Royal Wedding (19 page)

The Wedding of Princess Amelia Renaldo of Genovia
to
Mr. Michael Moscovitz

GUEST LIST:

Michael and I would like to keep it small, family and friends only. I know this is asking a lot, but can we keep it under fifty, please? A hundred, tops.

WEDDING PARTY:

I don't know who Michael is going to want, but as my bridesmaids I'd definitely like Lilly Moscovitz, Tina Hakim Baba, Shameeka Taylor, Perin Thomas, Ling Su Wong, and possibly Lana Rockefeller and Trisha Bush (née Hayes), but I'll have to get back to you on that last one. I definitely want Rocky as a ring bearer/groomsman, though.

DATE:

We can't possibly have it on July 18. That's way too soon. Maybe in July of next year. Thanks.

VENUE:

Michael and I don't mind having it at the palace but not the chapel, because we don't want a religious ceremony and not the throne room (lack of intimacy). Outdoors would be nice. I'd love to have a beach wedding! But I realize crowd control could be an issue. Plus there is always the danger of drones.

GOWN:

My friend Shameeka works at Vera Wang, so we already have an “in” there. Her gowns are classic and beautiful, and it would be nice to have a designer who is a woman for a change.

But I know how important it is to use local vendors, so probably we should use a Genovian?

Since I want a beach or at least an outdoor wedding (fingers crossed), I'd like something simple, that I can dance in!

ENTERTAINMENT:

Obviously a DJ.

Michael wants our first song to be “Girl U Want” by Devo because he says it's our song (since it perfectly describes how he used to think of me back in high school
), but I know that will never work since it's much too fast!

So we'll settle for Al Green's “Take Me to the River” or “Tupelo Honey” by Van Morrison. See attached playlist for the songs we'd like during the reception.

FOOD:

While I know how the palace chef feels about buffets, a lot of people nowadays do have food restrictions, so it's nice to be sensitive to that. So I think offering a variety of options, including a gluten-free and also a vegan entrée, would be nice.

Mini grilled cheese sandwiches, fried chicken, mashed potatoes, mac and cheese, and build-your-own taco/nacho bar would also be fun.

HONEYMOON:

It would be great to go to Mykonos. As you know, I've never been there, and I've always wanted to take the royal yacht and visit it as well as the surrounding islands. It's supposed to be the “Ibiza of Greece”!

CHAPTER 34

1:15 p.m., Tuesday, May 5

Frank Gianini Community Center

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Just got a text from Tina Hakim Baba:

I couldn't believe it. I called instead of texting her back, because I was so upset.

“Tina, why are you even still taking Boris's calls?”

She whispered, “I don't know.”

“Why are you whispering?”

“I have finals this week. I can't study at home, there are too many distractions, such as my refrigerator and Netflix, so I'm in my study carrel at the library. They don't like it when we talk on our cells.”

“Oh, sorry. I forgot. Do you want to call me back?”

“No. I want you to tell me what it was like.”

“What what was like?”

“Michael's proposal! Was it romantic? Did he put the ring in a champagne glass? I told him that's what you wanted. I know it's kind of cliché, and I explained to him about your fear of choking, but he said he'd make sure you didn't—”

“It was totally romantic,” I said, smiling. I realized what she needed to hear was something to cheer her up. “And not at all cliché, and super sweet, and he did make sure I didn't choke. He even got down on one knee—”

She
squee-ed,
something people often describe themselves doing on the Internet, but that you rarely hear in real life. However, what came out of Tina's mouth was an actual
squee
sound.

“He did? Oh, Mia, how I wish one of those spy drones had gotten a picture!”

“Well, I'm glad one didn't, because it was just between us.”

“I guess that's good,” Tina said with a sigh. “So have you picked out a dress? Can I go with you to help choose it, like on that show
Say Yes to the Dress,
when the bride invites all her friends to sit and drink champagne while she tries on different dresses, and then they all hold up signs with thumbs-up or thumbs-down on them?”

I laughed. “It doesn't work that way when you're a princess. I'll be having a one-of-a-kind gown professionally designed.”

“Oh,
please
?” she begged. “I have nothing to look forward to since my boyfriend cheated on me. Nothing except taking my stupid finals. Then I'll get to spend the summer with my nosy family, who are just going to hound me about ‘putting myself back out there.' I don't want to put myself back out there, I just want to sit around and eat Doritos and watch bad movies on Netflix.”

“Tina,” I said, in a warning voice. “Come on. You have so much to offer the right guy!”

“I
found
the right guy, remember? Then he tossed me aside like I was a nothing more than a serving wench to use for his pleasure. Now, come on, you totally owe me for helping Michael give you the perfect proposal.”

I'm starting to realize why weddings are so important, and why people like them so much, even me: when our own lives aren't going so great, weddings give us something to feel happy about. A bride is taking a journey, a magical journey toward a future of happiness and joy, and even though we aren't taking that journey with her, we want to vicariously enjoy the ride.

“Okay,” I said to Tina. “I'll see what I can do. But you have to promise, no more texting with Boris.”

She sighed. “Fine, I promise,” and then said, “What?” to someone who'd apparently opened the door to her study carrel. “Oh, sorry,” she said to the person. To me, she whispered, “Sorry, that was Halim. He says the student in the carrel next door complained I'm being too loud.”

Halim is Tina's new bodyguard, by whom she's followed around due to her multimillionaire sheikh father's conviction that she's going to be kidnapped. Her old bodyguard, Waheem, started his own security business (now the third largest in the world) after he got married. He tried to lure Lars away, but Lars said he isn't “the management type.”

“Well,” I said. “We should probably talk later, then.”

“Yeah,” Tina said, sounding glum, and hung up.

That's when I saw someone had left a message while we'd been speaking. I hoped it was my dad—in spite of everything, I still wouldn't mind speaking to him—but it was only Grandmère. Not surprisingly, she objected to my replies to her “wedding list.”

“Amelia, we have a tremendous amount to do in the next few weeks, so I hope you're going to take this seriously. No granddaughter of mine is going to serve
tacos
at her wedding reception, much less something called a mini grilled cheese sandwich.”

Said the woman who'd never had a mini grilled cheese sandwich in her life.

“Now, Lazarres-Reynolds wants to know when you can meet with them,” Grandmère went on. “They've assigned us a really top-notch man—I quite like him, he's the nephew of one of the founders of the firm. He's free for lunch tomorrow, so I've had Dominique make reservations in one of the private rooms at the Four Seasons. You will be there at one.”

Oh, I will, will I? I was starting to catch on to my role in this whole thing. I'm “the bride”—the unpaid star of the show, who shows up when she's told, and also does what she's told, but otherwise keeps her mouth shut.

Oh, well. I guess that's what brides—kind of like princesses—are for. We might think we're in charge, but when all is said and done, our main purpose is to give people something to admire, and also to make them feel better about the world.

“I don't understand why you're so fixated on this Vera Wang person. Obviously we have to use a local. Dominique's managed to book us an emergency appointment with your cousin Sebastiano. He's become one of the premier wedding-gown designers in Europe, and is also Genovian, so you know what people will say if we don't use him—that you've snubbed one of your own relatives, and worse, a fellow countryman. He just happens to be in town this week and says he has time to meet you, so make sure to keep all your afternoons clear.”

Of course. And I totally get it. Far be it from me not to hire a Genovian to design my wedding gown.

“And we're going to have to start making a guest list. Find out from Michael's parents who they want to invite so we can start screening them, but please emphasize from me that they can't have more than twenty-five people because we really do only have room for five hundred and my personal list is already at two hundred and of course we have to include our own family and I assume you'll want a few friends.”

How nice of her.

“As for the entertainment, of course we aren't going to hire a disc jockey, nor will we have any of those ridiculous songs you asked for. Madonna? Don't be absurd! You know she and I are still not speaking. And why would we have Dorothy's dog Toto from the
Wizard of Oz
perform at your wedding? We'll have a
live, human entertainer
. I'm having Dominique get in touch with someone I'm told is top-notch—I can't think of his name offhand but I understand he's extremely popular, and more importantly, very keen to perform for us, and
for no fee
. I think he'll do nicely, and I'm positive he can sing that song Michael likes about the river, whatever it is, although I must say I'm surprised, as it sounds like a Christian spiritual, and I thought your intended was Jewish—not that I mind, I'm very open to all faiths, except yoga, as you know. Well, never mind, Dominique is going to send over a copy of your itinerary, so call me when you receive it if you have any questions. You know I don't know why you even have a mobile when you never pick it up. Good-bye.”