Ruined by You (8 page)

“Thanks,” I said. “That really means a lot.” I looked at him for a long time. I could see the intense fire glowing behind his eyes. “You really think we can pull it off?” I asked. “It sounds so impossible.”

He smirked. “It won’t be easy,” he said. “But, nothing worth while is ever easy. The fun is in the chase.”

My body tensed. I knew he wasn’t just talking about the job. I could see in his eyes that he was talking about something else. My legs and hands trembled slightly as we stared into each other’s eyes, and I could feel myself wanting to fall into him.

“Who are you, Haden?” I asked.

His cheeks pinched together, and I felt myself melting.

“Just a guy trying to find his way,” he said.

The night got cooler, and the breeze stronger, as we watched the race demonstration. The racers took it easy as they went through the sharp turns, and up over the huge dirt mounds. Everyone was in a joyous mood.

Sarah’s eyes remained locked tightly on Huck the entire time. He stayed in the middle of the pack, though she swore he would have been a front-runner if it were a real race. The sight of her watching him was uplifting, and it helped ease some of the uncertainty I was still feeling after my conversation with Haden.

Huck kicked his legs out while he flew in the air, eliciting a roar from the crowd. Sarah’s eyes went wide in horror, and her hand clutched at my leg, while he flew in the air. She didn’t breath again until he was back on the ground and entering the next turn. I tried to tell her not to worry, but I didn’t think she was paying attention to anything but Huck.

Haden seemed to enjoy the whole affair, too. He cheered right along with Sarah, as Huck raced around the dips and turns. He kept looking over and smiling at me, and I found myself thankful that Sarah had invited him.

There was still an easy tension between us, but as the evening wore on, I found myself getting more and more comfortable with it. I had so many things I wanted to ask him, so many things I wanted to talk to him about, but I knew there would be a better time and place for all of that. After all, it was starting to look like we were going to be spending quite a bit of time together that summer.

After the demonstration ended, the three of us hung back and let the crowds disperse. At least twenty minutes passed before Huck broke free of the other racers, and found us.

“How was it?” he asked.

“You were phenomenal,” Sarah said, enthusiastically.

Huck’s eyes widened and his chest swelled up as he beamed at her. Electricity was all around us.

“Good stuff out there,” Haden said. “I never knew that this kind of thing could be so much fun to watch.” Huck’s smile wavered, when he realized that Haden was there with us. He, surely, recognized Haden as the ‘tattooed hottie’ from the bar, but I jumped in, quickly, to diffuse any tension.

“Huck, this is Haden,” I said. “He came here to cheer you on, too.”

Haden stuck his hand out, the same way he’d done with both Sarah and I, and Huck shook it, vigorously.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to be rude,” Huck said.

“Not at all,” Haden said. He looked over at me and smiled briefly, but his face took on a more serious tone. “I should get going back to the Saloon. I really do want to catch that band playing tonight.”

A part of me wanted to invite myself along, but the rational side of me insisted that it wouldn’t be a good idea.

“Of course,” I said, trying to keep my face bright.

“Walk me to my car?” he asked.

I hesitated for a second, and looked over at Sarah. She smiled and nudged me. “I’m going to help Huck load the bike,” she said. “I’ll meet you back at the car.”

I turned back to Haden and nodded. We walked slowly out through the dirt lot, making our way through the cars that were still there. Neither of us said anything, and I tried to keep my mind from over-thinking anything.

“Thanks for inviting me out tonight,” he said, glancing at me.

I shrugged. “It was Sarah that invited you,” I said.

“Technically,” he began. “But, I wouldn’t have come if you had told me not to.”

I grinned up at him. “I don’t think you gave me a chance to do so,” I said.

He laughed, softly. It was a beautiful laugh. “Well, I wasn’t going to make it easy for you,” he said.

I followed him up to a nice white BMW. He pulled some keys from his pocket, and pushed a button. The lights on the BMW flashed, and it chirped as the doors unlocked.

“This is
your
car?” I asked, surprised.

“It’s a rental,” he said. “It’s not quite my style, but the guy at the car place talked me into it.”

“A rental?” I said, confused. “Why are you driving a rental?”

He looked down at me with those intense eyes, but managed to keep himself neutral. “My car’s in California,” he said. “I left it there when I came out here.”

There it was, again. The hint of something more, something he was hiding. It felt like every time we talked, I was left with more questions than answers.

“So, you’re from California?” I asked.

He shrugged. “That’s where my car is. I’m actually from a small town in Missouri,” he said.

“I don’t understand,” I said. “So, what’s your car doing in California?”

He smiled at me, again, but didn’t say anything for a time. I could almost see the thoughts racing through his head, and I hoped he would finally open up. But that wasn’t the case.

“That’s a long story,” he said. “Maybe I’ll tell it some other time.”

I frowned and looked off at the ground. In a short time, Haden had managed to endear himself to me in a way I could have never expected. I was pained by what he might be hiding. I could see the concern in his face, and could tell that something was troubling him. He gave off the image of extreme confidence, but any time I pressed about his past, the defenses he had in place kicked in, and he shut down harder than rush hour traffic in Jersey.

“I’m sorry,” I said. “I won’t push if you don’t want me to - I just want to know more about you.”

His fingers reached up and touched my chin, lifting it until our eyes met. Electricity shot through me, and my skin tingled vibrantly. It hit me like a bolt of lightning through my chest. I could feel the gentleness of his skin on mine, even though it was the barest of contact. His look burned into me, and my soul felt like it was trying to escape through my chest. My lips trembled when he looked at them.

“When the time is right, I’ll tell you everything you want to know,” he said.

I couldn’t respond. I didn’t trust myself to say anything coherent. The breeze blew his hair into his face, and I realized that there was nothing else in the world that mattered in that moment. There was absolutely nowhere else I wanted to be, other than in his arms.

His eyes dipped down to my lips, again. I could feel him holding back - restraining himself from something. His finger slid along my cheek, and he brushed some of my own hair back behind my ear. As his finger slid along, I thought my knees were going to buckle, and I was going to collapse right there in front of him.

“I should get going,” he said, abruptly.

I breathed and pinched my lips together. Nodding once, I forced myself to look away so I didn’t do anything I might regret.

“Will I see you on Monday?” he asked.

I considered it for the briefest of seconds, then nodded. I’d made my decision. I wasn’t sure if I was making it for my own sake, or for his. All I knew, was that I was willing to take any chance to spend more time with this mysterious, tattooed, man. I knew that I was going to put myself outside of my comfort zone, but I knew that I didn’t have a choice in the matter.

It was something I had to do.

“Yeah,” I said, weakly. “I’ll be there.”

* * * * *

I watched until Haden’s taillights faded from the parking lot. I found Sarah waiting in her car, and I climbed in next to her. She gave me a long, questioning look.

“So…” she said. “How did it go?”

I grinned, and felt heat rushing to my cheeks. “It was nothing, I just walked him to his car.”

“Oh, please. I saw the way you two were looking at each other.”

My cheeks burned even hotter, but I didn’t say anything. Sarah threw the car into gear and we began the trip back home. I watched the stars as we drove, and was amazed by how bright they were. I’d spent so much time in the city that I’d forgotten just how amazing they looked. Out here in the country, with no skyscrapers and city lights to drown them out, the stars were brilliant.
 

“Huck looked great out there tonight,” Sarah said, after a while. I glanced at her, and saw the same goofy grin she’d been wearing all night.

“So, what’s going on there?” I asked. “When are you making your move?”

Her smile widened, and she glanced at me out of the corner of her eye. Through the dim lighting of the car’s cabin, I saw her cheeks flush.

“He kissed me,” she said.

It took me a second to register what she’d said, but when I did I spun toward her.

“What? When?”

“Earlier,” she said. “After you went off with Haden.”

“Why didn’t you say something?” I said. “Tell me all about it.”

Her grin widened even more, and she rolled her shoulder.

“It was sweet,” she said. “I totally didn’t expect it. He probably thinks I’m the most awkward kisser ever.”

“Don’t be silly,” I said. I regarded her for a moment. “I could tell something was different between you two, tonight. It was very different from the friction at the bar.”

She nodded. “We talked about it, today,” she said. “I apologized for being such a needy, crazy-person last night, and he told me it wasn’t a big deal.” She shrugged and thought about it some more. “That’s why I blew him the kiss,” she said. “After what you were telling me, it just felt right.”

I beamed at her for a moment. It was satisfying knowing that I was, at least, partially responsible for putting the smile on her face.

“So, is he a good kisser?” I asked. A giggle erupted from me. I’d expected her to join, but she didn’t.

Her smile faltered, for the first time, as she considered the question. Then, she nodded her head, cautiously.

“Yeah, I guess so,” she said, slowly.

I frowned at her.

“You
guess
so?” I asked, confused. “What do you mean?”

She shrugged her shoulders again. “I mean, it felt good.” She paused for a second as she looked at me again. “I’m not really too experienced in that department.”

I smiled at her. “So, you’re telling me…”

Her expression pained. “Green Falls is a really small place, is all.” She said it defensively, as justification for something.

Finally, what she was trying to say dawned on me. My little cousin had never been kissed, before. It came as a shock to me that I hadn’t even considered it. It wasn’t like I’d kissed a lot of guys, but the first one was always a big deal.

My smile widened. “Sarah, that’s so exciting, I had no idea,” I said.

“You don’t think he’ll think less of me, do you?” she asked, concern creeping into her voice. “I mean, we’re just friends, and we weren’t even on a date or anything. Is he going to think that I go around doing that with all the guys?”

I shook my head. “There’s no chance he’ll think less of you,” I reassured her. “It’s pretty obvious that he’s crazy about you.”

“But isn’t your first time supposed to be formal? I feel like it was such a surprise. One minute we were talking, and the next, we’re sucking each other’s faces.”

I laughed. “That’s
exactly
how it’s supposed to happen,” I said. “You can’t take all the fun out of it by making plans.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” she said.

Sarah was still living in that moment. I would have been jealous of the weightlessness she was feeling, right then, but I was feeling it, too. Haden and I hadn’t kissed, but it had been damn close. I could still feel where his finger had run along my chin, and I could still feel the energy of his touch vibrating through me.

“How do you tell if they’re a good kisser?” she asked, breaking the silence.

I shrugged my shoulders and thought about it. “You just know,” I said. “How did it feel when he kissed you?”

“Well, he looked deep into my eyes, and then he leaned in… and kissed me.” She gave me a sideways look. “It all happened so fast.”

I shook my head, grinning. “Don’t hold back on me now,” I said. “I need details. How long did it last? Was there tongue? Were his lips soft and gentle, or firm and controlling?”

Her lips dipped, horrified. “I didn’t know there was that much that went into it,” she said, glancing at me.

“Every kiss is different,” I said. “And how a guy kisses says a lot about him.”

“You’re so pretty, you must have a lot of guys trying to kiss you,” she said.

I wrinkled my nose at the thought about it. “Not really,” I said. “I’ve kissed a couple guys, but not many.” While my friendship with Sarah felt so natural, there were still things she didn’t know. Things that she only had a notion of, but hadn’t witnessed firsthand like I had, hadn’t
lived
it like I had. “It’s still pretty difficult for me to let anyone in,” I said. “After everything that happened.”

My stomach curdled when I even
considered
thinking about it. The horrors of my past were something I fought hard to keep down. They stayed tucked away, somewhere dark, imprisoned forever.

“That must have been hard on you,” Sarah said, all traces of her earlier excitement gone. “You, and your mother.”

I nodded. “She puts on a strong face,” I said. “But sometimes I still hear her crying at night.”

Sarah gave me a long look from the corner of her eye. I felt tears already pooling in my eyes, and I could see them in hers, too.

“If you ever want to…” she began, but I cut her off.

“I know,” I said. I gave her a look, and pinched my lips in a tight smile. “Thanks,” I said.

She nodded at me, and we drove on in silence for a while. It hadn’t been on purpose, but she had called up memories that were best left hidden away. Ever since
that
had happened, I’d told myself that I would never let another man hurt me. That was why I had a hard time letting them in. That was why I had never given myself to anyone, not fully, anyway. I had my own stuff to deal with. I had my mom to take care of. Even though she would never admit it, she leaned on me every bit as much as I leaned on her.