RUIN - Part Three (The RUIN Series Book 3) (7 page)

"We haven’t talked about the wedding much lately." Alexa breathes a sigh as she runs her manicured fingernail over the edge of the coffee cup.

I've been neglecting her since I left for Boston. She hasn't complained. In fact, she's been nothing but gracious and kind with endless text messages and phone calls asking me if there's anything she can do to help me. She also hasn't pried when it's come to my relationship with Ben. I know she's dying to know where we stand and if I'm being utterly honest with myself, I'm bursting at the seams to share things with her. "I'm sorry about that, Lex."

"You have a lot going on." She taps her hand over mine. "Tell me what's happening in your life."

I start with the boring bits about work and waiting to hear on whether I've been accepted into the master's program. I don’t delve into the details about how I'm completely unfulfilled working for Vivian. In the grand scheme of things, I have a job that pays well, offers me great benefits and allows me the opportunity to get an education I'd otherwise never be able to afford.

We pause when her phone rings. She pulls her finger over the screen and immediately starts telling Sadie everything she needs done between this very moment in time and her big day. I stare at her, watching how animated her expression is as she talks about the final alterations on her dress.

"I'm sorry, Kayla." She finally puts the phone back on the table just as I finish the last sip of my now cold coffee. "Sadie is a bundle of nerves."

"That makes two of you," I say with a grin while holding up my thumb and index finger. "If I get married one day, remind me to elope."

"If Ben is anything like Noah, he'll want a big wedding."

I don't respond. I can't because it would mean I'd be acknowledging something that I haven't even allowed myself to fantasize about. Ben and I are still testing the very shallow waters of our relationship. We haven't even gotten past everything that happened in Boston a few weeks ago. It still hurts to think about the words he said to Parker. He may have been saying them to hold onto me but my doubt hasn't completely disappeared yet.

"Has Noah spent any time with Ben?" I ask to buck us off the uncomfortable saddle she's put us in. I won't talk about anyone's marriage but Alexa's. That's a hard and fast rule I'm definitely sticking to.

"They're having lunch together today." She shrugs her left shoulder. "Noah seemed stoked about it."

"Ben didn't mention it." It stings to say the words even though it's juvenile to be hurt by something so mundane. I hadn't mentioned that I'd be seeing Alexa to Ben either when he kissed me goodbye after spending the night at my place.

"Do you trust him?"

I wish I could say I'm surprised by the question. I'm not. Even though Lex sang all of Ben's praises after I came back from Boston, I know that she's still reserving final judgment on him. I can tell that she sees Ben as the lesser of two evils in her mind's competition of him and Parker.

"Is there a reason I shouldn’t?" I push it back on her because I don't want to lie to her. If I was forced to answer her question, I'd have to tell her that there's still a fraction of doubt within my heart.

"I don't know of any reason you shouldn't trust Ben." She tips her chin in my direction as she throws me a wink. "I'm taking cues from Noah anyways."

"What does that mean?"

"You know he thinks of you as a younger sister, right?"

"He said that to you?" My voice rises as I ask the question.

She raises both brows. "Noah wants only the best for you. He told me you're his favorite."

"His favorite what?" I ask tentatively. I'm almost afraid of what the answer will be.

"You're his favorite of my friends."

"You mean he likes me more than he likes Sadie?" I raise my hand. "One point for Kayla. Finally."

"Don't tell Sadie."

"Why? Because she'll fall to pieces?" I smirk. "I'll keep it quiet. It's our little secret."

"I'm being serious." She runs her finger along the edge of her cell phone's case. "He went to so much trouble to make sure you weren't making a mistake."

I'm lost. If she's referring to the infrequent meetings I had with Noah to discuss Ben, that doesn't seem like that much trouble to me. "I'm not sure what you mean."

"That file of stuff, he has." She pulls her index finger and thumb apart about an inch. "That file is huge. It didn't come cheap."

I scratch the back of my head. "What are you talking about?"

"The private investigator," she whispers the words so softly I wonder if she thinks we're being watched by one right now. "That man he hired to get the goods on Ben."

"Get the goods?" Apparently hiring a private investigator constitutes the need to use their distinctive lingo. "What?"

"Shit." She scrolls her finger over her phone. "I should call Noah. Shit."

"Lex." I reach across the table to pull her phone from her grasp. "You've already said a lot. Please just tell me what the hell is going on."

Her eyes scan my face. "Noah was worried about you. He wasn't sure of Ben."

It's a start but none of this is news to me at all. "What did he do? He hired a private investigator?"

"The guy did an extensive background check on Ben. There's financials in there, employment stuff, everything."

It's intrusive. "Why would he do that?"

"It was for you." She points her index finger at my hand. "He did it to make sure Ben was good enough for you."

There's that saying about being stuck between a rock and a hard place and it's never made any sense to me until this moment. Let's say that Noah is the rock and Ben is the hard place. I'm staring into his face right now and the good part of me wants to tell him that Noah has his entire life summarized in a reasonably thick manila folder. The other part of me, that's the part that wants things to stay the way they are right now, is telling me that there's no harm in it. Noah is just taking care of me, which is touching in a way that would be sentimental if it wasn't so inappropriate.

"Spit it out, Kayla." He runs his lips across my forehead.

"I swallowed it all after you came," I say into his chest.

I feel the laugher roll through his strong frame. He pulls me even closer. "You're everything I'm ever going to need in my life."

"I saw Alexa yesterday." I'm siding on the hard place. "We talked about you."

"I saw Noah," he whispers the words into my hair. "We talked about you."

I know. I need to bite the curiosity I'm feeling in the ass and not ask what they were discussing. I have to. I need to just tell Ben that Noah investigated him. He deserves to know that his brother knows everything about him. I'd want to know if someone pulled up that much sensitive information on me.

"What did you say about me?"

Who am I kidding? I'm not going to be able to think straight until I find out what they talked about.

"Noah told me you're a good friend to him," he says without any reservation. "He told me he likes hanging out with you."

"He told me that too," I offer back. That resulted in a net gain of exactly zero. "Is that all he said?"

"Why?" I can hear the amusement in his voice. "Maybe we talked about private things."

I lurch up off his chest so I'm facing him directly. I arch a brow. "Private things?" I try not to crack a wide grin. "You two weren't even on speaking terms a few weeks ago. I highly doubt you talk about private things."

"We're brothers." He traces his finger along my brow. "Actually, we're twins. We share a lot of private things."

He's not smiling. This has moved effortlessly from teasing into something more serious. "How are things between you two?"

"New." He darts his tongue over his bottom lip. "We're still working on figuring things out but no one was punched during lunch so we're off to a good start."

Ben and I have never discussed what happened in Noah's hospital room the night he was stabbed. He knows that I know. He has to know that Noah shared a great deal about their broken connection with me during all the time we spent together. "Do you feel good about things between you?"

"I feel really good about things between my brother and me."

It's there again. I don't think about it as much as I did when it was fresh and pressing against every part of my heart. It's the last bit of doubt that has held onto me and now is the point in time when I can finally let it go. "You're not going to leave me now that you and Noah are working on things, are you?"

His breathing stops as his hands reach to cup my cheeks. "I will never leave you. There is nothing in this world that can take you away from me. If you didn't want me anymore, you have to be the one doing the breaking up. I'm here to stay."

"I don't want that," I whisper into his mouth. "I want you to stay."

***

"If I told you I love you would you say it back to me?" He's standing in the doorway, his hands resting above his head against the wooden doorframe. I can see the outline of his muscular frame. He's shirtless. He's only wearing sweat pants and nothing else.

I pull my hand to cover my mouth. "Not yet. I need to tell you something first."
He doesn't move from where he's standing. I can't make out his face. The room is too dark. "What is it, Kayla?"

"Come closer." I pat my hand against the mattress. I'd fallen asleep in his arms after we'd talked. It's hours later now and the ringing of his cell phone had woken us both.  "Is everything okay? I heard your phone ringing."

"It was Peter's mother." He lowers himself next to me, bending his knee so he's facing me directly. "He's running a very low fever. It's nothing. I told her to keep him in bed and well hydrated. I'll drop by their house early tomorrow morning with another round of antibiotics. I told her to call me if he gets worse before then."

"Do you do that a lot?" It's something I've wanted to ask about since I watched him hand his credit card over to pay for Peter's surgery.

He doesn’t make eye contact with me. "Do I do what a lot?"

"Pay for people's surgeries and medicine?"

"I do it when I need to." He slides his eyes over my face. "I take people from the shelter to that hospital sometimes. I usually talk to an administrator named Melody. I volunteer there and she gives me a break on the cost of things."

"You're really generous." I reach to touch his hand. "I've never known anyone as generous as you."

"My mother was really generous." He smiles at me. "She'd give anything to any person who needed it. She taught me that life is about giving."

"Noah missed that lesson," I tease.

"Noah gives in his own way," he counters. "He's been through a lot in his life. He's had a lot to deal with."

There are the generous parts of him shining through again. "You see the best in him."

"When we were five," he begins before he scoops my hand into his. "On our fifth birthday our parents gave us bicycles."

I smile at the thought of Ben and Noah as children. I've never even seen an image of either of them as youngsters. It's a very hard picture to conjure in my mind's eyes. "Did you learn to ride them together?"

"No." He chuckles softly. "Noah got on that thing and took off. It was like he was born to ride a two wheeler. He rode circles around me."

"Competition is part of being a sibling." I've had to deal with that my entire life with my own brother. "It's not necessarily a bad thing."

"It's a really healthy thing." His tongue darts over his bottom lip. "I tried for days to get it. I couldn't keep my balance. My dad gave up trying to teach me."

We don't discuss Ron much, but I know it eats at Ben that he's never got the same approval and affection from his father that Noah has. "Are you confessing to me that you can't ride a bike?" I want to lighten the mood before I tell Ben about Noah and the private investigator. I want utter honesty in our relationship. I need it after what we've been through.

"Noah taught me." His voice cracks. "He held on to the back of my bike and tried so hard to balance it with me on it."

"That's why he's the one with all the muscles?"

"Hey." He pulls up his arm, bending it to show off his impressive bicep. "I'm ripped too."

I laugh at the playful expression on his face.

"It took months but Noah helped me learn how to balance on that bike." He squeezes my hand. "He never gave up on me."

"I don't like secrets, Ben."

We're under the covers now. I can hear him breathing peacefully. His hand is moving slowly up and down my hip.

"I don't want secrets between us."

I scratch my nose. My stomach is flopping around so heavily within my body that I'm surprised he can't feel it against his side. "I know something about Noah that I think you should know. It may not matter, but it's your right to know it."

"Is it something Noah told you about me?" He doesn’t move. "I know Noah has talked about me to you. You know most of what happened between us."

I nod against his chest. I should pull myself up so I'm looking right at him when I say this. "Alexa actually told me something yesterday."

"What did she tell you?" His hand is on my chin now, running along my jawbone.

I adjust myself, grabbing his hand with my own. I bring it to my lips and hold it against them. I need to be as close to him as possible. "She told me Noah did something to protect me."

"Whatever that it is, I'm grateful to him for that."

I smile up at him. "Noah wants the best for me."

"I'm the best for you," he says quickly. "I know that I am. That's why I want to tell you how I feel."

I pull his hand closer to my lips again. "Let me say this first."

His brow jumps up. "Say it, Kayla."

"Alexa told me that Noah hired a private investigator to look at your life when he knew that we were getting close."

His lips part slightly as if he's going to say something. It's in that moment that I feel him pull away. He yanks his hand free of mine, before he slides his body out from under the sheet.

"Ben?" I call after him as he walks quickly out of the room. I hear his footsteps along the hardwood floor and then there's nothing but total silence.

I turn over. I feel the panic before it hits my body. I'm nauseous. I threw that at him without any warning at all. He was just starting to feel close to Noah again and I tossed it at him like a live hand grenade. I should have gone to Noah. I should have fucking gone to Noah and confronted him about this so he could tell Ben himself.

I reach down in the darkness looking for Ben's robe. I saw it on the chair near the window earlier. It's here. I know it is. I have to stop and catch my breath.

"Kayla?" His voice is behind me. "Kayla, turn around."

I do just as his hand touches the light switch. The sudden brilliant light that floods the bedroom blinds me momentarily and I cover my eyes with my hands. "It's too bright, Ben."

"I'm sorry." I hear movement behind me. "I'll dim the light."

I heave a sigh of relief as I slide my hands into my lap. I'm still not facing him. "I didn't mean to just throw that at you. I know it must make you feel violated. I would feel that way if…"

I hear his heavy footsteps coming closer. Then I see his legs. He's holding something. "Noah gave me this yesterday."

I look at his hands. He's holding a manila folder overflowing with papers.

"Noah told me about it. He gave it all to me to destroy." He hands it to me. "You can read it if you want."
I stare at it. It's Ben's entire life all in one place. Every bank transaction he's ever made, every job he's ever held, and all the places he's lived are documented in the papers falling out of the folder.

"He gave you this?"

He swallows hard before he sits next to me. "I have nothing to hide. If doing this helped Noah trust me again, I'm glad he did it. If reading it helps you in any way, I want you to do that."

"You're not angry?" There's more excitement in my tone than surprise. "How can you not be angry?"

"I would do anything to show my brother that I'm a good, honest, decent man." He taps his fingers against his leg. "I would do anything and everything in my power to show you that I'm a good, honest, decent man."

"I know that you are," I say it with no reservation at all. "I don't need to read anything here to know that."

"I want you to read one thing." He pulls the file into his own lap and thumbs through some of the documents. "This is what I want you to read."

I take the piece of paper from him and hold it in front of me. It's a printed document of some sort. I start reading it line-by-line, stopping twice to look up at Ben. "I don't understand what it is."

"I live a simple life." He closes his eyes briefly as if to gather his thoughts. "My mother left me an enormous amount of money. I will never use that money in my lifetime. I already have everything I could possibly need."

I stare at the paper he handed to me. "Are you funding this yourself?"

"I was." His hand runs over the back of my hair. "Noah is funding half of it now with his inheritance. He insisted on it when I saw him yesterday."

"The Foster Foundation," I whisper the words softly as I run my hand over where they are printed at the top of the paper. "You're doing this to help children."

"Children." He points to the paper. "Women, men, anyone who needs medical care and can't afford it."

"You're doing this for your mother?"

"I want to do good things for her. I want her to be proud of who I am today."

I watch as a tear falls from my cheek and onto the paper. "I'm sorry," I mutter as I wipe my hand across the document.

"You didn't read the last line, Kayla." He traces a path over the bottom of the paper with his finger. "Read that to me."

I hold the paper in front of me, trying to decipher the letters through my tears. "It says, director of operations…" I stall to pull my hand over my mouth. "Director of operations is Kayla Monroe."

"It's your job if you want it."

"When did you set this up?" I dart my eyes over the document looking for a date.

He pulls me closer to his side. "I've been meeting colleagues in Boston for months to get the wheels in motion. I was there when you and I met and again when I saw you at… at your old apartment," he stammers.  "I had talked about you as a potential candidate for the job that Saturday morning, less than an hour before I saw you.  You have so much to give to others and you're smart."

"You trust me to run a foundation in your mother's honor?" I sob through the words.
"I trust you with everything."

I reach up to cradle his cheek in my hand. "Say it now, Ben. Say it and I'll say it back."

He turns his entire body to face me. He takes the paper from my grasp and sets it on the bed as he leans in close and whispers the words I've wanted to hear since he sat down next to me on the airplane. "I love you Kayla Monroe. I really love you."

"I love you too Dr. Ben Foster. I love you."