Ruined (The Seraphim Series Book 1) (19 page)

“Edna will bring up clothes with your tea. Benedict will bring more for you tomorrow.”

“That’s good.” She stood for a moment, awkwardly turning left and right on the spot. Azrael didn't seem to notice as he took his phone out of his pocket.

“Benedict,” he said, turning to look in Lilliah's direction. “Wait a moment,” he said into the phone, placing his hand over the speaker. “Do you need anything else, Lilliah?”

“No.” She shrugged slowly, realising that was her hint to leave the room. She tried to smile, but she wasn’t sure if it had really worked as she walked into the bathroom, locking the door behind her.

She ran the bath as deep as possible without spilling water over. All she needed was a deep, hot bubble bath and a cup of tea. Then she could go to sleep and try to forget the whole night had ever happened.

“Ouch,” she said, lowering her body into the hot water. Her back stung as she got lower. She gritted her teeth until the stinging had passed. There was no way she’d give up her bath, pain or not. She ran the bubbles over her arms, letting them clean the dust and dirt.

“I want to wash away the memory,” she said to no one in particular. Carefully, she ran her hand over her neck, letting the water wash away the dried blood.

She heard the door open and stopped moving, trying to listen. She could hear Edna's and Azrael’s muffled voices but couldn’t tell what they were saying. Giving up, she submerged herself fully in the water, letting it encase and warm her at the same time. For the first time that night, she didn’t think about Dena, or about Azrael. Instead, she just relaxed, not really thinking of anything.

She waited until she was all clean and her fingers were like prunes before she finally left the bathroom. Her hair had been washed and cleaned; the dust and dirt from the fire had been washed away. And her neck wound had been cleaned. Looking at her, no one would have guessed what a horrendous night she had just had. Wrapping the hotel’s white, fluffy dressing gown tightly around her waist, covering her naked body, Lilliah walked out into the bedroom, ready to face Azrael.

He sat on the bed, leaning forward, his elbows on his knees, lost in deep thought.

“Did Edna bring the clothes up?”

At first, Azrael didn’t reply; he just stared at her from across the room.

After a minute of silence, Lilliah decided to speak again. “I'm sorry about your house. We were running and Seb picked up this can and a lighter, and it all just happened really quickly.” She stopped, trying to gather her thoughts. What she’d just said had not sounded right. “We were running from Dena and it was the only weapon we could find.”

“I don't care about the goddamned house.”

She watched Azrael slowly stand and walk towards her.

“But, we burnt down your house.”

“I can buy any house anywhere in this world. It’s just bricks. But I nearly lost
you
tonight,” he whispered into her hair. Lilliah sighed as he lifted his hands, running his fingers around her neck and up through her hair. Her breath hitched as Azrael leant in that much closer, his eyes on fire.

“You were in danger. In my house. Because of someone I know.” He was furious, but Lilliah was delighted.

“How is any of this your fault?” she asked, running her hands over his arms, needing more contact with him. She hadn’t realised how much she needed his touch, how much it soothed her.

“You can’t shrug this off, Lilliah,” he said quietly, resting his forehead against hers. “You nearly died tonight. And once again, I wasn’t there to protect you.”

“No, you were out trying to find my mum,” she reminded him softly. “You can’t be everywhere.” She spied a pot of tea out the corner of her eye and smiled. “Come on and have a cup of tea,” she suggested, reaching up to hold his hand, not ready to lose the skin-to-skin contact.

“I didn’t know you liked tea,” he said, letting her pull him to the other side of the room.

“Tea's my favourite drink,” she shared, motioning for him to sit on the end of the bed. “How many sugars?”

“None, thank you.” Azrael didn’t smile; instead, he silently watched her pour the tea. “Are you okay?” he asked, still watching her closely.

“I'm fine now. Just really tired.”

“Then I should be the one serving you.” Gently, he pried her hands off the cup. “Edna brought a nightshirt up for you. It’s on the bed. Why don't you get changed?” he suggested.

Lilliah grabbed the white top off the bed and got changed in the bathroom. It was way too big and hung around her loosely, stopping just above her knees. It was plain but warm, and it would do, she decided, taking one last look in the mirror. Her hair was slowly air-drying and hung around her face. Grabbing a quick hair band from the side, she pulled it all back, keeping it away from her face and trying not to wince from her bruised scalp.

“I think I should cut my hair off,” she said, walking into the bedroom again, now feeling cosy in the dressing gown. “It keeps getting pulled.” She didn’t have to specify by whom.

“No. Don't cut it.” He handed her the tea. “I love your hair.”

“You do?” She smiled, a blush warming her cheeks. “But it’s getting to be more of a burden.”

It was obvious they were both avoiding something. Tension sizzled in the air between them as Lilliah sipped on her drink.

“We have to talk about what happened,” Azrael started, as if he were reading her mind. Lilliah agreed, turning her body so she was facing him. “I want to know everything that happened tonight. Leave no details out.”

“Okay, but can we get in bed?” she suggested. Not waiting for his answer, she stood and walked around the bed and got in. Slowly, she smiled innocently up at him as he did the same.

“You’re still wearing your clothes.” She pointed. “You won’t be comfortable in your trousers and top.” She wanted to jump on the bed as Azrael stood and slowly started to unbutton his shirt, revealing his perfect abs. Her breath died in her throat as she caught a glimpse of the markings on his back. They were magnificent and manly and just Azrael, she realised, trying to suppress the need to trace her fingers over them. He discarded his shirt and quickly turned to his trousers, stepping out of them and throwing them on the floor.

“You really do only wear black, don't you?” Lilliah gulped at his black underwear.

“Yes,” he said, getting into bed next to her.

“Why?” she asked, turning on her side.

“I like to blend in.” He shrugged, folding his hands under his head as he stared up at the ceiling. “I prefer to observe.”

“Why?” she pressed further.

“Because I do.” He laughed, turning to look at her. “Stop trying to distract me. I want to know what Dena did to you.”

“I'm not.” She knew she was. “What do you want to know?”

“Everything. Start from the beginning. Tell me what she said and what she did. I want to know it all.”

“Why?” she asked again. Wasn’t the fact that she had tried to kill her enough? Why did he need to know any more?

“Because I do. She walked into my house and tried to kill you, your brother, and your friend. I want to know it all so when I find her, I know what I’m killing her for.”

Lilliah gulped at the thought of more killing. She felt as if she had been surrounded by it recently. “So you are going to kill her then?”

“Of course.”

He made it sound like it was the obvious choice and that she was stupid to think otherwise. But Dena had been his friend. For a moment, Lilliah really wasn’t sure. “I was just wondering. You have known her for a long time.”

“Dena was a helping hand, nothing more. She was ruthless, brutal. There were a few occasions over the years where those particular traits came in useful.” Lilliah didn’t doubt it for a second. Dena was a killing machine. “She was unfeeling and would never ask questions, which is why I want to know: what did she do to you? I know what she's capable of.”

Dena had worked for Azrael. She had killed people for him. The revelation shouldn’t have been that surprising. She had never been told what kind of business Azrael dealt with, but she could have guessed. The strange men she had seen around the mansion. The half conversations she had heard between Azrael and Benedict. Dena had been his assassin, although Lilliah felt like her attack had been a little more personal.

“You used to be together.” She wasn’t asking. She knew the answer.

“It was never anything serious. She was nothing more than a passing distraction. My whole existence was about finding you. At the time, it was for the wrong reasons.”

“To kill me and use my blood,” she clarified without hesitation. She had become so used to the idea of people killing her for her blood that it was a little scary.

“Yes,” he agreed, turning to look into her eyes. “And she fit into that plan. I knew Benedict never agreed with it. But because of his oath to me, he stuck around and would have done anything I asked him to. But I never did. Dena, on the other hand . . . Dena was the one who wanted blood, no matter whose it was, so she helped me track you.”

“I can imagine.” She didn’t want all the images of Dena and Azrael swirling through her head, but there they were, and they made her want to gag. “She made it sound like it was more. She said that you used to lie in bed talking about how you wanted to kill me.”

Azrael’s body stiffened. “There was a time when all I could think about was killing you. I was deranged and completely engrossed with the idea of getting into Heaven again. I promised her a few drops of your blood. It would have given her a few extra years.”

Lilliah listened silently, her heart thumping in her chest and tears burning the back of her eyes.

“There were times when yes, we did sleep together. But she is nothing—just a face, a distraction. The only thing we had in common was wanting to kill you.” He turned his body so he was now facing her. “You have to believe me, Lilliah. I have never and will never love her.”

Finally, Lilliah let out a breath. She’d needed to hear him say it.

“Please, believe me when I say, anyone who lays one finger on you or hurts you in any way, I will obliterate.” She believed him. “So tell me from the beginning, what did she do to you?”

Lilliah started from the beginning, telling him move for move what Dena had said and done, trying not to shiver at the memory as the whole violent night came crashing back to her.

“I'm going to rip her limb from limb.” Azrael seethed, jumping from the bed to pace once Lilliah had finally finished telling him everything. “I'm going to make it my main priority to personally ruin her. I'll make her suffer, scream, and beg me to stop.” Lilliah sat up in the bed, watching him seethe and pace. “I left you. I put you in danger,” she could hear him mutter to himself.

“It wasn’t your fault, Azrael,” she defended, crawling to the side of the bed and kneeling. “It was your house. I had been safe there before.”

“I knew what Dena was capable of. I knew and I still left you. Dena must have heard me tell Benedict. She knew you would be left alone, defenceless.”

“But that's not your fault. You said yourself you've been working with her for years. You could never have known what she would do! You can't keep blaming yourself for things you cannot control.”

“Lilliah.” Azrael stopped pacing and moved in front of her, grabbing the tops of her arms. “This is my fault. I left you. In the hands of a vampire.” He  let the words sink in. “You should be dead. All of you should be dead. She was stronger, faster, and has done it all before.”

“But I’m not!” she screamed, getting annoyed with Azrael’s self-hatred. “And this isn’t your fault. None of it is. This is Dena's fault.” She reached up, locking her arms around his neck and forcing his head down until it was inches from hers. “I'm fine,” she whispered, crashing her lips to his and pulling him down on the bed.

“I promise you, I’ll find Dena.” He stared into her eyes, still breathing heavily from the kiss.

“I know.”

They lay in the bed not talking. Lilliah was just enjoying being close to him, enjoying the quietness.

“What happens when all of this is over?” Azrael looked up, his brows creasing in a deep frown.

“When what is over?”

“All of it. Finding Mum, killing Dena, finding whoever is after me. What do we do once it's all over?” Azrael sat up, leaning on his elbows.

“Will it ever be over?”

“Of course. We'll find your mother and whoever is after you. Then, well, it’s up to you what you do next.”

Lilliah digested what he was saying, the words “what you do next” ringing over and over again.

“What I do next? So you'll just leave?” She stared up at him, horrified for a moment, her heart beating furiously in her chest.
Oh, please, please don't let this be happening,
she silently prayed.

“What? No!” He laughed, dragging her across the space between them and into his arms, locking them around her to keep her close. “How could you even think that? I’ve been searching for you for years. I'm never letting you go.”

The words were enough to sedate her fears. She snuggled into his chest, trying to get as close as possible.

“You know”—she laughed once Azrael had turned out the nightlight and they were in the dark—“I'm not sure how I’m going to explain you to my mum.” She smiled as the rumble from his laugh gently shook her body.