Rush Into You (6 page)

Eighteen Months Later…

“I HAVE NOTHING to wear. Jayanna! Come here a minute, would you?” I called out.

Jay stomped down the hall and hit that last creaky floorboard before turning the corner and stopping in my bedroom doorway. “I hate when you call me that. It’s Jay. Just Jay.”

“Okay, Just Jay. I need your help.”

Jay giggled as she walked into my room. It instantly felt brighter with her in it. She was the most beautiful girl—naturally tanned skin, long, wavy blonde hair, and big chocolate-brown eyes. She was unbelievably smart as well. The total package. She knew she was a force to be reckoned with, and I envied her confidence.

Jay stood beside me in front of my full length mirror. She looked at my reflection and smiled. “Oh, Gabby…oh my gosh, you look adorable. What’s the problem?”

“The
problem
is that I don’t want to look adorable,” I whined. “I want to look hot...like you,” I whispered.

“Girl, you are hot.”

I sighed, exasperated. I really did not want to leave my house and go to my first party in forever looking like a little girl playing dress up. It had been so long since I’d dolled myself up that I’d forgotten how to do it.

“C’mere, let me throw some mascara on you. It’s supposed to give you crazy volume and length.” She pulled out a tube of mascara from the back pocket of her jeans.

I arched my brow. “You carry mascara around in your pocket?”

She shrugged. “I was getting ready to use it when you yelled for me.” She paused for a moment, then clapped her hands. “Oh, I know just what will give you that sexy look! But you’ll have to trust me, okay?”

Now I was worried. “You better not make me look like that scary clown from that movie that freaks me out so much,” I said warily.

“I promise I won’t. Have a little faith will ya?” Jay pleaded.

“Okay, okay. I trust you.”

Jay squealed with excitement, then ran over to my iPod dock, turning on some music. She danced back to me and pushed me down on the bench seat of my vanity. She started humming along with a catchy tune on my playlist while searching through my makeup bag. I hardly ever let her do my make up, but I was desperate right now. I just wanted to look good.

I closed my eyes, and smooth lines and gentle strokes of a soft brush swept across my eyelids. She moved on to my lashes and continued working her magic there.

I stopped trying to focus so much on what Jay was doing, and just relaxed as she rubbed lotion into my skin. I could only pray the end result was good, but if it looked anything like her makeup usually did, then I should be fine.

“Okay, open your eyes and turn around.”

I did as she said and gasped in surprise. “Wow, Jay. You really should go to beauty school. I don’t know how you do it.” I slowly turned my face side to side to get a better look.

“You look hot, Gabby.” Jay smiled.

I continued to stare at myself in the mirror. Jay had lined my eyes with charcoal and created a smokey look with an added sweep of purple on my lids. It would match my shirt perfectly. My lashes were thick and at least a mile long. It looked classy and not in the least slutty. The end result was completely sexy.

“Thanks Jay,” I finally said. “I love it. Really.”

“Anytime, babe. You know that. And don’t you forget it,” Jay added seriously.

I took in her sober expression and knew she meant it. Jay was an amazing friend. Even though we had only been friends for about a year, she was great to me. She didn’t know any details about the life I’d left behind, but she suspected something had happened. She never pushed me to share anything that I didn’t want to, and I respected her for that. She was my rock. I didn’t know what I would do without her, and I didn’t want to find out.

Everyone I’d formed relationships with since moving to Charlestree were great, even if I only called a couple of them friends. They only knew what I wanted them to know about me, though. They knew the girl who was studying to be a nurse. They didn’t know the girl with a past that rivaled horror films and drama novels.
How many of those smiles would turn into scowls if they learned the truth?
It was the reason I didn’t share my secrets with anyone.

My mind wandered to Ryker, like it so often had. I wondered if he had worked at Max’s since that night and learned some semblance of the truth from the patrons. Those gossip-hungry vipers were always looking for a new story, and when I was the product of their entertainment the stories were always that much better.

Ryker had left such an impact on me because of his selflessness. He’d talked to me when no one else would, and not out of obligation or pity, but because he’d wanted to get to know me. I still thought about that night outside my apartment when Ryker denied my advances.

He’d wanted me to respect myself.

He hadn’t wanted me to regret him.

He’d promised that he wasn’t done with me.

But things had ended before we’d even had a chance. I often dreamed and wondered what could have been between us. If only I’d met Ryker when things were straight, and not at their worst.

“Earth to Gabby,” Jay sang.

I shook my head, forcing my memories away. “Sorry, Jay.”

“All right, enough soft shit.” She winked, “Finish getting ready while I get dressed. We have to leave soon if we want to find some decent parking. I don’t want to walk a mile in these new heels.”

“Why would you wear heels to a beach party?” Jay just smiled in response, then pranced through the door.

I got dressed quickly. After tying my sneakers, I stood in front of the full length mirror and admired my makeup again before studying my clothes. I had chosen a tight, purple, v-neck top, black skinny jeans, and my black converse sneakers. I left my hair loose, my natural waves falling halfway down my back, and I wore a simple pair of gold hoops in my ears, with a tiny diamond stud in my left tragus.

I had to admit it…I looked good.

I wasn’t a rack of bones anymore. I had my soft curves back, and a natural glow coated my skin, replacing the sickly pallor I used to have. My hair was even healthier now than when I was in high school—my brown locks shiny and fresh with life, the greasy, dead hair gone.

When I was discharged from the hospital after my overdose eighteen months ago, I’d left straight to detox. I spent a week of grueling withdrawal and insane cravings as I writhed in bed. I couldn’t sleep at all, but I’d had no energy to get up. The medication the nurses gave me was no match for my nasty addiction.

Straight from detox, I moved to a thirty day holding program where I’d waited to be accepted in a halfway house. The physical withdrawal had subsided by that point, though my mind was still going a mile a minute. Every second, I’d thought about getting high. I went to the meetings, and found them useful, gathering as much information as possible so I could learn how to cope with my issues.

The halfway house was where I’d really learned how to live. I was there for six months, but the people who ran the program helped me immensely. They got me set up in the real world again. I’d found a new waitressing job and enrolled in State. When my time at the program came to an end, I’d had enough money saved to get my own apartment right near the school.

I worked hard to be in recovery. It’d been over a year since I got clean, but it still wasn’t easy.

It’d never be easy.

I still had cravings. Still had moments when I wanted to give in to my addiction.

But I hadn’t.

I hoped I’d never give in.

My nightmares hadn’t left. Every night I had the same nightmare about
that night
. Every night, I woke up screaming. During the day, everything reminded me of my friends, and nothing I did changed how that night had affected me. My regrets never went away, but I didn’t want to forget. I tried not to dwell on my past, but I needed to remember the bad times to appreciate the good.

Happiness would come with time, but life didn’t suck as it used to.

With a deep breath, I left my room to meet up with Jay. She smiled at me as we linked elbows and walked out into the warm night.

I hesitated before I opened the door to Jay’s black, convertible Mustang. No matter how many times I rode in the car with her, it still scared the hell out of me. I sat in the leather seat with my back ramrod straight. I couldn’t allow myself to let my guard down. I triple checked my seatbelt as I listened to the engine roar to life. I gripped the door and the arm rest with white knuckles, and said a silent prayer to have strength tonight.

We pulled out into the street, and the wind whipped our hair around as Jay picked up speed slightly. She knew not to go too fast with me in the car. I wished I could relax, but I knew it was impossible. I’d never be comfortable in a car again.

My anxiety was soaring.

You got this, Gabby.

WE HADN’T EVEN gotten out of the car yet, and I had already seen several drunk girls walking down the strip towards the large group of people on the sand. My heart was in my throat, and my hand still gripped the door handle.

“Gabby?” Jay sounded concerned.

“Huh?” I asked distractedly, staring out the window.

“I asked if you were ready. You look as if you’re gonna puke.”

I shook my head weakly. “I’m fine. Let’s get this over with.”

“Get this over with? We just got here, Gabby. If you don’t wanna be here, just let me know, and I’ll bring you home.”

“No, I’m fine,” I said confidently. “I want to go. Come on.”

My pounding heart finally slowed its pace. Walking into a party that was already in full swing was easier than I thought it’d be. Music blasted from an unseen source, and everyone was occupied with one thing or another. Walking along the sand with Jay, we passed a girl doing a keg stand in a skirt. A circle had formed around her, everyone cheering. The girl’s thong was on display for the whole party to see, and the guys loved it.

“Hey, chick!” Jay yelled. “You’re twat is showing!”

Everyone laughed, and the girl jerked in surprise. Beer sprayed all over her face, and her arms gave out beneath her. She fell clumsily on the keg, wiping the mess off her face with the back of her arm. She looked up at Jay, scowling, and flipped her off.

Jay waved innocently.

I grabbed Jay’s elbow and steered us away, fighting my smile. “Shit, you’re insane!” I laughed. “She looked as if she wanted to punch you.”

“I bet she did. Seriously, her pussy was hanging out of her thong.” Jay shuddered dramatically. “Not attractive.”

“Oh, look, there’s Brian.” I pointed to a man standing next to the bonfire.

Jay took off running, squealing in excitement. She jumped on Brian, wrapped her legs around his waist, and dove in for a kiss. They looked good together—the All-American couple. Brian stood over six feet and had light skin with shaggy brown hair. His eyes were dark green, and his smile was straight and white—perfect.

They were both popular and could have almost anyone they wanted, whenever they wanted, but they only had eyes for each other.

When Brian set Jay on her feet, I stepped forward and gave him a friendly hug, “Happy birthday, Brian.”

“Thanks, kid.” He smiled.

I rolled my eyes and laughed. “I’m older than you, B, remember?”

“Yeah, yeah.”

Brian was the star pitcher of State’s baseball team and threw faster than any of the other State pitchers. I’d always loved baseball, whether I was playing it or watching it on TV. It was my dream to go to a professional Red Sox game one day, but the college games would have to do for now.

I met Jay at the first game of the season. We’d ended up sitting next to each other in the crowded stadium, and hit it off right away, despite our opposite personalities. I liked to think we balanced each other out well. Her personality was a lot like mine used to be, but I couldn’t afford to act that way now. I would lose everything I’d worked so hard for.

That was the same night Jay noticed Brian. Well, everyone noticed him, including some scouts since he’d thrown a perfect game. Brian had noticed Jay as well, and they’d been inseparable since. He was good for her, and I was happy that she had him. They’d been exclusive for almost a year now, and he’d told her those three important words just a few months ago.

I CAUGHT JAY’S eye when she broke apart from another deep kiss with Brian. I looked towards the water and pointed, signaling to her that I was heading down there. She nodded, waving me on with a big smile before turning her attention on Brian’s neck.

I needed some space.

Even though there was unlimited space on the beach, everyone was gathered together beside a large wall of rocks. The stone acted as a shield, providing a sense of privacy from prying eyes. It was a good party spot.

I maneuvered my way through the crowd to get to the edge of the water. I inhaled deeply, grateful for the fresh air entering my lungs. I felt as if I could breathe now that I wasn’t a part of the crowd.

I’d had my reservations about coming to a party like this, not sure if I’d be ready. I was worried the drugs and alcohol would be a trigger, testing my sobriety, but luckily, I didn’t feel a pull towards them. At least not right now. Maybe I’d made more progress than I’d given myself credit for. I wouldn’t let it fool me into thinking that I was cured though. There was no cure for addiction.