Royals Saga 3 Crown Me (10 page)

M
y knee made hard contact with a moving box as I stumbled into the house.

“Fuck!” I screamed.

I’d gone to my appointment with the publicist and listened half-heartedly to her explain the protocols I’d be expected to know when I married Alexander in a week. The whole time questioning if I needed to be there. One week. In a week I was supposed to make vows I was no longer sure of. Not because I wouldn’t mean them, but because for the first time in months I questioned if I could be the wife Alexander needed.

Georgia’s words echoed in my mind as I rubbed my smarting knee.
He’s a good man.

A good man who had hired his ex-sub to murder someone. I’d read between the lines. I understood exactly what Georgia had been brought in to do. But the thought that scared me—that made my blood turn to ice—was that I cared more about his other secret.

I’d met his submissive, and he hadn’t been up front with me. If he’d kept their relationship a secret, was he capable of…

I shook the thought from my head.

Alexander was faithful to me. I was positive about that. But Georgia had seen a side to him that he’d only shown me in carefully timed glimpses. Even in his most dominant moments, even in my most submissive, we had been equal. I’d never known true fear at his hands, but she had. He’d admitted to me that his submissive had craved pain and that he had inflicted it.

When the time came, as she suggested it would, could I endure it?

The door behind me opened and he stepped inside, a bright smile flashing over his face when he saw me standing there.

“Last night in Notting Hill,” he said. “I thought we could walk down to Portabello and grab a bite.”

“It’s going to rain. We’ve packed the umbrellas,” I responded flatly.

“I’m certain there’s one in the car.” He reached for me and I flinched. “Clara?”

Closing my eyes, I searched for the right words, but in the end there was only accusation. “I ran into Georgia Kincaid today.”

“Oh?” His expression stayed carefully detached.

“And when I say ran into Georgia, I mean, I confronted her about following me.” I planted my hands on my hips, daring him to feign innocence.

“Norris didn’t mention this.”

“Norris,” I spat back, “knows when to keep out of our business. Something your little friend doesn’t seem to understand.”

“She’s not my friend,” Alexander corrected me. He tugged the knot of his tie loose and unbuttoned his top collar button.

I refrained from grabbing the loose tie and strangling him, but only just barely. “Yes, she made that clear. She also informed me about your arrangement.”

“Clara.” He placed hand on my arm. “Whatever you think—“

“I don’t think! I know! You hired a hit man. Woman. Whatever!” I jerked away from his grasp.

His shoulders relaxed, and I knew then that he was relieved. He thought she hadn’t told me any more than that. Comprehension crashed into me—he had no intention of ever revealing the true nature of his past relationship with Georgia.

“Oh,” I continued, my lower lip beginning to tremble, “she also told me that you used to tie her up and whip her.”

Alexander drew a sharp breath. “Clara—”

“I knew I was forgetting something,” I said, ignoring him. “We had a lovely conversation about it. She was under the impression that we had all shared our stories.”

“Before a few weeks ago, I hadn’t spoken to Georgia Kincaid in years.”

“And now you’ve hired her to commit murder,” I seethed. “What kind of sick bond do you two have exactly?”

“I asked for assistance. I did not ask for her assistance.”

“Yeah, who knew the family jeweller was also the Royal cleaner?” I shook my head in disbelief. “Is this who you are? How far are you willing to go, X?”

“When it comes to protecting you, I will go as far as I have to. No one will touch you and I don’t care if I have to get in bed with the devil himself,” he roared, anger flaring like the tip of a flame in his blue eyes.

“Call it off,” I demanded in a low voice. “Call Hammond and tell him you will find another way.”

“I can’t do that.” He pressed forward, backing me into the wall. “Not until I’m sure this threat has been dealt with.”

“Call it off,” I pleaded. “I won’t have blood on my hands—or yours.”

He straightened, an angry tick pulsing in his jaw as he withdrew his mobile from his breast pocket and dialed.

“Hammond, close the show.” There was a pause. “I’m certain.”

Even as I heard him give the order, my heart pounded. Avoiding one mistake didn’t erase the others he’d made. It also didn’t erase the danger I’d placed my friends and family in unknowingly.

“Happy?” He dropped the mobile back in his pocket.

“No,” I whispered.

“Clara, I needed information. There was no standing order.” His words reeked of excuses.

“That’s not what she said.”

“Whatever Georgia told you, please trust that I am acting in your best interest.”

“How can I trust you, X?”

“What else did Georgia Kincaid say to you?” His voice was measured, but the demand was clear.

She told me something I didn’t want to hear. She told me exactly what I’d feared to be true. I tried to meet Alexander’s eyes and answer his question, but in the end, I couldn’t. “Sorry, X.”

I sidestepped him and reached for the door, but his hand shot out to hold it closed.

“Does it really matter?” he asked. “She’s in my past.”

I laughed hollowly. “If you have to ask that, then you already know the answer.”

Alexander’s hand dropped, allowing me to open the door. “Where are you going?”

“I don’t know,” I answered honestly. “But don’t follow me, okay?”

“I can’t allow—”

“You can,” I stopped him, “and you will.”

I darted out the door and to the street, hailing a taxi before he could send for Norris. Part of me wanted to believe he’d let me go, that he’d give me a chance to think.

And part of me watched out the window as rain began to fall, hoping he was right behind me.

Rain danced across the Thames, making the lights of London sparkle with a frenetic energy. I clutched the stone rail until the rough surface had nearly rubbed my fingertips raw. Turning my face to the charcoal sky, I let the downpour shower over me. A chill ran up my neck but I couldn’t bring myself to choose a direction. If I turned left I’d be heading toward the Westminster Royal, the hotel where I’d naively fallen into Alexander’s bed. To the right, the London Eye sat stalled due to the weather. The ghosts of our relationship were all around me. Alexander was at the heart of this city to me, which made it impossible to escape him.

“Clara!” My name carried over the wind, held aloft by the desperation buoying it.

I pivoted toward his voice instinctively. Passing umbrellas broke my line of vision, allowing flashes of him. Alexander stood on the other side of the bridge, his hand still gripping the roof of the Rolls-Royce. It seemed impossible that I could hear him over the rain shower and passing traffic.

Alexander darted across the traffic, narrowly dodging an oncoming taxi, which set my heart racing. Apparently, he was all about stupid decisions lately. I was too wet to move—too wet to care. By the time he reached me, the white shirt under his open suit coat was soaked through. It clung to him. But it didn’t only display his muscles—his scars showed through. He halted a few steps before me and we stood as heaven cried over us, neither of us speaking.

“How did you know where I was?” I demanded. “Are you tracking my phone now?”

“No,” he panted. “I just knew.”

“Bullshit,” I accused. In a city of eight million people, no one was that lucky.

“I went to where we began,” he called over the storm. “Where I asked you to marry me. I went to where I would have gone.”

“I don’t know why I came here,” I admitted, a shiver rolling through me. Alexander took a step towards me and I backed away.

“You were looking for us.”

“Maybe you’re right. All I’ve found lately is more questions. More secrets.”

“Georgia means nothing to me,” he said. “I didn’t tell you because that man is gone. He was broken, Clara.
You
healed him.”

I shook my head, rain drops spilling from my lashes. “I changed him.”

“And that’s a bad thing?” He took another step toward me, pausing like he was approaching a frightened animal.

“People don’t change like that. I can’t ask you to be someone you aren’t.” I thought of Georgia’s warning—that what was enough for Alexander now wouldn’t satisfy him forever.

“Like hell people don’t change.” Alexander took another step, bringing his body within inches of mine.

Awareness prickled over my skin giving way to the physical reaction his presence always induced, but I couldn’t feel it. I sensed it—my nipples pebbling, my core tightening—but I was numb.

“I don’t want you to change.” I stumbled on the words, trying to find a way to explain even as my heart broke. “I love you, but I can’t give you what you need. Not completely. Someday you’ll resent that, X. And this might kill me now, but I won’t survive when you finally leave.”

“I’m not leaving,” he said, his voice hoarse with all the things he could never express to me. “I don’t want that life, Clara.”

“Did it fulfill you? Did it satisfy you?”

His head fell forward, rain dripping from his hair. “Yes. It did.”

That was all I needed to know. Choking down a sob, I forced myself to turn. My arms wrapped around my chest protectively, but I couldn’t hold onto the last pieces of my shattered heart. His hand grabbed my upper arm and spun me around, pressing me into him. Our eyes met and I couldn’t look away.

“It
did
,” he repeated. “But it never could again. It soothed a part of me that was empty for only one reason, but it could never fill the space. Nothing but you ever will.”

My hands found his face, and I held him there, so close that I tasted the sweetness of his breath on my lips. “Why?”

“Because you found me, Clara. I was lost, and you gave me a home. Let me stay,” he whispered as his face angled over mine. His hand cupped my chin, blue eyes searching mine for permission.

He wasn’t demanding it. The arm bracing me against him was loose. I could slip away, disappear under the cover of the stormy night sky.

But I already knew that no matter what path I took—no matter how far or hard I ran—all roads led back to him. I may have given him a home, but he was my shelter. My protector.

I couldn’t deny that any more than I could deny the ache in my chest. What if his past continued to intrude on our future? What if mine did? It no longer mattered—I loved him, and I’d promised him nothing in his past could change that.

Lighting cracked overhead, but neither of us flinched. So long as we were here—so long as we were united—no act of God or man could tear us apart.

I guided his face to mine, our lips meeting softly. Rain washed over us, cleansing us of our pasts and our mistakes. The choices the future forced would be ours alone.

Alexander’s hand fell away as he bent and scooped me into his arms. I clung to him even as he broke away. When we reached the edge of the sidewalk, he murmured, “Trust me, poppet?”

I looked into his eyes and knew that I did. It was inexplicable and reckless, but even though I had questions, I trusted him. I nodded.

“Then hold tight.”

My arms locked around his neck as he dashed across lanes of traffic. Fear thrilled through me, but the rush of it faded almost instantaneously. He had me—what did I have to fear?

I didn’t miss the reproachful look on Norris’s face as he opened the back passenger door for us. I scrambled into the back of the car and Alexander slid in behind him. In moments, he’d gathered me into his arms.

Alexander brushed kisses over my forehead, my cheeks, across my nose. Silent apologies. I closed my eyes and accepted the offering. Melting against him, I listened to his steady heartbeat. My own heart beat for that rhythm.

“Being with me will always be dangerous. There will always be security, because there will always be threats. I only want to protect you.” He hesitated. “I wish it could be otherwise.”