Sacrifice (18 page)

My voice was dead, cold as I spoke, it was almost like someone else was speaking for me. Someone with no feelings about what he had done to me.

“He was an asshole. We got in a fight one night, I was tired and didn’t feel like playing his stupid little games. When he hit me I thought it was an accident, thought he couldn’t possibly mean it. And then I saw the look in his eyes. It might have been an accident but he enjoyed it…”

I trailed off but Sam squeezed my shoulders and pressed a kiss to my forehead. “What happened then?”

I shrugged, “It all happened in a blur.”

That was a lie. I remembered it like it had just happened. What he had done wasn’t something that I could cleanse from my mind. No matter how hard I tried I couldn’t shake the memories.

Sam didn’t say anything, as though he expected me to continue.

“I got up from the floor. I tried to leave, told him he was a jerk and I didn’t want anything else to do with him… When he grabbed me by the hair and flung me back on the bed I knew it was bad. I fought. I don’t know how but I did fight. He’d already unbuckled his jeans and in his fumbling…” I paused and sucked a deep breath in through my nose.

“I caught him across the face with my nails, left a pretty nice track there. He punched me so hard I was sure he had broken my jaw. I felt sick, could barely breathe. He got impatient when he couldn’t open the button on my jeans and tried to rip them off… My belly button ring got caught and he ripped it out…”

Sam’s hands stroked across my back, his warmth a comfort. But I didn’t want it to be like that. I didn’t want to taint what we had both shared. I sat up and pushed myself to the edge of the bed. He let me go, understanding my need for a little space between the memory and the reality.

“There was so much blood… You don’t think something like that will bleed like that, but it does… I guess it either freaked him out enough or disgusted him that he couldn’t continue. He pushed me off the bed and told me to get out. I don’t even remember how I got to the hospital… But I do remember the look on his face when I called the cops on him…” I smiled then. Out of all of the memories from that night, that memory was the most satisfying one I had.

“Good.” Sam sat up and moved across the bed towards me. “I hope he got everything he deserved.”

I shook my head, my hair falling across my face. “Nope. Rich parents, fantastic lawyer. It didn’t even make it to court.”

I turned and stared up at Sam, his face had hardened and I could see a small muscle in his jaw twitching. Lifting my hand I stroked his face and smiled.

“It doesn’t matter to me anymore. I’m fine and really that’s all that matters. I got through it and he can’t touch me anymore.”

Sam gritted his teeth and nodded reluctantly. “Well if you think you’re fine and that it doesn’t matter, then really that’s all that counts…” I knew he wasn’t happy. That what I had told him bothered him. I probably shouldn’t have told him. But what use was loving him if I couldn’t be honest.

“Look, there’s no point you being upset about something that really doesn’t matter anymore. It’s water under the bridge and I’d much rather live my life, enjoy what I have… With you.” I tugged his face down to mine and we kissed again. It was tender and sweet and everything I wanted and needed in that moment

But it didn’t take long before the kiss deepened. I could see it in his eyes and I let myself go. There was no way we could top we what had already done… But I was only too happy to be proved wrong. And prove me wrong he did.

The morning came far too fast, sunlight streamed in through my still open curtains. It drifted across my face making my nose itch. I stretched in the bed, my body ached but in that perfectly satisfied way. Rolling over I stared down at Sam. With his eyes closed I could study his face. His hair was tousled, and when the sun shone across it I could make out some coppery highlights in what I had thought was completely dark brown hair.

His jaw was relaxed now, and it made him look younger, more vulnerable than I had ever imagined he could be. When he was awake he didn’t look like someone who was vulnerable. He carried himself with an authority, that I found myself attracted to. But to see him like this, to see this side of him, so relaxed and unconcerned was special.

The sound of the front door buzzer had me hopping out of the bed as quietly as I could. I didn’t want to wake Sam. After all it was too early for it to be anyone I wanted or needed to see.

I crept silently through the apartment and impatiently tugged the front door. I was just settling my jumper when I looked up. My eyes practically fell out of my head as I realised who it was. 

“Dad?”

My father stood on the doorstep. The bags under his eyes told me he hadn’t slept in a very long time and he was completely unshaven. In fact he looked like some sort of vagrant and for a second I was sure I was mistaken. This couldn’t possibly be my father. The man that had dumped me at the college three years earlier. The clean shaven, suit wearing, business man I had known for my whole life. This wasn’t him and I found myself shocked.

What could have possibly happened in the three years we had spent apart to change him so drastically?

“Natasha, sweetheart. I know you don’t want to see me here. I know we had our differences but you have to listen to me.”

I shook my head and backed into the apartment as he followed me inside. I didn’t want him here. I was done with pretending to be fine with what he had done. He couldn’t just cut me out of his life and then expect me to be fine when he wanted to include me again. There was only so much I could take and this wasn’t it.

“We need to leave. I have to get you out of here… They’re coming.”

I shook my head again, as though by repeating that simple action over and over it would all just disappear. That this wouldn’t be happening and I could go back to bed. Maybe I was dreaming? It wouldn’t be the first nightmare I had. But I knew I wasn’t dreaming. It was all too real.

“Who? Who is coming? You can’t just appear back in my life after everything and expect me to just do whatever you want. You’ve made my life a misery ever since mom died. And now? What? You want to pull me away from my life, when I’m finally getting everything on track?”

The look in his eyes was one of sorrow and it confused me. He’d never shown me any sort of emotion before, aside from disdain and hate… He hated me because I had killed my mother.

“Natasha, I’m sorry. I should have been honest with you. I should have told you everything, but I wanted to protect you. I thought that if I pushed you away. If I pretended that you didn’t mean the world to me that they would leave you alone… I was wrong and now…”

He cut his words off and stared in shock and horror at something over my shoulder. “Who is that?” His voice shook and for a moment I thought maybe he was going to keel over and have a heart attack.

I turned and glanced back at Sam who stood in the hall door. He was dressed and for that I was grateful. But the look on his face surprised me. He stared at my father as though he knew him. But that was impossible.

“That’s Sam, and he is none of your business… You gave up that right when you stopped being my father.

“How dare you come here. You know who I am. You know why I’m here, so I’m giving you five seconds to get the hell out of my daughter’s apartment before I kill you.”

My father’s voice had dipped dangerously low and a shiver crawled up my spine. Had he lost his mind? Is that why he looked the way he did? Had my mother’s death hit him that hard, that he had completely fallen apart?

Sam stood his ground, not saying a word but the look on his face told me everything I needed to know. My father wasn’t crazy. They did know each other somehow… 

“Someone better start explaining to me right now, what is going on here…”

“There is something I should have told you before now…” Sam started and I stared at him. My blood had turned to ice in my veins. Whatever he was going to tell me, I wasn’t going to like it. It would break my heart.

“I do know your father, mainly by reputation… But I met him once when he was working with my brother…”

“But I thought you said your brother fell in with some bad people? How could he have been working with my father?”

Sam smiled at me, but it was a grim look and one that chilled me to the bone.

“The bad people Sam told you about were the same business people I’ve worked with… They asked me to do a job and when I refused they threatened to track you down, hurt you if I didn’t follow through…”

The room spun and my stomach dropped out through my shoes. This couldn’t be real. It didn’t feel real. It felt like a really bad movie. Like something they’d show during the day, low budget… But not reality… Not my life… That part had to be impossible.

“I don’t believe you, either of you.” I stumbled to the couch and dropped onto it. Sam followed me and dropped to his knees in front of me.

He clutched at my hands but I pulled them away. I didn’t want to touch him. I didn’t want him to touch me…

“Nat, I didn’t mean for it to be this way. I tried to tell you last night… Tried to explain.”

“You tried? You tried to tell me that you didn’t actually care about me. That you were here because I was a job? That someone forced you to come here? Well you didn’t try hard enough, Sam. You should have tried harder.” My voice broke and I buried my face in my hands.

He grabbed my shoulders and shook me softly.

“I was wrong. I know that. But I do love you. I think I loved you from the minute I set eyes on you. I wanted to be with you. Wanted to get to know the girl with the sad look in her eyes. I meant every thing I said to you. I do love you, Nat… I can’t be without you…” He pleaded with me. The look in his eyes one of sorrow and guilt. And part of me wanted to give in. I wanted to believe him. It would be so easy to just accept what he was saying and fall back into his arms. But how could I? He had lied to me.

“I think you should leave.” My father’s voice cut through my tears.

I stared up at Sam, pieces of my broken heart leaking out in the tears I cried. How could he do this to me? How could he betray me like this?

He stood and held his hand out to me but I didn’t take it. He dropped his arm back to his side once more and walked away. The sound of the front door slamming was the only indication I was given that he had left.

“Natasha, I’m sorry it had to be this way. I warned you to be careful… At least it was him they sent…”

“What?” I stared up at my father through my tear soaked eyes. “What does that mean?”

He scrubbed his hand across his beard grizzled jaw and sat on the couch next to me. “I knew Sam’s brother, Jackson. He was a good kid. The only reason he got caught up with them was to help his father out. Their mother had cancer and their father couldn’t cope or deal with it… He went on a gambling spree, lost everything to Marcus.

“Marcus made Jim choose, give everything up, the house, cars, his wife’s medical care… Or let Jackson come and work for him as a hired goon. Jim didn’t think he had a choice and Jackson agreed to it… Marcus arranged to have him killed. Made it look like a job gone wrong… That’s when I walked away. It’s not what I wanted to be a part of.

“But I remember Sam. I remember the look on his face when he confronted Marcus, pure hatred and determination. I thought to myself then that he wasn’t the type of kid to get caught up in Marcus’ web… A smart kid… I guess I was wrong…”

I stared at my father in shock. My mouth hung open and my heart hammered in my chest. What he had just told me was unbelievable. And the fact that he could sit there and just tell me, what sort of a monster did that make him?

“And you didn’t think this was something that you should tell the police?”

My father sat there and just shook his head. “I tried… I really tried but…” His voice broke then. I’d only ever seen him break down and cry once before and that had been when he’d heard that my mother was dead… 

“They had something to do with mom’s death didn’t they…” I couldn’t believe I was saying it out loud.

He nodded and buried his face in his hands. “I didn’t know for certain, but when you talked about some man checking on mom in the car after the crash… That she was talking and when he moved her there was nothing else, I knew then…”

“But you told me it was nothing. You told me that it was my imagination, that I was shocked and had mixed up the first responders with the strange man… You blamed me…”

He shook his head and grabbed my hands in his. I struggled to pull out of his grip but he held on tightly.

“I never meant to make you think it was your fault… But I had to make them think that you didn’t matter to me… I didn’t want them to use you as leverage… I kept track of you, never losing sight of you until now…”

A thought hit me. Everything slowly clicking into place… Sam had told me his mother was sick, if everything my father had said was true then maybe Sam really had been telling the truth when he said he loved me. Could it be true? Was it really all just a set up? A way to get at my father.

Hopping up from the couch I started towards my room. My father grabbed my hand in his, pulling me to a halt.

“What are you doing?”

“Going after Sam. If everything you said is true then he’s in big trouble…”

He looked at me confused. “Didn’t you hear anything I said? Marcus wants to use you as leverage against me. I lost your mother, I won’t lose you.”

“And Sam has lost everyone.”

“He has his mother.”

I shook my head and bit down on my lip. “She died yesterday. Sam has lost everyone. I won’t let him lose me as well… Daddy, I love him.”

My father dropped my hand from his, a look of surprise and shock crossing his face. “You’re so young, how do you even know what love is?”

I stared at him for what felt like an age. I had a million answers I could have given him, all of them childish, intended to wound him. And in the end I went with honesty.

“I watched you and mom… I know love when I see it. And I might be young but I guess that just makes me lucky… I do love him and whether I have your help or not, I have to save him from himself… I know Sam, I know what he’ll do, now that he thinks he has lost me.”