Ruthless (9 page)

“Did you live with Nikki and her mom?”

“Yeah, but I was never there. I was rolling in at three in the morning and leaving the apartment before the baby woke up. Maybe it was sub-conscious, I don’t know. Maybe I was afraid of bonding with her, afraid that if I did, I’d never be able to walk away.”

“When did you decide to leave?”

“Shana, that’s Nikki’s mom, basically told me I had to make a choice. She told me if I wanted to be a part of my daughter’s life, I’d have to come home at a decent hour, make more of an effort to spend time with her.” Luc raked his hands through his hair. “I was just like my old man, Trey. I was obsessed with my career to the exclusion of everything else, including my family.”

“So you left?”

“One night I just didn’t come home.” He thought back to the internal struggle that led to that decision. He sat in the parking lot of their apartment building for hours before he finally drove away, coming to terms with the fact that he would rather not be a father than be the kind of father his old man was.  

Trey shook his head and stared at him. “This is unbelievable, man. Did you ever see or speak to them again?”

“I tried to send money when I could, but Shana never cashed the checks. When I finally started making real money, I tried to set up a trust for Nikki through my lawyer, but Shana told him in no uncertain terms what I could do with my money. One day I received legal documents demanding I waive my parental rights. Apparently, Shana had married some lawyer who wanted to adopt Nikki.”

“So, what did you do?” Trey asked quietly.

Luc threw his hands up in the air, feeling as helpless as he had back then. “What could I do, Trey? My little girl was already six by that time. She didn’t know me, wouldn’t have remembered what I looked like if we passed each other on the street.” It still hurt him to think about the fact that he was a stranger to his own child and he had no one to blame but himself.

“So you relinquished your parental rights? I can’t even imagine how hard that must have been.”

Luc looked at his friend. He expected disgust and outrage. He didn’t deserve his understanding or compassion. “It took months for me to sign those damn papers. I kept searching for another way, but ultimately I had to let her go so she could have the kind of family she deserved.”

“You did a pretty selfless thing, Luc. I’m not sure I would have been man enough to do that in your situation.”

Luc scoffed. “Who are you trying to kid? You would never have been in that situation, Turner. You would have been a man, stepped up to the plate, and took care of your kid from day one. You wouldn’t have turned tail and run like a goddamn coward.” Luc swallowed the hot tears burning his throat. “Do you have any idea how much I hate myself for what I did?”

Trey sighed and shook his head. “It all makes sense to me now. Why you didn’t feel you could commit to my sister, why you didn’t want a family.”

“Yeah, and why I didn’t want to be Alisa’s godfather. Bet you’re glad I refused now, aren’t you?”

Trey looked his friend in the eye. “No, Luc. You’re still the same man I thought you were. I have no doubt that if it came down to it, you would be there for my little girl.”

Luc began to pace again. “How can you say that when I couldn’t even be there for my own kid?”

“We all make mistakes, Luc. Lord knows I’ve made my fair share.”

“Not like this, Trey. I know you well enough to know you would never abandon your own kid.” He was grateful for the shroud of darkness that obscured his face. He couldn’t stand to look his friend in the eye. “They coined the phrase dead-beat dad to describe guys like me, man.”

Trey scoffed. “Luc, you’re hardly a dead-beat. You said you tried to take responsibility. You tried to give them money.”

Luc thrust his hands in his pockets and followed the same path back and forth across the patio stones. “So what? I offered the kid a couple million bucks to ease my guilty conscience. That doesn’t exactly make me a stand-up guy, Trey.”

“Luc, sit down.” He waited for his friend to claim the seat beside him. “I’ve known you for a lot of years, and you are a stand-up guy. You can be a hard-ass when it comes to business, but you’re the first person I’d call if I needed help, and I know you’d be there for me.”

Luc stared at the moon’s reflection on the surface of the water. “If I’m a decent guy, why the hell couldn’t I be there for my own kid?” He felt the wind whip through his jacket and knew a storm was blowing in. They would have to head inside or risk being caught in the downpour.

“A lot of people make the decision to put their kids up for adoption to give them a better life, Luc.”

He dropped his head into his hands. “You and I both know I wasn’t putting her first. I was thinking about myself, just like I always do. You’d really want your sister to get saddled with a loser like me for the rest of her life?”

Trey laughed. “I don’t know of anyone who’d describe you as a loser, Luc.”

“Why do you say that? Is it because I’ve got a big house, fancy cars, and money in the bank? Big friggin’ deal. At the end of the day, I’m still the guy who walked out on his baby girl. Do you know what that must have done to her, thinking I didn’t want her?”

“No, I don’t, and neither do you.” Trey sighed. “You’re making a hell of a lot of assumptions, Luc. There’s only one way to know for sure how your daughter feels: ask her.”

Luc shook his head vehemently. “No way. I wouldn’t do that to her. I don’t have the right to walk back into her life and ask her to forgive me now. Too much time has passed.”

Trey shot his friend a side-long glance. “Maybe she needs you as much as you need her.”

Luc struggled to hold it together when he really wanted to cry like a baby for all the years he’d lost with his daughter. “I hate myself for leaving her.”

Trey grabbed his shoulder. “I know you do, man. But it’s not too late to fix this.”

He rubbed his eyes. “I don’t know. I need to think about it.”

Trey laughed. “My guess is you’ve been thinkin’ about this for fifteen years, Luc. I think it’s time you did something about it. Maybe once you realize you can be a good father to Nikki, you’ll consider settling down with my sister.”

Marisa. God, how was he going to tell her about Nikki? “What if I tried to make things work with your sister and screwed that up, too? I mean, how can you be sure I wouldn’t bail again?”

Trey squeezed his shoulder hard enough to make him wince. “’Cause if you did, I’d hunt you down and kill you.”

Luc chuckled and shifted out of his grasp. “I know you would. Listen, about Marisa, she’s ending things with the rancher tonight.”

Trey threw his hands up in the air. “Hallelujah! It’s about time.”

Luc smiled. “Yeah, but how do you think he’s gonna take it?”

Trey smirked at him. “Probably the same way you took it when she dumped your ass. You sent her expensive gifts and flowers , begged her to take you back, and when that didn’t work, you went on a four-day bender.”

“Can you blame me?”

Trey looked him in the eye. “No, women like my sister come along once in a lifetime, if you’re lucky.”

“I know that, and so does he. That’s what worries me.” Just the thought of someone hurting Marisa awakened a rage in him he’d never felt before.

“What are you getting at, Luc?”

He didn’t even want to think about this, much less verbalize his fears. “This guy’s been obsessed with her forever, right?”

Trey frowned. “I guess you could say that.”

“Okay, put yourself in his position for a minute. What if Sierra was dumping you for another guy? How would you react?” Luc didn’t have to wonder; he knew what it did to him, seeing Marisa with another man. He’d almost snapped countless times over the past few months.

Trey cracked his knuckles and scowled. “I’d want to kill him.”

“Or her?”

Trey turned his head quickly. “What? No, I’d never hurt Sierra, you jackass.”

“I know you’re not capable of something like that, but I’m not so sure about him.”

Trey considered his words. “I think you’re off base, Luc. I’ve known Tim my whole life. He’s not a violent guy.”

“He came to see me the night he and Marisa got engaged.”

“Did he try and start something with you?”

“No, he just warned me off, but there’s somethin’ off about him, Trey.”

Trey laughed. “Are you sure you’re not the one who’s a little off?”

Luc shoved him hard. He laughed when Trey wound up to return the favor. “I’m serious, man. I’ve got a bad feeling about this guy. I’d feel a lot better if she did this here, where people are around to protect her if he loses it.”

“You want me to talk to her?”

“Nah, you need to get back to the party. Just send her down when you head back up to the house? I’ll talk to her.”

Trey stood up. “You got it.”

Luc stood up, facing his friend. “I know this goes without saying, but I need to keep this thing with Nikki under wraps for a while, okay?”

Trey grimaced. “How long before you come clean with my sister, Spencer?”

“Soon, I promise.”

Marisa tried to calm her fears as she walked down to the pool to meet Luc. Trey wouldn’t tell her why he wanted to see her, and she couldn’t help but wonder whether he was going to suggest she reconsider her decision to break up with Tim. Maybe he felt she was better off with Tim. Could be he wasn’t interested in a monogamous relationship with her when he could return to the promiscuous lifestyle he’d favored before they started dating.

She rounded the corner and found him sitting at the foot of a lounger, his broad shoulders slumped as he stared into the water. Whatever he planned to tell her was obviously weighing heavily on him.

She forced herself to put one foot in front of the other instead of acting on the impulse to run as far and as fast as she could. She cleared her throat and held her breath as he turned around to face her.

He grinned. “Hey, baby, I was hoping you’d be able to get away.”

She resisted the urge to weep with relief. She still saw that look in his eye that told her he loved her, wanted her, needed her. “What’s up? Trey said you wanted to see me.”

He looked past her. “Did anyone see you come down here?”

She looked over her shoulder. “I don’t think so. Tim had an emergency back at the ranch. He’s going to meet me at my place later.”

“Shit.”

Her pulse skipped. “What’s wrong?”

He stood up and pulled a set of keys out of his pocket. “It feels like it’s gonna start raining any second.

Trey gave me the keys to the guest house. Why don’t we head on inside before we get drenched?”

She twisted her beaded handbag in her clenched hands. “Luc, what’s this about?” She tried to suppress the rising panic. Without benefit of daylight, she could misread that look in his eyes. Maybe it was remorse or pity. Maybe he was about to tell her she needed to give up on this silly fantasy of them being together and move on with her life. Maybe he just didn’t care about her anymore. “Listen, Luc, if you want me to marry Tim, just say the word.” Not that she would. No matter what Luc thought, she knew Tim wasn’t the man for her.

He threw his head back and laughed. “What the hell are you talkin’ about, darlin’? Now why would I want you to go and do a stupid thing like that?”

She felt the knot of tension in her belly begin to unfurl. “Maybe you’re sick and tired of this back and forth between us. Hell, I wouldn’t blame you if you were. I know I am.” She was determined to remain strong, no matter his reaction.

He walked toward her slowly. He stopped only when his custom boots met the toes of her designer stilettos.

She looked down at the ground, afraid of what she might see if she looked him in the eye.

He tipped her chin with his fingertip. “Hey, look at me.” He cupped her face in both hands.

She was determined to maintain her dignity this time around. No more crying, begging, or pleading where this man was concerned. If he wanted her, he would have to be the one doing the begging.

“I thought maybe you were afraid I’d break up with Tim and start pressuring you again. I can promise you that’s the furthest thing from my mind.” She was ashamed of the way she’d acted when they were together, embarrassed she was so desperate to spend her life with this man she’d basically demanded he propose to her. She realized now that he should propose to her because he couldn’t imagine living without her, not because she’d pressured him into it.

He tipped his head back, staring at the night sky. “I’ve really screwed things up for us, haven’t I?”

She slipped her hands inside his blazer, craving his body heat.

He must have felt her shiver because he slipped his jacket off and wrapped it around her. “Let’s head inside, okay?”

She nodded and allowed him to lead the way to the guest house. Once inside, she waited for him to close the door and turn to face her before speaking. “Before you say anything, I just want you to know that I’m sorry.”

He grabbed her upper arms. “What are you talkin’ about? You have no reason to apologize to me. If anything, I should be down on my knees, beggin’ for forgiveness.”

She smiled, feeling infinitely better. “Now that I’d like to see.”

His hands slid down to her waist, drawing her closer. “You have no idea how much I want you right now.” He sighed, pulling her into his arms. “But I’ll be damned if I’m gonna make love to another man’s fiancée.” He drew back to look at her. “The next time we’re together, you’re gonna be mine, all mine. You got that?”

She shuddered at his words, the possessiveness she heard in his tone. All she’d ever wanted was to be his and for him to be hers, forever.

“Now about that fiancé of yours...”

“I already told you, I’m gonna end it when he comes to my place tonight.”

“No!”

She stepped out of his arms, turning her back on him. “You don’t want me to end things with Tim?”

He grabbed her by the waist and tugged her back against the solid wall of his chest. “Of course I do. The sooner the better,” he whispered. He drew her earlobe into his mouth. “Then I want you in my bed, tonight and every night from now on.”