Roping the Wind (12 page)

‘You fell asleep after sex?’

‘Hell, no! I . . . I just got pissed when she tried to talk about me.’

Grayson sighed. ‘Women.’

‘That’s exactly it, Grayson. What is that about?’

‘I was being sarcastic, dumb ass. So you offended her by not opening up and now you’re regretting it.’

‘Kind of.’

‘Because you’ll miss the sex or because you’ll miss her?’

Jay sat down heavily on the leather couch and looked out of the window. ‘Both,’ he muttered.

‘I can’t hear you.’

‘I said, both.’

‘And I assume she won’t answer her phone.’

‘Nope.’

‘Do you know where she works? She does have a job?’

‘Ha, ha, very funny. Of course she does and yeah, I know where she works.’

‘Then you go and buy a big bunch of flowers, meet her after work and prepare to grovel.’

‘I’m not getting down on one knee.’

Grayson chuckled. ‘You’re not proposing, you’re just groveling. Tell her you were an idiot and ask her what you can do to put things right.’

‘And what if she tells me to fuck off?’

‘
Then
you get down on your knees and start begging.’

Helen lifted her chin and opened the door into the staff break room. It had been a tough day filled with difficult patients, barbed comments from her colleagues and unhelpful nursing staff. Several people looked up but no one spoke to her. She knew why. The notice about Professor Hart’s resignation had come out and everyone was waiting to see what she was going to do.

‘Hey, Wonder Doc. How’s it going?’

Helen smiled at one of her few allies, Dr Tara Davies, her favorite ER resident. Tara sat reading the
San Francisco Chronicle
, her big red-stockinged feet planted on the stained coffee table.

‘It’s going good. How about you?’

Helen settled herself on the worn seat beside Tara and opened her beef sandwich. Two male doctors opposite them immediately moved away. It had been like that all day. As soon as she appeared, all the chattering little groups dispersed. It was hard not to feel paranoid.

Tara’s gaze flicked to the departing doctors. ‘I guess they don’t like beef.’

Helen shrugged. ‘Or they don’t like me.’

‘Now why wouldn’t they like you?’

‘Because I’m a doctor?’

It was an old joke between them and Helen’s spirits lightened. She already knew that both the guys who’d left thought they were better qualified than her. They’d made their contempt of her obvious from day one of her appointment.

‘Professor Hart announced his resignation today and now everybody hates me.’

‘Not everyone.’

‘All right. Everyone except you.’

‘I hate you, Helen, but that’s because you’re smart and blonde, not because you’re bound to get that job.’

Helen groaned. ‘I suppose that’s what everyone thinks.’

‘Well, it is kind of expected. You are his protégée.’

‘That’s one way of putting it. I have a feeling others won’t put it so nicely.’

Tara narrowed her eyes. ‘It’s a bit too late to be worrying about that, isn’t it? If you didn’t want the hassle, you should’ve become a nurse.’

‘I’d love to be a nurse.’ Helen sighed. ‘That’s what I originally intended to be. It wasn’t until some teacher told me I’d never be good enough to be a doctor that I decided.’

‘Was it a guy teacher?’

‘Strangely enough, it was.’ Helen faced Tara. ‘And you’re right. I got here on my own merits and I deserve the chance to fight my own corner.’

Tara punched her fist in the air. ‘That’s the spirit, sistah. And if you get to be the first female to head up this department, it makes it that much easier for me to follow in your footsteps.’

‘You see me as some kind of seat warmer for you?’

‘Absolutely. And I’m sure you’ll do a fine job of it.’

Helen stared into Tara’s confident brown eyes. Someone had to lead the charge to advance women in medicine. She just wished it didn’t have to be her.

‘You are going to apply, aren’t you?’ Tara looked anxious. ‘If things are going to change around here, women need to be heard.’

‘Of course I’m going to apply.’

God help her. If she didn’t, she’d cause more talk than there was already. People would assume she was afraid to take the job without Professor Hart to back her up and she’d never be taken seriously again. Tara was right. Nothing would change unless some woman stepped up and forced things to happen.

‘How’s Patrick?’

Tara’s face softened. ‘He’s adorable. He said his first word this weekend. Dave and I were so thrilled.’

‘What did he say?’

‘Dada, of course.’ Tara smiled. ‘Although after all those hours I spent giving birth to him, you’d think he’d have the decency to say Mama.’ She passed Helen two new photos of a grinning bald-headed Patrick waving a rattle.

‘I don’t know much about babies,’ Helen confessed. ‘I moved away from my family when I was young. I don’t even know if I have any nieces or nephews.’

Tara’s eyebrows rose. ‘You don’t know?’

‘My family’s not exactly close.’ How could they be after she’d broken their hearts by marrying at sixteen and divorcing a year later? Her mother had never trusted her again. In the end, it had seemed kinder to leave Blossom Creek as quickly as possible and hope they forgot her.

‘It wasn’t a great idea, having Patrick right in the middle of my training, but we’re managing. It’s tough but I don’t regret it.’

Helen passed the photos back. ‘You shouldn’t. Someone with intelligence has to populate the Earth.’

‘Not you though. You’ve never wanted kids, have you?’

‘I haven’t had time. And I certainly haven’t met the right man yet.’

She’d always been too busy planning the next stage of her career or manipulating the men in her life to think about having a child. Would Jay want kids? She could just see him tossing a kid on his shoulders and running through the trees like some dreamy ad dad for baby diapers or something. Dammit, she didn’t want to think about Jay Turner. He was a complete jerk.

‘If you do want a baby, you’ll need to think about it soon before those eggs of yours fry or die.’

‘You have such a lovely way with words, Tara.’ Helen stood up and threw her sandwich wrapper into the trash.

Tara grinned up at her. ‘I’ll watch your back and let you know any particularly bad gossip, OK?’

‘I’d appreciate that, but don’t feel you have to get involved. These things have a way of coming back and biting you on the ass.’

‘No problem.’ Tara slapped her ample behind. ‘I’ve got plenty of that to go around.’

Helen left the room feeling much better than when she had arrived. Only five more patients to see and then she could go home. She also planned to make time to put her name forward for the promotion. It didn’t mean she’d take the job if it was offered but it sure as hell sent a message to her colleagues that she wasn’t going to be intimidated by their treatment.

With a weary sigh, Helen shut down her computer and got to her feet. It was six-thirty. Her application letter lay in her out-tray and her desk was clear for the first time in months. It occurred to her that she could stay at her desk all night if she wanted to. No one would miss her. No one waited for her to come home to them.

In retrospect, by storming out of Jay’s apartment, she’d acted just as childishly as he had. She’d agreed to give him sexual control and then gotten mad when he wouldn’t share his personal life with her. That wasn’t really fair. She didn’t need to know what he planned to do with the rest of his life, only what he planned to do to her in bed.

Was she really so starved for company that she assumed Jay would want to share stuff with her? She hadn’t opened up to him, so why had she expected anything more from him? Helen rubbed her temples where a headache threatened. He’d lulled her into a false sense of intimacy by revealing his softer side and fooled her into thinking he might be interested in her as a person.

She bit her lip. If she was so desperate to connect, perhaps it was time to try to reconcile with her own family. Would they be able to forgive her or would the old grudges still be fresh and painful? Marrying Cory, an out-of-work cowboy, while still in high school hadn’t exactly been smart. But she’d definitely learnt from her mistakes. Cowboys were bad news.

Irritated by her uncharacteristically muddled thoughts, she grabbed her jacket and headed for the elevator. Apart from the cleaning staff, the out-patient building was almost empty. Doors stood open and the sharp smell of disinfectant wafted along the halls. In the distance, the wail of an approaching ambulance set her adrenaline pumping. How many times had she heard that sound and dealt with its consequences? Too many to count. She’d enjoyed her stint in the ER: the endless parade of patients, the controlled panic of the staff and their often gruesome humor.

She opened her eyes as the elevator doors parted to reveal the first-floor lobby.

‘Helen?’

At first, all she registered was a big bunch of flowers and a cowboy hat. She punched the down button but he was too quick for her. His booted foot slid between the doors before they closed. He stepped into the car and she backed up until she was pressed against the scratched blue wall.

He lowered the bunch of daisies until she could see his resolute expression.

‘My brother said I had to be a man and apologize right to your face.’

She folded her arms over her chest. ‘And do you always do what your brother tells you?’

His lips moved in a fraction of a smile. ‘Nope.’

‘I don’t care about your brother, Jay.’

The elevator stopped in the staff parking lot and she pushed past him. She’d barely made it out before he caught up and grabbed hold of her elbow.

‘I’m trying to apologize here.’

‘For what?’

He shrugged. ‘For being a jerk.’

‘Great, you’ve apologized. You can go now.’

She fumbled for her car keys in her purse. His fingers shifted and closed around her wrist.

‘You haven’t accepted my apology.’

She pulled out of his grasp, keys clutched in her hand. ‘I’ll think about it, OK? Now will you go?’ She turned to open her car door, saw the flowers hit the floor.

‘I knew he was wrong,’ Jay muttered. ‘I knew I should’ve just handled it my way.’

Furious now, she turned to glare at him. ‘Are you still here?’

‘I sure am.’

She squeaked as he pulled her into his arms and kissed her hard on the mouth. When she pushed at his chest, he abruptly released her. She faced him, her breath coming out in short angry bursts.

‘Don’t you understand “no”?’

‘You didn’t say no. You said go away.’

‘They kind of mean the same thing.’

He studied her, his gray eyes clear, his gaze open. ‘No, they don’t. We had great sex and I ruined it by behaving like a jerk, OK?’

‘You ruined it by refusing to talk to me like I was a person with opinions and ideas rather than just a sexual object.’

His mouth took on an obstinate line. ‘We have a deal.’

‘We
had
a deal. I walked out. Deal over.’

‘You really think we’re done?’

Helen closed her eyes, feeling his warm impatient breath explode on her cheek.

‘I’m not good at sharing personal stuff, all right? I’ve never stayed around a woman long enough to understand how that works.’ He sighed, his strong fingers caressing her skin, weakening her resolve. ‘I’m all washed up with the rodeo, I’m trying to find a new life and, yeah, I’m as touchy as hell about it.’

She sighed too. ‘I’m not being fair. Some of it is my fault. We agreed it was just about sex. I pushed you into revealing something personal about yourself.’

He caught her hand in his, pressed it to his cheek. ‘The weird thing is that it felt good to tell someone what I was doing. It kind of made it real for me.’

She couldn’t help but smile back at him.

His gaze intensified. ‘Don’t walk out on me yet.’ He turned his cheek until her trapped fingers brushed his mouth. ‘I’m not ready to let you go.’

She shivered at the warm feel of his lips against her skin. ‘I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’m not ready to let you go either.’

He slid his hand into her hair and aligned their mouths. His kiss was as possessive as his stare. Helen allowed herself to sink into his arms and enjoy his touch. She missed a man’s arms around her. She missed having somewhere to lay her head. Damn it, what was the matter with her? She’d never needed a man. Why start now? Thinking about her family had made her vulnerable and unsure. His kiss intensified and she forgot about her concerns as he pressed her against the side of the car. He made her so hot she wanted to strip off her clothes and take him deep inside her.

The clank of the elevator machinery forced her to open her eyes.

‘Jay, someone’s coming.’

‘Yeah, and unfortunately it’s not one of us.’ He straightened slowly and released her, his expression rueful.

She gestured at her car. ‘Can I drop you somewhere?’

After a quick glance at his watch, he nodded. ‘That would be great. I have a class at seven.’

Helen opened her car door just in time to see one of her male colleagues approaching. She managed a cool nod and then dove inside the car. Had Dr Baker seen her and Jay? She knew how easily the hospital gossip mill started up and Dr B was definitely capable of grinding those wheels.

While Jay struggled with his seat belt, she maneuvered the car toward the exit, only letting out her breath when they cleared the last barrier.

‘Hey, slow down, you almost hit that delivery guy.’

Helen flicked an irritated glance at him. ‘Don’t tell me how to drive. My ex-husband did that.’

‘And is that why he’s your ex?’

‘No.’