Ruthless (13 page)

She stared straight ahead, refusing to speak. He had no right to question her about her involvement with other men, and he sure as hell didn’t have the right to insist she leave the bar with him against her will.

He turned his signal on and pulled his car into a deserted parking lot. “You’re gonna give me the silent treatment, is that it? That’s real mature, Marisa.”

She shifted in the seat to face him as he put the car in park and cut the engine. “You have the nerve to call me immature? You’re forty years old and you still act like a goddamn teenager. Out every night with a different woman, afraid to make a commitment in case something better might come along...”

He gaped at her. “Is that why you think I don’t want to get married?”

“What other reason could there be?”

He reached across to grab her hand, but she pulled back, refusing to allow him to touch her. “Damn it, Marisa, that’s not the reason.”

She crossed her arms and tipped her head against the cold window. She was determined to put as much distance between them as possible. She knew if she allowed him to touch her, her resolve would melt faster than chocolate in a fondue pot. “Then tell me the reason.”

He leaned his head against the headrest, closing his eyes. “I love you, baby. I don’t want to hurt you.”

Her heart still leapt at those three little words. He has taken years to say them, and when he finally did, she knew he meant them. “You’ve already hurt me, Luc. You’re still hurting me.”

He opened his eyes and tilted his head until he was looking at her. “That works both ways, you know. It hurt like hell when you got engaged to Mitchell, but I couldn’t do a damn thing about it.” He sighed and gripped the steering wheel. “Then I think we’re finally getting back on track, and I walk into Jimmy’s and find you kissing another guy. What the hell do you think that did to me?”

She shrugged. “It couldn’t have bothered you too much. You certainly didn’t waste any time asking Avery to meet you. Or was that just a ploy to give me a taste of my own medicine?”

“Avery? Really, we’re back to that again? I told you, it’s been over between me and Avery for a long time.”

She hated that she still felt so insecure where that woman was concerned, but she couldn’t help it. Avery was exactly the kind of woman she imagined would make Luc happy. Gorgeous, sexy, strong, opinionated, and totally independent. “Then why’d you ask her to meet you tonight?”

He shook his head. “I’m embarrassed to even admit this.”

Luc wasn’t the kind of man to embarrass easily, if ever. He had definitely piqued her curiosity. “What?”

“Avery had a thing with McCall, and I got the feeling there was still something there.”

Marisa’s mouth dropped open. “You’re serious?”

“Yeah, I thought maybe if she showed up...”

She glared at him. “You thought maybe he’d forget about me? Thanks a lot.”

He threw his hands up in the air. “I’m sorry. I was desperate, okay?”

“Please, that’s not a word I’ve ever heard used to describe you.”

He turned to face her, reaching out to skim his hand across her cheek. “When it comes to you, that’s exactly how I feel. I’m desperate to hold onto you, desperate to make this work.”

Her first impulse was to jump out of the car and do her happy dance. She had waited years for Luc to feel about her the way she felt about him, but she feared it may be too little, too late. “Why now? What’s changed?”

He took her left hand in his. “I’d like to think I’ve changed. I’m not the same guy you broke up with last year, Marisa. I’ve been to hell and back since then.”

“How so?” She wasn’t about to let him get away without laying it all on the table. She deserved that after all the times she’d done the same.

He captivated her with his eyes, refusing to allow her to look away. “How pathetic is it that I’m forty years old and I’ve been in love, really in love, only once in my life?”

She swallowed, trying unsuccessfully to break eye contact with him. “You’re asking the wrong person. I’ve only been in love once, too.”

“You didn’t love Mitchell?”

She shook her head. “I loved him as a friend.” She sighed. “I’m ashamed to admit I felt anything for him, given the way things turned out.”  

He kissed the back of her hand. “You know that wasn’t your fault, don’t you?”

She shifted in her seat, facing him. “I guess so.”

“Where do we go from here, sweetheart?”

She was surprised by the abrupt change in the direction of the conversation, but she knew they would get there eventually. The question had been hovering between them ever since she ended things. “Honestly, I don’t know.”

“I asked you this earlier, but you didn’t give me a straight answer...”

“I don’t know how I feel anymore.”

He slid his hand up her leg. “Do you still think we’re right for each other?”

She bit her bottom lip, trying to stem the flow of tears. She was afraid that once they started, she wouldn’t be able to stop them. “I don’t know. We’re still very different people. Nothing’s changed since we broke up, not really.”

“I’ve changed,” he whispered.

She looked up and was caught off guard when she saw moisture pooling in his eyes. She had never seen Luc shed a tear; he had never allowed himself to be that vulnerable with her. “How have you changed?”

“When we were together, I refused to admit that I needed anyone to make me happy, to make my life complete. I realize now that I was wrong.”

“You’re saying you need me?” She held her breath, waiting for his response.

“If I couldn’t work another day in my life, if I lost my money and everything damn thing I owned tomorrow, I’d be okay with that, but I don’t know how the hell I’m gonna go on if you won’t let me back into your life, baby.”

She reached across to draw him into her arms.

He held her tight, burying his face in her hair. “I need you... so goddamn much it scares me.”

She allowed the tears to fall freely as she gripped his shoulders. “I need you too.”

He pulled back to look at her. “Really? You mean that?”

She smiled through her tears, overwhelmed by her love for this man. “Of course.”

“I thought I’d really screwed it up this time. I thought I’d lost you for good.”

“You were wrong.” She kissed him, trying to convey everything that she couldn’t express with words.

He rested his forehead against hers when they finally broke the kiss. “Let me take you home, sweetheart,” he whispered. “Let me show you how much I love you.”

She smiled. “What are we waiting for?”

Chapter Eleven

Luc battled with his conscience as he pulled his car into the garage. He knew he should tell Marisa about Nikki before they resumed a relationship, but he was terrified that she would shut him out, for good this time. He couldn’t take the risk. Maybe once they were on solid ground he would be brave enough to explain his decision to leave his daughter, but not now, not tonight.

Marisa wrapped her hand around his upper thigh. “You’re not having second thoughts, are you?”

He turned toward her, feeling the weight of regret and fear. He was suddenly desperate to feel her body under his, her arms wrapped around him, making him feel grounded. He reached across to pull her into his arms, holding her tight. “Promise you’ll never leave me again?” he whispered. He hated that he felt so weak, so vulnerable, but this time without her had proved to him that he wasn’t as strong as everyone believed him to be.

She pushed against his shoulders, drawing back to look into his eyes. “Where is all this coming from, Luc? It’s not like you to be so insecure. You’re usually so strong, so confident.” She stroked his cheek, smiling. “Don’t get me wrong, I like the fact that you’re willing to open up to me like this, but I get the feeling you’re not telling me something.”

He kissed her deeply, delving into her mouth. He was on a mission to erase her doubts and make her forget her questions. He didn’t want to think about the past tonight. He wanted to focus on the here and now, the woman in his arms. He wanted to worship her the way he should have the first time they made love all those years ago. He hadn’t deserved her back then, didn’t believe he deserved her now. An honorable man may decline her invitation, but he never was able to resist the temptation of a beautiful woman, especially when that woman invaded his thoughts day and night.

She climbed over the gearshift and straddled him. She kissed him hungrily, until they were both breathless. “God, I never thought we’d be doing this again, did you?”

He nibbled a moist trail down the smooth column of her neck. “I prayed we would. I couldn’t let myself believe it was over.”

She secured his face between her hands, halting his actions. “Why?”

He plundered his hands into her hair, drawing her face closer to his. “Because I love you; I need you; I can’t live without you.” He smiled against her mouth. “Is that what you wanted to hear?”

She smiled back, nipping his bottom lip with her teeth. “It’s a start, Spencer. You’ve still got a long way to go if you want to make up for lost time though.”

“We’ve got all the time in the world.” He reached for the door handle. “Let’s go inside. This car wasn’t made for what I have in mind.”

She grinned. “You worried about staining this expensive leather upholstery?”

“Hell no, I’m worried about hurting you.”

She stilled his hand when he would have pushed the door open. “Can you promise you’ll never hurt me again, Luc?”

He saw the fear in her eyes and it broke his heart. She had every reason to doubt him, to question his sincerity, and he wished he could find the words to put her mind at ease, but he refused to lie to her. “I wish I could,” he whispered.

She looked into his eyes, as though she was trying to uncover his secrets. “I’m so afraid of getting hurt again.” She dropped her head. “I don’t think I could go through that again. The last time I ended things with you, it almost destroyed me.”

He knew exactly how she felt. He hadn’t been able to function for weeks. “I want to tell you what you need to hear, baby, but I’m not gonna lie to you. You know me; I can’t give you a guarantee.”

She pressed her forehead against his, kissing his lips tenderly. “I need a man who’s brave enough to promise me forever. Can you do that, please?”

He didn’t know how to respond. He knew if he told her he couldn’t, she would leave him again, but if he made a promise he couldn’t keep, she would resent him for the rest of their lives.

She closed her eyes in the face of his indecision. “I should have known this would happen. You claimed you were a different man, but you’re not. You’re still the same selfish….” She slid back into the passenger’s seat. “I think you’d better take me back to Jimmy’s.”

He felt the intense panic taking hold, making it difficult to breathe. “Don’t do this, Marisa, please.”

She turned toward him. “What do you expect me to do? Share your bed even though you’re still not willing to share your life?”

“I want...”

“I know what you want, Luc. You want a warm body in your bed at night. You want someone to share your troubles with, someone who’ll be there to support you when you need it. You want a woman in your life on your terms, and I’m sorry I can’t be that woman. I’ve tried; it just doesn’t work for me.”

He knew he should say something, do something, but his mind was a vortex of darkness. He knew what losing her felt like, he’d been there before, but this was different because if he let her leave him tonight, he knew, without a doubt, she would never come back.

He got out of the car and walked around to the passenger’s side. Opening the door, he held his hand out to her. “Please, just give me a few minutes, sweetheart. If you still want to leave, I’ll take you back to Jimmy’s, I promise.”

She hesitated before taking his hand. “I don’t see how anything you can say will change my mind.”

He didn’t either. He had no idea what he might say or do to change her mind. Short of a marriage proposal, which he still couldn’t offer, he didn’t think he could salvage their relationship, but he had to try.

He took his time unlocking the door and turning off the alarm, hoping divine inspiration would strike. He knew exactly how to transcend the barriers between them, sex, but using that weapon tonight seemed unfair. He knew making love wouldn’t solve their problems; it would just serve as a temporary distraction.

She surprised him by turning into his arms. He felt the soft tremors wracking her body as she sobbed against his chest. He hated that he was doing this to her. More than anything, he wanted to take her pain away.

“Please don’t cry, baby.”

She looked up at him, her face streaked with tears. “I don’t want to feel this way anymore. It hurts too much.”

He stroked the pad of his thumbs down her cheeks, wiping away her tears. “I know, sweetheart, I wish there was something I could do to take this pain away...”

She wrapped her arms around his waist. “There is; make love to me.”

His body leapt to attention immediately, responding to her request. He dipped his head, claiming her mouth. He didn’t just kiss her, he consumed her, plunging his tongue into her mouth relentlessly, demanding she give him everything. When he finally broke away, they were both panting, tearing at each other’s clothes, and he knew they were both past the point of reason.

They may have their share of regrets in the morning, but he refused to allow her to dwell on that tonight. Tonight was about making her forget, helping her to feel, and proving that no matter what happened between them, she would always have his heart.

She ripped his shirt open, groaning when she revealed his bare chest.

He tossed her cropped leather jacket across the room and backed her toward the stairs as he continued to kiss her. Reaching out to hit a light switch as they passed, his fumbling fingers worked the tiny buttons on her shirt. He cursed softly when they wouldn’t give way.

She forced his hands to grip the soft fabric. “Tear it off me. I can’t wait,” she cried, tilting her head back, baring her neck.