Room for More (22 page)

“Yeah, well hopefully Kacie is on that Zamboni with Brody instead of sitting in the penalty box, crying.”

My stomach hurt and Alexa’s jokes about Brody leaving me were
not
helping. I wasn’t lying when I said I felt awful about not telling him. I felt beyond awful, but I really didn’t want to stress him out.

“Stop it!” Lauren slugged Alexa in the arm again.

“Listen,” Alexa warned her, “if you don’t stop hitting me, I’m going to hit you back—pregnant or not.”

Wait, what?

“What?” I exclaimed.

Lauren shrugged and grinned at me. “Surprise!”

“Oh my God, Lauren! How could you not tell me?” I jumped up and rushed to her side of the table to hug her again. “Congratulations!”

“How could she not tell you? That’s a good question coming from you, huh?” Alexa teased sarcastically.

“Listen.” I spun toward her, unable to hold my frustration in anymore. “I get that you don’t agree with the way I’ve handled this situation, but seriously… kiss my ass.” Tears welled up in my eyes and my voice started cracking, but I didn’t care. “You have no idea what I’ve been going through. None. Zach walked out all those years ago and I never expected to see him again—ever. Then on my first day of work, boom! There he was, in my face. Things with Brody had
just
started getting serious and selfishly, I didn’t want to mess anything up. Hell, I didn’t even know if it was worth it to say anything because I had no idea if I’d ever see Zach again after that day.” Lauren reached for my hand and squeezed it, but I didn’t stop. “I have two kids, I’m trying to finish my degree and keep my still new relationship alive, all while juggling this huge pimple on the face of my past that is my ex. Stop looking down your nose at me, damn it! You have no idea how hard this has been for me.” At that point, tears were spilling out of my eyes and people were staring.

Alexa’s cheeks flushed as she sat frozen, staring at me with her mouth open. She blinked a few times and shook her head back and forth slowly. “Kacie, I am so sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“Just… forget it.” I wiped my cheeks with the back of my hands and bent down and hugged Lauren. “I’m sorry, Lauren, but I have to go. I’m beyond exhausted and need a break. Call me tomorrow. Maybe we can have lunch before you leave?”

Lauren stood up and hugged me so tight, I almost started sobbing right there in her arms, but I just needed to keep it together long enough to get to my car. “It’s okay, Kacie. I understand.”

I pulled back and cupped my friend’s face. “I really am so happy for you. You’re going to be a great mom. Tell Tommy I said congrats.”

I grabbed my hoodie and left without saying good-bye to Alexa. By the time I got to my car, I was in a full-on sob. It felt good and awful at the same time.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Son.”

“Dad?” My dad never called me. I hardly recognized his voice. “What’s up?”

“Nothing. Just wanted to call my champ and say hi.”

Champ? He hasn’t called me that in years
.

Instantly I was ten years old again…

“Hey, Champ. I can’t make your tournament this weekend, but good luck.”

“Heard you played great tonight, Champ. Sorry I missed it.”

When it came to my father, calling me Champ was a way to soften whatever blow was coming.

“Hi,” I said cautiously. “Everything okay?”

“Everything is great. What are your plans this coming weekend?”

“Uh, we’re home this weekend. I have a game Friday, but then just practice Saturday morning. Probably heading to Kacie’s after. Why?”

He hesitated. “Saturday after practice, can you head up here for awhile before you go to her house?”

I didn’t like the tone in his voice. Not even a little.

“Dad, what’s going on?”

“Nothing. Mom and I just have a few things to talk about with you and Shae.”

Dad, Mom, me, and Shae? SHIT! Her scans were a couple weeks ago.

No, no, no, no.

“Dad, is this about mom’s scans?”

“No. Mom is okay, we just need to talk to you guys.” He sounded tired.

Exhausted. Stressed.

“Fuck that, Dad. I’m coming now.”

“Brody, that’s not necess—”

I hung up on him, grabbed Diesel’s leash, and out the door we went.

I wouldn’t say I had an out-of-body experience, but when I pulled onto the long dirt driveway at my parents’ farm, I didn’t remember any of the drive from my house to theirs. My heart raced the whole way there with the worst scenarios playing over and over in my head. If her cancer was back again, I would not break down at their house. I would remain strong. She beat it once, she could do it again. We would do it together. What if Dad was sick this time? Fuck. He’s her rock. Should I retire early? It’s not like I couldn’t afford it, but could I live without hockey?

I marched up to the house and through the front door as Diesel sprinted around back to find something to play with.

Closing the front door quietly, I listened for voices or crying. Nada. That was good, right?

“Brody?” Mom called out as I walked into the kitchen. She came right over and embraced me. “You didn’t have to come up here tonight.”

“Dad never calls me. What’s going on?”

Mom’s eyes shifted over to my dad who was sitting at the kitchen table, looking ten years older than he did the last time I saw him. He was staring down at the large oak table, picking at the fingernails on his weathered hands.

“Come. Sit down.” She went over and pulled a chair out for me.

I groaned and stubbornly followed my mom over to the table, sitting across from my dad.

Mom cleared her throat while dad looked everywhere except at me.

Looking back and forth between the two of them, it became apparent that neither of them wanted to talk. “Will someone please tell me what the hell is going on?” I barked, causing my mom to jump slightly.

“Honey, it’s really no big deal.” My mom tried to reassure me with a fake smile, but I was growing increasingly more pissed off with each second that passed.

“Great. Fine. Please fill me in on this ‘no big deal,’ then.”

Once again, Mom looked at Dad. He met her glance this time. She reached over and put her hand on his as she looked back at me. “Brody, your dad and I are getting divorced.”

For a moment, there was absolute silence.

I sighed and ran my hands through my hair. “Not funny. What’s really going on?”

Dad glanced at Mom, who never stopped looking at me. Her eyes were wide, her mouth slightly open in surprise. “We’re not kidding, Brody. We’ve separated.”

I pulled my hands up over my mouth and looked back and forth between the two of them, waiting for someone to tell me they were joking.

When no one said anything, my pulse started to race. “When? How? Why?”

“It just happened, Son,” my dad mumbled.

“Ending a thirty year marriage doesn’t just happen, Dad. Cut the crap. Why are you guys doing this?”

Mom looked down at the table and back up at my dad as if she were waiting for him to explain himself.

I lowered my eyebrows and glared at my father. “Is this your fault? Did you cheat on her? Not that I would be surprised. You were a shitty father, you’re probably an even shittier husband.”

“Now you calm the hell down,” my father ordered, pointing at me from across the table. “I know this can’t be easy for you, but it’s even harder for us.”

“Let’s all just calm down please.” My mom rested her hand on top of mine. “Brody, your dad didn’t cheat on me, nor is this his fault. It’s no one’s fault. We’ve both been feeling this way for quite awhile, but we were waiting for Shae to finish up her education and for both of you to be secure and independent before we made any final decisions.” She quietly looked down at her hands. She was spinning her wedding ring around and around, something she always did when she was nervous.

“I can’t believe this.” I rubbed my eyes with my palms. “It’s been
thirty years
. After thirty years, you’re just going to give up on each other?”

Neither of them responded.

They just sat there, wallowing in the failure of their marriage.

“What about counseling? I’ll pay for the best marriage counselor in the country.”

My dad look at my mom, but she just shook her head.

“How about a vacation? What if you guys went to Hawaii for a week— a month? Maybe you just need to reconnect?”

“Brody, your offers are all very sweet, but they’re not necessary.” She looked at my dad who gave her a tight smile. “We’ve talked about this at length. We’re okay with it. We’ve even hired the same lawyer and settled everything already. We’re content with our decision.”

I couldn’t believe what I’d just heard. My eyes were wide, darting back and forth between the two of them. “How long have you known you were doing this?”

“A year.”

“
A year?
” I exclaimed, jumping up from the table. “You guys just celebrated your thirtieth anniversary in May. Shae and I threw you a surprise party for fuck’s sake!”

“Brody,” my dad warned.

“I know.” Mom covered her face with her hands. “We were mortified the whole time, but we had no idea. What were we supposed to do? Announce the split in front of all our family and friends?”

“I don’t know.” I sighed, pacing the kitchen. “This can’t be the end, though. It just can’t. I know you two still love each other.”

My mom looked at me with tears in her eyes. “I can’t imagine how hard this must be for you, Brody. I can’t begin to imagine.”

“No. You can’t. I’ve gone my whole life with my parents together and loving each other. Once I hit adulthood, I felt pretty secure that you two were a forever thing.” I frowned at both of them. “I swear I think it would have been easier to find this out at seven than at twenty-seven.”

“We’re so sorry, Brody.” My mom cried softly.

“When Dad called, I thought something showed up in one of your scans. I’m obviously relieved that’s not the case, but this is equally as shocking.” Opening the back door, I whistled loudly for Diesel.

“What are you doing?” Mom’s eyes looked sad, worried.

Diesel trotted through the back door and we headed toward the front of the house. “I gotta go. I need to think.”

“Brody, wait!” Mom hurried after me. “It’s so late. Why don’t you just stay here tonight?”

I opened the front door and turned to face my mom. Dad had followed her out of the kitchen and had his hand resting on her shoulder, rubbing her arm lovingly. I stared at his hand for a second longer than I should have, wondering what the hell happened and where everything had gone wrong. I looked her straight in the eye. “Not a chance,” I said coolly and slammed the door.

By the time I’d started my truck, Mom had looked out the living room window three times. Knowing her, I’m sure she was hoping I would turn the truck off and head back inside. I probably should have. She and Dad didn’t deserve the way I’d treated them, but I was beyond pissed.

I felt duped. I felt betrayed.

Flooring the gas and spitting up gravel as I sped off, I fishtailed out of the driveway onto the road, but I wasn’t heading home.

After the week I’d had, I felt out of control. I’d played like shit the last two games, and now my parents dropped the bomb that they were getting divorced. Tonight, I needed the one constant in my life.

My compass.

My anchor.

My more.

I headed straight for Kacie’s house.