Ruin Me (18 page)

Was it tempting? You’re damn right it was. Kai is not exactly unremarkable in terms of attractiveness and style. He’s streets ahead of most other men in our class, but that did not dismiss the more obvious issues involved with a stepsister fucking her stepbrother. It still didn’t stop Kai from following me to Europe in the hopes he’d weasel his way into my panties.

Did it work? More than I’d care to admit.

I wouldn’t be on this plane right now if it hadn’t.

Kai
fucking
Casablancas.

I said before that he saw right through me from the beginning, but that’s not entirely true. He knew I wasn’t the person I was pretending to be, but the image he had of me in his mind wasn’t correct either. It created quite the rift between us, one that I thought would never be healed… until he followed me into the streets of Paris and discovered the real reason why I came to Europe. He came face-to-face with my mother and I confessed my world to him in the hopes that he would somehow understand me. The real me.

He didn’t.

He told me he was in love with me anyway. He begged for me to come home with him. I reciprocated in the only way I knew how and Kai Casablancas won his bet that night. Saying goodbye to him was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do, although it had no right to be. I like to think that I have a very firm grip on my emotions. I’m constantly in complete control over my thoughts and feelings concerning all things. Except for Kai
fucking
Casablancas, apparently. Things got out of hand with Kai very quickly. I thought I’d have a chance to start fresh, but our goodbye left me devastated instead.

When I saw him a few hours later, sitting next to my assigned seat on a train to London, waiting for me, I officially lost all control of my thoughts and feelings.

A week in Europe
. He and I spent one blissful week together, traveling from London to Dublin to Madrid. It was so easy to turn everything off, to lose myself completely in him and he did the same with me. But in the end, it was only a delay on the inevitable.

Let’s just say all the passion in the world can’t make me and Kai Casablancas see eye-to-eye for very long.

“Are you all right, Piper?”

I snap away from my stare on the window. “Yeah,” I answer my mother. “I’m fine.”

She stares at me from the aisle seat with a raised eyebrow. “You’ve barely said a word this entire flight,” she points out.

“Sorry…” I mutter. “I’m just feeling a little nervous, that’s all.”

“You and me both, kiddo.” She glances across my lap and looks down at the world. “It’s been a
long time
for me…”

I nod. “Well, now I feel silly,” I chuckle. I’d almost forgotten that she’s been gone for nearly three years.

“Don’t,” she says. “Human experience is a relative concept. You have as much right as I do to feel
the
jitters
, as they’re technically called.”

I smile. “I guess so.”

“Maybe even more so,” she adds. “I’m not the one here to see my jilted ex-lover—”

“Mom…”

“I’m only teasing you, Piper.”

“Well… tease someone else.”

“Why would I do that? You’re my favorite tease.”

I sigh and stare out the window. My stomach lurches as we descend even lower in altitude. Every foot closer we get to the ground brings me one step closer to Kai Casablancas. I’m tempted to turn around and travel all the way back to Europe, but I’ve already come this far. “He probably wants nothing to do with me anyway…” I say.

“Well, you won’t know that until he sees you,” she says. “Then… you’ll probably know immediately what he wants.”

What Kai wants.
I have no idea what that is anymore. Six months ago, it was very clear what he wanted. He wanted me. He wanted to stay in Europe with me. He wanted to love me and he wanted me to love him back.

But I said no.

The wheels hit the tarmac and I jolt in my seat. I take a deep breath and force it out as the plane slowly comes to a stop on the ground.

What Kai wants.
There’s only one thing that’s been constant in the entirety of our relationship — as friends, as step-siblings, even as lovers.

Kai Casablancas and I might want the same thing, but we’ve never wanted it at the same time.

Chapter 19

Kai

I grunt softly as my memories of her push me closer to the edge. She’s there every time I close my eyes, smiling at me, riding me. Her laughter echoes in my ears, along with her perfect moans of pleasure on the air.

My fingers twitch. I squeeze my dick tighter and stroke faster to match the memory of her bouncing up and down in my head. I can still taste the sweat on her skin and smell the musky scent of the old English inn we stayed at. I see the color of the paint on the walls, the pattern on the bedspread, and that look on her face when she finally came all over my cock—

I let out a final, quiet grunt and jizz into the open tissue in my left palm. Almost immediately, that familiar feeling of shame and disgust tickles at me.

Kai Casablancas, the sexual god of Belle Academy. That’s me, baby.

I fucked all twenty-three girls in my class, including my stepsister (and a teacher or two, but let’s not get into that mess). It was no easy feat. I traveled across the world to accomplish that task and all I brought back was a damn t-shirt.

Look at me now…. reduced to a lonely college kid jerking into a napkin while my roommate visits his girlfriend down the hall.

Thanks a lot, Piper Lynch.

You’re damn right I blame Piper for this shit. I toss the tissue into the trash can by my bed. I’ve been inside over twenty women and the only one I can think about while wanking off is Piper
fucking
Lynch. The only one I can think about while talking to the myriad hot, ready, and willing girls living just a few doors down from me is Piper
fucking
Lynch. My greatest love and my worst enemy.

I hope you’re happy, Pipes — wherever the fuck you are.

My phone vibrates in my pocket. I heave a breath and reach for it to find a new text message from…
my mother.
Oh, goody. This is exactly who I want to hear from when I’m lying in my bed with my dick in my hand.

Can’t wait to see you tomorrow!

I tap back a quick reply. The stress and frustration I tried to get rid of by masturbating comes back with full force. Parent’s weekend. My mother and stepfather will be visiting to see me and take part in a whole slew of boring campus events. I had almost managed to forget about it.
Almost.

I shove my flaccid dick back inside my briefs and zip up my jeans. Seconds later, I hear the key in the lock and I check myself quickly to make sure I’m no longer exposed before the door swings open.

My best friend, Shawn Monty, steps inside, followed closely by Mandy Black, his on-again-off-again sweetheart. We all went to high school together, but they didn’t officially hook-up until that fateful trip to Europe six months ago. She and I have always been pretty close, in just about every way imaginable. She’s also Piper’s best friend, but I try not to hold that against her.

The grin on Shawn’s face quickly drops as he sees me lying on my bed in the corner. “Oh, come on,
dude
,” he scolds, staring down at me through the blond locks hanging down over his eyes.

“I’m just doing a little reading,” I say. I hold up the book balanced on my knee, some boring tome of short stories I have to read for English class.

He gives a subtle jerk motion with his wrist. “Yeah, sure.”

Mandy shakes her head at him and rolls her eyes before looking at me with a pleasant face. “Hey, Kai,” she greets.

“Hey, Mandy,” I say back. My eyes immediately fall back to the book.
Where was I with this one? Some old lady named Emily in an old house… something about a rose…

“Party tonight, off-campus,” Shawn announces to me. “You in?”

“No, thanks,” I say. I catch him exchanging an annoyed glance with Mandy. “I don’t feel well,” I add, convincing no one in the room.

“You feel well enough to drop a deposit off at the spank bank,” Shawn says. He steps around my desk and lightly kicks my trash can with his foot as he passes by.

“Shawn, you really need to stop taking inventory of my trash can,” I tell him.

“And
you
really need to get outside and live a little,” he says back.

I glare at Mandy and she cracks a smile. “Shawn,” she begins, “if he doesn’t want to go, then he doesn’t have to go.”

“Thank you,” I say.

“But…”
she continues, “I think he’d
really
be missing out on something special. The parties these guys have are supposed to be amazing and they only throw them like once a semester.”

I sigh and toss the book down onto my bedside table. “And here we go…”

“She’s right, man,” Shawn says. “It’s the start of our second semester at college and all you’ve done since you got here is learn shit.”

I shake my head. “That’s what we’re supposed to be doing—”

“I disagree.” He plops down on his own bed across the room and stares at his phone while Mandy lingers at the foot of mine with her arms crossed over her chest. “I never thought I’d see the day when I got laid more than you did, Kai. I’m worried about you. You’ve been a total killjoy ever since we came back from Europe.”

I cringe as he mentions it.

“Shawn…” Mandy says slowly. “That isn’t constructive.” She walks around the bed and sits down beside me. “Kai…” She keeps her voice low, too low for Shawn to hear her. “I think this will be good for you.”

“I’m fine, Mandy,” I tell her, matching her volume.

“And I agree with that,” she says. “But you
have
changed a little ever since…” Her words taper off, but her eyes finish the thought silently.

Since Piper broke your heart.

I never told anyone about that week in Europe with Piper, not officially. Shawn still has no idea and mostly attributes my sulkiness to me “losing” that bet against him. Whatever. I’ll let him think that. It’d be better than telling him the truth and forcing myself to re-live it all over again in the process. But Mandy… she figured it out almost immediately and she never even had to ask Piper about it to confirm it.

It was written all over my face when I got back. Mandy has been Piper’s most trusted friend for years and has no doubt been witness to plenty of poor men falling head over heels in love with her, only to be cast aside like old clothing. She knew that face —
my face
— better than anyone. She also knows that Piper sure as hell isn’t sitting around sulking about it like I am. Oh, no. Not Piper
fucking
Lynch. She’s probably had all sorts of fuck buddies since she tossed my ass out.

“Come with us,” Mandy urges with a smile. “I promise you, it’ll be fun. Have I ever lied to you?”

I smile back at her. “No,” I answer.

“Exactly.” She shrugs her shoulders. “If it’s lame, we’ll leave and come back here with pizza and a bad movie. If it’s not… then you and whatever dame you bring back can have the room. Shawn will stay with me down the hall.”

Shawn finally glances up from his phone. “What are you two being all hush about?” he asks. “You’re not hooking up again, are you?”

Mandy glances over her shoulder at him. “Yes, Shawn. That’s exactly right. Good job.” She turns back to me and drops the sarcasm. “So, what do you say?”

I take a deep breath. As annoying as Shawn is, he’s not wrong. I know I’ve changed and I hate it, but that’s what happens when a death viper rips out one of your organs, gnaws on it with sharp teeth, and shoves it back into your chest cavity. You think maybe it’ll heal over and start to work correctly again, but no. It doesn’t. It just sits there, eternally bleeding and malfunctioning until one day, you find yourself in a dead heap on the floor—
oh, my god.
What the fuck am I thinking? Who the hell is this asshole? No wonder my friends can’t stand me anymore. I’ve become a fucking worthless piece of—