Rouge (18 page)

“To sweet sixteen,” he said with a wink, clinking my cup. I smiled and watched as he took a long sip.

“No, I’m only joking. Eighteen’s a good age. I remember being up here with you when I was eighteen.”

“Don’t.” I felt my face growing hot.

“Why? You were adorable.”

“Please stop.”

“You were.” He pulled me closer to him. “All ready to be my lover and throwing yourself at me. And that kiss was not bad. I’m almost jealous of the boys.”

“I was humiliated.”

“Why?” he laughed, nudging me back to him.

I looked into his dark brown eyes and for a moment remembered being completely in love with him.

“I was very flattered,” he said. “And you’re the only girl I’ve ever kissed.”

“I don’t believe that. And I don’t know what to think of you.”

“How so?”

“The way you are. It isn’t right.”

He snorted and kissed me quickly on the lips. “For you. It isn’t right for you,
cher
.”

“Father Sullivan would agree with me.”

“I’d keep my eye on Father Sullivan.”

I tried to push him away, but he held me. “Enough of that. Tell me what’s going on with Freddie.”

I relaxed and stayed in his arms. “I’m pretty sure he’s about to propose. But his father has this man… he mentioned using him to help me learn more about my family.”

“Is he a policeman?”

“I don’t know. He helped them uncover a dishonest business partner.”

Roland was thoughtful a moment, then he smiled and shook his head. “I wouldn’t worry.”

“But is it possible? Could he find out?”

“Gavin’s so practiced at keeping this place’s secrets. And there’s very few left who even know your story.”

I thought over his words, allowing them to soothe me. “Still. I’ll sleep better when it’s over.”

“And what about him.”

Instantly my throat tightened. “Who?”

“You know who.”

I pushed away and walked to the ledge, clasping my arms over my waist. “It’s the best thing for us. Freddie’s rich, and he’ll take us far away from here. He’ll take good care of us, and we’ll never have to be afraid. Ever again.”

I said the words more for me than in answer to Roland’s question.

“You can’t say what will never happen.” Roland turned and leaned back against the wall beside me. After a few moments of silence he spoke. “I invited him. I don’t know where he is, but he knew.”

It hurt to hear that, but I didn’t let it show. I swallowed the pain as I’d been doing for the past week. “He knows we can’t be together.”

Roland took another drink. “You haven’t touched your wine.”

I smiled and lifted it to my lips, gulping down the entire glass at once.

“Not smart,” he said. Then he took it and walked back to where Teeny and Evie were standing together with Rosa and Mary.

Frank and Carla were off in a corner, speaking in low tones and appearing as always very much in love. I wondered how they managed to find each other, to survive in our world. I wondered if that’s how Roland and I might’ve ended up. If everything were different. My eyes flickered to my childhood friend as he refilled our glasses, and
Rosa
walked to where I was leaning, now with my back against the wall as I surveyed the group.

“So Freddie’s talking engagement,” she said and smiled. “That’s good. Freddie will give you a good life.”

I nodded and looked down. “And he’s very handsome.”

“Happy birthday,” she said, reaching out to pat my cheek. I smiled and glanced up at her. “You were always a good girl. When your mother died, I didn’t know what to expect, but you were never any trouble to me.”

“Thanks,” I said.

I hadn’t really considered the position my mother’s death had put them all in, but for some reason, the last few weeks had left me feeling more empathetic. I stepped forward and hugged my former caregiver.

Roland was back with another glass he put in my hand. My head was feeling fuzzy from drinking the first one too fast, but everyone was lifting a toast to me now, so I was obliged to participate. I took a few sips and listened to the conversations and the laughter. The tears that had been my constant companion lately seemed a distant memory. In fact, I wasn’t feeling much of anything at the moment.

I watched Teeny try to dance with Frank and smiled as everyone laughed. I heard Mary’s loud voice and thought of another time, when I was just a child and there was nothing evil in the world. It didn’t seem so very long ago. Before I knew it, Roland was with me again saying it was time to go down to bed.

“Morning comes early, you know,” he said, touching my arm. I nodded, trying to remember what I was so sad about before. Everything felt soft and hazy.

I started to walk with him toward the door leading downstairs when it opened on its own. A low murmur rippled through the group, and I lifted my eyes to meet Beau’s. They were red-rimmed again—and looking directly into mine. My chest squeezed.

“I’ll take Teeny down,”
Rosa
said, pulling her through the doorway.

“Time to resume my charade,” Evie said, stepping forward to kiss my cheek. “Goodnight, honey.”

I kissed her back but Beau’s eyes never left mine. I knew because mine never left his.

“Okay, then, it seems we’re no longer needed here.” Roland kissed my temple as he caught Mary by the waist. “Happy birthday, my love, and goodnight.”

Frank and Carla followed them down and within seconds it was just the two of us, standing alone, facing each other. The door closed with a metal click, but still we didn’t speak. I couldn’t think of a thing to say.

Beau was the first to break the silence, “Happy birthday. I didn’t think I was coming.”

I nodded and looked down. The funny thing about champagne was I didn’t feel a rush of sadness. But I knew his words hurt because my eyes had grown damp. He continued.

“I tried to do as you asked and leave you alone.”

He was quiet again, and I remembered our exchange in Philippe’s. Our fingers briefly entwined.

“You didn’t try too hard,” I said, realizing my words were a little slurry. He noticed as well and walked over to me.

“Are you drunk?” he asked, lifting my chin. I shook my head no a bit too vigorously, and he frowned. “Roland shouldn’t let you drink.”

“It was only two glasses of champagne.”

“Infant,” he said as his frown relaxed.

I jerked my chin and tried to walk away, but I stumbled over my own feet. As always, he caught me.

“Take it easy,” he said as I fought to disengage myself from his embrace. But it was too late. I remembered the location too well.

I stopped struggling and slid my arms around his neck. He studied my face a moment before lowering his mouth to mine. Our lips parted, his tongue found mine, and instantly I was back in that place of warmth and longing. He moved his cheek to mine, and my eyes filled with tears as he held me.

“I didn’t expect to see you today,” I whispered. “You were so handsome.”

He stroked my back. “I told you. You’re a sucker for a guy in a suit.”

I turned my head to find his eyes. “It was more than that.”

“What was it then?”

“You looked like… what might’ve been.”

His expression changed, and he leaned down to kiss me again. I opened my mouth and his lips moved mine in a hungry response. A little noise rose from his throat, as my fingers searched for a way inside his clothes. But this time he stopped me, stepping back.

“I want to leave you alone,” he said, holding my hands. “But it’s so hard to fight this. I’m ashamed to say I cry almost every day.”

“Don’t cry for me,” I said. “Not for me.”

He released me and walked to where Roland had left a half-empty bottle. He lifted it and took a long drink. I watched as he lowered it, and then reached into his coat.

“I got you a present.”

He handed me a long, narrow box. I took it, wiping my eyes with one hand and turning the small parcel over with my other.

“You didn’t have to.”

“Open it.”

I tore the ivory-colored paper away to find a narrow black box inside. I lifted the top and light hit the gleaming brass as I realized what it was. A small cry escaped my throat as I collapsed to a sitting position, clutching my father’s pen to my chest. Beau was instantly in front of me, pulling me into his arms.

“Oh, Beau,” I whispered through fresh tears. “It’s too much. It’s more than you can afford.”

“I know you’ve made your choice, but I still couldn’t let you part with it.”

Even through the champagne, I felt this pain. The pain of my heart breaking. I reached for his face to guide it to mine. He kissed me, and for a moment, all I knew was our lips pressed together, our need for each other. I closed my eyes and rested my forehead against his cheek.

“I love you,” I said.

Instantly I knew I’d gone too far, but his response told me it was too late to take it back. He took my face in his hands and looked at me. His eyes were shining.

“I love you,” he whispered, pulling me into another kiss.

Again my lips parted too easily, my body gave in to his without a fight. But I was having trouble remembering why I even wanted to fight. He had a job, he was doing what he’d promised. How much longer before he could take care of us, give us a new way out? Another option.

His hands cupped my cheeks, and in faint light of the moon and the gas lamps, we studied each others’ eyes. I felt myself making a decision, but I wasn’t sure how to proceed or what came next.

“What happens now?” I asked.

“Come home with me tonight. We can sort it all out in the morning.”

I nodded, anticipation mixed with fear coursing through my veins. “First let me go down and make sure Teeny’s settled.”

“I’ll wait for you here.”

For weeks I’d dreamed of this, ever since our first kiss. My body longed for his, but my thoughts were anxious. Adjusting to the sudden change in our direction would take time. I made my way down the narrow stairs, turning over in my mind the new prospect of trusting Beau with our future. We’d only known each other a short while, but in that time, he’d done so many things to prove his worth. I would learn to relax, I assured myself as I reached for my door. I would stop looking over my shoulder.

The room was dark and empty. I fumbled to light the lamp and walked over to my dressing table where a note was lying.

Teeny’s with me. Enjoy the night. Happy Birthday,
Rosa

I breathed deeply and walked to the bed. My worried mind said to go to
Rosa
’s room and carry Teeny back, stick to what I knew was secure. I stepped to the dressing table and ran my finger down the side of the sparkling comb Freddie had given me, thinking of my old promise to us. Could I let it go in favor of a new promise? A promise that was built on true love if not family money? I thought of Beau in the shop, our fingers entwined. I thought of our kiss, and my desire rose stronger than my fear. Everything in me demanded I go to him.

A tapping on my door made me jump, but I decided Beau must’ve grown tired of waiting on the roof.

“Come in?” I called softly.

Images of what was coming, of us together, set my heart racing. I couldn’t see his face in the dark hallway, so I took a step toward him, my breath coming faster. The voice that greeted me turned my anticipation to dread.

“I’m sorry to disturb you so late,” Gavin said, stepping into the light.

For a moment, the image of his brother standing there flashed across my mind. They were a similar height, ruddy complexion, but there was no evil light in Gavin’s green eyes. Still my defenses were up. Gavin never visited me, and Evie’s birthday night was all I could think of. I stepped away from him.

“Happy birthday,” he said, placing a small box on my dressing table. “I got you just a little something.”

I silently watched his every move, waiting to hear why he was really here. He looked around the empty room.

“Where’s…”

“Christina’s spending the night with
Rosa
.”

He nodded, and looked down. “I wanted to talk to you about her.”

A shuffling in the passage interrupted us. We both looked at the doorway where Beau was now standing. I waited to see what would happen, knowing how this appeared. Gavin had never forbidden us from having suitors, but I wasn’t sure how he would react to my running around with a stage hand while he was making up fictitious origin stories for my rich male suitors.

“What are you doing here?” Gavin’s sharp voice sounded confused at first, but he immediately recovered and looked back at me, then at the empty bed. “Are you—”

“No.” My voice was loud as I cut him off, and I gave Beau a warning glance, hoping Gavin wouldn’t notice.

“I was returning this,” Beau said, stepping into the room. He placed my father’s pen on the dressing table. Gavin stared at it in recognition.