Santa's Secret (8 page)

Eva’s heart pounded, and she silently
cursed her runaway mouth. What an incredibly slutty thing to say. Now he was
going to think she was easy and slept around whenever she felt like it, when
the truth was that Damon was the only man she’d ever been with. After her
mother died, her father had become incredibly over-protective with her and her
sisters, and as a result she’d not had her first boyfriend until she went to
university. The guy had tried to push her to go to bed with him but, shy and
nervous, she’d backed away, and after that she’d concentrated on her studies
and hadn’t dated again until she’d met Damon in England. By that stage, she was
over being a virgin and had thrown herself into a physical relationship with
abandon, and of course that had ended with a baby and marriage, so there hadn’t
been any chance to sleep around.

And now? She looked up at Rudi, embarrassed
and yet filled with a strange longing she couldn’t contain any longer. She was
lonely, and although for a while after giving birth her body had belonged to
Oscar and sex had been the last thing on her mind, sitting there next to Rudi,
almost in the circle of his strong arms, close enough to see the faint stubble
on his cheeks and smell his aftershave, she felt more awake than she had in a
long time. Her senses seemed sharpened; she was aware of the surge of blood
through her body, conscious that every hair seemed to stand on end, and the
tingle in her lips and other more private parts had nothing to do with the
cold.

Rudi continued to stare at her for a
moment, face carefully blank. What was going through his mind? Should she
apologise, backtrack? Try to say the words had come out wrong?

But then something wonderful happened. His
lips curved, and a rather naughty, very sexy twinkle appeared in his eyes.

“Hmm,” he said.

Eva swallowed, caught more off guard by the
sexy twinkle than if he’d reacted in a negative way. “I…um…I think…I…” But her
brain refused to work, melted by the spreading smile and his obvious warm
amusement.

He glanced at the field, and Eva followed
his gaze. Isabel and Oscar had moved a bit further away—still well within the
boundaries of the park and in the circle of the lamps, but engrossed in making
patterns in the snow with their footsteps.

Eva looked back at Rudi to find his gaze
had already returned to her. The hand he’d been leaning on came up to touch her
cheek, just a brief brush of gloved fingers, but somehow incredibly intimate
considering no man had touched her for an eternity.

Then he leaned forwards and kissed her.

She caught her breath, lips slightly
parted, and sat frozen as he pressed his lips against hers. Once, twice, and
then a slightly longer third time. Gentle and playful. His lips were
surprisingly warm considering the temperature, and they were firm and dry. Due
to the lip balm, they peeled from hers a very tiny bit as he finally moved
back.

Rudi touched his tongue to his lips,
tasting the remnants of the lip balm. “Cherry,” he remarked. He still looked
amused, although now the look in his eyes had intensified.

Desire
. He
wanted her.

Maybe almost as much as she wanted him.

She glanced back at the kids, but they were
still going around in circles and hadn’t noticed anything. It wasn’t surprising
really, she thought. The kiss had been very brief, and to an onlooker it had
probably looked very innocent, maybe only a tad more romantic than shaking her
hand.

And yet it had been the gentlest, most
romantic, sexiest kiss she thought she’d ever had.

She looked back up at him. A brief breath
of wind brought a flurry of snowflakes dancing across them, dusting them both
with white, and they laughed and brushed them off.

“Thank you,” she said sincerely. “You have
absolutely made my day.”

He laughed again. “You are very welcome. It
was my pleasure.”

“I mean it.” It felt important that he know
how much she appreciated that he’d understood what she wanted—some human
contact, some proof that she wasn’t just a mother and dutiful daughter-in-law.
Proof that she was a woman, still desirable. Deserving of love and affection.

He brushed his fingers against her cheek
again. “So do I. You are a very beautiful woman. I feel very lucky to have met
you—almost as if it were magic.” He smiled. “My Christmas Eva.”

He dropped his hand as the children ran up
to ask them to come and look at the patterns they’d made, and Eva rose and let
Oscar take her hand and lead her over to the haphazard star shape they’d
created in the snow, but as she walked, and while she listened to their excited
chatter, and then while they slowly began their walk along the path, her heart
continued to race and her lips tingled with the memory of Rudi’s pressed there,
warm and firm.

The children declared themselves hungry, so
they all went back to the family restaurant, and as it wasn’t quite lunch time,
they ordered croissants and milk for the kids and coffee for themselves. Oscar
polished off two croissants, pulling them apart with his fingers and dipping
them in a spoonful of strawberry jam, and then he paused just long enough to
let Eva wipe his fingers before running off to the children’s play area. Isabel
rolled her eyes, but happily bounded after him, and Eva was pleased to see the
pleasure on the girl’s face as she followed him down the slides and into the
ball pits.

“They get on well,” Rudi said. “That
surprises me. I thought she would have found such a young child boring.”

“Girls like playing mummy,” Eva said. “They
like bossing the little ones about. And I think it gives her chance to act like
a child too, you know?”

Rudi nodded. “You are right. Perhaps Oscar
is teaching her to be a child again.”

“That pleases you,” Eva commented, seeing
the light in his eyes.

“It does. Perhaps she can pretend to
believe in the magic a little, just for Oscar.” He smiled.

Eva held his gaze. She felt like she wanted
to say so much, but she didn’t know where to start, and part of her felt
foolish. She hardly knew the guy—what on earth did he think of her? Society
tended to portray men as physical rather than emotional or mental, suggesting
they didn’t actually think anything beyond the obvious. Perhaps he’d kissed her
because she’d looked like she’d needed kissing, and since then he hadn’t given
it a second thought.

She should do the same, she supposed. Move
on, not dwell on it. But it was difficult, because it had been so lovely, and
at that moment when she’d mentioned no strings and having fun, an understanding
had flickered in his eyes that had warmed her right through. He’d seem to
realise she wasn’t talking about something as perfunctory as raw sex; she
wasn’t just saying she wanted the physical release and none of the commitment.
She was saying that she missed the physical contact, the touching, the caring
for someone and being cared about, and that she wasn’t sure she was ready to
start a long term relationship, but that she liked him, and it was time for her
to take a step out of the bubble of grief she’d erected around herself and just
be a woman again.

Had he gotten that? Or had he just thought
Woman
needs kissing. Man kiss woman,
and then looked at her breasts? Somehow she
didn’t think that was the case. He seemed thoughtful and genuine. But there was
no doubt he’d looked amused at her outburst, and part of her was horrified to
think he thought she slept around.

She swallowed, not knowing what to say, and
then thought she might as well just be honest and go for it. “I’m sorry about
earlier,” she said. His blue eyes appraised her, and she dropped her gaze and
fiddled with the half-full cup of coffee in front of her. “I was very forward,
and I don’t quite know what came over me. I’m not normally like that.”

“You do not have to explain yourself to
me,” he said softly.

“I know. And I know in this day and age
women are supposed to be all forward and to know what they want, and to just go
and take it, but…well…I’m not like that. I haven’t…you know…since Damon, and he
was my first, and…” Her cheeks were growing warmer and warmer. “Jeez, I’m just
digging myself further and further into this hole, aren’t I?”

He reached out and slid a finger under her
chin, and he raised it so her eyes came up to meet his. “I understand,” he
murmured. “I am the same, Eva. There have been no woman since my divorce, and I
was faithful to Vanessa. It is hard, losing someone, the ending of a marriage,
however it comes to pass. I miss the closeness of being with someone, of having
that security and comfort of living together and just being there for each
other, even though we have not actually been close for many years.” Regret
flittered across his features, then disappeared.

He stroked her cheek with his thumb. “It is
difficult not to keep thinking about the past, not to feel like you are
cheating on your partner, even though the relationship is done. But I do not
think we should be so hard on ourselves. We are single and have been single for
a long time. We are not hurting anyone by just being here, being together. I
really like you; I like spending time with you. You make me laugh. You are
gentle and kind.” His thumb brushed across her lips. “And very, very sexy.” His
eyes lit with that mixture of amusement and desire that had given her such
goose bumps outside. And…yes, there they were again, rising all over her skin,
including her nipples, which she felt tighten beneath her jumper.

She smiled, and he traced the curve of her
lips with his thumb. “I liked kissing you,” he said almost absently, studying
her mouth as if lost in the memory of it. “And I would like to kiss you again.
Many, many times.”

She inhaled at the thought. “Really?” she
said dreamily, wishing they were alone and she could just lie back and let him
kiss her senseless.

“Really. I would like to kiss you here.” He
brushed her lips. Then he moved his hand around to her neck, and ran his
fingers lightly up to the tender skin behind her ear. “And here.” Traced around
to the nape of her neck and stroked it. “And here.”

Eva closed her eyes and dropped her head a
little, revelling in his gentle touch. “Rudi…”

“Do you want me to stop?”

“No…”

So he continued to touch her, and she knew
that to an onlooker, although it would appear intimate—far too intimate for two
strangers—there was still something innocent about the caress, that it wouldn’t
have attracted attention, and would have just looked caring and tender.

Onlookers could not have known how her
heart was thundering, how that light, gentle caress was arousing her, how he
was almost sending her into a trance as he circled around her ear, traced the
line of her jaw, followed her cheekbone up to her temple and then slipped his
hand into her hair.

“I wish I could kiss you now,” he
whispered, his voice sounding husky.

Eva lifted her head and opened her eyes to
look into his. She would never have thought such bright blue eyes could be hot,
but his blazed with passion, heating her up from the inside out as if she’d
swallowed a huge mouthful of brandy.

“Oh God, me too…” At that moment, she wouldn’t
have cared if he’d swept her up into his arms in front of the whole restaurant.
She wanted his lips on hers more than anything in the world.

At that inopportune moment, Oscar bowled
into her, and Rudi hastily dropped his hand as Isabel walked up and announced
tearfully, “Oscar trod on my foot,” prompting a suitable distraction for them
both as they inspected her foot and fussed over her, carefully avoiding each
other’s eyes as they prepared to leave.

As they walked back to the cabins, Eva’s
mind raced. Guilt, fear, excitement and confusion all wrangled for prominence,
as well as a quiet desperation and a certain measure of misery at the thought
that this was pointless—she had an energetic three-year-old racing around her;
what hope was there of finding romance until he was at least eighteen?

But in that, someone above must have been
smiling on them, because as they neared the cabins, Isabel pulled a leaflet out
of her pocket and said something in Finnish. She quickly corrected herself and
said in English, “I nearly forgot. Look, Daddy. There is a club here in the
afternoons. I thought…um…Oscar might enjoy it. And perhaps I could go with him
to look after him, so he doesn’t get lonely?”

 They stopped at the bottom of the path and
inspected the leaflet. It was called the Little Elves Club for children of all
ages up to fourteen, run by half a dozen elf helpers, and they met for two
hours every afternoon in a room at the back of the Exhibition Centre. The
leaflet declared they carried out all sorts of activities, including arts and
crafts, music and dancing, and other games to keep the children entertained so
parents could have some quiet time.

Eva held the leaflet with a slightly
shaking hand. Unable to meet Rudi’s eyes, she said to her son, “What do you think,
Oscar? Would you like to go to this club and play some games?”

Oscar—permanently over-excited and likely
to agree to anything—jumped up and down and declared he wanted to do it more
than anything in the whole world. Eva nodded gravely and said that of course he
could go if Isabel would agree to look after him. The girl’s eyes lit up,
although she accepted the job demurely and stated she was only doing it so he
didn’t get lonely.