Salt Water Wounds (Oyster Cove #1) (9 page)

I follow him into the kitchen, where he takes in the clean space, while refusing to look at me. “I’m not asking you to sleep with me, Buck. I mean, I’d like it if we eventually got to that point, but there are no guarantees with any relationship. It’s a piece of paper and a safe place to lay my head at night. You’re lonely, you can’t deny that. Look around. Wouldn’t it be nice to come home to this? It’s a business arrangement. I get a roof over my head rent free for a time, my ex off my back, and you get a tavern and help at home. When the time is right, you can pay me a minimal agreed upon amount, we’ll sever the marriage and I’ll go on my merry way, hopefully as soon as Nick realizes he’s being used.”

“What? Hell no!” He’s pacing, angry, and probably more annoyed now. “Let me get this straight. You want us to get married so you can sell the bar to me, but also live at my house and pretend to be my wife? If you haven’t forgotten, I’m already married, Perry. You’ll have to find someone else, and don’t you dare ask one of my boys. They’ve got their own problems.”

“You’re widowed. There’s a huge difference, and being with you would be easy for locals to accept. Everyone would believe it. We see each other a lot. We’re both single. I’m attracted to you, and you might deny it, but I’ve seen the way you look at me. Stop being stubborn, Buck. Look at what’s in front of you. I need security. I need to feel safe. I can’t go back to my father’s house. I wish I could explain why, but you have to trust me. There is no going back for me.” I sweeten the deal with a reminder. “If you marry me, that bar will be yours. I’ll sign everything over to you the same day if I can. That’s how serious I am. I’ve given you a nest egg if you pretend to be my husband, and allow me to keep working until I can save up enough to get out of town again.”

If this works out I’ll have no reason to leave, because I’ll finally be with a good man who appreciates the love of a familiar woman. I’d never ask him to stop loving Layla. I value him more for being loyal.

“You’ll give me the bar with some major strings,” he adds. “You’ve lost your fucking mind.” I’m not used to hearing him curse. He seems strong and in charge, exactly what I need to feel safe at night.

I take my hand, grab his arm, and force him to spin around. “I’m desperate, and you’re interested in something I have. Maybe this is crazy, but I’m out of options at the moment. I don’t have a place to go home to, and I refuse to give my father a dollar for that business. I deserve that much. Buck, in the matter of a day I’ve lost everything I care about. Everything! I need support. I don’t have anyone else.” Tears are falling down my face. I’m worried he won’t approve. He’ll never approve of this. I can already tell he’s losing interest. I’m going to be out on the street, living out of the tavern by next month, and there’s not a damn thing I can do about it.

“I can’t. My kids have been through enough.”

His eyes seem lost again. “Your kids are grown, at least most of them. It’s not like I’m asking you for forever. It’s a business arrangement.”

He takes both hands and holds my wrists while speaking in an angry tone. “It’s a crazy idea, one you’ll change your mind about in the next day or so. I’m sorry, Perry. I know why your father would implement those pretenses, but I’m not about to commit fraud for a business, no matter how sweet the perks might be. I get that you’re upset about your son, and probably scared what will happen with your ex. You have every right to want to protect yourself, but I can’t be the answer. I won’t be. I’m sorry, but my friendship can’t extend to a marriage certificate.”

He’s right. It’s a stupid idea. As my hope starts to fade, I’m left feeling embarrassed for putting myself out there to Buck, so I gather my few belongings and storm out of the house.

Chapter 9

After the convoluted conversation with Perry, I start cleaning the fresh flounder for tonight’s dinner.
I can’t let her problems get to me, even if I do care about her safety. The dream might have screwed me up, but I’m thinking clear enough to know her offer isn’t appropriate, nor will I take advantage of a woman who is obviously desperate and out of her mind.

When I finish cooking, I sit down with the twins and eat, all while trying to get Perry out of my head. One thing I know for sure is that I won’t be visiting the  Rusty Clam for a while.

I’m doing a pretty good job until Caleb mentions her. “So that lady, Perry I think¸ she’s pretty cool. It was nice of her to clean the house, right?”

I lift a brow but continue chewing like it’s not a big deal.

“Are you seeing each other?” Cooper wonders.

“No. Eat your food and let me be in peace.”

“No way. You let a woman stay here last night. We want details. We heard you outside during the storm. Did you nail her?” Caleb’s question pisses me off.

“Mind your damn business. I’m not nailing anyone.”

“She’s hot. If I were into MILF’s I’d be all over that shit.”

I slam my hands down on the old oak table. “Enough, I said!”

They look at each other and both speak at the same time. “Didn’t nail her.”

I pick up my plate and toss out what I haven’t eaten. My appetite is gone, and now I’m more irritated, so I go to my bedroom and close the door behind me. I’m hoping a hot shower helps my foul mood. While the hot water falls down my body, I’m focused on one thing in particular.

A brunette with chocolate eyes, high cheeks, plump lips, and an ass that won’t quit. She came to me in need and I told her to hit the road. I finally let a woman come around only to kick her to the curb when she asked for my help.

What would it hurt if I helped her and got something significant in return? She’s right. The locals wouldn’t think anything of it. We’d be able to convince everyone that we were legit. There’s no denying we have chemistry. It’s always sort of been there, even though it was off limits.

I’m not used to letting good deals pass me by, but this one requires some major thought. I can’t make a quick decision and regret it later. This involves my kids. It’s my future, but it’s also hers. She’s having a tough time. I’ve never seen Perry this scared before. She’s irrational and all over the place.

It’s the next morning, after a long restless night. I’m on my way to the boat slip when I pass her road. I wonder if she’s all right. Was I too harsh? Can we still be friends after something like that?

I keep driving, wondering how long I should wait before visiting the tavern for a cold brew and some good company. Will she still want to serve me? Should I look for another place to drink?

I don’t know why it’s bothering me so much. I’ve never cared about anyone else’s feelings. It’s impossible to think I could go through with a marriage neither of us wants.

By the time I’m out on the water my focus changes. I’m thinking about the cleanliness of the house, and having someone who cares enough to want to be around me. I’m stubborn. Layla told me that almost every single day we were married. She said I was hardheaded, and sometimes didn’t consider the problems other people face. She told me we were the lucky ones.

After getting to know Perry just a little more, I’m starting to think Layla was right. Maybe it’s time I stopped being such a selfish bastard and blaming her death on the reason I can’t move forward.

I keep to myself on the boat, driving while the boys do most of the work. Once our quota is met we head back, where we’ll have to unload and start making deliveries of fresh catch. I assign the boys to their normal routes, and clean up the boat for the next morning.

On the way home I stop at the cemetery. I’m humbled to see that the kids have stopped by after my visit and placed different bouquets of flowers around. The grass has been freshly mowed, so I brush the cuttings away so I can see her name. “Hey, babe. I thought I’d stop by for a chat. I don’t know if you’ve been watching out for me, or if you’d approve of me hanging out with Perry. I never thought I’d say this, but I feel like I’m betraying you in my heart. When I’m around her I feel like I could want something again.”

I chuckle. “Remember how I used to joke all the time? You would tell me it was my sense of humor that made you fall in love with me. I want to be that man again, Layla, and I think I have the chance to get to know someone, but the circumstances aren’t ideal. She’s got a lot of baggage, and I’m almost embarrassed to think how much our kids would be a turnoff for her. Is it wrong for me to want to talk to you about this? Am I supposed to feel guilty? Darlin’ I’m going crazy. She’s got me thinking things I’m not sure are right. I’ve pretty much sent her away, but I feel terrible about it. I’m not saying I want to marry the woman. Hell, I don’t think I’m capable of ever loving another woman again, but I think it’s time I at least tried to find a companion. It’s been hard without you. Bristol continues to challenge me. She’s just like her momma, beautiful and saucy. She’s seeing an older guy. I’m worried she’s going to get knocked up. It’s not like I can sit her down and talk about girl stuff. You left me to handle all their problems. The boys were easy. I don’t know how to raise a woman. I need help, love. I need change in my life.”

The birds tweet above me in a nearby tree. A few people on bikes ride by and wave when they see me crouched down. I focus on the Layla’s stone. “I wish you’d help me make the right decisions. It would be nice if I knew it was okay to feel something again. I don’t want to fail you. God, I’d never be able to live with my choices if I did that. You made me a better man, Layla. I’m afraid I’ve been lost without you. I’ve spent years hiding behind responsibilities, but the kids are getting older. Pretty soon I’ll be alone. I’ll come home to empty house with nothing but memories of the life we used to share. I don’t want to go through that. It’s the scariest thing aside from losing you. That’s why I want the bar. I need a new purpose. I need a reason to want to get out of bed every day.”

A squirrel run across the grass in front of me, gets to Layla’s tombstone and stands up on it’s hind legs. For a few seconds we stare at each other. Then, as fast as it arrived, it runs back in the opposite direction. A single flower from a nearby dogwood falls from the tree, landing on the top of the stone. It could mean nothing. It’s spring. The grass is covered in these blossoms, but for me it’s a sign from Layla, letting me know she’s still around. I remain there for a while, talking and then sitting the rest of the time in silence. There’s too much on my mind to be able to narrow in on one solution.

When I leave I decide to check in on Perry. I don’t want her thinking I’m an asshole, and need her to know I care that she’s been going through hell.

The tavern remains closed. A sign hangs in the window, while her moped sits in the parking lot. Taking the chance she could be inside, I knock a few times and wait.

The latch tells me she’s opening the door, so I step back and give her space. She allows me inside, never making eye contact with me, then locks the door again. “I didn’t think I’d see you any time soon.”

“I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

She’s frank with me. “No. I’m not okay. I’m anything but okay, Buck. My son left me. He won’t even answer my calls. I’m trying to find a place to live and be able to move to within the next few weeks, something I can afford during the slow seasons. I made a fool out of myself in front of the only person I probably respect in this town, and now I’m being forced to talk about it. So, no. I’m nowhere near being okay.”

I catch her off guard when I lace my hand with hers. “I’m not either.”

“Wow,” she mumbles. I can tell she’s taken back by my admission.

“Yeah,” I say while cringing at my confession. “I haven’t been good for a long time. I was thinking maybe we could forget about our last conversation and start over. No one, and I mean not one person has worked so hard to make my house in the condition you left it. It took you one day, while it’s taken me almost eight years to mess it up. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t notice. I’d also be a fool to not appreciate you telling my daughter she was out of line. She needs that. We all do.”

“You’re welcome,” her words come out while she squeezes my hand tighter. “I appreciate you letting me stay there the other night. I can’t say I got much sleep in the past twenty four hours since we last spoke. At least I haven’t run into Peter.”

“Let me take you out for supper. My treat. I still owe you that date.”

She pulls out of my hold and crosses her arms over her chest. “Then what? You buy me a meal and we go back to the way things were before the drama happened?”

After inhaling a deep breath, and giving myself enough time to think of a sensible response, I offer an answer. “And then we see what happens. No commitments. No promises.”

“What about the bar?”

“It will be here tomorrow, and the day after that.”

“I’m sorry I asked you to marry me as a pretense for buying the bar, Buck. I should’ve…”

I can’t keep standing in front of her without trying something I’ve felt like I wanted to do for as long as I could remember. I’ve fought my instincts. I’ve been consumed by guilt, and a love I know I’ll never be able to fully get over, but I’ve waited the allotted time. I want to be someone’s friend again. I need to feel the touch of another person.

I pull her close to me, giving the inclination that we’re about to hug. Right before her head falls on my chest I stop and peer into those huge eyes I keep getting lost in. “I’d like your permission to kiss you, Perry, not because we’ve spent the past couple days swept up in drama, but because we’ve circled this moment for years and I’m tired of fighting a battle I’ll never be able to win.”

“I’m afraid if I allow it, your worst fears might become a reality. You might actually enjoy it.”

I edge closer. “It’s very likely.”

“Highly probable,” she says as our lips barely brush. Her eyes begin to close and we’re seconds away from taking that leap.

All I have to do is press, just push a millimeter forward to feel her lips caressing mine. She brings her hands down to her sides and laces both with mine. She smells like scotch, but her awareness tells me she’s sober enough to appreciate what’s happening. My words continue teasing her mouth as I keep speaking, taunting, but generally feeling her out first. “Most definitely.”

“For certain,” she follows.

Then it’s silent. Only the sound of the ice machine can be heard in the quiet space. We’re alone. Nothing can stop this from happening, all except for someone knocking on the door.

We break from our position, Perry looking from me to the door. She lets go of my hands and heads toward it. “Don’t move, Buck.”

I’m already turned on. It’s hard not to be. The slightest touch of a woman makes my dick jump. I adjust my pants to prevent further embarrassment only to see her backing away as the person slams his hands into the glass window. Her body jumps, Perry looking to me with an alarmed glance. “It’s Peter.”

“Let the bastard in.” I act like I’m cracking my knuckles. Even though my head wound is healing, the injury is still fresh on my mind.

“You should go in the office first. I don’t want another confrontation.” She takes the baseball bat from under the bar and heads back toward the door, while I remain standing in the same place.

“I’m not going anywhere. If he wants to start with me today, he’s going to get a big surprise. Paybacks are a bitch.”

She cocks her head and tosses a disapproving smirk in my direction. “Don’t. Let me handle this.”

She opens to door, backing away to allow her ex-husband entrance. “You’ve been closed for two days. I thought you might be sick,” he says while handing her a bouquet of flowers. He still hasn’t noticed me standing a few feet away, because he’s got his attention on Perry and has moved to face her so his back is to me. “I came here for a truce.”

“A truce? You must think I’m crazy. I’ll never forgive you.”

“Come on, Alice. Nick needs us to work out our differences. How about the three of us go to dinner? We’ll talk it out over a nice meal. I’ve changed. You’ll see.”

I might be overstepping, but interrupt anyway. “She’s already got plans for tonight.”

Perry chippers up. “That’s right. I’m having dinner with Buck tonight.”