Sand Glass (17 page)

‘All will be
well.’ He said softly. I was ready, and found myself surprised to
be so. I relaxed a little.

I looked up at
him smiling down at me. It was getting harder to see. I tensed
again, as if the body was trying to hang on to something. The
rushing of the waves was in my ears and then I opened my eyes
again.

‘Jared!....’
and he took my hand. He felt real. Solid. Where were we? Was this
near to that other world? What was it? I opened my eyes for the
last time. To the right I saw another person walking towards us.
Limping slightly.

Then it came;
numbing coolness and a fading background of warmth. That breath;
sighing on and on, as my sight splintered and fractured with the
vision of that figure brokenly running towards us upon the
sand.

There was
music. The sound of leaves, and water flowing. And a voice that
sweetly sung of light and morning. A morning sound…. I could hear
the sound that told of fronds of flowers violet-blue and red, and
butter yellow. I was listening for the next strain of the song,
gently winding between, and blending with the river’s flow and the
leafy chorus, so sibilant and full of delight. I saw then those
leaves moving above me. They were like birch leaves. They curled
and rustled and flexed in shades of pale yellowy-green. And above
that the bluest sky I had ever seen: like cornflowers or azure from
the watercolour pallet of a great artist. It was pure and intense,
yet gentle and winning, it called you to enjoy it’s blueness as if
it was a pure note sounded like a bell above the dome of the
heavens. There was nothing but a saturated pattern of splendour.
And still the music of that voice rose and fell.

A man came to
me. I saw him approach slowly, he was no hurry, and stopped many
times to look at the flowers. He seemed to be greeting someone
every so often, but I did not see who it was.

He stopped when
he came to me. He looked down upon me. I was aware only then that I
lay on a grassy space. I felt I could not move. But it did not make
me afraid rather I was feeling still heavy with the sense of having
slept a long time. That moment of waking, with the mind wiped clean
of all things. A lightness of heart soared in me as he met my gaze.
I found myself laughing with a helpless joy and a freedom that knew
no constraint.

The man smiled
and then broke into laughter too, and the music of the singing grew
louder, as if charged with the energy of him who stood regarding me
with such an expression that I could not bear it. But, you
understand I wanted to see, and know and enjoy. I blinked a few
times.

‘David!’ he
held out a hand to me. Without a thought or fear I took it. He
pulled me to my feet.

I thought then
that I was naked, but he put his arm around my shoulders and the
folds of a garment were at my chest. I saw my hands and my fore
arms, I saw my body as I looked down. What was I thinking of then?
Something I did not remember. But I knew it was there. I looked
back at him. His shirt was purple. It was like the one in the dream
of Jared. Then I thought of Jared. But I wasn’t sure why.

‘Come!’ he
said. I followed him.

Between two
trees I saw a sandy shore, and before me a spur of land, that two
tides washed against it from the right and the left. It was like a
Tee shape. A narrow path of dry land going out from the dry land
before us at a right angle. It was of pale sparkling sand that
gleamed in this warm blessed day.

‘Here. Sit with
me.’ He showed me a little place in the shade that large leaves
gave shelter to. I sat and smoothed my hands over my legs and soft
cotton; light sand coloured shorts. He sat next to me.

‘You see the
land before you. The path that goes out from here?’

I nodded.

‘That is the
way back. You can take this road. Do you wish to do this?’

There was a
silence inside my mind as the habits of speech and understanding of
another reasserted themselves. After some minutes I found my voice.
The man all the while had sat untroubled. There was the music of
the waves continually rising and falling. And endless song that
made the day complete.

‘What must I do
when I go back?’ how slight my voice sounded! Yet it was the same
as always.

‘There is no
knowing such a thing. As you have already chosen, I will show you
something before you go.’

‘I will go
back. But tell me, who are you?’

‘I am always
telling you. For in the path you walk, I walk also. You will not be
alone.’ He smiled then, that smile that I had seen in Jared
sometimes.

‘Yes,’ he said,
as if he heard my thought, ‘I will take you back to your friends.
Then for a while you will not see me.’

‘Where am
I?’

He smiled
again, and stood up. I followed him out onto the beach. He turned
and pointed. I looked and saw waterfalls and glades and forests and
rivers gleaming in the distance. And beyond that a great waterfall
coming over a mountain, and above a land that was lush and verdant
and sighing with bright colours, and rich glossy colours, and
gentle hues, dappled patterns of leaves were forests and plains and
greater rivers of pure water flowed… and beyond that….

I turned back
to him, with tears springing into the corner of my eyes. I had seen
only a little, and yet I longed with the deepest heart of me. But
for my honour I knew what I had said to do. In his eyes I saw it
too. And saw that he knew, as only those who leave this place must
know. I blinked to ready myself now for the diminution into lesser
light. Perhaps in that crossing I would find my yearning heart to
turn again towards my home back there. But for now, as we began to
walk to the narrow path between two seas I felt I was dying all
over again.

We stood on
that same shore in the clouded chill of morning light. And there
before us was a little tableau. A woman knelt in the sand, and she
cradled a boy’s head in her arms. He was young, yet had several
days growth of a man’s beard set against skin that was bluish pale.
The woman wept. She rocked herself as if to still her anguished
heart and yet it seemed to come in greater waves like a drowning
dark tide. Grief, and loss and fear… nearby stood another a little
way from her. His head was bowed, his hands together as if pleading
for the pale boy.

‘Please help
them!’ I said to the man. I turned. He was already walking forward.
The people didn’t see him or notice him. Perhaps they were too
preoccupied.

First he went
to the man and laid his hands on his shoulders. I saw my companion
say something; and then the other… who I now saw was Jared looked
up. He was looking straight towards me. Yet he didn’t appear to see
me. Then the man went to the weeping girl. He knelt down beside her
and embraced her. She stopped rocking to and fro and let go of the
boy.

After a few
minutes Jared held out his hand to her. She stood and ran into his
arms. The man knelt by the boy. He put one hand on his chest and
the other hand on his head. He was speaking, but I could not hear.
I took a few steps towards him, trying to listen. He spoke again.
Again I could not hear. So I edged nearer listening very carefully.
He turned slightly, and smiled at me as if inviting me to come
closer. I did so and knelt down beside him.

‘Now you will
be new.’ said the Man.

I looked down
and my heart was filled with pity for the still form of the boy. I
heard the girl weeping somewhere behind me. He was so young, so
broken. Destroyed. I could feel the well of salty tears forcing
themselves upwards, burning in my eyes. He was bruised and pale,
scared and lean. I saw his chest like a red flower against the
silver-grey coat. I was staring so intently. The Man spoke: ‘Is it
time?’ he asked me.

‘Yes. I will go
back.’ I said.

And then the
strangest thing. A little gasp of surprise from behind me. The girl
rushed back to the boy’s side, she was facing me, but did not see
me. And Jared sat down in the sand, right next to the Man. The Man
smiled at me. ‘I am with you.’ he said, and talking the hand that
covered the chest he put it against my chest. At once I gasped.
‘All will be well. Close your eyes now.’

It did so, and
crumpled backwards into the sand. His hand was still upon me, and I
could not move. There was no breath, no weight, just lightness and
stillness. I let go of the fear that had paralysed me on this beach
so long ago. How long? I did not know. I moved my lips, or rather
tried to. I wanted to thank him. To say thank you. I had lost the
weight of terror. It was gone. I wanted to breathe in and cry out,
but the pressure on my chest seemed heavier and heavier until it
would crush me completely. I did not resist but relaxed.

The sound of
the roaring waves, and wind blowing along the shore. There was a
chill, and then a release. I could smell the briny air. And then
with a shuddering creak of ribs and a curling in my stomach I
sucked in the cutting chill of the air. There were confused images
as I opened my eyes. Someone moved and cried out harsh and shrill.
I could not hear the words. But the hand that was laid on me was
Jared’s, and he spoke in a language I did not understand. His eyes
met mine. The Man it seemed was still there in Jared’s eyes. His
touch was radiating a warm stream that flowed, burning through all
the channels of this body. It was running like fire to every
part.

‘Jared….’ I
whispered in a parched mumble. And then she was there beside me.
Our Janey. She was there too, the fine strands of her hair whipping
across her face in the stiff breeze. She touched my cheek and there
was a warmth that ran through me right to the core. Then the body
was flexing, arching. They held me until it stilled. Then she
spoke, kneeling and bending so her lips were next to my ear.

‘Come back to
us Davey.’ were the words I heard, as the scent of roses reached
me, and brought summer back to my soul. They were my brother and my
sister, my father and mother who had drawn me back from some
impossible thing. Yet it was the Man….. I thought of his face. Yet
I could only see Jared and Janey; and their eyes. And the ocean
that divided us from a path from which I had returned. It fluttered
inside of me: my damaged heart. And slowly, so slowly as the tide
touched Janey’s shoes, and the wind rose and tangled her hair,
Jared held his hand over my heart, it was becoming whole again;
each beat taking that warm essence round the whole, pouring into me
like warm wine until I could drink no more. I sighed as the
rigidity of my left arm at last eased. Janey took hold of that hand
curling her fingers round mine. I tried to hold on to her and my
hand curved about hers in response. Jared moved his hand away a
fraction, then another. I was breathing freely, and the pain had
gone.

Then at a
signal from Janey, Jared scooped me up easily in his arms. Janey
seemed to be carrying my pack. They walked along the shore line
with the wind at their backs. Jared was strong, and real and solid.
And my weakness was being replaced with a new strength as we
travelled along. Then the sun began to dip down in the west at our
backs. And the shore line appeared to curve more towards the north.
Then they turned away into dunes laced with spiky plants. They knew
the path, and walked with purpose as the light began to fade.

Soon we were at
a small glade surrounded by bushes. The wind was not blowing here,
and the vegetation served to still the air and make it stand more
warmly in this place.

Without a word
they worked together to set up my dome. Jared had laid me on a bit
of banking so that my head was a little higher than my feet.

As the sun set,
they took me into the dome. Janey fetched a carrier of sea water
and they used it to clean me up. I had not spoken except one
whispered word. I could not speak now. I could barely move. In the
lantern light the two of them sat and made a concoction of herbs
into hot fresh water. Jared lifted me up and Janey held the cup to
my lips. It tasted odd, yet somehow sweet. They both were
incredibly patient, and even though it took a long time I
eventually drank it all. Slowly they laid me down. Jared put me on
my right side, so my knees were drawn up. He tended the ankle that
had been injured. All I felt was a soothing coolness as he bound
the poultice round all that part of my foot. After that, the two of
them sat and drank something themselves. Janey leaned into her
brother, and he held her and kissed her on the forehead. Even in
the lamplight, I could see how painfully thin she was. She had tied
her hair back with a strip of blue cloth so it was away from her
face. Even as I watched them, and was distracted by the still
comfort of this scene, I noticed that her hair had grown down her
back. She was worn and tired. The shore of the sea had been the
place she had been last of all. I wondered why she had gone there.
Perhaps it was to wait for her end. What now? Who was this woman?
How could I ever speak to her of all the things I knew and had
seen? And what did she do to deserve to be divided against herself?
As I wondered all these things my eyes closed, and I slept.

When the night…
or perhaps many nights had passed, I awoke. Janey sat by me with a
little piece of cloth in her hand. She seemed to be sewing, bending
intently over the piece.

I tried to
speak, but nothing came. Jared came back in at that moment. They
tended the wounds again. They had begun to heal. No one spoke. At
the time it did not seem strange. Even in the recounting of this I
understand better now why. When you have died; or thought you were
already dead; or thought you had no choice and would not recover;
to discover it is not so, made all of us silent and contemplative.
Such things these words! They lacked in that time the necessary
power to express what each of us had been through.