Sacred Hart (14 page)

She was all forms of flawless; her gasp slipped easily across my lips as I captured it, and our mouths moved together too fast. I was breathless. It was like I’d never done this before. My hands shook as I removed her bra, and as I pulled away to look at her, I was speechless. Maggie’s eyes locked with mine and I took my time. I let myself slowly see her. I didn’t want to miss an inch. I’d been starving, I was desiccated, and she was the precious drop of water, that life changing oasis I’d been lost without.

“Ryan?” Her lips parted as she lifted the hem of my undershirt. I helped her remove it, and when her small hot hands found their favorite spot on my chest, I almost groaned. Her fingers moved in a direct line down my stomach to my belt, and the muscles tightened.

“Wait.” I grabbed her hands.

The rise and fall of my chest was heavy as she pulled her bottom lip through her teeth. She dropped my gaze, and I worried I’d made her insecure. I raised her chin with my finger. “I’m nervous… nervous as hell. I’m so out of my league, and I feel like I’m starting from scratch. You have to let me pace this…” She leaned her face into my hand as I inhaled a deep breath, and her scent filled my lungs. A calm settled over me, and I brought my lips to her cheek. They brushed against her as I spoke, “I could have only dreamed of you, Maggie… and been a happy man.”

Her eyes glittered as she searched mine. “That’s all I want, Ryan. I just want you to be happy.”

“I’m happy with you.”

The corners of her mouth lifted, and a dimple formed in her cheek. “Then that’s all that matters.” She kissed a line along my jaw, down my neck, and then back to my lips. Her fingers tangled in my hair as I intensified our kiss.

My hands trailed down along her rib cage, and I felt her shiver as I pulled away from her mouth. The wood cracked and popped inside the fireplace, and the pale orange light of the flame created a silhouette along the line of her curves. The tiny hairs on her arms stood as I passed my fingertips over her flesh with gentle pressure. She laid herself back onto the mattress, and her hair fell in golden waves behind her. Stray pieces covered her breasts, and the soft plane of her stomach was covered in goose bumps.

She watched me, and the longer I waited, the deeper she would blush. The expectation made something inside of me burn, my cage — it was rattled, and I wanted her to feel that pulse she’d finally given back to me. I flipped the button of her jeans, and she bit her lip as my fingers curled around the waistband. She lifted her hips enough that I was able to easily tug them down along with her underwear.

I swallowed down all my apprehension as I took in the sight before me. Maggie was the first woman I’d seen naked in over a decade, but I never recalled anything this stunning in my whole life. She was gentle curves and the light freckles that covered the tops of her breasts made me ache to touch her — to taste her. I fumbled with my belt like a teenager and removed my own clothes.

Maggie’s cheeks turned a vivid red as I grasped her hips, and lightly lifted her to the center of the bed. I kissed her lips once, and then her chin. I made a path down to her navel and noticed several thin scars scattered over her stomach. I began to trace them with my finger, and Maggie stopped me with her left hand.

“Babies ruin bodies,” she whispered tightly, and when I glanced up, I noticed she had her other arm over her eyes.

I moved her arm and made her look at me. “Ruin?” I leaned down and kissed her stomach. She shuddered as I let my lips move lower. “Maggie, we all have scars. It doesn’t make you any less beautiful. Your scars… they made a life.”

I dusted the tip of my nose along her inner thigh, and I kissed the marks there as well. She let herself relax, and as my mouth moved against her, tasting her, she gasped my name. My control wavered on a precarious ledge as her feminine scent flooded my senses. Her fingers gripped my hair, and her body coiled tight as I brought her higher. She shuddered, and her breaths became uneven. I watched her as she fell. I watched as that painful need evaporated from her features, and her mouth opened as her full pink lips begged me to kiss them. I moved over her body again and captured her sigh with my lips.

Her eyes found mine, and her fingertips ran down my spine as I guided our bodies together. I froze, each muscle contracted, and my jaw pulsed as I slid inside her. My forehead rested against hers as I held my weight with my forearms. It was an honor to have her like this, and I didn’t want to move. I didn’t want to forget what
this
felt like.
This.
Maggie.

She brought her hands to my face. “You’re shaking again.” Her lips pressed against mine.

“I’m overwhelmed.”

She smiled against my mouth and dropped her hands from my face. She ran her fingers down the sides of my body and rested them on my hips. “That’s a good thing?”

I pushed fully inside of her, filling her completely, and a soft gasp fell from her lips. “It’s a good thing.” I smiled and brought my mouth to hers.

The movement came in time. We didn’t want to rush it. We wanted to feel each sound, discover what it was like to just be with each other. Maggie’s soft cries filled the empty air, filled each lonely moment with something bright. I rolled our bodies so that she was on top. I wanted to see the heat in her cheeks, the mess of her hair, watch her eyes as she took me in. She leaned over me, and I caught the peak of her breast in my mouth. Her hair surrounded me; the floral scent was like a curtain as she said my name with a whispered moan. She pulled away, resting her hands on my cheeks as she rocked against me. My heart beat furiously as she stole my pace, bringing me closer and closer. Her eyes shut, and her head fell back as she, too, found the boundary and crossed it.

Everything went black for a split second; my body felt light and my heart skipped as a low growl ripped from my throat. The only thing keeping me above the surface was the feel of her skin, and the grip I held on her hips. She curled her fingers in the light patch of hair on my chest, and her legs shook on either side of me.

“Maggie.” Her name sounded coarse as I sat up and grasped her face with my hands.

I kissed her with rough, urgent, and insistent lips as she wrapped her arms around me, closing the space between us. Our lips tugged, bit, and tasted. She kissed me back, kissed me hard, and I felt the beat of her heart against mine. Each fought to find a rhythm, and as our breathing calmed, they found the same groove. I kissed her cheek, her jaw, and the crook of her neck. Time was just an afterthought, but the flames had fallen into embers inside the fireplace and the room was lit with a sleepy hue.

She was still seated around me as we watched each other with shy smiles. I pushed Maggie’s hair behind her ears. “Are you okay?” she asked.

I chuckled. “I think I’m supposed to ask you that.”

The tip of her nose grazed mine as she leaned in and kissed me with sated lips. “Oh…” She laughed quietly and crinkled her nose. “I’m perfect,” she said as she pulled away.

She traced shapes along my chest, and I kissed her skin. I sampled her… first her shoulder, then her collar bone. She kissed my jaw, my nose, and then my forehead. I wrapped her up inside of my arms, and her arms folded around me seamlessly as well.

“I’ve been thinking.”

She laughed and kissed the pulse point below my ear. “Uh-oh”

“I need you to hear me out.” I brought my lips to her ear and told her what I’d been afraid to admit to myself. The words were low as I spoke, “I came here by chance, Maggie. It was the last stop of the bus line. I got out of prison, got on a Greyhound, and found my way here. That bus… it brought me here for a reason. It brought me here for you.”

She hugged me so tightly; being this close to someone again… it felt good. She leaned back and her watery eyes found mine. “I think it did, too.”

“You push me, Maggie. You make sure I remember I have a future.” I laid her down on the bed and rested my body next to her. I kissed her forehead, and she closed her eyes. I trailed my fingers along the curve of her breast, down past the slope of her hip, and back up again.

“I just see you… you can’t see yourself like I do, but I’m hoping you will. I’m hoping you’ll see your reflection in my eyes and finally recognize how amazing you are.” She opened her eyes and ran her hand through my hair.

I saw myself in the pale blue, but I didn’t see anything more than what I saw in the mirror every day. She needed to understand. “I can’t see what you do… and even though I said I would try, being with me, and maybe one day loving me, it will be a day to day battle because I’m missing a part of myself.”

“I know.” She dropped her hand to my hip and aligned our bodies. The satin feel of her skin against mine put me at ease.

I wanted her to fully comprehend all the dark shit I’d had in my head. “I slept in the dirt my first night in Oakville, and I thought I was going to die. I almost welcomed it, because maybe then… then I could be with Belle again. There’ve been times where taking my own life was a real option, but even though I don’t believe in God… I thought what if—”

“What if there is a God, and he kept you from her?” She draped her arm over my waist sealing off that last bit of distance.

I nodded. “If I had the chance to be with Belle again, I’d take it.”

She placed the palm of her hand on my cheek, and her thumb grazed against my beard. “I think any parent would.”

“I’d lost faith in everything… the idea a fate, all of it, it was ridiculous, it was a cruel joke… but I have no doubt… you’re lying here with me because someone willed it so. Maybe it’s a god, or maybe it’s Belle, or maybe… it’s just coincidence. It doesn’t matter.”

“It doesn’t?”

I shook my head. “All I know, Maggie… is this is the best I’ve felt in over ten fucking years, and I don’t want to let you go.”

Her eyes filled with unshed tears. “Then don’t.”

The heat from Ryan’s body was gone, and I rolled over to an empty bed. The sheets were still warm where he’d been sleeping, and the water pipes creaked as I heard the shower turn on in the bathroom. I stretched my arms above my head and curled my toes in an attempt to loosen my sore muscles. A timid smile spread across my lips as I thought about how good it felt to let someone in again. No, not just someone…
Ryan
. We’d fallen asleep sometime in the middle of the night after he’d made love to me for a second time. We’d been wrapped up and tangled with one another. Normally, I needed my own space when I slept, but there was something about having him that close. His lips at my ear, his breath on my neck, and his fingers against my flesh; it was a precious thing, a tender feeling, and something deep inside my soul told me I needed to hold on tight.

I sat up and let my eyes adjust to the lack of light. My feet hit the cold floor and I shuddered. I grabbed the sheet and wrapped it around my body as I moved to the door. The hallway was lit with a pale light, and I figured it must still be early morning. My yawn confirmed my suspicions, and I wondered if Ryan had coffee in his kitchen. I stood outside his bathroom, and the steam seeped from under the door. The heat of it felt glorious against my frozen toes. I was having a very big dilemma. Coffee or warm shower… coffee or warm shower with Ryan… I was a smart girl.

I knocked lightly and cracked the door, peeking my head inside. “Hey, handsome, save me some hot water.”

He chuckled from behind the curtain. The distinct smell of his soap permeated the thick humid fog. “I can’t promise you anything.”

“Then I’m coming in. Be prepared, my hands are popsicles.” I smirked as I shut the door behind me and draped the sheet over the small sink.

I pulled the curtain back and stepped in behind him, placing my cold hand on his shoulder. “Shit. Get in here.” He pulled me against him and closed the curtain. “You’re freezing, Maggie.” His skin was scalding, and it felt divine. He turned me toward the warm spray, and the water soaked my hair as hot rivers ran down my back. He leaned down and greeted me with a gentle kiss before he asked, “I didn’t wake you, did I?” His gaze was repentant.

“No… well… I got cold… and I wanted to make coffee.” I enclosed my arms around his waist, and it was then I noticed a small scar on his right shoulder I hadn’t seen before. I lifted my hand to the raised skin.

His eyes followed the movement, and when my fingers traced the line he said, “I try not to think about being in prison. Doing hard time… it’s hell on earth, and the devils aren’t always the criminals.”

The lump in my throat threatened to choke me. “You’re so much stronger than you give yourself credit for, Ryan. You’ve had so much taken from you.” I leaned my forehead against his chest, and the water trickled down my cheeks, mixing with my tears.

“It was ten years. Ten years of constantly watching my back. Time spent avoiding eye contact, avoiding human interactions, avoiding the fact that the actual number of humans in the joint were limited.” His hand cradled the back of my head, and I felt his lips against my hair as he added, “They may have broken me a few times, but I won. I’m free of all that shit now, and as far I’m concerned, the day I entered and the day I left were the same day. My clock stopped as the iron bars closed and restarted when my feet hit the soil beyond the gates.”

He lifted my chin with his fingers, and my teary eyes met his. “They didn’t hurt you?” My voice was wobbly as I tried to make a coherent sentence. What happened to him there? How did he survive? How could this man… this loving creature, bear so much? The questions swirled in my head, but I knew I’d never get the answers. He had shut the door on that chapter, and I didn’t want to be the one to make him open it. Like the saying goes, some things were better left unsaid.

He took my hand in his and placed it over his scar. “We all have scars, remember?” He smiled, and a sob broke from my lips. “This is just the surface, Maggie. No… they didn’t hurt me… they couldn’t…” his smile fell, “…I’d already sustained the deepest wound possible.”

I wrapped my arms around his waist and pulled him closer. I listened to that unsteady heart, memorizing each wavering beat, and the truth slipped from my lips. “Do you think it’s possible that I might have fallen for you already?”

“We haven’t even had coffee yet.”

I laughed into his chest before I leaned back to look at his expression. “You make jokes, too… I’m a lucky woman.”

He chuckled and pushed the wet strands of my hair off my face. His smile softened, and his eyes searched mine. “I think it’s possible, Maggie…” Ryan’s brown eyes fell to my mouth, and my arms lifted and anchored around his neck, “…because I think I might’ve, too.”

The butterflies’ wings took flight in my stomach, and the way we kissed each other, the sensation of it… I felt it throughout each nerve ending in my body. His hands found my hips, and he pressed himself against me. Thoughts of coffee and early mornings disappeared. It was just us, two people grasping a hold of a collapsing ledge. Just us… falling into one another.

It was about two cups of coffee and three homemade pancakes later before my smile finally fell to an acceptable level of ridiculous. Ryan had to work, but he’d made me breakfast first. I’d decided I wanted to help him prep for the morning rush since I’d kept him up late, and I’d texted Cornelia asking her to bring Beth to the diner instead of school. Ryan, of course, wouldn’t let me help and sat me unceremoniously on one of the stools behind the bar. He was busy in the back, and Lou was chatting up the first customer of the day at one of the booths. The diner’s jukebox played one of my favorite old Fleetwood Mac songs as I took the last bite of my food.

My phone vibrated in my purse, and I pulled it out from the inside pocket. Cornelia had texted to say she was just leaving, and as I put my phone away, I grabbed my small packet of birth control pills. I removed one from the pack, put it in my mouth, and swallowed it down with some coffee.

“I hear tea is better for headaches than coffee.” Tony’s familiar voice almost made me jump as he spoke from behind me.

My right eyebrow raised in question. “A headache?”

He stepped behind the bar and grabbed a mug from the shelf above the counter. He picked up a box of Earl Grey tea and turned to face me. He handed me the box and placed the cup in front of me. “The pill?”

I felt the color fill my cheeks. “Excuse me?”

He picked up my empty plate. “You just took a pill. I assumed it was for your headache. I’m a nosy old fart. I just figured—”

“Oh.” My laugh was nervous. “Vitamins.”

He hadn’t noticed the blush of my cheeks and seemed oblivious to the fact that I was flustered as he placed my plate into a gray plastic bus tub. I sighed with relief. It was way too early to deal with that embarrassment. Tony turned and grabbed a kettle full of hot water from one of the coffee makers, and poured the steaming liquid into the ceramic mug in front of me.

“You look tired, Mags. Did you stay up late cleaning up the birthday party?” He looked at me with concern. The wrinkles around his eyes deepened with his smile.

“No, just an early morning.” I pulled a tea bag from the box and dropped it into the cup. I fiddled with the small tag of paper that dangled from the string. “Actually… I was going to ask you a favor.”

He snickered. “Anything for the lady… you don’t even have to ask.”

“Can I borrow Ryan for the day? I mean after the breakfast rush, do you think—”

“It’s done.” His smile reached his eyes. “You guys… working things out?” He raised his eyebrows, and I laughed openly.

“I guess you could say that.” I brought the cup of tea to my mouth and blew away the steam with my lips.

He nodded his head, and his smile dimmed. He leaned over the counter and whispered as I sipped the tea. It was still too hot, and it burned my taste buds. “Listen, Maggie, Ryan… well… he’s had a rough go at life and—”

“I know.” I placed the cup back onto the surface of the counter and flicked my gaze to his. “He told me, Tony, and I want to be there for him… I really care about him.”

Tony’s smile broke across his face, and he covered my hand with his. “That a girl.”

I shook my head, and my lips spread into a shy smile. “He’s a great guy.”

“Who’s a great guy?” A deep male voice spoke from behind me.

Tony stood up straight and chuckled as he removed his hand from mine.

“Morning, Officer,” he said with a respectful nod.

I turned in my stool, and Tate gave me a bright smile. “Maggie.” He bowed his head in greeting, and his tired eyes appraised me as his broad frame, suited in uniform, leaned against the counter.

“Good morning… you just finishing your shift?” I asked as I sipped my tea.

“I am,” he groaned. “Long. Boring. Night.”

“We live in Oakville, Tate.” I smirked, and he scrubbed his hand down his face.

“I’ll have Ryan grab your usual,” Tony said as he pushed off the counter. He picked up two paper sacks before heading into the kitchen.

It was quiet for a few minutes, and I wasn’t sure what to say. The silence wasn’t uncomfortable, but I could tell he had something on his mind.

“What—”

“Maggie, I—”

We both laughed.

“You go ahead. I didn’t mean to interrupt.” Tate’s grin was kind as he held out his hand, motioning me to continue.

“Oh, it was nothing. I was just about to say it looked like you wanted to ask me something.”

He dropped his eyes from mine for a moment and swallowed. “Well, I was wondering, if you’d like to maybe… go catch a movie or something sometime.” He raised his eyes, and his anxious grin made me smile. I was flattered.

“Thanks, Tate, but I’m seeing someone.” I turned to set down my cup.

“Oh… who?”

“Me.” Ryan’s voice held no humor as I lifted my eyes from the counter.

I hadn’t seen him come from the kitchen, but I liked how tall he stood. When he placed his hand on mine, the protective gesture filled my stomach with warmth. Ryan was quiet, meek. He wasn’t bold or demanding, and even now, his tone was level and his eyes were forgiving, but his body language spoke volumes.

“This is the good guy I was just talking about.” My smile was just for Ryan and, as he watched me, his lips lifted at the corners.

“Two bacon, egg, and cheese bagels. Tony’s getting your hash browns now.” Ryan handed Tate a brown paper sack and grinned.