Ruin Me (21 page)

Look at me, Kai.

He’s standing across from me now in some stranger’s house, surrounded by people he and Shawn seem to know. A red cup sits limply in his fingers, filled to the top with his third helping of beer. He’ll shoot me the occasional glance, but it never lingers long enough to make me feel any better. He’s determined to make this as difficult as possible, but I came all this way and I’m not leaving until he talks to me.

Shawn cracks a joke and the group laughs, Kai included. His chuckle echoes in my mind, pulling me back to that place in time when he used to laugh with me. My eyes wander down his body. Mandy said he spends his time studying and working out. The latter is especially obvious. He was a stunning specimen before all of this and now, my knees quiver gently as I steal glances at his tight, black shirt.

When I finally look up again, we lock eyes.

I jolt slightly, embarrassed that he caught me gawking at him. I expect him to turn away, but he keeps his focus on me. Little hairs ignite on the back of my neck and goosebumps travel along my limbs. My heart races. I bring my cup to my lips and take a quick sip of the cheap American crap these college kids could afford.

I feel a few fingernails dig into my arm. “Hey, Piper…” Mandy speaks in my ear to combat the loud music and voices around us. I turn away from Kai and look at her. “Come with me,” she says.

I nod and dispose of the cup into a large trash can set up by the entrance. She pulls me outside, where the noise isn’t nearly as invasive.

“Okay…” she says as she leads me to an abandoned corner of the front porch. “You
really
need to stop staring at him.”

“I’m not staring at him,” I say. “He’s staring at me.”

“And how would you know that unless you were staring at him, too?”

I sigh. “I don’t know how to do this,” I say.

“Do what?” she asks.

“Talk to him.”

“You and Kai have been talking to each other in various ways since you were five years old,” Mandy points out. “I think you’ll figure this one out, too.”

“It’s different now,” I say. “There are
emotions
involved. Genuine emotions. This whole thing seemed a lot simpler when I thought he’d moved on, but now that I know he didn’t...”

“I see your predicament.”

“He’s avoiding me.”

“I saw that, too.”

“So, what do I do?” I cling to her with an intense desperation, hating her for being so entirely unfazed by this whole thing while I’m freaking out inside.

“You wait for the right moment and then you
calmly
ask him for a word — in private, if you prefer,” she says slowly.

“It’s not that simple,” I argue.

“Sure it is. I don’t know how they do it overseas,” she jokes, “but I think that’s how it’s done here in the Colonies,
most of the time
.”

I stare out into the dark street and watch as two guys play hacky sack with a crushed beer can. “I hate this,” I mutter. “I’m not used to feeling this…
self-conscious
.”

“You know what helps with that?” she smirks. “A little something alcoholics like to call
liquid courage
.”

I wrinkle my nose. I can still taste the dull flavors of that crappy beer on my tongue. “That shit is awful,” I say.

“I know,” she agrees. “But the more you have, the less it bothers you. Trust me.” She grips my hand and pulls me back towards the front door. “Just drink a little more and see how you feel after that. Okay?”

“Okay,” I say. “Thanks, lady.”

“It’s what I do.” She holds the door open for me and we’re immediately hit with a loud wave of pounding music.

We wander together through the house towards the kitchen where they have the keg set up. I look around as Mandy grabs us two fresh cups. Shawn and Kai have moved on from their previous location and I can’t find them anywhere in sight. Mandy drops a full cup in my hand and I choke down a quarter of it in a single gulp. It’s bitter and awful, but I force myself through it.

“Atta girl,” she comments as she takes her own sip.

Two cups later and I still feel no better about the drink, but, at least, the thoughts in my head don’t seem as dark and brooding. It feels light and fluffy in there, like anything is possible as long I believe in myself and persevere through the darkness.

Liquid courage
it is.

I scan the first floor again, eager to locate Kai. The faces of strangers blur together and I occasionally think I see him, but several blinks morph his face into some other man’s. It’s frustrating to see him everywhere I look and not be able to reach out and touch him. Believe me. I’ve spent six months traveling around the world and I see his face in every city I visit.

It’s fiercely annoying.

Now, the one time when I actually want to see him, he’s disappeared. Vanished into thin air.

Fucking hell, Kai. Where are you—

Finally, I catch sight of him again at the top of the stairs. He’s leaning over the railing of the second floor, looking down at the crowd below. A smile hits my face but then falls as soon as I see who he’s talking to.

She’s tall, but not taller than him. Muscular, but curvy. Wavy, red hair. His eyes jump from the crowd to her face and back again, but he seems a heck of a lot more interested in her face.

“Mandy—” I call out, although I’m not really sure she’s even around me.

“What?” she asks after a few seconds.

“Who is that?” I ask her, pointing upwards.

She follows my finger and squints her eyes to get a better look. “Oh, that’s Nina. My roommate.”

“You know her?”

She nods. “Yeah, she’s cool. We don’t really hang out much, but I have nothing against her.”

Kai laughs at something she says. It pisses me off.

“Are they… close?” My eyes stay locked on his pleasant face.

“I don’t think so,” she answers. “Not that it matters anyway,
right
? Because this isn’t a booty call,
right
?”

I finally look at her. “Right,” I answer.

“You
wanted
him to move on,
remember
? You two want different things,
remember
?”

I hold up a hand. “Okay! I get it.” She stares at me but says nothing more. “I don’t care what he does.” She raises an eyebrow at me. “I don’t!” The impatient annoyance in her gaze makes me angry. “I’m so sick of this. I’m not waiting anymore — just gonna get this over with.” I brush around her and charge up the stairs, bumping shoulders with plenty of people as I pass by them. The closer I drift to them, the more I hear his voice. It dominates my ears. I miss hearing it in the middle of the night and how he used to whisper dirty things to me in bed to send me over the edge.

Fuck, fuck, fuck!

Fine, I admit it. I want him so badly, I can taste his semen lingering on my tongue again. I don’t care who this bitch is, she needs to back off right now.

“Kai!” I shout through the crowd and come to a stop near him. He stands up tall and looks down at me with dark eyes. “Can I talk to you for a minute?” I ask him.

“No.” It’s firm, direct. But I can’t give up. I can feel this girl’s eyes on me, but I ignore them.

“Please,” I urge. “It’s important.”

“Hi, I’m Nina.” She forces her hand at me for a shake.

I refuse it. “I’m Piper. Kai’s sister,” I say to her. “I need to talk to him about an important
family matter.
”

He stares me down. “No.”

I sigh with impatience.
“Please.”

“No means no.” He looks at me with that smug smirk and anger boils beneath my skin. Now he’s throwing my own words back at me?

Fuck that noise.

I reach out and latch my fingers around his arm. I didn’t come all the way here to be pushed aside for Ginger Barbie. My nails dig into his skin and I tug at his arm to force him through the crowd with me.

“What the fuck, Piper?!” he yelps in pain.

“Move!” I shout as I push him towards the nearest door. He fights the movements but trips over his feet every time he makes a little progress. The more he yanks away, the deeper my nails slice into him.

I kick the door open to find an empty bathroom. Perfect. I force him inside and slam the door closed behind us.

I release him and he inspects his arm. “Jesus, Pipes—” he moans. “You are deceivingly strong!”

“I want to talk to you.” I plant myself in front of the door.

“Too damn bad,” he barks. “I don’t want to talk to you.”

“Well, I
need
to talk to you.”

“Tough.” He steps forward and reaches around my body to grip the doorknob behind me. I dig my heels into the floor and refuse to budge out of the way. He manages to crack the door open, but I slam against it to force it closed again. “Piper, come on, you’re acting like a fucking child.”

“And
you’re
acting like a selfish prick.”

“
I’m
selfish?!” he fires back. “No,
you’re
the one that just threw a hissy fit and pulled me into a damn bathroom.”

“I wouldn’t have to if you’d stop avoiding me! It’s the only reason why I even came to this stupid party.”

“Well, I’m sure our lame college parties are nothing compared to what you’re used to,” he smirks. “Everyone here is
fully clothed
.”

My jaw drops. “You piece of—”

“Oh, have I made you angry, Piper?” he asks. “Good! I’ll leave then and you can get back to whatever stranger you’ve got lined up for tonight’s quick lay.”

I push the insult aside. There are more important things to worry about. “Not yet.”

“Get out of the way.”

“No.”

He shakes his head. “This stubborn princess routine is getting
real freakin’ old
, Pipes.”

“Deal with it.”

“And by the way,” he seethes. “You were hotter with longer hair.”

My teeth chatter with anger. He’s doing it on purpose to get under my skin, hoping to distract me long enough to slip away. I don’t budge, but the words still sting. “Go to hell!” I shout.

“I’m already there!” He tries to push around me, but I stay firmly in place. “Do you want me to lift you out of the way?” he asks. “Because it wouldn’t be difficult. You weigh like a hundred pounds.” He reaches for the knob again, but I slap his hand away.

“Then
do it
,” I challenge him. “But I’m still not going anywhere until you let me say what I need to say.”

He reaches out and does exactly as he warned me he would do. My alcohol-laced stomach lurches as he raises me off the floor like a rag doll.

“No!” I shout at him and kick my feet until he drops me back down.

“Piper—”

“No!” I hop back in front of the door.

He grabs at me again and tries to force me to the side, but I latch onto his shirt collar with an iron grip. “You’re being ridiculous!” he shouts.

“You’re making this harder than it needs to be!”

“
I’m
making this harder?!” He slaps my hands away and I drop his collar. “You never should have come back here!”

“Yeah, but I did and I’m not leaving again until you listen to me!”

He grabs for the door, but I rush at it to keep it closed.
“That’s it,”
he growls and bends over to force me over his shoulder. “I’m done with this shit…”

“Kai,
please
!” I shout as he stands upright. He wraps one arm around my body, locking me in place on his shoulder as he reaches for the doorknob with his free hand. He certainly wasn’t kidding about it being easy to move me. I feel practically weightless in his strong grip. As he pulls the door open, I lash out with my arms to close it again.

“Knock it off, Piper!”

“You knock it off, Kai!”

He jerks the door open, only to growl once again when I punch it closed. “Goddammit!” He spins around fast and drops me to the floor. The sudden move of it knocks me off balance and I tumble onto the filthy mat near the bathtub.

Kai uses the advantage and takes a long stride to the door. I stand up quickly and hike up my skirt before rushing at him.

“Kai, Stop!” I shout as I leap onto his back.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake, Piper!” He grabs the doorknob.

I wrap my arms around his neck and my legs around his torso, latching myself to him.
“I’m sorry!”
The words shoot out from between my lips and fly directly into his ears.

His hand lingers on the doorknob, but he doesn’t turn it. “What?” he asks.

“I’m sorry,”
I whisper again. My chest heaves, out of breath, while tears sting my eyes. “Kai, I’m sorry.” I bury my face in his back. His heart thumps hard. I can feel it beneath his skin and muscles, pacing just as fast as my own. I keep my grip on him, never wanting to let go. “I messed up,” I continue. “I shouldn’t have…
God—
I messed up and…
I’m sorry.
” I peek out to see him staring at me in the mirror above the sink.