Royal Bastard (30 page)

I
sat there for a moment
, April’s words sinking in before I got angry. What the hell did she mean she wasn’t different from any other woman? She was completely and utterly the opposite of any woman I’d ever come in contact with! She was the one that broke the mold, the one that turned my world upside down. Even Crystal wasn’t in the same league as April was. And Derek, or whatever the hell his name was, deserved to meet the end of my fist for breaking April’s heart… but I refused to believe I was anything like him.

Standing, I grabbed my still damp shirt and stalked out after her. It wasn’t over between us.

She needed to know I was different, that I could be the guy for her. That she could trust me. But that meant telling her everything, revealing the truth, and risking losing her for good.

When I arrived at the hut, she was out on the deck, overlooking the inky choppy water. She had changed out of her dress, a robe wrapped around her supple body instead. As I approached I threw my shirt onto the lounge chair nearby.

“You shouldn’t have left, we weren’t done talking,” I growled, stopping just short of her. “That wasn’t fair.”

She turned and I could see her eyes were red-rimmed from crying. “You know what, Connor? Life’s not fair. We love, we lose, and then we grow old and die.”

“That’s a damn horrible way to look at it,” I said, crossing my arms over my chest. She gave me a sad smile, shrugging her shoulders, the fight going out of her. “It’s the truth, and I don’t like what I feel when I’m around you. So, please, leave me alone.”

I decided then and there that I didn’t like this side of April and I wasn’t going to stand for it any longer. Crossing the rest of the space between us, I backed her up until she was against the railing, her eyes wide with surprise. With one finger, I traced the delicate features of her face, feeling her breath speed up under my touch.

“What do you feel now, April?” I asked harshly, pressing my body against hers. “What would you call this?”

“Please,” she whispered, her face becoming flushed. “Don’t make me do this. Don’t make me fall in—”

“Tell me,” I asked, wedging a knee between her legs, making sure she couldn’t run this time. “What do you feel?”

She closed her eyes and for a moment I considered backing away. I didn’t want this resigned broken girl who thought she couldn’t have another relationship. I wanted the fiery woman who threw the drink in my face that night in the club to rise to the surface, the one that laughed as she played in the water, the one that had dripped with pleasure over my fingers only hours ago. I wanted her.

I needed her.

April opened her eyes, and within their depths I saw a small spark flicker with determination, and even lust… my very existence hinging upon what was going to come out of her mouth next.

“I-I feel things I shouldn’t,” she finally whispered, her voice so faint that I thought I had imagined it. “I feel like I can’t breathe around you. But it’s worse when you’re not there. The thought of you with that reporter made me sick to my stomach; like I’d been hollowed out… and above all I feel the heat between us. You’re going to ruin me, Connor. I-I can’t have that happen again, I can’t.”

I let out a breath and cupped her cheek with my hand, surprised to feel her tremble under my touch. “I’m not him,” I said firmly. “I’m not that bastard that broke your heart.”

“But you could be,” she said, a shimmer of tears appearing in her eyes. It hit me then what she was scared of. Hell, I was scared she was going to be that woman that I couldn’t live without, that one that would ruin me for all other women for the rest of my life.

Of all people, I was scared of her the most. I had to handle her carefully, like precious glass in the palm of my hand; not too tight to break her, and not too loose to let her fall and shatter out of my hand, all while showing her that I wasn’t like anyone else. “You could be for me as well,” I finally said, the words coming out easier than I had imagined they would. “So what do you want, April? Tell me quick before I make your mind up for you.”

I was open to any and all suggestions, begging inside that she chose door number one, the life that led to possibilities I never thought I wanted until now.

One word and I would give her the time of her life, in more ways than one.

* * *

I could break his heart? I doubted that. But looking into his eyes, I couldn’t help but notice the tenderness that matched his expression, the way he said it with such finality. Could I trust him with my heart?

“I-I don’t know,” I finally said, confused.

Connor sighed heavily and pressed his lips to my forehead before releasing me and stepping back, looking a bit perplexed himself, battling his own demons that were visibly raging inside. “I’m not going to force you into anything, April,” he said softly, the evidence of his arousal straining against his still-wet pants. “Goodnight.”

He turned around then and I bit my lip, the disconnect between us weighing heavily on my mind. What did I want? It was a pointless question, I knew damn well I wanted to give in and let myself have him. I certainly didn’t want to go to a cold bed with nothing but my dreams to keep me warm.

It was now or never. A choice that comes along only one or twice during a lifetime. One that you can’t ignore, but you know it could destroy you or make you whole, and I was fully aware that I was on the precipice of making the wrong choice and following the wrong path.

I pushed away from the railing and launched myself at him, wrapping my arms around his waist and pressing him tightly against me. “Please,” I whispered against his strong back. “Please show me what I’ve been missing.”

He untangled himself out of my grasp and then turned around to face me, his eyes glowing in the darkness as he framed my face with his warm hands. “Are you sure?” he asked, then choked back laughter. “I’ve never asked that question to anyone before.”

“I’m positive, I want this, I want you,” I replied, reaching up to pull him down to me. “Kiss me.” He groaned before his lips crushed against mine, forcing his way into my mouth without an apology. I moaned into his kiss as his tongue scorched mine, knowing that whatever happened tonight, I went in with my eyes wide open. No matter his words, I had a good idea of what I was signing up for by letting him have me; and I was under no false illusions of a future with him, as much as I wanted to dream. I had to keep that in mind. I might have sex with Connor, even feel things that I knew would be special and wonderful, but in the end, there was nothing else between us. Nothing at all.

Liar.

Connor pulled back and I could see the flare of desire in his eyes. I squealed as he effortlessly picked me up and strode to the bedroom, depositing me on the bed I had slept in for the last few nights alone. He stood back, almost admiring me, then paused and ran a hand through his hair.

“What’s wrong?” I asked softly, hoping he hadn’t changed his mind. He looked at me then and gave me a gentle smile, one that I hadn’t seen before. “I’ve never done this before.”

Puzzled, I frowned. What was he trying to tell me? “I can’t believe that. I’m sure you
have
done this, hundreds of times.”

His laughter filled the room, some of the mischievous sparkle returning in his eyes. “Hell, yes, I’ve done it a lot. I’ve fucked in every way imaginable, ways that would make your insides blush.” He approached the bed and leaned down until our faces were inches apart. “But I’ve never made love before.”

My heart leapt into my throat as I realized what he was saying. I’d made love before, or at least it was on my side, and it was a feeling that was beyond words. I mean, how on earth do you even start to describe the coming together of two souls? And here Connor was implying that’s what we were about to do, and goddamn him, his words gave me hope that this could be something more. Something real.

My eyes never leaving his, I reached down and undid the belt of my robe, and pulled it open, revealing my bare body beneath him.

“Make love to me, Connor,” I said, almost daring him. He grinned as his eyes looked downward, taking in my naked form. For a moment he just stared at me, his eyes feasting on my body like a famished man as I lay on the bed. I didn’t feel embarrassed or nervous at his perusal of my form, long ago giving up that I was ever going to have a perfect body. My breasts were too big, my stomach not as flat as I would like it to be, my thighs without that perfect ‘gap’ that was so popular. But it was mine and I wasn’t going to worry about what he saw. Besides, the flare in his eyes and straining at his pants told me everything I needed to know. “Fuck, I don’t know why I even hesitated.”

His hands went to his pants, and my throat went dry, remembering the first day when I’d caught him in the nude. That was about to be all mine and I couldn’t wait for every single inch.

“You’re fucking divine,” he finally said, stripping off his pants to reveal the cock that I’d imagined so many times in my wet or torrid dreams. “Just gorgeous.”

I took in his chiseled chest and abs, the way his waist tapered down to the V of his obliques, where his cock proudly stood to attention. I could stare at him all day, I thought as a moan escaped my lips. “No,” I said softly, my eyes traveling back up to his eyes. “I think you are.”

He grinned then and reached for me, pulling me to my feet until our bodies were pressed intimately together, his hands on my rear end. “Last chance before I do ungodly things to you, Ms. Matthews?” he said, his eyes searching mine.

I pressed my hands to his scruffy face, a tender smile breaking out over my own face. “I’ve never been more sure of anything in my entire life.” He leaned down and kissed me softly, his lips barely brushing over mine but I still felt the need, the heat of what was about to happen.

When his lips travelled down my jaw to the side of my neck, I sighed, feeling the zealous trace of desire that he left with every kiss. His hands slid up to the small of my back before circling my waist and coming to rest over my aching breasts, my nipples already painfully erect and begging for his touch. “God, they’re perfect,” he said, looking down at my breasts in his hands. When he brought his lips to one of my nipples, I arched my back as a wetness pooled between my folds. I had forgotten how good that felt. “Oh, Connor,” I said, my hands delving into his hair to hold him there. “That’s… yes, right there.”

I felt him chuckle against my breast as he lavished one then the other with his tongue, his hands starting to drift downward toward the other aching place on my body.

“Don’t stop touching me.”

“Hell, woman, you are going to make me cum all over you if you keep up with that talk.”

“And you’re going to make this quick if you keep playing with me like that,” I panted, his hand drifting ever so closer to my center. He looked up, his molten gaze meeting mine with a wink. “Honey, that’s the point. Your legs are going to quake, your insides will quiver, and I ain’t gonna quit till you are fully mine.”

I nearly melted as he moved me back onto the bed, pressing me down upon the covers and opening my legs back up with a firm hand. His expression was feral as he joined me, towering over me as he circled teasingly around my belly with a stubborn finger that seemed to want nothing more to do than drive me crazy. “Connor?” I began to close my legs.

“Leave them open.” I did as he commanded, my chest rising and falling dangerously like a boat in a storm.

“I don’t think I can wait much longer… Put that finger to better use,” I retorted brazenly, trying to guide his hand down closer by arching my body. His fingers brushed my curls and I nearly bucked off of the bed. Like a heat seeking missile his finger delved into my slit I bit my lip, enjoying the sensation of him touching me again. “Oh, you are so wet for me,” he said into my ear, his lips tugging on my earlobe as he flicked my swollen clit. “Do you want me, April?”

“Oh yes,” I panted as his finger started to dance over the aching nub. “Oh god, I want you so bad.”

“Are you going to come for me?” he asked, his finger starting a rhythmic motion as the pressure started to coil and build up inside me. I moaned, unable to find the words, and I closed my eyes, my hips bucking against his hand, urging him on. He complied and I saw stars as the waves of passion overtook me, gripping the covers with my hands as he drove me insane with his magical touch yet again.

Connor kissed my lips as I floated back down to earth, leaving me for just a moment to catch my breath, while I heard the telltale rip of a condom in the air.

The bed gave slightly under his weight as he returned between my legs, and he towered over me, bending forward to brush his lips over mine, his cock heavy and pressing at my entrance. “You better hold on, I’m not sure if I can hold back now I have you in my arms.”

I didn’t say anything, but I reached down and grabbed his hips, guiding him into me with aching slowness as I watched the range of emotions on his face, in his eyes. When he was buried deep within me, I arched my hips, wrapping my legs around his slender waist and my arms around his neck.