Salt Water Wounds (Oyster Cove #1) (15 page)

Chapter 16

I wish there was an easier way to break things off with Buck. Actually, I don’t.

I hate this.

My heart feels empty, and I know I’m making a mistake I’ll regret for the rest of my life. Buck is one of a kind, and I finally had my opportunity to be something more than his barkeep.

As a parent, I’m used to making hard decisions. I know I do things so that my child is provided for, safe, and always loved. He’s in a position where the next few decisions could change his life. I can’t sit around and pretend he’ll be able to see through his father’s phony façade. Right now Nick only sees what he wants, which is mostly a father who hasn’t been in the picture for a long time. He wants a second chance to build a relationship with him, when I know his father only does things for the sole purpose of hurting me. Now I’m starting to wonder if this whole visit is about sabotaging my life.

My day started bad, then improved, got even better at the beach, and just like the time before it, turned to shit.

It's like an omen. Something doesn't want me to be with Buck. Maybe it's Layla from beyond the grave, protecting her man because she doesn't think I'm good enough for him. Maybe I'm just looking for reasons to  deny my own failures.

When I arrived at the police station I was a mess. My body was shaking profusely, my heart racing, while I was desperate to do whatever necessary to save my son.

I never expected to see Mike swoop in to save us, or to learn Buck had called him. It's little reasons like that which make me ache deep inside. He's good for me. Buck Wallace is everything I want.

My conversation with Buck has me feeling empty and worthless. To keep busy, I start packing up some of my belongings that I don’t use every day. As I begin going through old photographs I’m a blubbering mess. Pictures me of as a child flood my mind with painful memories. I see my mother, always acting so kind, and my father, the person who should have protected me no matter what the cost. I suppose he did his best, but covering up the truth doesn’t make it go away. Every decision I’ve ever made in my life, every failed attempt at being happy, all of the tears and broken dreams are a direct result of that betrayal.

I’ve spent years trying to get over it, decades focused on being better than they were to me. I thought an abusive relationship was all I deserved, and endure what most women fear. Day by day I was broken down, belittled, literally kicked on and disrespected.

That man, who is trying to seduce my son with his lies, is nothing more than a walking form of the devil himself. I regret every second I spent trying to change him, and ever thinking my life wouldn’t be better if I gave it all up.

I’m not sure of Peter’s end game, but his path of destruction is running right through this little town. He doesn’t care who he hurts along the way, including his only son. I also know he’s adamant to get my attention, like waiting until I was bringing Nick out of the police station to corner me. Not wanting to upset my son, I asked for a second to give Peter a piece of my mind, only to have him threaten me with something I wasn’t willing to allow. His words still make me cringe.
“If you continue to spite me, you’ll never see your son again. Break up with your hometown beau and we’ll call it even. You’ll get to see Nick when he wants to visit, and I’ll keep the peace between us. It would be a shame if something happened to the father of six kids, who already lost their mother.”

I’m not sure how Peter knows anything about Buck and his family, but there’s no way I can involve him in my life, not when Peter poses a threat. He wants me to be alone, and if abiding by his wishes keeps the people I care about safe, I’ll do anything to make that happen, even sacrificing something great.

It hurt me so much to make that call to Buck. I used Nick as the excuse, but it was to protect him and his family.

It’s nearly midnight when I finally stop packing and climb into bed. The queen mattress feels oversized when I’m in it alone, which is always. I toss and turn, unable to get comfortable. My stomach is in knots. I feel like the worst kind of person for convincing Buck to be with me, to give up on his wife and invite me into his bed, only to break it off. I’m everything this town has named me and it makes me sick.

The sound of the front door sends me into a panic. I pick up a metal-framed lamp and hold it waiting to see who has broken in and what they could possibly want.

It’s not until I hear his voice that relief washes over me. I drop the lamp and head into the living room to find my son standing there. He’s got his book bag over his shoulder and lowers it as I get closer. “I thought you were a burglar.”

He checks out the space and notices boxes. “You moving?”

“I have to. They’re tearing this place down to build  rentals or condos or something. I have a few weeks to find a new place to live.”

He’s very nonchalant. “You could come with me and Dad. Once school is out we’re moving into his new place. It’s a two bedroom, but I could sleep on the couch. He showed me pictures. It’s got a sweet basement that we’re going to put a pool table in, and he said if he gets this job he’s waiting for, he’ll be able to buy me all new furniture.”

I’m still sniffling from my latest breakdown, but through them I somehow manage to laugh. “I couldn’t possibly…”

“Why? Dad is different.” He looks around like he’s annoyed. “He told me you were seeing Mr. Wallace. How long has that been going on? Is he why you won’t give our family another chance?”

“Nick, I know that’s what you think, but …”

He puts his hand up for me to stop speaking. “Save it. No matter what I say I can already tell you’re not going to budge. You want to see your fisherman boyfriend, go at it, but I’m not going to sit around and let you force me into his family. It’s never going to happen.”

“I’m not seeing Buck. We were friends, but because of what happened today I told him I needed to focus on our family. Nick, just because I don’t want to be with your father doesn’t mean I want to go a day without you.”

“Where will you move? I know we don’t have a lot of money, so how will you afford a place this time of year? All the prices on rentals are up for tourist season. Dad wants another chance. Why not give it to him? If it doesn’t work out at least you can say you tried. Please. I never ask for much, but this is everything to me.”

I cover my face with my hands and shake my head. “I’m so sorry, Nick. I can understand why you feel like this is important, but you’re not thinking clearly. Don’t you see that your father is using you to get to me? Look at what happened earlier today. You got arrested for a crime he committed. You were willing to get locked up for a man that’s done nothing but hurt me.”

“Mom.”

This time I’m waving my hands around. “No. You don’t get to stand there and tell me how it’s going to be. I’m your mom. No matter how old you are, that’s never going to change. You should trust me more than anyone in this world. I don’t know what you’re father has managed to say to you to convince you otherwise, but I’m telling you the truth. I know in my heart that you can tell right from wrong. Nick, I raised you to be smart. Open your eyes. He’s a bad person, and if by some God given miracle he’s changed, he’s not shown it. He’s threatened me and people I care about. He’s vandalized my property. He’s assaulted my friend. Does that sound like he’s changed?”

Nick shrugs.

“Maybe I haven’t been there twenty-four seven for you in the last several years. Running the bar is what pays the bills. I felt like you were old enough to reheat your dinners and do your homework. You’re always responsible and smart. Open your eyes. Please.”

He motions for the door. “I stopped by for a game I wanted to show Dad. I can tell you’re not going to budge. I get it. You had a bad marriage and you don’t want to go through it again, but your life isn’t mine. I want a chance with him, and since I’m almost an adult and graduation is weeks away, I think it’s the perfect time. I’d appreciate it if you let me do this and stop arguing with me every chance you get.”

“You know what, Nick, you’re right. Go be with you father. You’ll see soon enough that I’ve been telling you truth. I can’t stop you. I wish I could, but it’s your life. Just don’t come to me crying when you realize he’s a narcissistic asshole who only cares about his own personal gain.”

“I’m out of here.”

I sink down on the sofa edge and watch him rush out of the house, slamming the door as he goes. My heart is shattering and there isn’t anything that will stop it from happening.

This isn’t like the pain of a breakup. He’s my flesh and blood. I carried him inside of me for nine months and protected him since the day he was born. This makes me want to get in my car and drive off a cliff, because I’ve failed.

I wish there was a way I could make him see what’s right in front of him. If only I could turn back time and change the way I handled my marriage from the first altercation.

It’s after midnight when I’m sitting on my bed in tears, holding my cell phone with Buck’s number highlighted on the screen. It’s been years since I’ve had someone to talk to that I can trust, and even though he’s only a phone call away, I know I can’t reach out to him. It’s devastating.

I’m on my own. It’s for the best. It’s my choice.

Chapter 17

I wake as the sun begins to rise, a flock of seagulls circling over my head, one standing on the side of the boat looking at me as if I have spare food to offer.
I sit up and swat the bird away, before
wiping my face with my hands and recalling the events of the previous night, prior to finishing off an old bottle of whisky I found hidden under the galley sink.

My head is throbbing as I use the facilities and search for pain relief all at once. When I'm unsuccessful with the latter, I'm focused on locking the boat and heading back to Oyster Cove. Believe it or not, I've had time to think about Perry, her telling me we couldn't see each other, and what it means going forward.

Here's what I know.

I'm still going to think about her, probably more than before given the fact that we've now been intimate.

She’ll still need a place to move regardless of our relationship.

I've made a successful attempt at moving forward with my life and need to take the next step necessary to ensure I continue to make progress, even if it might not go over well with all the kids.

Since my mind seems to be working better than my head actually feels, I send out a group text to all my children. It’s family meeting day, which means we take out the commercial boat and fish while discussing the important matter, in this case, about their mother and finally doing what none of us have been able to do as of yet.

I don't expect them to show up at once. In fact, I'm not certain any of them will respond. We've all been going in different directions as of late, and I can't complain that most is because of work. That being said, I also need to focus on supplementing my income soon before Bristol graduates and starts college. I’m not against having to take out another loan, but if something goes wrong with the business, I’m going to be screwed being the sole provider of the family.

I’ve thought about asking the adult children for rent, but here’s why I’m against it.

Asking them for rent would make them question whether they want to stick around. The thought of being alone, and only visited when they need something is like a kick to the heart. Layla would want the family to stay together, but she’d also want the kids to individually find their own paths, so I’m torn between what I selfishly feel is right for me, and the fairness of letting them branch out and be independent.

The thought makes me shake my head. It’s like everything has changed in a matter of a week. It’s time I got over this obsession and looked toward my future. It’s time I stopped hiding behind what could have been with Layla, and moved toward a future, whether I’m alone or with a companion. My wife talked about the future, but mostly revolving around one thing. Grandchildren. She wanted a boatload of little ones running around. She talked about the kids coming over for Sunday dinners, and being able to watch them while we all went to work during the day.

Thinking about it is bittersweet. I’d love to have our family grow, but I know the moment I see that first newborn it’s going to kill me, because it’s not fair that my late wife never be able to hold the child in her arms and promise to be there to watch them grow. For every first I’m going to have to hold in my emotions to keep my children from thinking I’m not happy. I’ll have to be resilient, holding my pain and anguish in like I’ve done so many times in the past seven years, eight years if you count the illness and her being on her deathbed.

Not a single day goes by where I don’t think about that woman and how much we all miss her. This talk is going to piss some of the kids off, especially Bristol. That girl will probably never get over not having a mother around. She needs her. There are things I have no business teaching her, and because of that she’s had to turn to the boys girlfriends, or friend’s mothers. It kills me inside knowing I’m incapable. She resents me. Out of all my kids, she’s the one I’m missing a connection to. My little girl, my most precious creation, and she wants nothing to do with me. It’s enough to make a man wish he didn’t wake up in the morning.

The first time she said she hated me was on her thirteenth birthday. She wanted to invite boys over, but her brothers and I weren’t having it. Instead of making the best of a sleepover with ten screaming and overdramatic teen girls, she ended up sneaking in the boys after we’d all gone to sleep. They all piled in her room, and proceeded to sneak cigarettes and sip on warm beer they’d each managed to steal from their parents. I’m sure half of them walked or rode their bikes, so I can only imagine their pockets being filled with aluminum cans until they were bursting at the seams.

At any rate, Brant Jr. woke me out of a dead sleep and told me he heard male voices, at the same time Weston started yelling waking the rest of the house up. By the time I made it to Bristol’s room, boys were jumping out of her second story bedroom window to keep from being caught. Her room was full of smoke, and the empty cans were stacked on her dresser.

Irate and unable to calm down, I let my sons handle making sure all the boys left the property, and then made Bristol call every single parent to come pick up their daughters well after midnight.

I’ll never forget the way it felt when she got up in my face and said those words.
“I hate you. You ruined my life!”

She never asked for another birthday party, not that I would agree to one. I swear she’s been distant since that day, but with her hormones going crazy with puberty, and those mood swings I don’t know the first things about being able to understand, I made myself scarce. I stayed out of her way, hoping one day she’d learn to appreciate all I do for her.

It’s yet to happen. Now she’s a bitter little bitch, who will stop at nothing to give me a full head of grays and high blood pressure.

Weston and Brantley are the first two I see walking down the pier. They’ve got their specialty fishing rods over their shoulders and seem to be cutting up about something as they approach. “Morning.” I greet them.

“Family meeting on a Sunday. What’s up, Dad? Everything okay?” Brant asks.

I shrug and take the rods so they’re able to step on board. “We’ll talk when everyone gets here.”

“Come on,” Weston whines. “We’re the oldest. Give it to us straight.”

I smirk. “You’re right. I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to tell you two what’s been going on. I’ve decided to start seeing someone.”

Weston interrupts. “We all know about Alice Perry, Dad. Small town. People talk.”

“Well, we’ve called it off and agree to be friends, but in the couple days I spent with her I’m finally been able to feel like it’s time I made some major changes in my life that will affect all of us as a family.”

“You’re selling the business and moving to Florida aren’t you?” Brant assumes.

“Hell no. Have you seen that state during hurricane season? I’m not moving or selling the business, but I’m thinking about branching out into something else. What would you say if I gave the two of you the reigns of the company?”

“We do all the work now,” Weston teases.

“Yeah, right. I’d still do the office work, the billing, the taxes, but you’d run all the boats and the employees.”

“So you’d collect a paycheck for doing less?” Brant questions.

“I’d collect a paycheck for running the business, yes, but make less since it would be an equally family run company.”

Weston seems confused. “Why now? We’ve been busting our asses for years.”

“Because I’m thinking of starting a new business for myself, something I can manage as I get older.”

“Male stripping. I knew it,” Brant jokes.

“Yeah, right. I don’t think women tend to appreciate wrinkles and sagging balls,” I admit. “I’m interested in learning a new trade. I’m going to speak with Newton about buying the Rusty Clam.”

They both seem shocked. “Perry’s place? Does she know?” Weston asks while Brant scopes me out for being serious or not.

“I’ve mentioned it. It’s not set in stone. Her father doesn’t want her selling it, but I think if he knew it was me he’d change his mind. I won’t know until we talk.”

“What does Perry say? Does she know you’re doing this? Is that why you broke it off?” Brant wants to know.

“She knows. Perry has some personal affairs she’s dealing with. She could be moving soon, so the opportunity is right if her father allows it. He put some hefty stipulations in the contract when he gifted it to his daughter that we don’t need to get into. I just wanted you to know what could be happening in the near future.”

“That’s why you asked us here?” Brant wonders.

“No. When everyone shows up I’ll explain the rest. Go ahead and start the engine. We’ll wait another twenty minutes for everyone to show up and then head out.”

“The twins had a crew over last night,” Weston explains. “They may not have gotten your message.”

“Then they’ll miss out.” I’m not going to keep expecting all my children follow my directions. They’re adults now, and I need to accept that they don’t always have to change their plans because their father wants to have a chat. However, fishing with the kids is the only time I feel like we’re still a normal family. It’s the only place we can laugh and joke while together. I’m surprised Bristol seems to enjoy being a part of the mix, even though her brothers love to give her a hard time whenever they get the chance.

Bristol appears first, followed by the twins. Dane is the last to arrive, and in Wallace fashion he looks hung-over. “Nice of you to join us,” I say as he boards.

“Yeah. I’m here. That’s about all you’re going to get until this coffee enters my blood stream.” He holds the cup in the air, displaying its large size. If I had to guess, I’d say it was probably three servings in one container.

We take the boat out to Tom’s Cove, a favorite location to catch flounder. It’s where the bay and ocean come together, so sometimes we’re lucky enough to snag small sharks. The tradition is that the person to catch the least amount, or smallest fish if there is a tie, has to filet the whole lot.

We take our time putting out our lines, and for the most part no one seems curious why I’ve asked them to put their plans aside to spend the morning with me. It’s nice knowing I can at least share this with them. Their love of the water humbles me. I’m proud that they want to stick around on this tiny island with their dad, where the memories of their mom will always remain.

We’ve been fishing for about an hour before I get the nerve to say what’s on my mind. I clear my throat and speak, hoping they all listen. “I think it’s time we started packing away your mother’s things.”

Each of them have a different reaction.

Brant stops reeling in his line. He sits down on the side of the boat and sighs heavily.

Weston nods with a subtle smile. It doesn’t imply he’s happy, but more settled to agree.

Dane walks over and puts his equally strong arms around me. “I’m proud of you, Dad. I know how hard it is, and I’ll be there every step of the way.”

The twins are passing money. Caleb looks annoyed. “Damn that was my last twenty.”

“You shouldn’t have bet me. I told you that’s what this was about.”

I shake my head and look to Bristol. She’s staring out at the water, pretending she’s not listening, even though I can tell from her body language that she has. When I approach I can see tears falling down her cheeks. I gently spin her around and force her to look into my eyes. “Don’t be upset, little darlin’, your mom lives with each and every one of us. It’s time we stopped living in the past.”

“You just want to get rid of her things so you can move that slut in the house.” She shoves away from me and heads to the bow of the boat to pout.

I turn and look around at my boys.

“Did you expect any less?” Weston asks.

“No. No I didn’t. She’s just like her mother.”

“She’ll come around, Dad. Give her time,” Dane offers.

Cooper walks over and offers a half hug. “Even if you move that chick in, we’ll still love ya.”

There’s a guffaw and then a sigh. “Thanks.”

“You do your best, Dad. Mom would be pissed that you haven’t done shit with that bedroom. If I were you I’d do a full makeover. You know she hated dated things. She was always rearranging the furniture.” Caleb laughs as he says it. “We’d come home from school and not be able to recognize the place.”