Rule (35 page)

“Hey.”

The
corners of her mouth pulled down and my mom flat out ignored me.  “Hey.  Let’s
go inside I’m freezing.”  She let my mom pull her along and a little sliver of
anger started to spark under my skin but this wasn’t about me so I tried to
stamp it down as my dad cupped me on the back of the neck and gave me a little
shake.  It was a gesture that made me feel like I was ten years old again which
was funny since I was about six inches taller than him now.

“This
is a good thing for all of us kiddo.  Just be patient and we’ll all get better
at being a solid unit again.”

“It’s
just dinner dad.  Let’s not get ahead of ourselves.”

“Well
we have to walk before we run, son and as of now the Archer’s are barely
managing a staggering limp.  All we can do is move forward.”

I
didn’t know what to say to that so I just kept my mouth shut and watched Shaw’s
shapely form as the hostess guided our group to a table in the back of the
building.  My mom was jabbering nonstop at her and she was occasionally nodding
and making noises of agreement but what she wasn’t doing at all was looking at
me or acknowledging me in anyway.  The anger was starting to turn from a
smolder to a burn and if something didn’t break soon I was going to do
something I was bound to regret later.  When we sat at the table I ended up
sandwiched between my brother and my girlfriend, one was looking at me
warningly the other was watching me with eyes shrouded in sadness and
accusation, two things I didn’t understand and was ready to say the hell with
it to get answers about.  I never got the chance because as soon as I turned to
Shaw the waitress appeared and we were busy ordering drinks and my mom once
again high jacked all Shaw’s attention.

Just
to test the waters of how deep I was in I put a hand on her thigh under the
table and felt her tense at my touch.  I waited for her to move or to pry it
off with her own hand but she never even stopped the flow of conversation with
my mom.  It was obvious that they had missed each other and I felt a stab of
guilt that Shaw had missed out on a relationship she obviously appreciated
because of her loyalty and feelings for me.  I let my dad and brother draw me
into a conversation about the Broncos and kept an eye on Shaw as we ordered
dinner.  She never moved my hand but she never once looked my way either and I
just didn’t know what to make of it.  I was grateful however that as long as my
mom was focused on her she didn’t so much as bat an eyelash in my direction
allowing the dinner to go as smooth as it could considering the circumstances
and hostile undercurrents.  Dad ordered a bottle of champagne with dessert and
before it showed up my mom got up to use the restroom finally giving Shaw a
chance to turn and look at me.  When she did her mouth was tight and her super
light eyebrows were furrowed over her eyes.

“We
need to talk.”

My
own eyebrows shot up so hard they pulled against the hoops pierced there. 
“That’s kind of hard to do when you won’t answer the phone when I call you and
you make up lame ass excuses night after night to avoid spending time with me.”

I
saw her flinch and she leaned closer so that our heads were bent near one
another.  She hissed in a tone low enough that only I could hear, “Well excuse
me for not knowing what to say to you considering the last time we didn’t talk
for a few days you stuck your tongue down the first willing girl’s throat.  I
don’t know what’s going on with you, but I feel like you’re turning into a
stranger and I hate it.”

I
scowled at her and tightened my fingers on her leg.  “Do you trust me at all? 
Geez Shaw maybe I was just trying to be a better boyfriend, one that doesn’t
flip out over stupid shit all the time and one that isn’t in jail while your
psycho ex is still on the prowl?  Maybe I was trying to act right for a change. 
I was trying to be the kind of guy you deserve.”

She
blew out a hard breath through her clenched teeth and her emerald colored eyes
sharpened with an anger that I was surprised to see burned as hot as mine. 
“Maybe you should have asked me before deciding what I deserve, Rule.  Maybe I
liked the you that flips out over stupid shit.  Maybe I miss the you that is
passionate enough about me, about my safety to risk going to jail over my
psycho ex and I sure as hell never asked for you to be a better boyfriend, in
fact the boyfriend of the last week has done nothing but make me confused and
sad.”

I
don’t think either of us realized that we had raised our voices or that we now
had a captive audience.  In fact it took my mom making a noise low in her
throat like a wounded animal as she wobbled on her heels next to her chair to
get our attention.  She was looking between me and Shaw with huge eyes and had
a hand pressed hard into her chest.  My dad looked far less surprised but
worried about my mom as usual.

“What
did you just call him?”

Shaw
looked at my mom then back at me.  She sighed and answered softly like she was
afraid the news would shatter the woman before her.  “Rule had I have been
seeing each other for a little over a month now.  I told him he needed to stop
acting like he needed to be someone else to be a better boyfriend.”  She turned
to look at me and I could see her doing some kind of internal warfare with
herself.  Finally she sucked in a deep breath and turned back to my mom.  “I’ve
been in love with him since I was thirteen, Margot.”

I
went still at her confession and felt everything inside me turn to jelly.  She
loved me.  This perfect, wonderful, kind young woman loved me and had for a
long time.  I didn’t know where to put that because my mom started blinking
back tears and for the first time that night turned her attention to me.

“It’s
not enough that you took Remy’s life?  You had to take the girl he loved from
him too?”

Stunned
silence landed on the table like a ton of bricks.  My instinct was to push away
from the table and storm out of the restaurant but I couldn’t because Shaw clamped
a hand over mine on her leg and my dad and Rome both leapt to their feet in
outrage.  “Margot!”  “Mom!”  Voices were raised and the other patrons in the
restaurant were starting to pay all kinds of attention to the scene we were
making but I was too stunned to care.  I heard Shaw say my name, felt my
brother put his hand on my shoulder but I just wasn’t there, at least I wasn’t
there until Shaw climbed to her feet put her fingers in her mouth and let out a
whistle that has us all looking at her in shock.  She put her hands on the
table and leaned forward so that she was talking directly to my mom but she
made eye contact with all of us.

“Everyone
shut up,” she pointed a finger at my mom and narrowed her eyes.  “Listen to me
Margot and for once you need to hear what I’m saying.  I loved Remy, still do
but we were never
in
love.  He knew how I felt about Rule and at times
both encouraged and discouraged it but at the end of the day he knew we don’t
necessarily choose who we fall in love with.”  She took a deep breath and I
watched her chest rise and fall.  She was struggling with something, something
big if the flush on her face and the way her hands balled into fists were any
indication.  “Remy had secrets, I know you boys were close, that you all loved and
respected each other but Remy was different than the two of you and he just
didn’t know how to tell you.  He thought that maybe it was best for everyone to
just let all of you assume we were a couple because of how hard Dale and Margot
were on Rule and all he did was tattoo himself and wear his hair all crazy.” 
She turned so that she was fully facing me and I saw she had tears in her eyes
and that her bottom lip was trembling.  I wanted to wrap her up in a hug and
make it all better but even in my emotional shell shock I was experiencing I
knew her words were about to change my world forever.

 “I
promised him and I owed him so much, I swore on my life I would never tell
anyone,” she let her gaze skip around the table and land on all of us.  “Remy
was gay.  He was my best friend, my surrogate family but he was a homosexual. 
He was involved in a serious relationship with a guy named Orlando Fredrick
that he met his last year playing ball.  That was the real reason he moved to
Denver after school, Lando goes to DU as well.”

Disbelief
foreign and cold snaked up my spine.  Rome let out a string of nasty words and
my mom started bawling in earnest.  Shaw turned sad eyes in my direction and I
looked at her like I had never seen her before.

“No
way.  He would have told me.”

She
shook her head, sending white and black hair sliding across her shoulders.  “He
wanted to but he was worried you wouldn’t understand his desire to keep it
quiet.  He was scared you would push him to come out.  It was never about
worrying how you would react, he just knew it would kill Margot.”

“We
were twins god damnit.  He would have told me.”

“Rule.”

I
pushed away from the table and glared down at her.  “This is bullshit.”

Rome
got to his feet as well and I noticed he was looking at Shaw with hard eyes as
well.  “You don’t need to make up lies about the deceased to try and fix things
for Rule.  That’s desperate and uncalled for Shaw.”

Tears
trailed down her face as she looked back and forth between us she opened her
mouth to say something but was cut off by my dad clicking his spoon against the
side of his champagne glass.

“Alright
everybody sit down and shut the hell up.”  He cut a hard look at my mom and
pointed to the seat she had vacated moments ago.  She looked like she was going
to faint and she looked about as happy to sit next to Shaw as she did when I
stopped by a few weeks ago.  I sat back down begrudgingly but surprisingly Rome
was the hold out.  He hovered by the back of his chair until my dad glared at
him and pointed, “Ass in the chair solider.”

Shaw
was crying next to me and now instead of wanting to comfort her all I wanted to
do was get as far away from her as possible.  My dad cleared his throat and
crossed his arms on the table.

“Things
in this family have been in shambles for a long time.  There has been too much
dishonesty and too much subterfuge for everyone’s sake and I’m done trying to
sweep it all under the rug just to keep my wife happy because she isn’t, none
of us are.”  He rubbed a hand over his chin and suddenly he looked a hundred
years older than he actually was.  “Margot don’t pretend to not know that the
way you’ve been treating Rule these last few years is cruel and uncalled for. 
I lost my son the same as you and I’m done watching you try and turn the remaining
one into a stranger or into someone that hates us.  He’s a good boy; he works
hard, loves his family and clearly has qualities that are good enough for our
girl to appreciate.  I’m finished with freezing him out.  We both know Shaw has
been in love with him since she was a kid, we saw the way she watched him, the
way she defended him and don’t think for one second I didn’t notice that’s why
you were always trying to shove her in Remy’s direction.”  He heaved a sigh
that seemed like it came all the way from my youth and looked at me and Rome. 
“Shaw isn’t lying to you boys.  Your brother did in fact live an alternative
lifestyle.  He might not have wanted your mother and me to know about it but
teenagers are crap liars and he wasn’t exactly as discrete with it as he might
have thought.”  He slid a sideways look at my mom while Rome and I gave each
other shocked looks.  “Margot thought it was a phase that’s the main reason she
was so eager to welcome Shaw into our home and family.  At first she was
convinced you were going to change him, make him like girls or more
specifically like you but like I said it was pretty obvious your interest was
in Rule and there was no way even if he had been straight that he would have
done that to you.  After a while we just adored you so much and saw how much
love you were missing and how much you had to give that we couldn’t let you go
even though I never approved of the way Rem let everyone just believe there was
more between you two than friendship.”

I
growled.  “He would have told me.”  I smacked the flat of my hand on the table
and my dad glared at me.

“No
son, he wouldn’t have.  Remy struggled with it, he struggled with who he was
supposed to be verses who everyone else thought he was and that’s not something
you’ve ever done.  You’ve always owned you, and screw anyone that didn’t like
it.”

I
looked at Shaw and then at the table.  I had tried to change for her and it had
been an epic failure.  I climbed to my feet again and let my gaze fall on my
mom.

“I
don’t understand why you’ve never been able to love me the way I am when you
obviously had the capacity to love him regardless of his choices.  It just
doesn’t make sense.  I need to get out of here.”

“I’m
with you.”  Rome looked as wild I was feeling on the inside.  I looked down
when soft hand clasped around my forearm.  I flinched involuntarily and I think
I actually saw her heart break in her eyes.

“Rule,”
her voice was a broken whisper.  “I’m sorry.”  She let me go and I almost
couldn’t talk over the lump in my throat.

“I
understand what you meant about those closest to you hurting you the most now. 
I’ll be in touch.”  But as Rome and I hurried out of the restaurant I wasn’t
sure I was telling her the truth and I refused to think about how much walking
away from her like this hurt.

Shaw

It had been three weeks give or
take a day with no contact from Rule.  No text messages, no phone calls, no
e-mails, no carrier pigeons, just a whole lot of silence and heartbreak on my
end.  Rome hadn’t even returned my calls or texts telling him goodbye and that
I would miss him while he was gone.  He had left for the desert mad at me and
as upsetting as that was the daily battle I had with myself to call Rule and
beg him to forgive me, to plead with him to understand that it was never my
secret to tell regardless of our relationship was soul crushing.  Ayden kept
saying he would cool off and come around while Margot and Dale firmly believed
he wasn’t going to speak to any of us ever again.  They were in the same boat
as me, neither of the boys was speaking to them and Margot had nearly had a
nervous breakdown when Rome had refused to allow them to drive him down to Fort
Carson for his send off, instead the brothers went together leaving the rest of
us out in the cold.