Ruthless People (26 page)

She was starting to blur as the pain took over. In the back of my mind, I could feel
them ripping my shirt. But in the front of my mind, all I could see was her. She was
worried, scared, and caring as she held onto me. I smiled at her and she smiled at
me.

“You’re not alone, Liam,” she whispered, and I knew that the pain, the burning in
my chest, was worth it. This was so fucking worth it.

I took a small amount of pleasure in the panic in her eyes as mine closed. Half of
me felt so bad for causing her pain. The other half knew that we, as humans, sometimes
learned the best lessons from pain.

Checkmate.

EIGHTEEN

“There is no greater blessing than a family hand
that lifts you from a fall;
but there is no lower curse than a family hand
that strikes you when you’re down.”

~ Wes Fessler

NEAL

I cleaned my rifle for what had to be the fifteenth motherfucking time as I waited
for the sun to come up. I wouldn’t be able to sleep until this was over. Truthfully,
I hadn’t slept well in over a decade. Every night since high school, I woke up in
the same cold sweat, and every night I would believe it was just a dream until I saw
the tattoo on my arm. It was nothing special or fancy. It was just the number
224
. The locker I found Liam in. It would forever be burned into my skin and in my mind.

Every night I saw him, this small nerd with messy brown hair and glasses shaking in
a locker. He was beaten up badly. He had even pissed himself he was shaking so hard.
I was momentarily frozen in shock. I screamed for help over and over again, even when
Coach D was already there trying to help him. I just kept screaming until my voice
went silent. He stepped in and did what I had failed to do. In that one moment, it
was like a sheet was lifted from my fucking face and I realized I was an idiot. I
was jealous of Liam. Our father had poured his love into him since the moment he was
born. The sun and moon revolved around Liam. Was he all right? Did he take his pills?
How far did he walk today? Did you see how fast he read that book? Did you know he
understands your homework Neal? Liam this. Liam that. Whenever I needed to speak with
our father, he was in Liam’s room. Whenever I need help, he was busy with Liam. Always
fucking
Liam
. I was jealous. He lost his twin, had his shoulder broken, his feet crippled, and
small dying lungs, all within hours of just being born, and I was jealous of him.

It didn’t make sense anymore, but back then with a child’s understanding, that’s what
I thought. Whenever our mother saw him, she would break down. She would sob and sob
then lock herself away for months. I blamed Liam for that. What made it worse was
that I truthfully hated myself. I hated myself for not protecting our mother. I was
young. I couldn’t do anything, but it didn’t help. It was just easier to blame it
all on Liam because it started when he came. So when he was being bullied, teased,
or flat-out embarrassed, I looked away. I always looked away until I saw him shaking
in that locker, and then I couldn’t look away any longer.

Declan stepped in, knocking back a beer. “This is such a stupid plan.”

“It’s my only chance, Declan,” I said with a sigh, cleaning the barrel once again.
I didn’t want the bullet to back-jam. If it did, then it would come out with more
force. It would definitely kill him.

“There has to be another way. This is going to backfire on you both.”

“There is no other way! He is my brother. I want my brother back, Declan. You have
no idea. You both have always been close. I want to be able to sit with him, drink,
and joke and laugh like you both do. I want to go on hunting trips, to fighting clubs.
I fucking want to be part of the family again. I want a seat at the damn table, because
if I don’t get one soon, Liam will cut me out permanently. Do you know what happens
to people Liam cuts out?” I snapped, throwing the gun on the table as I took a deep
breath.

“Neal��”

“He eithers kills them or he leaves them to die, family or no family. The only thing
holding him back is our mother, and how much longer do you think that will last? I
may one day wake up and find my wife and myself in chains or in hell thanks to him.
I cannot let that happen.”

“Are you doing this because you fear he will one day turn on you or because you truly
want his love,” Declan said, as he placed his beer down to clean my gun. “He’s been
a crappy brother as well. You messed up, but you were young. We were all young.”

“You don’t see what I see at night, Declan,” I replied, taking the gun from him. “You
don’t understand how disgusted I feel with myself whenever I wake up in the morning.”

“I’m starting to.”

“Why, because you’re lusting over Melody?”

“How—”

“Because every last man with a working dick is lusting over her. It’s hard not to
when she shoots people in a tight dress and heels, and fucking loves it. We all want
that from our women, but Liam got it. Always Liam. However, I have enough bad blood
to last me a lifetime. Last thing I need is Melody added to the mix.” Plus, that woman
scared me almost as much as Olivia did.

“You’re going to shoot her husband, she’s added to the mix.”

He had a point.

“Yeah, well I need to work on Liam.” At the first sign of light, I lifted the clear
bullet.

“What is this?” Declan grabbed hold of one.

“I call them blanks, I made them for Liam. They will hurt like a bitch and may cause
bleeding, but it shouldn't kill him. I got it from paintballs.” It wouldn’t take long
at all.

“When this goes to hell, and it will go to hell, remember to tell Melody I had no
idea about this.”

This couldn’t fail. I would do anything Liam needed for this not to fail. It was crazy
but that was who Liam was, ninety-eight percent of everything he did was crazy, but
it worked. He gave me his word that he would finally let the past remain in the past.
Maybe then I would finally be able breathe again, to sleep again, to be at peace again.

Declan didn’t understand. Olivia didn’t understand. No one understood what I felt.
How deep the guilt had embedded into my soul. Father had told me repeatedly that family
was everything. That we lived and died for family, but then Liam happened and I swear
Sedric knew what I had done. He looked me dead in the eye and waited for me to confess
my sin, but I couldn’t speak. For the last twelve years I couldn’t speak. What is
the point of being strong on the outside when you are weak on the inside?

That was why I needed to do this. Not just for Liam but for myself . . . for Olivia.
So I could finally be the man she needed. Instead, she was the woman who held on to
me each and every fucking night as I tried to get the image of the little boy in the
locker out of my mind.

She wanted kids, but she wasn’t the problem. I was. Apparently, my own body had begun
to betray me. The doctors called it “stress,” stupid motherfuckers. It was my body’s
way of telling me I was not ready to be a father, not when I couldn’t even hold my
shit together.

Sighing, I dropped my head against my rifle.

“May my aim be true in its intent,” I whispered to myself before tucking the cross
around my neck into my shirt.

Walking toward my window, I waited. I would wait all day if I had to. But sure enough
he walked out from the trees.

“Forgive me,” I whispered as I pulled the trigger.

NINETEEN

“He who makes a beast of himself
gets rid of the pain of being a man.”

~ Samuel Johnson

CORALINE

Day 1

“Ahh!” I screamed at the top of my lungs as a rush of freezing cold water was poured
all over me and my bed. Jumping out of bed I came face-to-face with . . . Adriana
I believe? She looked like I was an annoying brat.

“You’re late.” She stared, placing the bucket on ground.

“It’s six in the morning!” I yelled at her, shivering horribly. Why in the world couldn’t
she just shake me like a normal person?

“Training starts an hour before sunrise. The sun is up, which means you’re late.”
She walked to my closet and pulled out two random items of clothing that didn’t even
match, then threw them at me.

“I didn’t”

“Strip.”

“What?” She wanted me to change in front of her?

She rolled her eyes and pointed to my pajamas. “Take off your clothes and get changed,
so you can start the training you begged the Boss for.”

“Okay let me just go to the bathroom.”

“Why? Do you have special lady parts that I don’t have?” She glared at me.

“I don’t remember you being this mouthy to Mel.”

“What was that?’ she asked, making me jump.

“Nothing, these clothes don’t match,” I replied walking over to my closet.

Adriana followed of course. “Does it matter what clothes you bleed in?”

“Bleed in?”

“There is a reason why people say they worked through blood, sweat, and tears.” She
rolled her eyes making me feel like an idiot, and I wasn’t doing this to feel even
worse about myself.

“Look I’m new at this whole—”

“Being strong? Being confident? Being a fucking Callahan? Yeah, I’m getting that.
Which is why I’m annoyed, because this isn’t you. Or at least is shouldn’t be you.
Aren’t black women supposed to be strong?”

“You don’t know me, you racist bitch!” I yelled at her. Yes, I was supposed to be
the “typical” black woman, the one who takes no shit and is ready to fight at every
moment. God forbid there be a black woman who was shy, who hated confrontation, who
didn’t fit the stereotype.

She smirked, pushing her glasses up her small nose. “Nope, I don’t know you, but do
you know you? Is this meek, small woman in front of me the real Coraline or is it
the face you put on because you’re scared to deal with your shit?”

I wasn’t sure how to respond to that.

“Think about why you asked to do this. You could have chosen any other way to remake
yourself—to better yourself. You could have gone back to school, lost five pounds,
wrote a self-help book. But instead, you wanted to learn how to fight. People who
choose that option are born differently than the rest of the world.” She stepped right
up to my face, and I felt the need to back away.

“There is a drive, a hunger within you Coraline. You’re trying to break out of your
shell but are scared to do so. You’re scared because all you know how to do is hide
behind sick children and big fat checks. You hide behind everything, even your clothes.
It’s why you can’t take them off in front of others. Let me get guess, you and Declan
have sex in the dark? You hide and wait under the covers—”

“Shut the fuck up!” I yelled, my fist flying at her fast, however, she caught it easily
and smiled.

“There’s the real Coraline breaking out. Maybe you aren’t hopeless. We will try again
tomorrow, and you better not be late.” She glared before walking away from me.

When she left, I felt myself fall and I just lay down in my closet. Who was the real
Coraline Wilson Callahan? I wasn’t sure. My whole life was unsure, with the exception
of Declan. He was the silver lining in my life. Neither of my parents really wanted
anything to do with me, seeing as how they weren’t really my parents. They were my
very bitter aunt and uncle. After my real parents died, they took me in, hoping they
could get the money that was left to me.

They didn’t care about me, and they were pissed when they found out only I could withdraw
anything and not until my sixteenth birthday. They never said a kind word to me as
a child, and then on my sixteenth birthday, they were taking me on shopping trips—more
like I was taking them. But they were happy and they treated me better, so I kept
buying. Now here I was at twenty-two, still trying to buy affection. But it didn’t
work so well when everyone around you had just as much money, if not more.

I didn’t know who the real me was. But I knew I wanted to kill this Coraline. Not
all of her, just most of her. I wanted to be who I was when I first met Declan, free,
alive, happy. I wasn’t sure when I lost it. I think it was just a few months after
we got married. I saw a darker side of him, and I got nervous, I became afraid and
walled myself off from him.

The more blood I saw, the more wounds he came back with, the more I walked away, which
was stupid, because he confessed on our third date who he was and what he did. He
told me he loved me enough to let me walk away. He said that if he went on one more
date he wouldn’t be able to handle it if I left him. I didn’t want to leave him, so
I stayed, and then I kicked him in the gut for it later. I accepted this life, and
I didn’t want it to rule me. I wanted to walk on the same water Mel and Evelyn did.
Evelyn would walk through fire for Sedric, she would kill for him, and I wanted to
be that way. I wanted to be a real Callahan woman.

Day 2

I walked straight into Adriana’s room to find her placing knives on her bed. She looked
up at me then to the time and smiled.