Sarah's Child (25 page)

If she lost Rome now, what would she do? Shed reached for a miracle when she married him, and found it. To have him walk away from her now would shatter her. Yet shed risked destroying her marriage, and done it deliberately. Already he was more remote from her, and growing farther apart every day. He was kind, and solicitous of her comfort and health, but the baby prevented any real intimacy with him, and she was beginning to fear that they were merely polite strangers.

The Rome she knew was an impatient, dynamic man; he made things and people move. Hed overcome a horror so great that many men would have buckled under it, broken forever. That Rome wasnt the polite, carefully controlled man who came home from the office every night, asked if she felt all right, and ignored her for the rest of the evening. What if his distance was the result of indifference, and he wouldnt approach her even without the bulk of pregnancy as a barrier? Was he simply doing the polite thing and lending her his name until after the baby was born?

Sarah was thankful that the first natural childbirth class that she and Marcie attended came on a night when Rome was on an overnight business trip, so she didnt have to explain to him where shed gone. Sarah had put off the classes, hoping against hope that Rome would decide to attend them with her, but at last, time forced her to make a decision. If she didnt attend the classes soon, the baby would come anyway. She felt shy and awkward about attending the classes so close to term, and she keenly felt Romes absence. Marcie was a dear friend, but every other woman in the class was accompanied by her husband, and Sarah intercepted several pitying glances that came her way.

The class made her feel better in one respect: She was near term, but there were a lot of women so swollen with pregnancy that they made her little pumpkin of a stomach look hardly respectable. She patted her unborn child fondly, thinking that she liked it just the way it was.

Rome came home early the next afternoon; he came into the living room where she was sitting with her feet propped on the coffee table while she industriously tried to complete every puzzle in a crossword puzzle book. Placing his briefcase down with controlled movements, he said, I called you last night, but you werent here. Where were you?

Startled, Sarah looked up at him; then her glance slid away. Shed been wishing that he werent so remote, but somehow shed forgotten just how disconcerting he could be when he pierced someone with those fierce dark eyes. He wasnt remote now; he was angry.

He unbuttoned his suit jacket and shrugged out of it, tossing it across the back of the sofa. Sitting down across from her, he raked his fingers through his wind-tossed dark hair. Im waiting, he said softly.

Sarah closed the crossword book and laid it aside. Im sorry that I didnt tell you before, but I didnt know how to bring it up, she admitted. Marcie took me to the natural childbirth classes that hospitals give now; shes going to be my coach. Last night was the first class.

His mouth tightened, and again she caught the flicker of something deep in his eyes, the same unreadable something that had been there several times before. I suppose Im lucky you didnt ask Max, he said.

Rome! Shocked, a little hurt, she stared at him.

He made an abrupt movement with his hand. Sorry. I didnt mean that. Damn! he swore softly, sliding his hand to the back of his neck and rubbing the tense muscles there. Ill be glad when this is over.

A few more weeks, she whispered, watching him with her heart in her eyes. What then?

He breathed deeply, his powerful chest stretching the fabric of his shirt. There were grim lines in his face, bracketing his mouth. Then Ill have my wife back, he said bluntly.

I know its been difficult for you

No, you dont know. You dont have any idea. His voice grew sharp. You made it pretty plain when you gave me your ultimatum: Put up with it, or get out. You want that baby more than you want me. I thought about it, harder than Ive ever thought about anything before in my life, and I came close to leaving, but in the end I decided to take what I could get. I may come in second with you for now, but that state of affairs wont last. When that baby is out of the way, when I can touch you again, youre going to be my wife, first and foremost, before anything else. If you cant live with that, tell me now.

She sat very still, a little pale, but meeting his gaze unwaveringly. Your wife is all Ive ever wanted to be.

I dont want the baby between us. Take care of it, yes, but when I come home at night, your time becomes mine. I want your attention, all of it, without you jumping and running every time it whimpers.

Even if its sick, or hurt? Couldnt he hear his own words? Did he really expect her to ignore her own child?

He winced, as if he suddenly realized what he was asking. No, of course not. Shaken, he looked at her. I dont know if I can handle it. I want you, only you, the way it was before. I dont want anyone else intruding.

Well manage, she said softly, wanting to put her arms around him and reassure him of her love, but she knew hed recoil from the pressure of her stomach. But something of what she was thinking must have been in her eyes, because he got to his feet and leaned over her. For the first time in weeks he kissed her, not just a brief touch of his lips to her cheek or forehead, but a deep, intimate kiss. She met it shyly, almost afraid to respond, but he cupped her chin and kissed her again, demanding and receiving the passion that he knew she could give.

How much longer? he murmured, lifting his head.

About three weeks until its born, thensix more weeks after that.

He sighed. Itll be the longest nine weeks of my life.

The next week another trip came up unexpectedly. Hed been curtailing his traveling, with Max often going in his place, but Max was on the East Coast already when the emergency cropped up in Los Angeles. Like a general directing his troops, Anson Edwards sent Rome to California.

When he told her, Rome saw the disappointment on her face. It wont be a long trip, he tried to comfort her. Three days, at the most. The baby isnt due for another two weeks, and Ill call you every night.

Im not worried about the baby, she said honestly. Ill miss you!

Not for long. Ill drive everyone into the ground getting this mess cleared up, he said grimly, then stunned her by taking her in his arms, the first time hed done that in months. Ignoring the bulk of her stomach, he kissed her with growing desire, his hand going to her full straining breasts. I didnt know, he said in astonishment, lifting his head and staring at the ripe curves that filled his hand. Youve grown more than Id realized.

A warm blush was on Sarahs cheeks as she leaned against him. He laughed and kissed her again, still fondling her. Ill be back before you know it, he promised.

Late that night an ache low in her back woke Sarah, and she lay awake for a long time, but the ache faded and she sighed in relief. The baby was still, for a change, and shed been sleeping deeply. She didnt want the baby to come while Rome was so far away; even though he wouldnt be in the labor room with her, or helping her with the delivery, she wanted to know that he was close at hand. As her time approached, she began to fret about the trauma of birth; shed have clung to him like a frightened child if they were closer, if circumstances hadnt put a wedge between them.

The next afternoon the ache began again and laced around to her lower abdomen. It wasnt really pain, just an achy, heavy tightened feeling, but she knew. She alerted Marcie, then called Dr. Easterwood, who instructed her to check into the hospital then, rather than waiting until the contractions were close together. Sarahs next call was to Romes hotel in Los Angeles; he wasnt in, but she hadnt expected him to be at that time of day. She left a message that she was beginning labor and told him which hospital she would be in. As she hung up a tear rolled down her cheek. She so wanted Rome there! But she wiped it away and touched her stomach. Were on our way, she told her baby.

Marcie came up to collect the suitcase, and Mrs. Melton hugged Sarah; then they went to the hospital. Sarah was checked in and checked over. She was in the preliminary stages of labor, and everything looked normal. All she had to do was wait.

Rome sat in the office hed commandeered from the West Coast district manager, an array of numbers and statistics before him, but he couldnt concentrate on paperwork. He tapped his pen thoughtfully on the blotter, wishing he were at home with Sarah, rather than having to patiently sort out a mess that never should have developed in the first place.

Sarah. She was more on his mind lately than shed ever been before, and hed spent a lot of time over the years thinking about her. She was so determined to have that baby, and shed dug in her heels with a stubbornness that belied her delicate, elegant appearance. Hed somehow never thought that Sarah would be the motherly type, though Justin and Shane had adored their aunt Sarah.

He winced as he thought their names, and their images swam before his eyes, coming between him and the papers spread out on the desk. Laughing, rowdy little boys, with Dianes bright blue eyes and golden brown hair. How he missed them! How hed loved them, through every stage of their development from the moment he knew of Dianes pregnancies. Diane had gotten as big as a barrel with both of them, unable to struggle out of bed or even out of a chair without his help. Many times during the night when advanced pregnancy would force her to the bathroom every hour, hed pulled guard duty, always ready to give her a supporting hand. Hed rubbed her back for her, tied her shoes for her, held her hand during labor, and supported and comforted her during delivery.

Hed done none of those things for Sarah.

He went rigid with the thought. She wasnt as big as Diane had been, of course, but hed seen her carefully edging her weight forward on a chair so she could get up, and he hadnt helped her. Hed left her alone in her bed to cope with backaches and midnight visits to the bathroom. She hadnt asked for help in anything, and he realized with a spear of pain that took his breath, that she hadnt asked because hed made it plain she couldnt rely on his aid. Shed needed help, every day, but shed never asked. Shed borne the burden of pregnancy alone, with the knowledge in her eyes that he didnt want her child.

Beads of sweat broke out on his forehead. Regardless of how he felt about the baby, he should have been with Sarah, helping her through the months. In a detached way, he could even understand why she was so determined to have the baby: Because she loved him, she also loved his child. Sarah didnt throw screaming fits, didnt demand anything from him; she simply waited, and loved him, never giving up on that love. There was a gentle strength in her that had enabled her to wait for him for years, loving him, yet still being a good friend, the best of friends, to Diane. Shed loved his sons and been silently at his side when he stood by their graves, thinking that there was no reason left for him to live.

She had many graces, but the sweetest grace of all was the bottomless, unending love she gave, its gentle glow bathing everyone in her acquaintance, and he was at the center of that glow. How could he have discounted its worth?

Without thinking, obeying an impulse that was undeniable for all that it remained nameless, he picked up the phone and called her. Mrs. Melton answered the phone, and a moment later he dropped the receiver back onto its cradle, his face pale.

He opened the door and barked at the secretary sitting at her desk outside, Get me a flight to Dallas, right now. I dont care what airline, as long as its the next one out. My wife has gone into labor.

Galvanized by both his tone of voice and the priority every woman gave to birth, the secretary got on the phone and in only a moment was demanding that a seat be found for Mr. Matthews.

Rome piled the reports into his briefcase and slammed it shut. He should have been there, damn it! She was two weeks early; was something wrong?

Dr. Easterwood had warned him of the possibility of complications. He knew, personally, how narrow Sarahs pelvis was; how often had he held her hips in his hands as he made love to her, marveling at how slim and delicate she was? The baby wasnt a large one, but was it too large? If anything happened to her

He couldnt complete the thought.

He never knew what strings the secretary pulled, or whose name she invoked, but someone was bumped off a flight leaving within the hour for Dallas, and he was on it. He didnt have time to return to his hotel and check out, or get his clothing. He gave terse instructions to the secretary to have that done, and get his suitcase shipped to him. He said thank you roughly, then left.

Let Anson Edwards and Spencer-Nyle wait. Sarah was more important.

Four and a half hours later, after a ground delay in Los Angeles that had seemed interminable, an inordinately slow flight, and battling the traffic from the airport to the hospital where Mrs. Melton had told him Sarah had gone, he strode up to the desk nurse on the maternity floor.

Sarah was dozing, while Marcie quietly read a magazine. Both Sarah and the baby were being closely monitored, but time was dragging and nothing was really happening, though the twinges were getting closer together. They were in a private labor room; a television was mounted on the wall, and theyd watched the evening news, then a situation comedy. Shed thought Rome would have called before then, but perhaps he was being held up at the office. After all, there was a time difference of two hours.