Ryder (6 page)

“Ryder, your car is like a Ladybug, but with no spots.” I smile at her and open the door for her and Letty to enter. The hostess seats us at a table by the window and Demi enjoys watching people walking pass, even a few girls and kids wave back at her. She just smiles and keeps waving at the passing people.

“So, Angel what would you like to eat? Get anything you want but as Mama Phoenix always says, that you must eat all your dinner before you get desert. So what will it be my two favorite ladies?” I wink at Letty.

“Mama never lets me have ice cream before food. Right, Mama?” She lowers her voice to a whisper. “But Auntie Quinn does, but shhh. Don’t tell Mama ok, Ryder?” I smile at her and we do a pinkie promise. Letty looks away pretending that she hasn’t just heard her daughter narking on her best friend.

We order our food and we sit and chat comfortably. Demi holds most of the conversation but Letty and I join in. Once our food arrives, I sit back and watch Letty interact with her daughter. Letty helps cut up Demi’s fish bites and she never adds salt to her food. She helps her with her drink. I could honestly say that I could sit her all day and watch these two. Most guys my age would run for the hills at the thought of hooking up with a single mom, but I can’t help how I feel. I think Rafe will understand where I’m coming from but Reeve will probably tell me to fuck and run. But I won’t to do that; just the thought of leaving and hurting Letty and Demi makes my stomach knot painfully.

Letty must see the concern on my face, because she reaches over to touch my hand, concern written on her face also. “You ok?” she asks in a hushed tone. I nod and give her a weak smile. Taking a drink, I see two girls approach our table. Fuck not now.

“Are you Ryder from Inside Noise?” the blond asks. I automatically slip into my rock star persona, I can’t stop it. It just happens.

“Sure am, babe. You want an autograph or something else? Maybe your t-shirt or what’s underneath?” I see Letty tense and I regret it as soon as it comes out of my mouth. Letty stands and throws money on the table, picking Demi up from her chair and retrieving her backpack she stops and looks at the girls and gives me a disappointed look.

“He is all yours girls” With that she leaves the diner with Demi firmly sitting in her hip.

Jesus fucking H Christ. Only me, only fucking me.

Chapter 8

Letty

God, I am such a moron I truly believed the speech that Ryder gave me at the day care about wanting to see what we grow into. Fucking bullshit if you ask me. See this is why I don’t date or ever introduce any man to Demi, because I know she will get attached and then get hurt. She cried a little after we left Ryder at the diner with those girls. I can’t believe how quick his personality changed right in front of me and Demi; she doesn’t know what was going on but that is beside the point.

He turned into Rock Star Ryder fucking Phoenix while my daughter sat across from him. I let myself fall for his words so easily; god I am so damn stupid. By the time Demi and I arrive back at our apartment, Ryder has tried calling me and a number of texts have come through, but I ignore them all I will check them once I get Demi bathed and settled into bed. She has had a full and busy day.

I settle Demi into her bed and press play on her iPod docking station to play her bedtime music Rhianna’s ‘Diamonds’ plays and I smile to myself. I kiss the top of Demi’s head. “Goodnight my bright shining diamond. It’s just you and me, baby” I slowly back out of her room and sling myself into my couch. Today has been a full mixture of emotions from enjoying my day off to having a total bitch moment to feeling maybe just maybe that I could have a man in my life that excepts Demi and me as a package deal, to being made to feel invisible in front of Inside Noise fans like I was nothing, like we were nothing. 

My phone beeps, alerting me that I have a new text. I take a deep breath and head over to the kitchen table to dig through my bag for my iPhone.

Ryder: Fuck, I’m so fucking sorry Letty please answer the phone I am calling you now.

I see that there are seven missed calls from Ryder and two from Quinn. I send a quick text to Quinn.

Me: I’m ok; just have a headache so we are having an early night. Text tomorrow.

Quinn: You had better text me in the morning bitch ;) love ya

Me: Love ya too bitch

I read a few more texts from Ryder, all pretty much saying he is sorry for being an asshole and acting the way he did and for the way he treated me and Demi. A little late there, bud. I don’t get the whole saying sorry after the fact; it’s a pointless effort to me. I don’t respond to any of his texts or call him back I really don’t see the point. I chill out on my couch and watch some ‘Control’ on TV got to love James Wilde. I scroll through my phone and check my Facebook and see I have a new friend request from none other than Ryder Phoenix. Really? Do I let him stew a little longer or just get it out of the way?

I hit except and almost I am tagged in a status, great what hell has he tagged me in.

Ryder Phoenix Status

   I screwed up today with my new girl, I would really like her to answer her phone for me please Letty Shaw

I can’t help but laugh as the first comment pops up.

Lucy Cooper – What did you do, Ry Ry? Didn’t I tell you not to screw it up with them!!!!

I see that Lucy is the blond from the coffee shop and the guy that’s in her profile picture with her is Rafe, Ryder’s brother. So from her comment he must have talked to his friends and brothers about Demi and me. Shit. Another comment pops up.

Beck Hudson – Dick move, especially since there is a kid involved.

Ok, I do not want Demi talked about on Facebook. So I text Ryder.

Me: Delete that FB status now please!!!!

I place my phone on the coffee table and head over to the fridge to grab myself a soda. My phone starts ringing on the coffee table. I trek over and see Ryder's beautiful face on my screen. Taking a deep breath, I slide my finger across the screen to answer his call.

“Hello?” I say in a hushed tone. I’m trying to keep the hurt out of my voice but I guess that was an epic fail.

“Letty, oh fuck. I have hurt you, haven’t I? Jesus, I am so sorry Baby, really I am. Shit Letty, please tell me that I haven’t screwed this up ready?” I can hear the desperation in his voice but as much as I do really want to try and see where this goes, if he is quick to fall back into his rock star role, what about when he has a gig and I have to go watch him? Will he flirt with other girls while I’m there? I really couldn’t handle that if he did.

“Ryder I really don’t know how I feel at the moment. My emotions are all over the place and I have to think of Demi; she is my first priority in everything here. Listen, give me a few days and I will see how I feel. It’s a lot to take on. You are big deal around her Ryder and all the girls know who you are. I can’t compete with them.” I hold my breath waiting for his reply; I hear him sigh. I’m unsure as to how he is going to respond. He is quiet for a few minutes, so I look at my phone, thinking the line dropped out but the line is still open. “Ryder, are you there?”

“Do you know what? Fine Letty, take a few days. I’m not going to push you, you want to see me again just call or text or whatever. I won’t chase you; I don’t need to chase women. Later.” he says in a standoff-ish way and then he hangs up on me. Well shit, that hurt.

Was I wrong to ask for a few days to sort through my feelings?

He begged me to try and give us a chance but then when I ask for a few days, he sulks off like a freaking three year old?  I swear, Demi acts more mature than he was just then. Shit. I throw my phone on the other side of my couch and pick my laptop up from off the coffee table. I read through my emails and see that Andy has emailed again.

God, this guy just doesn’t like being told no. It’s hard to think that there are men out there that want nothing to do with their children until it suits them; they are pathetic. Even though I hated him for the way he treated me when we found out I was pregnant he is still my daughter’s father. I scroll through my Twitter account and see nothing new so I log onto my Facebook account and see two friends of mine are getting married; I remember them in high school being totally in love. Wherever he was, she was right by his side so sweet. I thought that I would have that with Andy but hey, we can’t have it all.

But as far as I’m concerned I won the best prize, Demi. Ryder updates his status while I’m scrolling through. I forgot we were friends now.

Ryder Phoenix – What trouble can I get into tonight? Need a big ass drink after the day I have had.

A comment pops up straight away, with a girl telling him to call her. Ryder replies with a wink emoji, a fucking wink. Well fuck that, if that’s how he wants to play this then game on Phoenix.  I scroll through my phone and find the guy I’m looking for.

Me: Hey how you doing? Not chatted in a while

Dallas: Hey sweetheart, I’m good, long time no chat. Settling in. Dad is a slave driver but glad to have my own space again. How you been? We should meet up for a drink.

Exactly what I wanted, I can always count of Dallas for an enjoyable night.

Me: I have been busy but yeah we can meet up. You busy tomorrow night. We can meet somewhere?

He doesn’t know about Demi; we went on a few dates a few months back but it didn’t go anywhere. I wouldn’t sleep with him and he understood that but I felt bad and we had a long chat and decided to go our separate ways. We arrange a place and time to meet up for drinks and I text Quinn and ask her to watch Demi for me, which of course she agrees to do. Game time. I update my Facebook status.

Letty Shaw – Looking forward to a few drinks tomorrow night with an old friend, hope he knows how to bring his A-Game ;)

Boom, how’s them apples Ryder Phoenix?

Quinn likes my status and so does a few other friends. My heart skips a beat when I get a notification that Ryder likes my status and comments.

Ryder Phoenix – Hope you have a nice time with your guy friend, nice to know where I stand with you!!!!!

My stomach drops to my feet and tears fight to be let loose. How can he hurt me with a few words in just a short amount of time? So it’s ok for him to meet up with other girls but I can’t meet up with other men? Ok, I understand that he didn’t actually say he was going to call her but he winked and that meant he was, right? I delete the status and close down my laptop and head for my room, after getting into my pajamas, I climb into bed and read a book I started a few days ago. Cursed Love by T. H Snyder. God. I need myself a Linc. All hot and tatted. Yummy, just like Ryder. Fucking, shit.

Demi wakes me the next morning before my alarm. Nothing like have a human alarm, who doesn’t like to sleep in. I lift my phone off the bedside table and see that it’s only five-thirty. Reaching for Demi I start tickling her; she giggles and thrashes her arms and legs about.

“Mama stop please…” I laugh and pick her up throwing her over my shoulder like a sack of potatoes and head for the kitchen. I sit Demi at the table and start her breakfast. She is off to day care today as I have a full day of work. Quinn is going to babysit tonight while I go for a few drinks with Dallas. I am hoping that he doesn’t think it is going anywhere and I will explain that as soon as we met up. I know it was wrong of me to use him like this but Ryder’s winky hurt me. God I am feeling so stupid. Fucking feelings, why do we have them? Wouldn’t life be easier if we didn’t feel anything?

After dropping Demi off at day care I walk to work. Ben, Bree and Ruth are all in this morning; every morning it’s all hands on deck. It’s Loren’s morning off so it’s just us four. Once we open the doors we have a steady flow of customers getting their morning java in all forms. I’m in the kitchen stacking more mugs freshly cleaned from the dishwasher when Ben comes through the door frowning, he takes the tray from me.

“Why don’t I take these out front and you have a break? You have been on your feet all morning” He shoves me towards the back door. He keeps looking over his shoulder towards the door; what is he keeping me from? While he now holding the tray of mugs, I slip past him and push through the door. I stop dead in my track when I see Ryder and a blond sitting at a window table, laughing. My chest feels heavy and my stomach tightens. So my assumptions were smack on the dot. Bastard. Taking a deep breath and squaring my shoulders I head over to their table and see if they want a refill.