Romance Me (Boxed Set) (27 page)

Judy held up one hand. “I don’t break my promises. But, I think you’re both being silly. As for the health of the baby, I’m sure everything’s fine. Now, get over yourself and get your tail end out of this car and into that office.”

Lisa unbuckled and opened the car door. She knew better than to argue with Judy. If Eric hadn’t won an argument with her, Lisa didn’t stand a chance. Lisa climbed out of the car and followed Judy to the lobby.

The woman had to be an angel and Lisa couldn’t bear to hurt her. Judy put on a brave face, but Lisa knew that losing her one true love all those years ago had destroyed her. Only Eric had filled a void in Judy’s heart, and Lisa couldn’t take that away. No, even if she had to leave in the middle of the night she would, but she refused to be in the way of Judy and her son. He’d been ‘out of town’ on business since that day in hospital, but Lisa knew he didn’t want to return because of her.

The elevator ride to the diagnostic wing dragged on, stopping with a ding on every floor, until they reached five. Entering the office, a few people already waited in the stiff armchairs. The sight of magazines, the smell of disinfectant, and the murmured conversations around the front desk made her heart race.

Judy directed her to one of the chairs. “Sit before you fall down. I’ll sign you in.”

Lisa lowered into a chair and listened to Judy ramble off questions for twenty minutes as she filled out the form. Finally, Judy placed the pen on the clipboard and leaned toward her. “For a girl who didn’t want to be pregnant and thought she’d make a bad mother, you sure do look petrified about facing the possibility of not being pregnant. I think you have your answer. You were born to be a mother. Trust me, I’m always right. Just ask Eric.”

Lisa and Judy sat in silence, Lisa going over all the possibilities in her head. She’d been researching every known deformity and disorder she could think of on the internet. If the child had autism, she’d have a difficult time, but would face the challenge to the best of her ability. For a missing limb, there was always therapy. Even a more severe disorder didn’t stop her from wanting the baby. She just prayed it was still alive in there. She’d willed it to move in her womb, growing anxious when she didn’t feel anything for long periods of time, but the most she’d ever felt was the butterfly movement in her belly.

“Lisa Mortan?” a woman dressed in scrubs called from the doorway to the exam rooms.

Lisa trembled.

Judy took her hand. “Come on, dear.”

They followed the narrow white hall to a room, the world sounding as if it came through a tunnel. Staff spoke to her, but Judy answered all their questions. Lisa only focused on the health of the baby.

Judy’s phone, vibrating in her purse, ripped Lisa from her blank state, but Judy ignored it. When the nurse left and Lisa was dressed in her gown and lying on the exam table, Judy’s phone vibrated once more.

“Popular woman,” Lisa teased, trying to ease her nerves.

Judy smiled. “Not me, darling. It’s all questions about you.”

“Oh.” But who else knew she was getting the sonogram this morning? She hadn’t even told Judy about it. “Who?”

“You sure you want to know?” Judy winked.

Lisa’s heart fluttered, the only emotion besides terror that had broken through her numbness since she’d woken. “Who?”
It’s not him. Don’t go there.

“Eric. He’s been texting every five minutes, wanting to know how you’re doing. He asked me if Mark was here. But I told him that I didn’t think it was my place to tell him, but he’s worried about you.”

Then he should be here.
She shook her head.
No, that’s not fair
. He didn’t deserve that.

The ultrasound tech came in and Lisa prepared herself for gasps of horror as they looked at her baby.

“Relax, sweetheart. This won’t hurt. Okay, let’s take a look and listen for the baby’s heartbeat.” The nurse turned the monitor so they could all see. An image of a head appeared on screen, but quickly whirled away. The woman kept swishing back and forth, but only paused for a second then moved on.

“Is everything okay?” Lisa asked.

“Yes, dear.” The tech clicked a few more buttons on the ultrasound machine then stood up. “Stay right here, Ms. Mortan. I’ll be right back.”

“There’s something wrong? You couldn’t find a heartbeat, could you?” Lisa started trembling, her body shaking like she’d never imagined it could.

“You need to calm down. I’ll be right back.” The tech’s eyes were wide with fear as she fled the room.

“Oh, God. I knew I didn’t deserve to be a mom.”

Judy’s eyes were brimming with tears, but she took Lisa’s hand. “Now, you stop that. We don’t know anything yet.”

The door opened once more and Dr. Hendricks came in with another woman dressed in scrubs. “Ms. Morton. How are you today? Are you cold?”

Lisa could only shake her head as her body continued to tremble.

“Nurse Thompson, please get some heated blankets for Ms. Mortan,” he said, then turned back to Lisa. “I need you to calm down and listen to me. The nurse was unable to locate the heartbeat, but I have the best tech in the hospital right here, Ms. Janson. We spoke about the possibilities of the remaining fetus. Now, I need you to be brave so that she can check. Can you do that for me?”

Lisa’s teeth chattered so loud she barely heard Judy’s phone buzzing again. Judy ignored it and clutched Lisa’s hand. Holding onto Judy tight, Lisa nodded.

The tech sat down. “I’m going to turn the volume all the way up and I’ll be pushing on you a little here and there. Is that okay?”

Lisa nodded again. She fought the shaking and tried to be still, but her belly rolled inside out and she clutched her middle. “Oh.”

Ms. Janson smiled. She only touched Lisa for a second before a loud pounding sound echoed in the room. “Ah, I think we’ve found your baby.”

Tears streamed down Lisa’s face. Nurse Thompson returned and warm blankets wrapped around her shoulders and feet. Judy squeezed her hand. People spoke, but no words reached her ears. Only the beautiful, loud thumping of her baby’ heart filled her ears.

After several minutes, during which Ms. Janson took measurements, Dr. Hendricks turned to Lisa and shook her hand. “You had me worried for a minute. I thought you were going to go into shock, breaking my perfect record of never losing a patient to emotional distress.”

Judy and the nurses all chuckled along with him while Lisa stared at the ceiling, listening to her baby’s heartbeat.

“Ms. Janson, can you please show Ms. Mortan to my office when she’s ready?” Dr. Hendricks said.

“Certainly, Doctor,” Ms. Janson agreed, then handed Lisa a picture of her baby.

The entire time Lisa dressed, all she could do was stare at the picture in disbelief. No matter what came next, she could handle it.

Ms. Janson led her to Dr. Hendricks’ office, Judy by her side the whole way. When they reached the small room, Judy pulled out her cell. “Oh, my. I think I freaked Eric out. Poor kid. It’s killing him not to be here.”

Lisa didn’t respond. She sat in one of the office chairs, staring at her baby’s picture, her heart full of love and hope for the first time since she could remember.

Dr. Hendricks entered and sat down behind the hard wood desk. “Well, Ms. Mortan. I must say you’ve been my most interesting and exciting case. Congratulations.”

“Thank you,” Lisa said.

Dr. Hendricks’ expression turned serious. “But I’m afraid this is one of those pregnancies where the drama won’t end until the baby is born. You see, the baby is small, and there is Echogenic Foci on the heart. There’s a chance the baby could have down syndrome or another disorder.”

“How do we find out?” Judy asked.

“There are two options. You can have an amniocentesis—”

“You said that was too dangerous,” Lisa quipped.

“I still believe that,” Dr. Hendricks said, “but ultimately, it’s your decision. The chances of preterm labor are high.”

“What’s the other option?” Lisa asked.

Dr. Hendricks closed the folder and laid it on the desk in front of him. “To wait for the baby to be born.”

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Lisa set the sonogram picture next to her laptop and pulled her chair closer to the table. The smell of cinnamon and spice wafted from candles set on the counter and the table in front of her. “It’s good to be back at work.”

Judy set a cup of warm tea with honey next to Lisa’s computer then handed her a throw. “I’m sure, but I promised Dr. Hendricks you’d stay seated as much as possible. No heavy lifting, bending, or excessive stress, got it?”

“Yes, ma’am,” Lisa teased. Opening her laptop, she checked for emails or instant messages, a routine she’d started since she left Eric a message, asking to speak with him. Clicking on Skype, she searched for him, but he wasn’t logged in.”

“He’s been out of town,” Judy mumbled on her way by.

“Oh.”
Still avoiding me, huh?
“Well, maybe someday he’ll give me a chance to apologize, but until then, I’m going to concentrate on the health of this baby. I won’t take any more chances. If bed rest did anything for me, it was to force me to sit still long enough to face my demons.” Her stomach fluttered and she smiled. “I’m not my mother, and it’s not all about what I want anymore. It’s what this baby needs.”

Judy sat down next to her and took a sip of her tea. “You need to be happy, too, though. As I said before, you have choices.”

“You mean Eric?” Lisa sighed. “Judy, I love you more than I thought possible, and there isn’t anything I want more in this world than to be your daughter, but it’s not going to happen. Eric won’t even return my calls.”

“Yes, but—”

“I know, but it doesn’t matter what happened before. I’m not the girl he once knew. He chose to leave because this was all too much for him. I respect that. I’ll admit I wanted to check out myself a few times. But it’s better for him to leave now, rather than later when I’ve grown closer to him. Besides, it’s best he isn’t here until the baby’s born.” She rubbed her belly. “I’m guessing he struggles with the thought of me losing the baby as much as I do. I’d never want him to face the pain of what happened to him again, especially because of me.” She fought the sadness in her heart, the deep, I’ll-never-find-love-again kind of stabbing pain she’d fought so hard to ignore, but couldn’t. Instead, she repeated her new mantra in her head.
It’s not about me anymore. It’s about the baby.

“I don’t believe he just disappeared.” Judy’s gaze dropped to her hands, and for the first time Lisa realized this had hurt not only herself, but Judy, too.

Lisa reached across the table and gripped her dear friend’s hand. “I know he left town, and I hope I’m not the cause of it. But I’ll leave tomorrow if you think it will help your son return.” Lisa fought to say it, prayed Judy wouldn’t agree, but she knew she’d do anything for the woman at her side.

“No, dear. If Eric left because of this, then he wasn’t ready to return to Sweetwater to begin with. I’d thought that from the beginning, but he wouldn’t hear it. No, I think he’s fighting with his own demons, and I truly don’t think you leaving will bring him home. Besides, I couldn’t part with you.” She looked at Lisa with glistening eyes. “After all, I’m gonna be a grandma.”

“Judy…” Lisa struggled to keep the tears at bay, but she couldn’t help embracing the woman who had shown her more compassion than anyone else in her life. “You’re the most amazing woman I’ve ever met.”

Judy sat back, still holding on to both of Lisa’s hands. “Oh, dear, you need to get out more.”

Lisa smiled. “There’s something I’d like to do, for closure, but I wanted to ask you if it’s okay.”

“What’s that, dear?” Judy asked.

“I’d like to send Eric an apology email. It’s time to let go and move on. I can’t sit here waiting for him to walk through the door for the rest of my life.”

Judy nodded. “If anyone understands how that feels, it’s me.” She scooted her chair back and collected their teacups. “I’ll warm these up.”

Taking a deep cleansing breath, Lisa clicked on
compose message
and started typing.

Dear Eric,

I understand why you left Sweetwater County and I’ll respect your decision not to speak to me, but I still wanted to apologize. Despite our promise to keep our secrets from each other until you returned, I should have insisted on telling you the truth. It’s not an excuse, but you were my one ray of light during weeks of darkness. Each day, all I could think about was coming home in time to see your face on Skype and talk to you for hours. It was selfish, and I’m truly sorry.

For a minute, part of me thought you could play father to my unborn child and I could leave all the ugliness of a man, who changed overnight from sweet to sadistic, behind in New York, but now I know it was just a fantasy. I’m sorry I got you caught up in all this craziness.

I had to try one last time to reach you and promise that if you’re willing to return to Sweetwater County, I’ll leave immediately. Judy’s the most amazing woman, and the thought of coming between you and your mother is breaking my heart. Please, with one word from you, I’ll go and you’ll never have to see me again.