Running Away With You (Running #3) (48 page)

After work, I pick up my token and head straight to Evan’s, all the while crossing my fingers that he’s not home yet.  For once, luck is on my side, and the house is pitch-dark, with no signs of life.  I don’t think I’ll have long, so I have to act quickly. 

The first thing on my agenda is to spend some time with Maddy.  It’s been nearly a week since I’ve seen her, and she slobbers all over me the minute I walk through the door.  I place my things down and take her outside for a little game of catch and to let her do her business. 

Once she’s properly exercised, I head back inside to feed her and set out my surprise.  Earlier I wrote a little card to go with it, and I place them both on the kitchen table where I’m sure Evan will find them.  The card reads:

Before leaving, I take a final sweeping look around the house that was once my home, and I wonder when I’ll get to see it again.

Later, as I’m cleaning up from my late-night dinner, I get another text that brings a smile to my face.

Evan:  thank u for the sword

He must have done his research and found out the word
gladius
is Latin for
sword
.  It means a lot to me to know he cared enough to take the time.  He could have tossed the flower in the trash or just ignored it without bothering.  He cares.  There’s hope.  I text him back, keeping it simple, just like last time.

Jette:  XO

F
riday morning arrives, and it’s time for me to report back to Dr. Falkowski.  I think he’ll be very pleased with my homework.  As he escorts me into his office, he notices how changed I seem.  “Juliette, I must say, you look so much better than the last time I saw you.  Your posture is different, there’s a healthy color to your face, and you’re wearing a smile.  A lot can happen in just three days.  Why don’t you have a seat and tell me about it.”

He’s right, of course.  I can feel it too.  It’s amazing how much your mood can affect your entire body chemistry and appearance.

Dr. Falkowski is very pleased with my homework.  He loves the idea of the basketball game with Cole, and is impressed with the solitary flower’s symbolism and message.  Yesterday I stopped by to visit Maddy again and I left Evan a plate of his favorite chocolate chunk cookies.

“So let me ask you this,” Dr. Falkowski begins, “do you plan on stopping by his home regularly to leave him surprises?”

“I don’t know,” I answer him honestly.  “It’s really hard to find something to do for someone without getting anything in return.”

“Tell me what you mean,” he challenges.

“Well, I think Evan deserves a proper apology, but that would break your rules.”  I stop for a moment and consider what I’m saying.  “Wouldn’t it?”

“It all depends upon your
intent
Juliette.  If you’re offering an apology in order to salvage the relationship and to end your own suffering, then yes, it would break my rules.  But if you feel that Evan truly deserves an apology and you’re ready to acknowledge responsibility and express remorse, then no, it would not.”

“I know I owe him a proper apology.  I’m just not sure how to deliver it,” I admit.

“The manner in which you apologize can be as important as the apology itself.  A face-to-face apology is usually the best, because it affords the opportunity for the wronged person to see your face and be better able to determine your sincerity. But it takes courage to look the person you wronged directly in the eyes, admit your offense, and apologize. And it takes courage to have the person you wronged look in your eyes and see your vulnerability and remorse. If you have this courage, you will benefit tremendously. Whether Evan is able to forgive you or not, you'll feel good about yourself for being able to face up to your mistakes.”

“You’re right,” I admit.  “But I’m scared.  Suppose he won’t see me?  Or worse, suppose he tells me he never wants to see me again?”

“Are those the only two possibilities, Juliette?”

“No,” I grudgingly acknowledge.

“Is it so hard for you to imagine that something good and constructive might happen?” he asks.

“I’m afraid to hope, Dr. Falkowski.  I don’t think I could handle any more pain.  I’ve been shattered into so many small fragments that one more tear might be the end of me.”

He looks at me thoughtfully and asks a simple but profound question.  “Would you prefer to live your life in pursuit of your dreams, or live a life without hope?  The choice is yours, but choose carefully.”

A
s I’m driving to work, I think about Dr. Falkowski’s words.  He’s right, of course.  This is one of those crossroads moments where I find myself afraid, confused, and without a roadmap.  The choice I make here will define the rest of my life, and I refuse to let myself be defined by fear.  So I choose the road I know ends with a cliff.  I’ll have to jump, but I’m ready.  I’ll either crash into the rocks or land softly.  But it’s a chance I have to take.

Before I lose my nerve, I head straight for my office and send Evan a text.  He’s at the stadium already, either in team meetings or on the field, so there’s no telling when I’ll hear back from him.

Jette:  Can you stop at Rush after practice today?  I need to talk to you.  In person.

I feel like I can control the environment a little better here at Rush.  Discussing our situation in public isn’t a good idea, but here I can at least make sure we have some privacy.  Technically, since we are both owners, it’s neutral territory.  If Evan doesn’t like what he’s hearing, he can easily leave without causing any raised eyebrows.  But if he were to walk out on me in a diner, leaving me sitting there alone, heads would turn and whispers would begin.  Better to do it here.

The day goes by painfully slowly.  I keep my phone close by at all times.  It seems that every customer who walks in the door has a phone with the same chirping ringtone, and I’m tortured by every incoming call and text intended for others.

Derek seems distracted too.  He has his phone in hand, and with every lull in the crowd, he’s furiously typing away.  He and Shea certainly have a lot to talk about, and I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s been on the phone with her all day long.

Auggie and Lucas stop in for an early dinner before heading into the city to take in a play.  They have tickets to see
If/Then
with Idina Menzel, and I’m green with envy.  “So, Jette, what do you suggest?” Lucas asks.  “We have to pick up the five thirty-six train to Penn Station and we don’t have a lot of time.”

Just as I’m about to answer, I notice Reese making a beeline straight for Auggie.  “Here’s the chef now. Why don’t you ask her what she recommends?” 

Quick as a flash, he jumps up out of his seat and wraps his arms around my friend.  “Hey there, Red.  You’re looking especially scrumptious tonight.  Do you have a hot date I don’t know about?  You know you’re supposed to clear all your personal engagements through me!”

“Sorry to disappoint you all, but there’s no hook-up for me on the horizon,” she explains as we all take a seat around the table.

“Any special plans after work?” Lucas asks.  “You could always meet us for drinks after the show.”  He turns and looks at me. “You too, Jette.  You look like you could use a night out on the town.  What do you girls say?”

“I’m in,” Reese quickly responds, “but it’s up to Jette.  I’m not driving into the city alone.” 

“I can’t.  I ... um ... might have plans,” I tell them, wishing I hadn’t been put on the spot like this.

All heads turn, and there are immediately three sets of eyes as big as saucers staring at me in shock.  “Do tell,” Auggie demands.

I look at the three hopeful faces staring back at me and decide it’s best if I continue my endeavor to be open and honest.  “I sort of asked Evan to meet me here tonight after practice, but I haven’t heard back from him yet.  I’d like to keep my options open in case he shows up.”

Their faces instantly go sullen.  They’re not particularly hopeful for me.  “Well, if you change your mind, I hope you join us.  There’s trains leaving for the city every hour, you know.”

I give Auggie a kiss on the cheek. “Yes, Auggie, I know the train schedule, and if I decide to go out, you’ll be the first to know.”

Reese waves over the waitress and orders meals for Auggie and Lucas, asking her to put a rush on it.  Luckily for me, Auggie and Lucas set their targets on Reese and her solitary lifestyle.  “Now, Red, I have to warn you,” Auggie reminds her, “that you only have a few weeks left before my timer goes off.  Then I can’t be held responsible for what happens next.”

“Oh, Auggie, are you back on that kick again?  I told you, I’m not interested!” she insists.

“Interested in what?” I ask her.  “Auggie, what’s going to happen next?  I’m confused.”

Lucas jumps in to clarify.  “Oh, it’s Auggie’s way of getting Reese back into the dating pool.  He told her she has until the Super Bowl to go out on at least one date, or he’s going to put her profile up on OKCupid, PlentyofFish, and Tinder.”

I look at Auggie. “You wouldn’t dare!”

“The hell I wouldn’t.  Look at that girl, wasting her time sitting home alone at night playing Boggle.  If she doesn’t get out there soon, we all know what’s going to happen next.”

All three of us look at Reese and answer in unison, “Cats!”

“Nobody wants that for you, Red.  You deserve better; so much better,” Auggie teases.

“Well, that will never be me,” Reese announces.  “Not so long as Jette keeps parading hot single football players in front of me, anyway!”

Our laughter is interrupted when my phone lights up with a text message.  All eyes immediately focus on the screen.  It’s the message I’ve been waiting for.  I take a deep breath and swipe right to read what it says.

Evan:  on my way

I immediately jump up and excuse myself from the table.  Marcus walks in just in time to start the night shift, and I can now focus on setting the stage for my apology.  I clear off the booth at the back of the bar and ask the hostess to keep the adjoining tables empty.  Things have been pretty slow all winter, so that shouldn’t be a problem.

It may not be exactly playing by the rules, but I decide to use anything I can to gain an advantage.  I scour the tables, eager to find the amaryllis flowers with the biggest, boldest, and brightest blooms to set on our table.  They were all purchased as a gift from Evan to me in happier times, and they might just earn me a few sympathy points now.

I make a fresh pitcher of orange- and basil-infused water, grab a few glasses, and leave it on the table, waiting.  I don’t want to seem over-anxious, so I hide out in my office, telling the hostess to seat Evan and come get me as soon as he arrives.

With my laptop in hand, I try to read a few emails and add a few posts to our social media sites, but it’s hard to concentrate when all I can think about is how he’ll be here in just a few short minutes.

The first knock on my door sends me stumbling to my feet, only to find that it’s Derek grabbing his keys and heading out for the night.  The second knock is Reese, also handing over the reigns in the kitchen to the night shift and leaving.  I ask her to leave the door open as she goes.  I’m afraid another knock might cause me to have an actual heart attack. 

Finally, the hostess on duty comes to announce Evan’s arrival.  I can feel my blood pressure rising.  Anxious energy is coursing through my veins.  I take a deep breath to steady myself and head into the dining room.  I expect to see Evan seated at the table at the back, but as usual he’s surrounded by a handful of fans thrilled to be in his company.

I stand for a moment and observe the phenomenon I’ve witnessed countless times before.  I don’t think I’ll ever tire of seeing him like this, in his element, happily chatting with strangers.  That’s when it happens.  I notice him ever so slightly expand his chest, take in a deep breath, and lift his eyes away from the crowd in order to focus them squarely on me.  I can’t help but think it’s a sign that he can still feel my presence when we’re near each other; that our connection is still there, unbroken.  Maybe it’s wishful thinking.  But then again, maybe it’s not.