Rumble Road (14 page)

I know for me, though, on the road I’m all about business. I’m all about eating well, sleeping well, and training. That’s how I feel like I’ve kept myself healthy and strong. I don’t take shopping trips or do any of that girlie stuff on the road.

It’s funny, though, because since my character is very aggressive on the show and pretty mean, when I meet people I think they’re surprised I’m not trying to eat their face off. Obviously, unless I’m competing in the ring, I have no reason to stomp around and punch people. But for myself, personally, the single most annoying icebreaker line that I get all the time is, “Hey, do you work out?” I get this from men and women, mostly men, of course, and I get it constantly at the gym. I’ll be lifting heavy weights, and in the middle of my workout, someone will come over with the “Hey, do you work out?” line. They’ll be like, “Are you a bodybuilder or something?” I always want to say something like, “No, I’m a baker.” It’s just one of those things where you know people mean well, but it’s the silliest thing on earth to say. It’s actually become somewhat of a big joke to me now, just because I get it so much. So I take it with a grain of salt and politely explain to people what I do for a living. It’s so funny, though, because I can see people staring at me, and I can see them kind of start creeping over, and I already know what they’re going to say. And nine times out of ten, there it is, “Do you work out?”

On the flip side, it really means a lot to me when little kids come up to me and want to talk to me because that’s what I got in this business to do, to be an inspiration to the little guys. That’s what wrestling was for me growing up. It wasn’t just this great form of entertainment. I was really inspired to become a better person and to listen to the messages the Superstars said. It was also a time of great bonding for myself and my family when I was growing up, so for now, to be a part of that, and to be able to work for WWE and to have the honor and pleasure to see my picture on the side of the trucks when I drive up to the building . . . It never ceases to blow my mind to see my face on the back of the truck and working for WWE, when I used to have Stone Cold and Bret Hart and the British Bulldog and Lex Luger pictures plastered all over my walls as a kid. Now, here I am, I get to be one of those faces. It’s pretty incredible.

Get the Horns

R-Truth

I travel with a bunch of different people, sometimes Jimmy Wang Yang or Jeff Hardy, sometimes Shane Helms or Vladimir Kozlov. It alternates. But I remember one day a few of us were driving and I saw a cow on the side of the road. I made a comment to Brian Kendrick that if he pulled over, I would jump out and go ride that cow. He didn’t even need to think about it. Next thing I know, he pulls a U-turn in the middle of the street, and we’re headed back to the cow. So I had to do it now. Only thing is, when I got out of the car and started walking toward it, it turned around, and it wasn’t a cow . . . it was a bull! It started huffing at us and looking mean, so we all jumped back in the car and got out of there. That was one of the weirdest things I’ve ever seen. I never thought I’d get that close to a bull.

When we left, Vladimir turned to me and said, “You picked the wrong target.”

JBL = Crazy

D’Lo Brown

I remember this one time I was in a car with Taka and Mark Henry. We were up in Newfoundland. It was around midnight, and we were making a two-hour drive between cities. All I remember about the road was that it was about as desolate a highway as you could find, and it was pitch black. I’m doing like 80 mph because I want to get to the hotel, then all of a sudden I get bumped. I look up in my mirror, and it’s Bradshaw, and he’s cackling in the driver’s seat, and sitting next to him is Ron Simmons. Taka was asleep in the back, and he bursts up, looks behind him to see Bradshaw, and yells, “Oh no, Bradshaw, that guy is crazy!” So now we’re at this high-speed run at about 110 mph, and Bradshaw is still bumping us from behind. Taka turned white as a sheet, Mark Henry is just sitting there laughing, and I’m panicking thinking we’re going to roll the car or smash into something. The funniest part of the whole race was Taka’s reaction. “Bradshaw, he’s crazy!” That’s all Taka kept saying, even when we finally made it back to the hotel. And he’s right, Bradshaw is crazy.

The Little Man Is a
Little (Lot) Weird

Tommy Dreamer

I was sharing a room with a guy, and he was single, and he ended up bringing a girl back to the room with him. We were also sharing a room with Hornswoggle at the time, but I got to the room first and just threw a bunch of pillows on the floor next to my bed and fell asleep before anyone else had gotten to the room. Anyway, this guy comes in the room with the girl, and they start “hanging out,” when all of a sudden Hornswoggle popped up from underneath the bed. I never knew he was there, the other guy didn’t know he was there, and obviously the girl didn’t know he was there, so we all started screaming. And the way Hornswoggle popped up, it looked like he was coming from under the bed, just like he does when he’s hiding under the ring for one of our shows. He really scared the crap out of all of us.

But that’s not all. For some reason, maybe because he’s weird, Hornswoggle will get up in the middle of the night, take a pillow, and go sleep on the cold floor in the middle of the bathroom. He says he likes it really, really cold. So when I would get up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, I would see a dead little manatee on the floor, and it would be Hornswoggle, ’cause that’s what he looks like. There was even this one time when I went to go to the bathroom and Hornswoggle was asleep on the toilet bowl, ’cause he’s just a weird little man.

What a Drag

Maria

One time I got to the building early, so I figured I’d go sign some autographs. I put my bags down, because no one was around except for the guys driving the big WWE trucks. Unfortunately, the driver wanted to go and he didn’t see my luggage, so he backs over my luggage, and the fans are screaming, “He’s running over your luggage!” I turn around, and my bags are getting dragged down the street by the truck. Thank God my dog wasn’t with me or that would’ve been a whole other problem. I probably would’ve killed the guy. Luckily, I left my dog home that trip so he avoided getting run over by our huge semi.

Wrestling’s Number-One
Sports Fan

MVP

One of the toughest parts about being on the road so much is trying to keep up with the scores of my favorite sports teams. I’m a lifelong Raiders fan. It breaks my heart the way they’ve been playing, but I bleed silver and black. And oddly enough, growing up in Miami when Miami didn’t have a baseball team or a basketball team or a hockey team, I ended up becoming a fan of all the New York teams because when we got cable TV, we ended up getting all of New York’s programming. My mom’s friend’s husband used to sit me on the couch back when I was in second grade, and we’d watch the Yankees, the Rangers, and the Knicks. And my teams have been my teams since I was little. I’m not a bandwagon fan. I stay true to my teams, and you can tell that just by the fact that I’m a Raiders fan and a Knicks fan at the same time. It’s torture. Another team I’m really into is Manchester United of the English Premier League. I get a lot of flak for that because Manchester United is like the Yankees of the English Premier League. People in Manchester don’t even root for Manchester United. I even came out on
Raw
one night with a Manchester United jersey on. I got into a little trouble for that, but they’re my team.

So while I’m on the road, I have constant score updates on my BlackBerry, then when I get to the hotel I’ll catch the highlights on ESPN. I’m constantly pulling up scores and highlights online. And in terms of college sports, I’m a die-hard Miami Hurricanes fan . . . I see a national title in our future.

But man, back to the Raiders, Rey Mysterio and I always have our friendly wagers, because he’s a big Chargers fan and the Raiders play the Chargers twice a year. But because the Raiders have been so bad for so long now, I’m so far in the hole to him, I don’t think I can ever get out. We usually bet a hundred bucks a game. Lucky we only play twice a year. We’re so bad I can’t even talk trash. I just hand him my money. I wouldn’t even mind losing if the Raiders played tough like the old days. Maybe they’d lose, but people at least feared them. They lost that mystique a long time ago. I don’t think the Raiders will rise again until Al Davis dies. It’s sad to say, but it’s the truth.

Will the Real Rey Please
Stand Up?

Rey Mysterio

I always put my mask on about half a block before I pull up to the building. That way, when I drive up to the arena, I have my mask on. Just recently, though, we were wrestling at a casino and I was the last guy to leave the building. I was by myself that day, and I walked out without my mask on, put my bags in the car, and I heard some fans out there who were yelling, “Rey! Rey! Please sign!” So I walked over and signed autographs for everybody, and eventually I ran into this little boy whose parents were there and they asked me if I could take a picture with their son. I was like, “Yeah, no problem.” But this kid, he was looking at me strange, and he just kept saying, “No, that’s not Rey. That’s not Rey.” So I showed him my tattoos, and usually kids will figure out who I am by my tattoos, but this boy, he still didn’t believe me. He was pleading, “This isn’t Rey. I want Rey with the mask.” So I walked back to my car, put my mask on, and came back out to take a picture with him. I took the picture, signed some more autographs, and I could see him staring at me. He still couldn’t decide whether he believed it was me or not. His parents were trying to convince him the whole time and I stayed to talk to him for a bit and I think finally he came around, but it was funny how this kid just kept saying, “No, that’s not him. I’m not taking a picture with this guy. I want a picture with Rey.”

Punch Heard ’Round the
Amusement Park

Cody Rhodes

I’ve known Santino Marella since we came up together in OVW in Louisville, Kentucky. One day, back when we were in Louisville, we decided to talk our wrestling trainers into letting us go to Six Flags. It should have been no big deal. We had been training hard. I had been on the road to a couple of different live events and showed my skills or what have you . . . I showed what I had to the WWE’s top brass. We were all vying for that spot, and we wanted to go out and have some fun.

So we approached our trainers with the premise that we were all going to be on our best behavior. This rowdy bunch of pro wrestlers just wasn’t going to act like that at the park. We were all going to maintain, have a good time, ride some rides, and eat some junk food. Again, we were all working hard and we needed a day off.

So when we go and get our tickets, we have this meeting about being on our best behavior. And I have to emphasize, we had more than one meeting about this. When we were back at the OVW building, we had a meeting about being on our best behavior. When we got to the park, we are told to be on our best behavior. They couldn’t have emphasized the importance of this any more.

But then we get to the park.

Not eleven seconds into being in the park, I turn around and I see the Tasmanian Devil character from the WB, and it’s clawing in the air, waving its hands around. Then I see the handler, another park employee, just screaming at Santino Marella.

Turns out Santino got a little excited when he walked in, and he decided to give the Tasmanian Devil a one-two punch right in the mask. Here’s the best part: As our trainers are walking in our direction, I know we’re all in trouble, and Santino is trying to talk his way out of it, but then the Tasmanian Devil lifts off its head and it’s a little girl inside. Not like ten years old, she was probably like fourteen, fifteen . . . whatever the minimum age for a park employee to work there. And she just had tears streaming down her face.

I’ve never seen a bigger look of disappointment in anyone’s face as the look I saw from Santino. It was really the funniest thing I can recall. He was quarantined to the wave pool the rest of the day. He sat there the entire day with the boo-hoo face of all boo-hoo faces.

Think spiders crawling in your bed, rental cars spinning into ditches, and hotel keys hitting you in the eye are bad? That’s nothing compared to what it took these Superstars to actually make it to the top. From performing in barns and high-school gymnasiums to getting excited when there were two hundred people in the crowd to lying about your age just so you could sneak into a bar to perfect your craft in front of a smattering of drunks, the following are a few stories from life on the road before the Superstars became household names.
This is what paying your dues is all about.