then you’d best start looking for a likely one. Quit wasting time.”

That wasn’t fair, because we’d already talked about when I’d do it. I shrugged his hand off my shoulder. “I’ll get it done.”

“What’s got into you, Zach?” he asked.

“Nothing. I’m going now.”

I left him there to finish the pitcher the rest of us had abandoned and went looking for the right bike to boost. But first, I needed my brain bucket, so I went to the room to get it. I didn’t expect to find Cricket there, leaning against the wall next to my door.

She looked just like she had when I’d left her earlier, only now instead of flustered, she looked agitated. And there was a duffel bag at her feet. I couldn’t help sending her up a little.

“Here for more?”

“Zach, I won’t pretend I’m not still hoping to get with Jake. I thought you and I were maybe beginning to be friends. Can we keep it at that?”

The girl had balls, I’d give her that. The more I talked to her, the more I wanted to get to know her. There was something different about her. I wasn’t the most experienced guy around, but I’d had my share of brushes with the opposite sex – from one-night stands to a girlfriend in high school that lasted for two years.

None of those girls and women were remotely as interesting as this one, with her combination of girl-next-door innocence and frank sexuality. I could have told her Jake was probably through with her. But as long as she was asking me for help, I had a chance to be the one she turned to when she got it through her head.

Still, she needed to know it was asking a lot. Before I answered, I reached out and traced the curve of her cheek while staring at her mouth. I’d already showed her I wanted her, and this was her response. If that’s the way she wanted it, I could be her friend, but she was by God going to know what she was missing. I looked up from her mouth to her eyes. They were wide, and her skin was flushed.

I huffed out a breath. “I guess. You’re kind of hard on a guy’s ego, you know.”

“I’m sorry, I know. If it helps any, I do think you’re cute. And sweet.” Her lower lip trembled as she said it. Was her voice a little shaky?

Cute and sweet. Great. “What do you want, Cricket?” I made my voice hard.

“I, uh, walked out on my parents. They were going off on me about hanging with scum the likes of you.” She gave a nervous chuckle. “I need a place to stay.”

“Here? For how long?” I was thinking ahead about what excuse I’d give her for being gone all night. If it was only for the night, she couldn’t have chosen a better one, as long as I could come up with a good excuse.

“Well… What if I hung out with the club? Like…long enough to decide whether I liked the lifestyle?”

Huh?

“I’m not sure you know what you’re asking for, kid.”

“I’m
not
a kid! I’m twenty-two, a college graduate. You sound exactly like my parents!”

This was getting complicated. I needed to get going, and this was taking up time I didn’t have. I thought for a minute. If I told her what she was getting into, and especially what I was about to do, would it change her mind about this crazy scheme?

If it did, was I risking her going straight to the police? The other alternative was to turn her over to Rooster, or Sarge – even Doc – and let them handle it.

I knew as soon as I came up with that alternative that my dick was going to get me in trouble. Because if I handed her over, they’d either talk her out of it, or they’d recruit her for a Bunny, and I’d get last pick, if she lasted long enough. What I was about to do might even get me kicked out of the club before I had a chance to be in it.

“Come in. You need to sit down while I lay it out for you.”

She waited while I unlocked the door after looking around to see if any of the others were loitering nearby. I had maybe five minutes to tell her the facts of life. After that, I was screwed, or she was going with me.

“Cricket, the first thing you need to know is there aren’t any women members of this club. You get what an outlaw club is all about, right?”

“I get what this one’s about. You guys make porn videos. That isn’t illegal.”

“Boosting bikes and taking them to a chop shop is. But that isn’t even the point. Women are property in a motorcycle club like this. Some clubs call them club whores, some call them other stuff. Ours are called Bunnies. If I take you to them, you’re essentially a slave. You can leave, or you can do what they expect of you. You don’t get to choose your guy – they choose you – but you’re fair game to anyone who wants you, and they sometimes take turns. When you aren’t fucking, you’re basically keeping house, cooking, whatever scut work the club has for you. You’re a smart girl. Is that the life you want?”

“It can’t be that bad. What about the married ones? Aren’t some of you married? Are the wives treated like that?”

“Not exactly. We call them old ladies. They may or may not be married, but when a member claims a woman as his old lady, it’s hands off to everyone else. She still isn’t a member of the club. The only difference I can see is she doesn’t get passed around for sex. It doesn’t necessarily mean her old man will be faithful, either. And if he isn’t, she can’t really say anything about it.”

“So let me get this straight. You guys really are criminals, but you don’t murder people like on that TV show. Or run drugs, or anything like that? And if I go with you and Jake doesn’t claim me as his old lady, I might have to sleep with other guys. Anything else?”

She was so calm and matter-of-fact that I knew what I said went in one ear and out the other, in spite of her understanding it well enough to recite it back to me. “That’s the gist of it, except there’s no
might
about it. You
will
have to sleep with other guys. Understand, I’m a rookie. They hadn’t even shared the porn business with me. For all I know, they
do
murder people, and I just don’t know it yet.”

“I can’t see Jake as a murderer. For the chance to be with him again, I’ll risk the rest. So, can I stay with you, at least until I can talk to Jake?”

For a smart girl, she was clueless. It was pointless to try to talk her out of it anymore. I shrugged. “Jake’s probably on his way back from Wyoming. He rode a stolen bike there last night. You could hang out at Downshift and wait for him to turn up. Or you could stay in my room tonight and try to see him tomorrow. I’ll be heading to Wyoming with whatever I can get my hands on, and won’t be back before tomorrow evening. Or…”

She was looking at me intently, taking it all in. “Or…?”

“Or, I could take you with me tonight and get you to the club president. He’s an old guy, but a straight shooter. He could help you decide whether you really want to do this and maybe give you more information about the club than I can.”

“What if I decided I didn’t want to stay after talking to him?”

“One way or another, you’re going to be out in the middle of nowhere with no way back unless you can get yourself back. We’re hitching once we drop off the bikes. But my mom lives in the town where I’m dropping off tonight’s bike. She’d probably put you up for a few days. Until your parents could get some money to you to get home or something.”

“I think I need to think about it. It’s okay if I stay in your room?”

“Sure. I won’t be using it. You know, I’ve shared stuff with you that could get both of us in hot water with the club if you told the wrong person or people. You get what I’m saying?”

“I get it. Keep my mouth shut. I can do that.”

“I hope so.”

“I promise.”

“Okay, then. Here’s the key. Find me at Downshift tomorrow about this time and let me know what you decide.

“Thanks, Zach. I won’t forget this. You’re a good friend.”

Friend. Right.

H
onestly
, I thought all that club whores and old ladies stuff was just TV drama. It also shocked me to learn the club was here just to steal motorcycles. I should tell Dad to make sure his rental was secure. But if I did that, would it expose the guys I wanted to hang with? I decided Dad was on his own. He sure didn’t have my back when Mom started in on me. Guilt made me text Egghead, though.
I’ve heard some people have had their motorcycles stolen. Tell Dad to make sure his is safe.

He sent back,
WTF is going on, Sis? You running away from home?

Don’t be stupid, Egghead. I’m grown up. Don’t HAVE to run away. Just leaving. I’ll stay in touch.

He sent back a couple more, trying to play big brother. He wasn’t quite at that level yet, but it made me cry anyway. I wouldn’t have chosen to have it be this way, but shit happens. Not that I’d call what happened with Jake ‘shit’. I meant my split with my family. And it was confusing me, because what happened with Jake had shifted my world on its axis, and
that’s
what had caused the split.

I knew I was taking unfair advantage of Zach, too. That wasn’t like me, either. A part of me was curious about that kiss earlier. Zach wanted me as much as Jake did, and was more honest about everything. Now I felt grateful to him, and maybe something else, if I were honest with myself.

Tired
of being in my own head, I put Zach’s key in my shoulder bag and walked over to Downshift. A couple of the Dust Devils recognized me and beckoned me over to their table. After a few beers, I was ready to go home with any of them, but that stray thought sobered me up a bit. It was probably what they were going for.

I was hoping Jake would show up. I almost said something about it being time for him to roll in, when I realized this was what Zach had warned me about. I couldn’t let these guys know that I knew where Jake had been or what he was doing. It was time for me to get out of there and sleep it off before I fucked up big time.

“Thanks, guys. I better get on home.”

The one they called Pug offered to walk me, but I didn’t want any of them to know I was staying in Zach’s room, because that might give us away, too. I waved him off, mumbled something about meeting my brother, and walked unsteadily toward the door. Just as I was trying to get out, who should appear trying to get
in
, but Jake.

“Hey, Bug! Where are you running off to?”

“Cricket.” The response was so automatic I didn’t have the power to filter it. Mortified, I stood blocking his way in like I’d been turned to stone.

“O…
kay
. Cricket. Where you going?”

“Uh.”

“Come on, go back in with me.”

I didn’t dare. I was already too drunk to handle myself. I needed to get back to the motel. But would turning him down now be the end of any chance I had with him? I put on my sexiest pout. “Another time, okay? I’ve got a thing.”

“A thing?” He threw his head back and laughed. “You sure you aren’t just afraid you’ll pass out again?”

I batted my eyelashes at him. “Would that really be so bad? It was…really incredible, Jake. I really want another chance. But tonight’s not good, really.” Realizing I was babbling and saying ‘really’ a lot, I shut my mouth.

“Okay. I get it. You’re on the rag or something. Another time, then. I’ll be around.”

Mortifying as it was, I accepted the excuse he handed me and nodded. “I’ll find you.”

“Sure, Bug.”

It wasn’t very late, and the streets were still crowded with pedestrians out for a good time. I should have worried about walking alone, but I didn’t. Focused on getting to Zach’s room before I made a worse fool of myself, I made a beeline for the motel and let myself in with relief. I didn’t bother with getting undressed or even brushing my teeth. I just crashed on top of the made-up bed and passed out.

Sometime later, I woke up needing to pee and glanced at the bedside clock. Two a.m. I staggered out of bed and took care of my business, but getting up banished sleep. I lay in the bed, turning the pillow over and over to the cool side until neither side was cool, and I was wide awake. What were the chances I’d find Jake in his room, directly above where I lay not sleeping right this minute? The idea grew in my mind until it somehow became a
good
idea. I got up.

A look in the mirror told me I’d better make myself presentable, so I took a quick shower, brushed out my damp hair and left it down, and took special care brushing my teeth. By the time I was done, I was shaking with anticipation of being in Jake’s arms again.

I rummaged in my duffel bag for my sexiest panties, a cropped tee, and short shorts. I was only going up a flight of steps, so flip-flops completed my wardrobe. I stuck the key in the tiny pocket of my shorts and left the room looking like a tornado had hit it.

The night was pitch-black, but a lone streetlight near the office gave me enough illumination to make my way up the stairs. Jake’s room was dark, too. I stood outside, taking big gulps of air. What if he got mad at me for waking him? Steeling my resolve, I raised my hand to knock at his door, when a sound from inside stopped me. A muffled giggle, and then a female voice. “Oh, my God, Jake, will that thing fit?”