Safe Word (16 page)

Zane threw Melody on the bed.  He tore the towel off of her, exposing her naked body to him once again.  And this time he took off his own clothes too.

And the next thing she knew, he was on top of her.  His mouth was all over her, his lips on her nipples and his tongue at her collarbone.  He bit her neck hard and she gasped, sure that it would leave a mark.  She didn’t care.  Though Zane’s behavior was erratic, to say the least, Melody once again found herself completely caught up in the passion she felt for him.

At long last, she was finally going to get what she longed for.

Spreading her legs in invitation, Melody looked up at Zane alluringly.  He grabbed her wrists in response and pinned them above her head.  Clearly he wasn’t interested in slow, passionate lovemaking tonight.  He was obviously still in a dominant mood, wanting to overpower and forcefully take her.

It wasn’t what she had envisioned, but it was nonetheless alright with her, she supposed.  The display of raw testosterone turned her on.  She wanted to be claimed by Zane, used by him.  She didn’t put up a struggle.  She simply gave him her most seductive smile and, thinking it would turn him on, whispered, “I want you, Zane.  Take me.”

His fingers dug into her breasts hard.  And she felt the tip of his thick member nudge against her slick opening.  She arched her hips in encouragement, eager to feel Zane’s length inside her.  She longed for the intimacy she imagined the act would involve. 

His mouth was at her breast again.  He ran his tongue across her nipple and it swelled in response.  Then he bit it hard, sinking his teeth right into it. 

“Ouch!” Melody hissed, wincing and pulling away.  Thankfully the pain subsided relatively quickly.  Chuckling with amusement, Melody looked up at Zane and grinned.  “Easy, tiger,” she teased.  “That was a bit much.”

Her words were lighthearted and innocent.  They were meant only to make light of the situation.  She knew Zane probably hadn’t intended to bite as hard as he had.  He, like her, was probably just caught up in the heat of the moment.  It had been a momentary lapse in judgment and that was completely understandable, as far as Melody was concerned.

But he took her words in a different way.

He abruptly released her wrists and got off of her.  He stood beside the bed, visibly seething.  “Get out,” he ordered, averting his eyes.  His jaw was clenched, as were his fists.  He was absolutely fuming.

Melody sat up and looked at him questioningly.  “Zane, it’s okay,” she began.

“I said get out!” he roared furiously, cutting her off.  “Get out of here
now
!”  He still wouldn’t look at her.  And his tone was alarming.

Never in all the time she had known him had Zane spoken to Melody like that.  In fact, he’d never raised his voice at her in anger before, as far as she could recall.  Certainly he’d never done anything like this before.  There was so much rage in his voice that she immediately was overcome with emotion. 

Choking back tears, Melody jumped to her feet.  She was alarmed and completely humiliated.  Not even bothering to pick up her towel, she ran from the master bedroom stark naked, confused and deeply hurt.  Never in her life had she felt so rejected or betrayed.

She wasn’t sure there was any recovering from the damage that had been done.

After a long, agonizing sleepless night, Melody finally dragged herself out of bed.

As she stood in the middle of the bedroom uncertainly, she weighed her options.  Sneaking out the window didn’t seem like the most practical idea in the world, and she reluctantly admitted to herself that she couldn’t hide in her room forever.  So there was only one thing she could do.

She had to face Zane.  Ugh.

Melody and Zane lived under the same roof, so it wasn’t as though she could avoid him forever.  That was the awkward thing about getting involved with the person you lived with!  And as much as she didn’t want to see him, Melody figured it would be best to get it over with.

Before she ventured out of her bedroom, she examined her reflection in the mirror.  Her eyes were still puffy and red from crying all night, but some makeup would probably help with that.  She didn’t want to give Zane the satisfaction of knowing how much he had hurt her.  As far as she was concerned, he didn’t deserve to know. 

She was...wait, what was she? Furious, maybe, and embarrassed for sure.  Mostly she was confused and felt horribly betrayed.  Even though she had spent the entire night thinking about it, she still couldn’t make sense of what had gone wrong.  None of it made any sense. 

Zane’s behavior had been erratic and completely out of character for him. 

She was devastated.

When Melody emerged from her bedroom, she discovered Zane in the living room.  He was still wearing last night’s clothes and he looked dishevelled.  It was immediately apparent to her that he hadn’t been to bed.  Judging by all the empty bottles littered around him, he’d spent the night drinking alone.  And now he was passed out...or sleeping. 

Either way, it gave Melody an opportunity to avoid him.  And that sounded great to her.

She tiptoed past him, but as usual, the quieter she tried to be the more noise she made.  As she held her breath and grabbed for her shoes in the entryway, she managed to knock a jacket off the coat rack.  And, as she grabbed for it, she managed to knock the entire coat rack over.

It was just her luck.

Melody froze and looked into the living room.

Unfortunately, Zane had heard the coat rack crashing to the floor, and it had been enough to rouse him.  He sat up with a start and opened his eyes.  Even from where she stood, Melody could see that they were bloodshot.  He looked like hell and she could only assume he had a killer hangover. She didn’t feel particularly sorry for him. 

“Melody,” he said.  His voice was hoarse, little more than a croak.

“What?” she said coolly, even though her voice trembled and gave her emotions away.

“I’m so sorry for last night.”

Melody wanted to scream at him.  She wanted to tell him how badly he’d hurt her and how humiliated she had been when he’d screamed at her to get out of his bedroom.  She wanted to angrily inform him that she would never in a million years forgive him. 

But Zane’s tone was sincere, and he was looking at her as though his heart was breaking.  In fact, the pain in his eyes mirrored hers.  And as it turned out, even when she was furious with him Melody hated to see him upset.

She didn’t have it in her to add to Zane’s agony.  Instead, she crossed the room and cautiously sat down.  She remained perched precariously on the very edge of the couch as though she might need to make a hasty exit at any moment. 

“I’ve never had feelings for a sub until I played with you,” he confessed.  “I’m crazy about you.”

“You have a strange way of showing it,” she shot back, unwilling to let him off the hook. 

“I’m so sorry,” he said again, hanging his head in shame.  “I wanted you so bad last night...so desperately.  And I’d had too much to drink, even for me.  I got tipsier at the restaurant than I intended to, and I kept drinking when you were in the shower.  I wanted, I don’t know, liquid courage,” he muttered.

“Are you seriously going to blame the way you acted last night on being drunk?” Melody demanded.  As far as she was concerned, that was a total cop out.  She wasn’t about to let Zane off the hook that easily. 

“No,” he told her quickly.  “But...”  He hesitated.

“But what?” she pressed.  She was quickly losing patience.

“I wanted you so badly I was afraid I’d go too far.  I was terrified I’d hurt you or I wouldn’t stop.  I was afraid I
couldn’t
stop,” he confessed.  “It scared the hell out of me, Melody.  The last thing I ever want is to hurt you and I felt so out of control last night.  I didn’t trust myself with you.”

She raised an eyebrow.  “Are you serious?”

“Yes.  I had no business playing with you after I’d had that much to drink,” he admitted, looking guilty as sin.  “That was completely irresponsible of me.  I’m so sorry.”

“You’re always talking about how important communication is,” Melody reminded him.  “Why is there a double standard?  If I need to tell you how I’m feeling, doesn’t that go both ways?  You should have just told me what was going on, not
yelled
at me and literally kicked me out of bed.”

“You’re right.  I’m sorry.”

“Okay, okay, you’ve already said that,” Melody sighed.  It was useless.  Though her emotions were still raw and her pride was still wounded, she knew she couldn’t stay mad at Zane forever.  She loved him too much for that.  But it didn’t mean all was well. 

“How can I make it up to you?” Zane asked anxiously.

“I don’t think you can.”

He looked like he was going to cry.  “There has to be something...”

“Not drinking so much might be a good start,” Melody said pointedly. 

She had never really noticed it before – or if she had, then she hadn’t thought much of it – but Zane had a beer in his hand more often than not.  When she had been falling for him she had been oblivious to everything but those gorgeous green eyes and those rippling muscles...but now it seemed almost as though her anger and hurt had allowed her to take a step back and really see Zane for what he was. 

“In fact,” she continued, “I think it would do you good to stop drinking entirely.”

“What?” he asked sharply.  He was clearly taken aback by her suggestion.

“Well that’s why you felt so out of control last night, wasn’t it?” Melody reminded him.

“Yeah, but...”

Usually Zane was the voice of reason, but it seemed like maybe he was too close to the situation to see it clearly.  But, for perhaps the first time ever, Melody
could
see it clearly.  Suddenly it seemed as clear as day.  So she took it upon herself to call attention to the obvious. 

“You drink a lot, Zane.  Like,
a lot
!  And not just socially, either...I constantly come home to empty beer bottles.  Do you think maybe you have a problem?”

“That’s none of your business,” he said gruffly.

“It kind of is,” she insisted.  “If it affects me, then it is.  And last night it affected me.”

He bristled at that.  “You don’t get to make decisions for me,” he informed her brusquely.

“You’re not seriously going to play the Dom card right now, are you?” Melody demanded as she wondered how the conversation had taken such a sudden and unpleasant turn after starting out so well.  “You don’t get to hide behind that when we’re not playing.”

“Is that what you think I’m doing?” he challenged her.

“Yes.”

He scowled.  “You don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said dismissively.

“Why won’t you sleep with me?” she demanded, still in search of answers.

“You’ve spent the night in my bed plenty of times.”

“You know what I mean,” Melody insisted, holding her ground.  “It’s like you’re willing to do everything with me
except
have actual sex. What’s that about?  It’s weird.” 

Zane stood up then.  “I’ve had enough of this,” he told her.  “You don’t know when to leave well enough alone, do you?  You’re like a bad stereotype, always nagging, nattering.  Maybe there’s a reason you’ve never found The One,” he growled.  “What guy in his right mind would want to put up with your nonsense?”

It was like he’d slapped her in the face.  Actually, Melody would have much rather he’d done that.  It would have hurt less. 

“At least I’m not a broken mess of an alcoholic whose only friends are his
parents
!” she shot back, wanting to hurt him as much as he had hurt her.  “You’re filthy rich and have all day to sit around doing whatever you want.  Yet you were still so lonely you had to talk me into moving in with you.  If that’s not pathetic, I don’t know what is.”

“No, because living with your parents when you’re a grown woman is so much less pathetic,” Zane shot back sarcastically.  It was clear her words had burned him – and it seemed that now his mission was to retaliate, fighting fire with fire.

“That’s it.  I’m done.  Enjoy your lonely, screwed up life you pitiful loser,” Melody spat.

She could hardly believe the hateful words that had come spewing out of her mouth.  But in a way, unleashing all that had felt cathartic.  Melody glared at Zane until she saw the hurt in his eyes.  Then she had to look away.

Pushing past Zane, Melody stormed back to her room to pack.  She didn’t know what her plan was, but she knew she didn’t want to spend another minute under the same roof as him.  This wasn’t just some ordinary fight that would blow over after a good night’s sleep.  This was betrayal, plain and simple. 

Love wasn’t supposed to be this difficult.  It wasn’t supposed to hurt this much.

Normal, healthy, functional couples didn’t behave the way she and Zane were behaving.  Their relationship had turned toxic in the blink of an eye.  They were at war, each of them deliberately attacking the other.  What they had once shared was broken, perhaps beyond repair.  At least Melody didn’t know how to fix it. 

She still loved him with all her heart.  But maybe sometimes love wasn’t enough.  Deep down she knew she couldn’t stay with Zane any longer.  To do so would be to put her emotional and perhaps even physical well being in danger.

There was only one thing to do.

She had to leave him.