Running Away From Love (11 page)

              As we all talked and drank I really wasn’t having a good time at all. Talisha was having a lot of fun being her normal flirty and outgoing self. And the guy Brandon played into her hand perfectly buying drinks, and practically falling over himself trying to get all of her attention. I told Talisha I would be right back I was about to go to the bathroom.

She asked “Do you need me to come with you?”

“No,” I said, “I will be right back.”

As I got up and started walking towards the bathroom, my heart rose up into my throat as I saw Trey sitting down having drinks with a group of guys. I noticed his friend Mike as well, and he saw me too. As soon as I saw Trey sitting there, everything around me seemed to go quiet suddenly. I could only seem to hear the sound of my own heart beating. My heart was beating so fast it felt like it was going to jump out of my chest. It’s been such a long time since I’ve seen him I wasn’t sure what to do. I wasn’t prepared for this. As soon as I laid eyes on him my body and mind froze up instantly. I wanted to run away, but I couldn’t seem to move. Plus I knew that if I ran away it would make me look completely crazy, and even more noticeable. Besides, I’m a grown ass woman. What would I look like running away from somebody?

I quickly turned my head away as I tried to walk past unnoticed. As soon as I got close enough, it was as if he sensed my presence, and looked right at me. We locked eyes for what seemed to be like an eternity. He looked genuinely shocked to see me, and I was equally shocked that I ran into him as well. I will say that he did look really good though. Even better than what I had remembered. I glanced over his frame quickly hoping that he didn’t catch me looking. He always said that he wanted to bulk up, and I could tell that he had been hitting the gym heavy. He was so muscular now. He grew a goatee that connected to his fresh caeser haircut. New York has done him justice. It was obvious that he had matured a lot physically since the last time I saw him. The man was fine as fuck! I had to block out my lustful thoughts.

              Don’t get me wrong, Trey has always been a very good looking man. His skin looked like the richest caramel you could ever want to taste. He wasn’t as tall as Q. He stood about 5 foot 7 inches tall. But what I found most attractive about Trey was the way that he carried himself, and the confidence he exuded. He was that guy who was laid back, but his ego was as big as the room. He was that guy who was noticed as soon as he walked into a room without even having to speak a word. He just had a commanding presence about him that could never be ignored. Trey was the complete package he was sexy, intelligent, charming, confident, funny, and driven. Maybe that is why I put up with so much of his bullshit for so damn long. He definitely was a rare breed of a black man in Buffalo. Tonight he looked very appealing I had to admit. I almost forgotten how angry I was with him for a second. He stared into my eyes as if he was trying to search my eyes for the right thing to say. I tried my best not to look like I was the least bit excited to see him, but deep down I was. So I decided to break the silence as I approached him, and gave a simple wave to him and Mike.

He frowned up his face at my initial reaction towards him. In my head I was thinking that this fool couldn’t really think that I was going to jump for joy at the sight of him. But I also knew that he hated it when I played everything off like I didn’t care. That’s how he knew I was on shit with him.

He initiated. “Wow, Jasmine a wave? Is that really all I get? You acting like I’m just somebody that you don’t even know. Come here. Can I at least get a hug? I haven’t seen you in such a long time. You look beautiful! What are you doing here?”

I slowly walked over towards him. I can’t lie I was nervous as hell. I could barely even look him in the eyes the closer that I got to him. I gave him a fake smile as I reached out, and embraced him in a hug. I intended on giving him a brief church hug maintaining my space. But he pulled me into his body, and held onto me tightly ignoring the boundary that I had tried to set.

As we hugged he whispered in my ear, “Damn, Jasmine it’s been way too long since I’ve seen your face, or heard your voice. I’ve missed you, and you look amazing, sweetheart. I’m so glad to see you right now. You’ve been on my mind a lot lately. I actually really have wanted to talk to you for the longest time now.”

Well that was it I couldn’t hold back my attitude any longer, and I quickly pushed him off of me as I said “Really, Trey! It’s really funny how after all this time you suddenly miss me. Now I’m on your mind. Before I couldn’t pay to stay on your fucking mind! So please forgive me if I really don’t seem to give a damn about what you’ve been wanted to do!”

It felt like the words came out of my mouth like vomit. I let my emotions get the best of me, damn. I knew the guys he was with could hear our conversation. They all just tried to ignore it, but it was an awkward silence all around us. I hung my head down a little bit, and took a step back as I tried to regain my composure. I could feel my hands start to shake. Amazing that within seconds he was able to a reaction out of me so quickly. When it came to him all my logical thoughts were pushed to the side, and nothing but emotion always comes pouring out of me. I always felt like emotions and feelings are what always gets a woman into trouble. The last thing I wanted was for him to know that he still has any type of effect on me. So I calmed myself down as much as I could before I spoke again. He just stood there looking stupid. He knew that we didn’t end things on good terms. What made him think that I forgave and forgot?

So I said “You know what I’m sorry; that was uncalled for. I have to go.”

As I walked away I could hear him calling my name, but I completely tuned him out. I walked away as fast as I could without breaking out into a sprint to the bathroom. I could feel the tears trying to escape from my eyes, but I refuse to let another tear fall over Trey. I cried my tears and that shit is all behind me.

As I burst into the bathroom I tried my best to calm down. I placed my hands on top of the sink, and took some deep breaths in. As I stared at myself in the mirror I kept telling myself to pull it together. I guess I didn’t realize that I was still this emotional. But within seconds of seeing him all of those feelings I thought went away came rushing over me quickly. I was not prepared to handle it so it was best for me to walk away. Seeing his face seemed to have opened up those old wounds that I tried so desperately to hide and heal. I wiped away the tears that were trying to fall from my eyes. I touched up my makeup lightly making sure to leave no traces of my pain. I knew that as long as he was here I couldn’t be. I was dreading having to go back out there, and seeing his face again. I took a deep breath and exited the bathroom.

As I was walking out, he was still seated where he was before, but his eyes were fixed in my direction. I knew he would be waiting for me to come out. I rolled my eyes as I proceeded to walk back to tell Talisha that I was leaving. I knew he wouldn’t let it go that easily especially if he saw that I was upset. Knowing his persistent ass he probably wouldn’t leave me the hell alone until I fully cussed his ass out. As soon as he saw me heading for the exit he jumped up and out of his seat to cut me off.

He stood firmly in my way and said “Jasmine, please don’t leave. Just let me talk to you for a minute. Stop running away from me. Look I honestly never meant for us to lose touch like we did, but that doesn’t mean that I forgot about you or us. Damn seeing you here tonight is crazy. Seeing you here tonight just confirmed for me just how much that I have missed you.”

I laughed in his face as I said “So, basically you weren’t thinking about me until you ran into me here? Is that what you’re saying? Is that supposed to make me feel good or something? And wow did I really here you just use the word us? Because as I recall it you have the hardest time making a commitment to anyone but your damn self. And I can’t fault you for thinking about yourself first, because that is what you’re supposed to do. I was the damn fool for thinking that you cared about me just as much as I did you. You see when it came to you, Trey I cared about you just as much as I cared about myself. I thought about you and me never just me. And that’s because I wanted it to always be us! Not us when it’s convenient which is how you used to treat our relationship. But to be honest with you none of that really matters to me anymore. I have moved on since then. The man that I’m with now has no type of commitment issues whatsoever. He appreciates and truly cares about me. And it’s been such a long time since I had that in a man. I wouldn’t trade what we have for anything or anyone.”

              He looked at me as if I just smacked him in the face with that statement. In his eyes I could see his jealousy. A small part of me wanted to comfort him, and take back what I had said. But it was all true I am very happy with the new man in my life.

He said in a low voice “So you’re in a relationship, Jasmine? Damn, I guess a lot has changed with you I didn’t even know about.”

I rolled my eyes. “Trey, you’re really going to sit here in my face, and say that you tried to know what was going on in my life? I mean, come on, be real about this. Tell me what did you really expect? You wanted me to wait on you again? Waiting on you to realize what the fuck you wanted ended up really bad for me. I couldn’t wait on you forever Trey no matter how much I wanted too. How do you think it made me feel to know that since that day you haven’t even checked on me once? You moved away and basically forgot all about me. So yeah I guess a lot has changed, and that’s because you really didn’t care to know!”

I could tell he was defeated, and hurt by my words. But he knew that there was nothing that he could really say that would change the way that I felt.

“I mean,” he stuttered, “I really don’t know what to say to you, Jasmine. But I swear that I never once stopped thinking about you even after that day. Yes, I made a lot of mistakes back then I can never take back. And I have never gotten the chance to apologize to you for everything. But believe me when I say I really do feel terrible for how everything played out between us. Contrary to what you may believe, it hurt me just as much as it hurt you. All I’m really looking for is a chance for us to just talk. Maybe catch up and hash out everything that I know you hate me for.”

Now at this point I’m beyond pissed off. I said angrily “Look, to be honest, I really don’t want to hear shit that you have to say to me! Where was all the talking at when I needed it the most, Trey! You’re a couple years too late for all of this. I needed you when I was pregnant with your child. Oh, and by the way, we would have a three year old child right about now. I needed you so many different times, Trey. But you always found some reason not to be there for me! You let me down so many times, and I fell flat on my face every single time. Our relationship left me badly bruised and damaged. So right now I don’t believe a single word that comes out of your fucking mouth. You were so good at making me believe in you, but you had no intention of ever being what I deserved and needed.”

He was speechless so I kept going. “If I remember it correctly, you told me you didn’t want to be with me anymore. It never came out of my mouth that I didn’t want to be with you. So what changed all of a sudden? Did some chick break your heart, and do you how you did me? What’s with the sudden interest in me? Why are you even trying to bring up the past?”

After I said all of that I just paused. I had gone over in my head so many times what I would say to him if I ever saw him again. I promised myself that I was going to remain calm and collected. But all of that went out the window as soon as I seen his face. I did immediately regret letting my pregnancy secret come out though. I had planned on never telling him about that. He looked completely stunned by everything that I had just revealed. I noticed that he even fell backwards a couple of steps. I couldn’t do anything but walk away from him not feeling any better about the situation than he did.

              I pushed past him as I went back over to where Talisha was. I told her I needed to leave. I knew she could tell that I was upset and anxious. She asked me if I was okay.

I lied. “I’m fine, girl, I’m just not feeling well, so I’m just going to go home a little bit early. But please you stay here and have fun.”

She asked “You really don’t look okay. I can leave with you it’s really not a problem.”

I wanted to be left alone so I put on a fake smile as I said “I promise you that I’m fine. I will call you as soon as I get home.”

She reluctantly said “Okay, girl, just make sure you call me as soon as you get home.”

I nodded in agreement as I made my way out of the door. I felt like I was struggling to breathe while I was in there. As soon I stepped outside the cool air filled my lungs, and restored my senses back to functioning again. I stepped up to the curb of the street looking for an available cab. I heard some footsteps behind me, and as I looked back it was Trey standing there. He had the saddest eyes I couldn’t even look at him without feeling upset all over again. I couldn’t hide all of the anger and hurt that I held in my heart towards him.

I didn’t acknowledge him. I just said coldly “Trey, just stop. I don’t have anything else left to say. I think that I have said enough for one night. I don’t want to talk or even see you right now. This night just went to hell the moment I laid eyes on you. But what pisses me off is that I even let myself get this upset. I don’t know why you still have an effect on my mood after all of this time.”

He came closer to me and reached for my hand. He held onto it tightly, but I quickly snatched my hand away.