Rules of Entanglement (25 page)

Two words. Three syllables. Nine letters.

Something so small shouldn’t have such a tremendous power over him. Shouldn’t be able to bring him to his metaphorical knees or make him want to climb mountains if she asked.

But it did. And it felt…right.

Jax took her mouth and then her body. He wanted as much of himself in her as possible. To mark her. Brand her. Claim her.

They moved as one, as though they’d made love thousands of times rather than only a handful. And this time they were connected more than just physically. Everything about being with her like this felt different, more intimate, more…just
more
.

Holding himself up on one forearm, he let his other hand roam. Over her breast, down her side, her hip. A quick squeeze of her ass, then down the outside of her thigh before hooking under her knee and pulling it forward to allow him in that little bit more.

Their kiss broke off as they both needed more air. Her hands found his back and her nails found his skin. When he dragged his teeth down the cord in her neck and bit, he felt a shudder ripple through her.

As he continued to pump into her, their hands and mouths and tongues and teeth explored every inch they could reach. Somewhere along the way he’d lost his mind, unable to gather a coherent thought to save his life. Their movements became more feverish, the coming together of their bodies more explosive. It was like a runaway train heading toward the unfinished bridge that would send them careening into space before they knew what had happened.

But Jax didn’t want that. He wanted to be aware of every passing second, to hear every hitch of her breath and see every emotion on her face.

He deliberately slowed his rhythm and lifted his head to peer down at her.

“No,” she whined. “Faster. So close!”

“I know, baby. I’ll get you there.” She opened her mouth to argue or maybe even beg, but he cut her off. “Vanessa, trust me. Let me make love to you.”

She drew the center of her lip between her teeth for a moment then nodded her head.

Though the pace had lessened, the intensity had not. He thrust hard and still hit deep. Her heat and the way her body gripped his cock on every withdrawal killed him over and over again. It was the sweetest death he hoped to never survive.

“You’re so fucking perfect, you know that?”

Her eyes filled with tears until they spilled over her temples. She grabbed onto the back of his neck, her fingers splaying into the hair at his nape. “Jackson, I think I might… Oh, God, I think I—”

“Shhh. No more words, baby.” He was pretty sure he knew what she’d been trying to say, and though he wanted to hear her say it more than he wanted his next breath, he wouldn’t handle it well if later she told him it was a heat-of-the-moment thing. Those words should never be uttered for the first time during sex. Ever. “Feel my skin on yours. Feel me inside you. Feel how perfect you fit me. Just feel, okay?”

Again she nodded, losing more tears. Jax adjusted his position, lifting up slightly to make sure his weight wasn’t crushing her. When she gasped on his next thrust, he realized he’d found the bull’s-eye. Keeping the slow and steady pace, he hit it again. And again. And again. Each time pushing her closer and closer to that waterfall edge, and each time feeling himself follow her that much more.

Her eyes started to drift closed as the tension consumed her. “Keep them open, Vanessa. Watch me. I want to look into your eyes when I make you come. I want to see you acknowledge who does this to you, who makes you feel this way.”

She didn’t argue, didn’t deflect. She simply obeyed. And knowing she did so, no matter how far from her comfort zone it led her, was the last addition to his perfect storm for both of them.

This time Vanessa’s cry stuck in her throat. Her body tensed, eyes widened and lips parted, but nothing came out. She was a living, silent work of art. The feel of her pussy milking him hurtled him over the edge, and with one last drive forward, he buried himself as far as he could go and spilled himself deep inside, branding her the way she had already branded herself on his heart.

…

As they lay on the blanket, her back to his chest and legs intertwined, Vanessa released a long exhale and snuggled into him a little more.

“You know,” she said, her eyes still closed and a lazy grin on her face, “the last few days have been great. But today…” Her head turned, her bright green eyes searching his. “Today has been absolutely perfect. Thank you so much for this.”

Bending his head, he placed a tender kiss on her swollen lips. “Believe me, it’s been my pleasure.”

Jax tightened his arms around her, wanting to obliterate any space between them as if it could prevent her from putting it there once he dropped the bomb he had to tell her.

There’d been plenty of times in Jax’s life he
should
have been nervous. When he was eighteen and had to appear before the court to fight for his right of legal guardianship over Lucie, he’d been prepared to win. When he picked up at the age of twenty-three and moved halfway around the world on his own, he’d been determined to start fresh. Before every professional match in his career, he’d been hungry for the fight. But he’d never allowed himself to feel nervous in any of those situations. He believed in mind over matter and in being in control of his own destiny.

And telling Vanessa that he wanted more from her—that he wanted a shot at something real with her—was no different than any of those. He loved her. Convincing her of his feelings and to listen to her heart instead of her rules was a challenge he was confident he could win.

There was only one thing standing in his way. One thing that had the potential to take that “win” and blow it right out of the water.

His lie.

And
that
’s where the nerves came in. For the first time in his adult life he was more afraid of
losing
a “forever” relationship than getting in one.

He should’ve confessed the truth to her a dozen times over the last five days. In the beginning, he’d been worried about pissing her off or pissing his sister off. But after kissing her that first night, he’d been afraid of pushing her away. Of losing something he couldn’t even identify at the time. All he’d known was he didn’t want to take the chance, and that hopefully he could win her over enough so that her feelings for him overshadowed his deception.

And now that the time was here, he held on to that hope with both fists as he pushed open the door to the lion’s den.

“Vanessa,” he finally forced past the lump in his throat. “I want to talk to you about something, but I want you to let me finish before you say anything.”

“No interruptions? You’re asking quite a lot of me, big guy.”

He kissed her shoulder. “I have faith in you.”

She shifted on the blanket until she lay fully on her back, but the sun glaring across her face caused her to squint and lift a hand for protection. Jax propped himself up on his elbow to cast her in his shadow. Being able to look down on her was simply a bonus.

Lowering her arm, she sighed dramatically. “My hero.”

His smile matched hers. Easy and carefree, the way a smile should be. He’d never seen her more beautiful than she was at that moment. Areas of her body glowed pink where his beard had irritated her skin the way she loved, dark pink nipples showed signs of his mouth’s attention, and true contentment shone in her half-lidded eyes and lazy grin.

But the sexiest thing ever was his bite mark in the front of her hip. He traced the red outline with his finger and felt a shudder run through her body.

Mine.

“I love seeing my marks on your skin, you know that?”

She bit the corner of her lip and gave a slight nod. He captured her chin and used his thumb to free her lip before tracing it once, twice. “If it weren’t for the wedding in a couple of days, I’d have marked you so everyone could see it. So they know you belong to me.”

Jax knew he took a big risk using dominant phrases with a woman like Vanessa. In her daily life she prided herself on her independence. On being in charge of herself and her life. On submitting to no one, especially a man. And he loved that about her. Her spunk, her drive, her stubborn streak. They were all things he found incredibly attractive.

But he needed her to understand she didn’t always have to be that way. It wasn’t completely who she was, but rather the way she’d built herself to be for her own protection. With him, she could let her guard down and let him take the lead. Trust in him to always take care of her, to know her needs and her wants, and know he’d always be loyal.

“I’ve never belonged to anyone,” she said softly. “Not even my mother. Not really, anyway.”

“That’s because there’s never been anyone in your life worthy enough to claim you.”

“And you?” She reached up and placed her hand along his cheek. “You are worthy enough?”

“Hell no,” he said, grabbing her fingers and pressing a warm kiss to the center of her palm. “But I promise I’ll always give you what you need. And whether you’re calling the shots or I am, you’ll always come first.”

A mischievous grin sprouted and her eyes twinkled. “I definitely like the sound of that last part.”

He chuckled, catching her meaning. “That’s not what I meant—which you well know—but, yes, in that respect as well. I couldn’t count myself a man otherwise.”

“Certainly not
my
man, that’s for sure,” she said, laughing.

She hadn’t said it—not really—but it was so close that his heart tripped over itself. He sobered and gazed deeply into her eyes. He needed to hear her say it. At least once before he ruined everything. “Am I yours, V?”

Jax saw the warring thoughts behind those deep green pools. Walls of tears gathered, and yet nothing fell from the corners when she blinked and a heavy sigh escaped her lips. His gut twisted into a mass of knots and his entire body tensed.

Just as he feared the worst, she whispered, “I can’t think of anything I want more.”

He’d never anticipated hearing such sweet words. His heart pounded so hard he felt the vibrations in his ribs. Smiling like a complete idiot, he prepared to kiss her breathless.

She held a hand up between them. “But—”

“No,” he said firmly. “No ‘buts.’ We can hash out details and logistics and whatever else later. What matters is how we feel and that we want to be together.”

That I love you.
But he couldn’t say it out loud yet, even though he felt it in the very marrow of his bones. So much had happened so fast. What they just said was a huge step for both of them. When they finally reached the point of admitting to love, it would be monumental, and he wanted the moment to be perfect.

“Okay,” she said. “No ‘buts’…yet.”

“Fair enough.” And with that, he kissed her breathless. Arms and legs wrapped around each other, hands stroked, tongues danced. Adrenaline from the victory coursed through his veins like a potent drug.

He hated to lose that feeling, and yet he knew it was time for the last part of the conversation. The part that could irrevocably shatter everything he’d just gained.

Drawing back, he pressed his forehead to hers. One side of her face was cushioned by the inside of his upper arm, the other side framed with his free hand. The knots and tension crept back into the fibers of his muscles, causing them to burn like he’d just worked the bags at the gym.

“Hey,” she whispered. “What’s wrong? You’ve gone all hard on me. And not in a good way.”

“There’s something else I need to tell you.”

“You’re not looking to bring Jilli into this equation, are you? Because I’ve gotta tell you, as hot as she is, I’m extremely selfish where you’re concerned, and I refuse to share.”

Despite his nerves threatening to give him a stroke, he actually chuckled. “Never. You’re more than enough for me,
pupule wahine
.”

“I keep forgetting to ask someone what that means. Are you ever going to tell me?”

“Maybe someday. The literal translation kind of ruins the beauty of the words. Why, don’t you like it?”

She shrugged her shoulder. “It sounds pretty, and I like that it’s something you only use with me.” Black lashes narrowed over green eyes. “Right?”

“Only you, I promise.”

“Then I guess I can wait. Or maybe I’ll remember to ask a native,” she finished with a sly grin. “Now, what is it you wanted to tell me?”

Jax took a deep breath and let it out, trying to release his tension without success. “Remember our encounter at the airport?”

“How could I forget?” she said wryly.

“I went there expecting… Well, I’m not really sure. But I sure as hell wasn’t expecting a fiery Scot who refused to be charmed and made it a point to call me out on my bullshit.”

“You underestimated me. That was your first mistake,” she said very matter-of-factly with a single haughty brow raised. He’d found her arrogance sexy back then, and he found it the same now.

“You’re right. But I made a much bigger mistake after that. It’s just that I’d never met anyone like you. You intrigued the hell out of me, and when you tried taking your bag back and you fell into me, I lost it. It was like a switch that I didn’t even know I had got flipped, and I wanted—no,
needed
—to spend time with you.”

He closed his eyes briefly, ordering himself to continue when all he wanted to do was forget the whole thing as he buried himself deep inside her again and again. But starting something based on a lie was destined to crumble, whether it was a month from now or in ten years.

“You dismissed me, V. Said good-bye and that you’d see me at the wedding, so I—”

A short, tinny melody played from the direction of his backpack. He recognized it as the text message alert on her phone. She reached over to grab it from the side pocket, but he held her arm. “Don’t worry about it. You can check it later.”

“Jax, what if it’s Robért with a wedding emergency? Lucie and Reid will be here tomorrow and if everything isn’t taken care of, she’s liable to have a panic attack. It’ll just take a second.”

She planted a firm kiss on his mouth and then rolled over to retrieve the phone. He blew out a heavy breath and ran a hand through his hair. He felt like he’d been trying to tell her the truth for two hours instead of two minutes. Confessions fucking sucked.