Safe Word (17 page)

As much as Melody’s parents could get on her nerves sometimes, they were always there for her when she needed them.  They let her move back in with them, no questions asked.  She assured them it was only temporary, until she found a job that paid better than freelance web design. 

They told her she was welcome to stay as long as she wanted.

They had even thrown her a 29th birthday party the week after she’d moved back in.

The cake had been tasty and the multicolored balloons hanging from the curtain rod in the living room had been cute if not over the top.  It had been sweet of her parents to go all out the way they did, but Melody had spent the whole time missing Zane. 

She’d tried to put on a happy face for her parents, but it had been tough.  Being alone, single and heartbroken wasn’t exactly the way she’d wanted to ring in the final year of her twenties. She had felt miserable...miserable and scared. 

Was that as good as it would ever get?  She couldn’t imagine brighter days ahead. 

Without Zane, the forecast was dismal. 

Despite her parents’ efforts, it was easily the worst birthday of Melody’s life.

None of the days that followed were much better.

“I remember the first time I had my heart broken,” her mother told her one Tuesday afternoon as Melody sat on the porch staring vacantly across the street.  Melody had been trying to work on her resume, but had ended up wallowing in self-pity instead.

“What?” Melody asked, blinking.

“It was so long ago.  The details don’t matter.  All you need to know is that it gets easier,” her mother told her, giving her shoulder a squeeze.  “If I hadn’t had my heart broken by that idiot I never would have met your father...or had you!  Everything will work out in the end, you’ll see.”

“What makes you think I had my heart broken?” Melody demanded.

“That look in your eyes,” her mother replied knowingly.  “Besides, people talk.  I hear things.”

That was news.  Melody didn’t ask what, exactly, her mother had heard.  But she didn’t have to.  It had obviously been enough, because her mother’s comments about love hadn’t come out of nowhere. 

Melody was a bit awestruck that her mother hadn’t once tried to interfere with her love life or pry for details.  In fact, until now she hadn’t even let on that she knew a thing.  Maybe she was capable of not constantly meddling in Melody’s life after all.

Had the discovery come a few weeks earlier – back before everything with Zane had fallen apart – Melody would have been thrilled about it.  It meant her mom was finally looking at her as an adult who was capable of making her own decisions.  Maybe they could eventually even form the kind of friendship most of Melody’s friends seemed to have with their mothers.

But Melody was in such a dark place that it was hard to derive much joy from the revelation.  Maybe that would come later.  She hoped it would.  At present, all she could do was try to choke back her sobs and remain stone-faced.

As much as Melody wanted to deny that her heart was broken, her mother’s observation was spot on.  Melody had been completely and utterly in love with Zane.  But then, in one fell swoop, she had lost everything:  her best friend, her boyfriend and her Dom.  It was devastating.  She didn’t know how she would ever recover.

She wanted to burst into tears right then and there. 

She knew her mother’s words had been intended to comfort her, but Melody didn’t want to meet someone else.  She didn’t want a new best friend or another boyfriend.  And she certainly didn’t want another Dom.  She couldn’t imagine ever submitting to anyone who wasn’t Zane – and yet she couldn’t imagine a sex life without kink, either.

Zane, she realized, may have ruined her forever.  She felt broken, damaged beyond repair.

Logically, she had known that leaving was for the best.  She wasn’t about to be one of those women hopelessly trapped in a dysfunctional, unhealthy relationship.  Melody knew that she deserved better.  If Zane couldn’t give it to her then unfortunately, the writing was on the wall.

Once Melody had decided to cut ties she hadn’t looked back.  She had quietly packed up all her stuff and had moved out one afternoon while Zane was at the gym.  She hadn’t told him about her plan in advance – in fact she hadn’t spoken to him at all since their blow up. 

Instead, she had left him a short, succinct and rather formal note in which she had thanked him for providing her with a place to live.  The note had also informed him that she was moving out. 

Writing that note had been an incredibly difficult feat.  Words hadn’t seemed like enough, and there had been so much left unsaid.  There had been no closure.  It was almost as though there had been a sudden, tragic death.

Zane hadn’t tried to contact Melody after she had moved out.

Part of her was relieved.  The only thing more painful than his absence in her life would be hearing his voice or gazing into those gorgeous eyes again. To do that and know she couldn’t have him after he had almost been within her grasp would be torture, plain and simple.

But another, perhaps less rational part of her ached.  If he had ever truly cared, he would have called.  His silence spoke volumes.  Had he moved on to a new sub already?  The thought made Melody sick to her stomach.  And though she did her best not to think about the man who had left such a gaping void in her life, he was the only thing on her mind.

*****

After a few weeks of living with her parents, Melody found a job.  It wasn’t something that required post secondary education and it wasn’t exactly her “calling” but it paid well.  She told herself it wasn’t forever.  And it was her ticket to independence. 

It allowed her to afford a small, simple place in the city.  Melody’s lifestyle wasn’t lavish, but that was alright with her.  She had her independence, she had her cramped studio apartment and she had her work.  To outsiders, she had a good thing going.  What they didn’t know was that she was only going through the motions, putting one foot in front of the other while she wondered if her broken heart would ever mend.

Melody tried every night to convince herself that life wasn’t so bad after all.  She thought that maybe if she whispered it to herself in the darkness enough times, she would start believing it.

It hadn’t worked so far.

Melody’s job was in sales.  She worked at a boutique where her objective was to subtly pressure customers into making extravagant purchases.  It wasn’t a job she was crazy about, but she earned a commission on each sale, so quickly mastered the art of talking people into opening their wallets.  She told herself it didn’t have to be forever...it was simply for now.

Life in the city was a step up from living under her parents’ watchful gaze, but it still took some getting used to.  Melody wasn’t interested in partying or in reconnecting with her friends in the city, all of whom were either happily married or on the prowl.  Seeing couples in love – or even just in lust – only made her miss what she’d had. 

The last thing Melody wanted was to start dating.  Sure, there were plenty of bars around, and lots of singles nights to get in on.  And she felt like at her age, she didn’t have a lot of time to waste.  Hell, she was nearly thirty!  And that biological clock nonsense was starting to get to her.

But even though she was feeling pressure to get her love life in order sooner rather than later, the thought of dating someone who wasn’t Zane bored
and
horrified her.  And she couldn’t even stomach the thought of being intimate with someone who wasn’t him.

All Melody wanted was Zane.

Maybe sometimes heartbreak simply couldn’t be overcome.  Sure, things had worked out fine for Melody’s mom, but maybe everyone wasn’t so lucky.  Melody couldn’t help but think that Zane had been it for her.  He had been her one shot at true love, and she would never feel for anyone else what she felt for him. 

In spite of everything she desperately wanted Zane, but he had proven in no uncertain terms that he was no good for her.  What the hell was she supposed to do with that?  Melody had never felt more hopeless or lost in her entire life.

“Melody!  Holy
shit
!”

Melody cringed.  It was Monday morning and she was running late.  She’d tried to slink into work at the boutique unnoticed, but clearly that hadn’t exactly gone as planned.  Her co-worker, Greer, was staring right at her with an expression of utter disbelief on her face.

“Sorry,” Melody muttered sheepishly.  “I forgot to set my alarm clock last night.”

“No, I don’t care about that,” Greer replied.  As far as co-workers went, Greer was a good one.  She was a few years younger than Melody and had a vivacious, bubbly personality that was well-suited for a job in sales.  She was friendly, too.  And apparently she gave zero shits if Melody ran late.  What more could a girl ask for?

“Oh, cool.  Thanks,” Melody said, setting her bag lunch under the counter.  “What’s up?”

“How did you do it?” Greer demanded, looking impressed beyond belief.

“Do what?” Melody asked, raising an eyebrow.  “You’ve lost me, Greer.”

“So I come into work this morning and there’s this envelope under the door with a note in it.  Someone put in an order for the inventory we have in stock – all of it!  At first I thought it had to be a joke, but there was a check attached.  I took it the bank to see if it was real and it was.”

“Wow, that’s great,” Melody replied. 

She wasn’t really listening.  She was looking past Greer, out the window that faced the street.  She felt a sharp pang when a car that reminded her of Zane’s drove past the boutique.  Then she realized she knew what that feeling was.  It was homesickness.  She was homesick for him.

“It’s great?” Greer asked incredulously.  “Is that all you have to say about it?  You realize you’re getting the commission on the whole thing, don’t you?  That’s like...well I don’t know because my math sucks, but I’m pretty sure it’s more money than I see in an entire year!  How the hell did you do it?”

“I...I didn’t,” Melody replied, bewildered. 

It was Greer’s turn to look puzzled.  “You didn’t make the sale?” she repeated, brow furrowed.

“No.  Whose name was on the check?”

Greer shrugged.  “It was some generic-sounding company name.  Something Limited, I think.  And the signature on the check was just a scribble, so I couldn’t make it out,” she added.  “But the bank manager assured me the check was authentic.  Head office is going to
die
when we tell them about this!”

“Where are we supposed to ship the order?” Melody asked curiously.

“Oh, that’s the weirdest part.  It’s supposed to go to a homeless shelter.  It’s not often an entire store full of designer business wear gets donated like that,” Greer observed.  “Actually, I’ve never heard of it happening before.  I guess some rich Good Samaritan just wanted to do a good deed or something,” she speculated.

“Yeah, I guess,” Melody agreed as an unsettled feeling washed over her.  It couldn’t be... 

No.  It couldn’t be.  On what planet would that even make sense?  Silently, Melody scolded herself for allowing herself to fall victim to wishful thinking, even if only momentarily.  Then she set to work helping Greer package up the entire contents of the store so they could get the strange mystery order sent out.

*****

“Do you mind if I take an early lunch break?” Greer asked a bit later.  “I have a date.”

“You do?  You didn’t tell me you were seeing someone!” Melody exclaimed. 

Outwardly she was happy and cheerful about it, but inwardly she couldn’t help but think that everyone in the entire world seemed capable of finding love except her.  Or to be more accurate, everyone else seemed capable of finding and
keeping
love.  That last part was the tough bit.

“Yeah, well it’s new,” Greer replied, blushing.  “But I really like him.”

“Well then go, take your lunch break!” Melody smiled.  “And take your time coming back.”

“Thanks!” Greer said gratefully before pausing to check out her reflection.  “Do I look okay?”

“You look great.  Have fun!”

As Greer left the boutique with a spring in her step, Melody hoisted herself up onto the counter, her legs dangling in front of her.  Then she slumped down in defeat.

She and Greer had closed the store for the day.  It was their only option, as they couldn’t exactly keep a boutique with no inventory in stock open.  So all Melody had to do today – aside from ordering in some new products to sell – was box everything up.

She wished that wasn’t the case.  She wished it was busier.  She wasn’t particularly happy about being left alone with her thoughts, especially now that Greer had raised the uncomfortable subject of dating and romance.  Not that they were ever all that far from Melody’s mind...

The bells above the door jingled then.

Melody cringed.  Greer must have forgotten to lock the door on her way out.  Damn!

“I’m sorry, but we’re closed today!” Melody called out, in no mood to deal with a customer.  There was a sign on the door and everything.  Were people really that incapable of reading?  Either the customer was as dumb as a brick or had a massive sense of entitlement. 

Either way, Melody wasn’t having it.  She sat up straight and prepared for battle.

“I’m not here to shop,” a familiar voice said.  “I did that already.  I’m here to see you.”

Melody’s head snapped up.  Her eyes widened when she saw Zane standing there in a crisp white shirt, black blazer and blue jeans.  He looked good, she realized with a touch of disappointment.  In fact, he looked the best he’d ever looked.  Part of her was disappointed to see he wasn’t a total and complete mess without her.

“I’m working,” she told him, her tone guarded.

“Yes, I can see that,” he said with a touch of amusement as he looked her up and down.

That was when Melody remembered she was sitting on the counter with her feet dangling like a little kid.  She quickly got down and stood there with her arms crossed protectively across her chest.  “What do you want?” she demanded.  Then, as she remembered what he’d said, Melody asked, “Are you the one who made that order?”

“Guilty as charged.”

Her eyes narrowed.  “Why?” she asked angrily, her pride kicking in.  “I don’t need your charity.”

“I’m donating the clothes to the homeless shelter, not to you,” Zane pointed out with a wink.  “Quit making everything about you,” he added cheerfully. 

He was speaking to her the same way he would have back when they were best friends.  The familiarity of it tugged at Melody’s heartstrings.  It was more than she could take.  It was downright unbearable.

“What do you want?” she asked again, her tone abrupt and her body language defensive.

“Will you have lunch with me?” he asked.  “Please?”

“No.  I can’t,” she said.  “I have stuff to do.”

“You’re closed,” he reminded her.  “And the order you’re packing up is for me.  I’m not going to complain to your boss if it’s late getting shipped, I promise.  Now come on, let me buy you lunch.”

“No thanks, I brought my lunch to work,” she told him stubbornly, refusing to give in.  “And besides, I’m not even hungry yet.  Technically it isn’t even lunchtime yet,” she pointed out as she tapped her watch.

“You never were much of a breakfast person, were you?” he remarked.  “Sometimes getting you to eat anything before noon was quite the feat.”  For a moment, there was a wistful, sad look in his eyes.  But then he blinked and all signs of sentimentality were gone.  Back on task, he said, “Fine, let me buy you a coffee then.”

She hesitated.

“Twenty minutes,” he insisted.  “Just give me twenty minutes, please.  I really need to talk to you Melody.  Twenty minutes is all I ask.  Then I promise I won’t ever bother you again, if that’s what you want.”

It wasn’t what she wanted, but Melody wasn’t about to tell Zane that.  Besides, she was a sucker for a nice hot cup of coffee, especially on a gloomy Monday morning.  But then Zane knew that.  He knew her so well.  She had to swallow the lump that had inexplicably formed in her throat.

“Okay, twenty minutes,” she told him firmly as she grabbed the store keys.  “That’s it.”