Rouge (30 page)

I watched as he pulled out a think leather wallet and produced
two twenty
dollar bills. My breath caught at the sight of them.

“Buy whatever you need. And don’t come back with anything left, so if you see a dress or two or a little cake, anything else you like…”

I stepped forward into his arms and hugged him tightly. He chuckled and hugged me back. “You make me very happy,
mon chou
. I hope I do the same?”

His eyebrows were arched as I looked up at his face. Then I nodded.

He leaned forward and touched my lips again with his, then pulled me back into an embrace. “God, I’m so happy to see you. It felt like I was gone an eternity. And starting tomorrow, we’ll never be apart again.”

He released me and replaced his top hat before turning to go. “Get some rest now, and I’ll pick you up in the afternoon, yes? Where’s the place?”

“Here. I’ll be here saying goodbye.”

“Of course,” he smiled. “And I’ll be counting the minutes.”

Then with one last kiss, he bid me
adieu
.

Th
e door closed, and I collapsed i
n
to
my chair. I leaned forward on my dressing table as tears filled my eyes, and quickly, I slipped off my glove
, pressing
the small gold band to my
cheek
.

“Oh, Beau,” I whispered
, eyes closed
. “Forgive me.”

I longed to see him again, but I knew I couldn’t. I had to let him go and try to make the most of this new life. I lifted my head slowly and stood, but in that moment I heard a voice in the passage.

“Just a quick visit,” Guy was saying
to someone
.

Chills flew over my body followed by cold sweat. I quickly searched for anything I could use as a weapon. My face cream? No. A shoe? No. My door was still unlocked. I ran across the small room, but I was too late. He shoved it open and me back with it, standing tall in the doorway.

“There you are.” His gleaming green eyes surveyed my body. “None the worse for wear, it seems, and I trust you’ve been dreaming of me.”

The scream was out of my mouth before I could stop it, but he lunged forward and caught my arm. “Come now, let’s have a little kiss. We can get cozy right here. I see no pantalets tonight.”

He slid his other hand down the back of my costume, drawing me tight against him, and my knees buckled. But just then I heard a loud thump. Guy’s grip went slack, and his expression changed. His eyes rolled, and as I jumped aside, he dropped like a stone onto my dressing room floor.

Before I understood what had happened, Roland stepped over his body and tossed a wooden stage pin onto my bed.

“I saw him in the
hall
and got here as quick
ly
as I could
.
”
H
e
spun
me around and hastily
untied
the laces of my costume.
“Change. Fast.”

My peacock feathers slid to the floor, and Roland
went
to my closet. I heard him quickly pushing garments aside as he searched for an outfit for me to wear.

I stood there
shak
ing, staring at my attacker lying
momentarily
powerless
before me. The pressure of his fingers still echoed on my skin, on my hips. I looked at the hand nearest me, at the golden pinky ring.

He strangled me with that hand. Images of the white lights that had
flashed across
my eyes
filled
my brain. I stepped over his leg and picked up the wooden pin from my bed. I held it a moment, testing its weight as I stared at Guy’s unconscious body.

It wasn’t enough just to knock him out.

“You can wear this,” I heard Roland saying, his back still to me.
“We haven’t a moment to lose.”

Just then Guy’s head moved. He made a sound, and faster than I could think, I raised the pin over my head and slammed it down hard as I could against his skull. My eyes grew hot and damp, and a strange roaring was in my ears. I raised the pin and hit h
im again,
then I hit him again, harder. I could barely breathe, but I kept hitting him.

I hit him for coming here and hurting Teeny. I hit him for throwing me against the wall and raping me. I hit him for ruining my life and ending my chance of happiness with Beau. I hit him for beating my mother and for hurting Roland. I hit him for all the used-up dancer-whores he wanted to die in the streets. His head bounced slightly off the floor, so I hit him again for being born.

It was then I realized something was slipping, fumbling to catch my forearms. I heard myself screaming and stopped. Bright-red blood covered my hands and was rushing out onto my dressing room floor. I’d created a black hole in the side of Guy’s skull, and a sick feeling of satisfaction filled my stomach. I almost smiled.

That was enough.

“Oh, god.” Roland now held the bloody pin. “Oh, god, Hale.”

He jumped across the body, dropped the weapon and ripped the sheet from my bed, doubling it then folding it again before wrapping it fast around Guy’s head.  He wrapped it around several times, covering the bleeding hole like a turban then he stood back and stared at it.

“He’s dead.” His hands shook as he poured water into my basin. “Clean yourself. You’ve got to get out of here.”

For a moment I didn’t move. I waited for the fear to come, the guilt. But all I felt was glad.

“Don’t stand there staring, clean up! Get dressed!”

I walked to the basin and washed my arms, then I pulled on the long, dark skirt and waistcoat he’d picked out for me.

Once I was dressed, Roland took my hand and led me over Guy’s dead body to the doorway.

“The sheet will hold him for now, but you can’t stay here. I’ll hide Teeny and then come back and dispose of the body. You’ve got to stay with Beau tonight.”

I froze. “I can’t do that. He can’t know about this.”

“I don’t have anyone else I trust to keep you, and if I get caught… you can’t be here.”

“I won’t let you take the blame. I’ll stay and help you.”

“If there’s a raid or someone calls the police, murder
won’t be the only charge
brought against us. You’ve got to hide until you leave with Freddie, whether it’s with Beau or somewhere else.”

“What about Teeny?”

“I’ll put her with Evie. If anything goes down, she’s young enough to be okay. Now come on, I’ll take you to Beau’s, and we’ll decide what to do.”

We crept into the passage, and Roland pulled out a key, locking my room. A door slammed a little further down, and we both jumped, setting off in a run. Around two corners and down another narrow passage, and we were at the opposite door. I stopped as he helped me into his overcoat and hat.

“Just go out and stay close,” he said. “I’ll come looking for you as soon as I’ve made sure everyone’s settled.”

I slipped out into the cold night and walked west a block, then south toward the Quarter. I wasn’t sure what to do, so I waited, leaning against a wall and watching as the long-cloaked men in hats slowly lit the smoky streetlamps. My hair was tucked inside the coat, making it was difficult to tell I wasn’t also a man.

In the darkness, my
whole
body shook. I wasn’t sure what I felt
, other than numb
. I thought of my attacker lying dead on the floor, and I
wasn’t sorry. H
e would never hurt me or anyone else again.

Fear came next. No one knew what he’d done to me, and he was a wealthy man. A white man. I was nothing, an orphan, mixed-race. And I’d killed him.

A carriage rolled by, and I ducked my head. Then a couple walked past, but they were too involved in their conversation to notice me. I was beginning to worry when I heard my name being shouted in a whisper and ran toward a dark figure in an overcoat.

“It worked,” Roland said when I reached him. “He’s secure in your room for now, and everyone thinks you’re in there asleep. They won’t disturb him.”

The horror of it all had me strangely giddy, but Roland took my hand and pulled it into the crook of his arm. “Don’t be afraid now,” he said “I’ll take care of it. Come on.”

We set off at a brisk pace walking away from the theater. After several blocks he slowed, and we began to stroll. Then he shook his head and almost laughed.

“You did it. That bastard thought he could get away with it over and over, but you did what I could never do. I actually feel like celebrating.”

I stopped walking. “It’s wicked to feel that way… isn’t it?”
My stomach was so tight.

He shook his head. “Perhaps. But you can’t say you wish he were still alive.”

I was quiet several minutes, thinking. I remembered my arms acting on their own, almost instinctively. I killed him the same way I might slam my shoe against a palmetto bug. Repeatedly.

“I’m glad he’s dead,” I said. “But what now?”

Roland exhaled and took my arm again, leading us in a slow stroll toward Beau’s apartment. We were past the square, near the taverns along Prytania, and I studied his face, which had become serious. The muscle in his jaw twitched, and at last he spoke.

“Now we’re going to continue on like nothing happened. You’ll leave with Freddie and stay in
France
. It’s the only place you’ll be safe until we’re sure no one knows about this.”

“I want to stay with Beau,” I whispered.

“Tonight?”

“Forever.”

Roland bit his lip and looked at the cobblestones ahead of us. We continued walking in silence.

“Then you have to tell him. He has to know
.
And t
hen you can decide what to do from there.”

“I can’t do that.”

We were standing outside Beau’s building. Roland led me up the stairs to the large, white room I remembered so well. We knocked, but no one answered. And after several minutes, Roland turned around.

“He’s not here, but I think I know where to find him.” He took my hand, and we ran back down the stairs and into the night. “There’s a bar where Mastiff’s men like to go. I’m sure he’s with them. Drowning his sorrows.”

I stopped and pulled my hand back. “I’m afraid.”

“Of what? What Beau will say or of being caught?”

“All of it. That I did it. That it made me happy, and that I have to run. That I’m a murderer, and I don’t care.”

“You’re a survivor. You did what you had to do to protect yourself and the ones you love from a monster. A predator.”

Tears were filling my eyes.
“I want it all to go away. I want it to be like none of this ever happened.”

“But it did happen. You can’t push it away. You have to face it, accept it for what it is, and then put it behind you. It’s a part of you now.

My insides recoiled at the thought. “I can’t do that. I don’t want this to be a part of me.”

“Too late for that. It happened and there it is. If you pretend it didn’t, it wins.”

I didn’t answer. I crossed my arms over my middle, and turned away. “It’s too much.”

He stepped forward and pulled me to him. “It’s safe to admit that. But you will get past this.”

I shook my head. “I won’t. I’m not as strong as you.”

Instantly he released me and laughed. “What? You’re strong enough to kill a man.
You’re dangerously strong.
” He slid a curl off my cheek. “You’re just so afraid all the time.”

“No,” I whispered. “I’m only afraid. All the time.”

“Oh, Hale,” he breathed. “Look at all the things you’ve survived. And you’re alive.”

“Yes, I’m alive. And this is what I have to live with.”

He took my hand, and we started walking again. “It’s going to work out. It simply has to. We won’t let the bad guys win.”

“In our world, they’re the only ones who win.”

He spun to face me.
“Then
,
d
ammit, we’re changing our world!
”

I reached for his arm again, and we
continued
for a bit in silence as I thought about him and what I knew of his past. He was abused like me, but unlike me, he wasn’t trapped. Men could go anywhere, do anything.

“Why did you never leave New Orleans? Why would you stay here when you could’ve left?”

He exhaled and didn’t answer, escorting me in silence down the alley. In the distance I heard that discordant tone again, blasted across the shimmering streets, one note still wrong. That train.

“I thought I’d go to Chicago. Like your father,” he said. “Start a new life in a new town.”

I waited, listening, but he said no more.

“Well,” I nudged. “Why didn’t you?”