Romance: Duplicity (Duplicity New Adult Romance Book 1) (10 page)

"She's still alive," says Nick, his face set in a grim expression. "They said if she makes it she could be severely disabled for the rest of her life. Brain damage, paralysis, you name it, she's got it, but they've said that I must prepare for the likely outcome, that she'll die."

"Oh Nick," is all I can say. All my feelings for Nick have come flooding back, but I never expected this mess. And there was me thinking I had troubles.

"Holly, they say she can't hear anything but do you think she knew that I'd left her?" His eyes are filled with tears and his voice is choked with emotion.

"I don't know, Nick." I reach out for his hands again, to stop his shaking. "Nick, I'm sorry to ask you this but I have to know the truth. Do you still love her?"

"I love Sarah - the smart, funny, wonderful woman I married. But she's checked out, there's just a shell left. My love for her now is grief, for the person she once was, and will never be again. I know she would want me to move on. And she would love you Holly, I know that too."

I can't process all this, it's too much. How generous of him to bestow his wife's approval on me! Like she's given us her blessing. It's my turn now to say my piece, and I don't hold back any punches.

"Is that supposed to make me feel like this is all ok? Why didn't you tell me before? Why didn't you tell me at the start? You should have told me at the start!" I'm shouting now and fighting back tears.

"You used me, Nick. Used me as a release from all your shit. You didn't tell me because you knew it was wrong. I never would have dated you, never would have slept with you if I had known any of this about Sarah. You knew that, right?"

Nick looks shell-shocked at my tirade, but still I let him have it. "You deceived me, you lied to me and you expect me to believe that your dead wife who's still alive would be happy for us? You expect me to feel sorry for you? Is that it?"
 

Nick's shaking his head, and a voice inside my head is telling me to stop, that I've said enough, made my point. But I have to take one last dig at him, to ease my own guilt.

"What you did, Nick, how you treated me, did you ever think that might have repercussions?" I'm thinking of what happened with Adam but I don't elaborate. My mind is a whirl of guilt and regret.
 

Nick looks bewildered. "Holly, I don't blame you for being angry. I came back because I know I made a mistake and I had to tell you the truth. I've fallen in love with you, don't you see? If you can find it to forgive me, I want you to come with me to New York and we can build a future together."

"And where does Sarah fit into all this?"

 
I can't believe what I am hearing or what I am saying, it's completely surreal. Me, move to New York with a married man? My parents would have a fit.

"The doctors says she's not going to make it. Holly, I have to be with her until she dies but I can't bear to be away from you for another day. I know it's a lot to ask but please will you come with me? I've cleared everything with Bill at work. He's happy to approve a transfer for you to NY office for as short or as long as you wish. It's totally your decision. This could mean big things for your career, Holly. Just like you wanted."

I can't believe this man's arrogance and quest for control. "Oh, you've thought of everything and arranged it all, have you? How thoughtful and kind. Don't play the career card with me, you bastard, just to get your own way. You're right, it's my decision, and I'll make it myself, when I'm ready."

I can see the pain in his beautiful eyes. He looks helpless like a lost child and all I feel is love tinged with sadness. I am drained, and Nick is too. There's nothing more to say for now. The secrets are out in the open. Well, Nick's are. There's no need for him to know about mine, that doesn't matter now.

I lean my head on his chest and fall asleep in his arms. When I wake I look up at his face. His sleeping expression is troubled. What tortures he has had to live through. My gut tells me that he didn't mean to hurt me. He's just trying to make the best of an impossible situation.

I love this man and I never want us to be parted, not even for a single day. Is this possible? To base a future together on just a few weeks' history, a rocky foundation of lies and deceit?

My head says no but my heart says yes.

Fate has dealt us a cruel hand but I know what way I'll play. I will be true to myself, as my parents taught me. My head whirrs into action, excited at all the possibilities ahead. When we get back to London there'll be arranging to do and explaining too. I'm sure Tara will understand. That just leaves Adam. Oh Adam! Why must there always be casualties?

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

My heart is pounding as I put the key in the lock of my flat, on the evening of the Thursday my life changed forever. I know Tara will be surprised but supportive, after all her life philosophy is Carpe Diem.

I still feel guilty though as I will be, in effect, leaving her in the lurch. I laugh to myself as I clock the boots outside Tara's bedroom door. The usual sounds of a couple getting hot and heavy are clearly audible. Something makes me pause, and I look at the boots again. They seem familiar. It's not like Holly to have the same guy back twice. And on a Thursday night? Weird.

I go to my own room and start to think what I need to pack for staying at Nick's for a few days. I have to hurry, as he's waiting in the taxi outside. I open my underwear drawer, and that's when it hits me.

Turning on my heel, I march right in to Tara's bedroom without knocking. Despite my premonition of what awaits within, the shock of seeing it confirmed still stings. Tara's on all fours on the bed, and a man with his back to me is giving it to her from behind, doggy style.

Her loud moans signify her enjoyment of the proceedings. I watch as she orders him in a breathless voice, "Harder, fuck me harder ... want it all.... deeper ... all your big cock!" As Adam thrusts harder, Tara's head rams against the headboard. "Ohhh, yes," she screams with pleasure.

Now that I'm here, I don't know what I'm going to say. Adam senses my presence first and turns, stopping mid-stroke.
 

"Noooo, don't stop baby, don't stop....I want more," Tara protests, before looking round too. Now I have their full attention.

"Hey you two, glad to see you haven't missed me!" I manage with a sarcastic smile. "Listen, Adam, thanks for the fuck but I don't think it's going to work out. Tara, he's all yours, if you don't mind sloppy seconds. See you around guys, I'm outta here."

Back in my room, I grab what I can and fling it into my overnight bag which I have just emptied on the bed. Tara runs in, stark naked, and sobbing.

"Oh babe, I'm so sorry," she pleads. "Adam has been pestering me for so long, I mean you know that, right?"

I look blankly at Tara. "Actually Tara, no. I didn't. I thought it was me that Adam liked, I remember you telling me that not too long ago. Fucking hell. Silly me."

Tara looks amazed, and shrugs. "I'm fucked off listening to it. You yapping about him pestering you and him going on all the time about watching you in the mornings going to work. How bloody sweet! Get over yourselves. It's just sex! I thought you weren't interested, so what’s the problem?”

"You know what, Tara? I really don't care, but that's not the point. I thought we were friends. I'm leaving. The rent's paid till the end of the month, after that you can do what you like."

Tara's face drops as I lift my bag and head for the door. "Are you serious?" she says. "I mean, we only did it a couple of times. Big deal. You’re always going on about how you’re sick of him hitting on you!”

“Yes, Tara," I reply, my voice as calm as I can make it. "And I’m also sick of listening to your shagging in the next room and I’m sick of not knowing what weirdo will be hanging around here in the morning and most of all I’m so bloody sick of all this mess! I can’t wait to get out of here.”

“You can't go, Holly. Where will you live?"

"New York." I can hardly believe it myself as I say the words.

She stares at me in disbelief. "What?"

A rousing Frank Sinatra chorus is playing in my head as I walk down the hall, past that creep Adam, and I don't give him a second look. The click of the door behind me closes a chapter on my life that I will never go back to.

My heart is pounding. My gut is telling me to keep walking, and I don't stop although my legs are shaking. My head is just starting to process Adam and Tara's betrayal. Nick or no Nick, there's no going back now.

Outside, Nick is waiting, and I fall into his arms. He holds me close, and strokes my hair. Safe in his embrace, I know I'm making the right decision. He doesn't need to know any of it, just that I'm his.

The taxi driver revs the engine, breaking the magic.

"Did you get everything? Is that all you're taking?" Nick is surprised at my small bag.

"I've got everything I need," is my simple reply. As we drive off, I'm thankful that he leaves it at that.

***

Just a few short weeks later, we are seated in the BA First Class lounge at Heathrow waiting for the flight to JFK. Our lives in London have been packed up, and Cathwell's have taken care of all the paperwork. I’ve a job lined up in New York and I almost have to pinch myself to believe that this is my real life and not a dream. There'll be difficulties and sadness ahead with Sarah but I'll do anything to be with Nick.
Deep breaths.
I'm filled with anxiety, it must be pre-flight jitters.

The flight is called and we gather our bags.

"Are you ok, Holly? You look a little pale honey," asks Nick before we board.

"You know what, I feel a little green. Must be the thought of the long flight. I'll just go freshen up quickly."

Inside the ladies, I retch. Nerves are getting the better of me. Although, come to think of it, I’ve been feeling queasy for a few days. I splash my face with water and reach for the paper towels. The Tampax machine catches my eye. I really should get some, I must be due on soon ...

The reality of the disaster hits me like a brick and I slump to the floor. I feel panic take over like a fist gripping my heart. I was so caught up with the storm of returning to London and all the excitement surrounding the move to New York, that I've just realised I am late. No, it can't be. It's the turmoil of the last weeks. Oh no, please let this not be happening. I don’t think there’s any more I can take. A baby isn't on the agenda.

A million thoughts are running through my mind. How will Nick react? We were so careful, except for that one time. He's got enough on his plate. My parents are already worried sick about me moving away like this. I can say bye bye to my New York career before it even gets going, if what I fear is for real. And there's the one big secret that I never told Nick and will haunt me forever. My night with Adam that I've no real memory of. Could this be its legacy?

My heart is pounding as I hear the final flight call…

Find out what happens next in Duplicity Book Two - New York, available March 2015