Sasha’s Dad (4 page)

Here was the Dutch she’d known as a teen. Caring, assured, comfortable with his intelligence and ability. She watched his hands stroke Stormy and couldn’t stop the memory of how those hands had felt on
her
when they were lovesick teenagers.

On that hot, breezy summer afternoon in Ocean City. When all that mattered was Dutch and the love they’d discovered, the love that went beyond their childhood friendship. When she knew she’d never love anyone as much as she loved him at that moment.

Dutch must have felt her stare just now as he looked up and their eyes met. She saw his recognition of her, not as the girl who’d run out of town, not as the woman who’d broken her best friend’s heart, but as Claire.

It was Dutch and Claire. That connection still seared her thoughts. Her awareness belied the notion that the energy between them was a mere relic of their past. Whatever their connection, it was real and alive. Today.

The heat between them caught her off guard.

Dutch blinked and she watched the immediate judgment flood back into his expression. How many layers of disgust toward her did he harbor?

Not more than she harbored toward herself.

“Thanks, Dutch.” She broke the silence abruptly.

“No thanks needed. I’ll check on her again tonight.” Dutch gave the cria a quick exam and straightened up.

“She seems to be doing fine.” She offered up the observation in an attempt to mask her awareness of him.

Dutch glanced at her for the briefest of moments. “Yeah, I’m not worried about her. You were smart to have the heater on hand.” His grudging expression reflected his sincerity.

“At least I did one thing right.”

“Spare me the martyr act, Claire.”

He put his hat on and picked up his bags. “I’ll come by before dinnertime.”

He turned and strode out of the barn. Claire was glad he didn’t look back at her. She wasn’t sure she was keeping the sorrow off her face.

She had to force herself to focus on the positive. Claire had thought she’d already done that when she started this new venture. It wasn’t easy, beginning a llama fiber business. Once she had the llamas, she’d needed to find someone to spin the fleece into yarn. She’d been lucky to come across a small business that spun yarn commercially and by hand, so she could please her future customers.

Other aspects of running the farm had also fallen into place, and Claire’s confidence had bloomed.

Until Dutch walked into the barn to save her llamas that dark night.

Sasha was all he had. Ginny was getting ready to leave; she’d been accepted into law school. And she
should
leave, she had every right to—she had her own life to lead. But with Sasha entering puberty and adolescence, he knew he was going to miss Ginny’s steady presence. The security she provided as an adult woman in Sasha’s life. What was he going to do without Ginny when Sasha got her period?

He could call his mother, but he didn’t see Sasha as willing to talk to her grandmother Archer about her body’s changes. His parents had been a fantastic support for Sasha and him through the grieving, but they were active seniors now, with lives of their own. He couldn’t ask them to help raise another child.

“Hi, Daddy.”

“Hi, honey.” He leaned over and gave her a quick peck on the cheek, which she reciprocated. When was
this
going to end? He hoped never.

“How was school?”

“Fine. Mr. Ignacio wore this really weird sweater today—it had frogs on it.”

“Frogs?” Mr. Ignacio was the sixth-grade science teacher and he marched to his own formula, from what Sasha told him.

“Yeah. Then Joey said it looked dumb, and Mr. Ignacio said, ‘Yeah, well, I think wearing a company’s advertising for them is dumb.’”

“Was Joey wearing a logo shirt?”

“Yeah, and these really expensive sneakers, too.” Sasha chattered the entire way home. Most of the time he ended up tuning some of it out. How on earth did she keep such detailed but inconsequential information about her teachers and friends in her brain, much less repeat it over and over?

“Dad? Daaad!”

“Oops. Sorry, honey.” His attention had been on the road.

“So can I?”

“Can you what?”

“Sleep over at Naomi’s? Maddie might be able to go, too, and it would give you a break.”

“Uh, no, not tonight.” Not
any
night, not since he’d heard that Naomi’s mother was picked up for a DUI. He had to award Sasha points on the manipulation attempt, though.

“Come on, Dad.”

“No.” He was grateful that Natalie had taught him to be consistent with Sasha since she was a toddler. She pretty much accepted “no” without too much resistance. For the most part.

“Fine.” She sighed, the weight of it bearing resignation and youthful angst.

I’m such a mean parent.

“What’s for dinner?”

“What do you want?” Fridays were their evenings together, another reason Dutch didn’t want Sasha going to a friend’s house. He enjoyed their movie and popcorn nights and was reluctant to let go of them.

“Can we have tacos?”

He groaned inside. His stomach couldn’t take much fast food anymore. But Sasha loved the drive-through, and he could get himself a salad.

“Why don’t we go now and pick them up? It’s a little early, but that’ll give us room for popcorn and ice cream later on.”

“All right!” Sasha nodded her approval, the missed sleepover apparently forgotten.

He’d been trusting her alone a little at a time, since she was approaching her twelfth birthday. Ginny had gone to her usual weekend prelaw study night in Baltimore, and he still had to visit the llamas.

“Where are you going?”

“I need to take a quick look at the llamas.”

As soon as the words left his mouth he knew he’d made a mistake. Sasha homed in for the kill.

“Daddy, you
promised
I could go the next time you visit a llama farm. And it’s only fair ’cause you didn’t let me go to the sleepover.”

His jaw tightened. He didn’t want Sasha anywhere near Claire.

Too dangerous. Too many questions.

The answers are what you’re afraid of.

“I don’t think so, Sasha, not tonight.”

He heard the unreasonable tone in his voice, but it was too late to soften his delivery. Sasha’s face fell, then reddened with emotion.

“Stop treating me like a baby, Dad! I won’t get in the way or cause you any problems.”

“I know that, sweetheart.” He expelled a breath, giving in. “Okay, you can come along. But it’s going to be a quick visit, so don’t think you’re staying with the llamas all night.”

“I won’t.” She pulled on her hat and gloves as she spoke and he felt the dread gather inside him.

Anything would be better than going back to Claire’s—especially with Sasha.

She looked out the window and saw the person who’d accompanied Dutch. A small, thin figure walked beside him, shadowing his moves.

His and Natalie’s daughter.

Claire let the curtain fall. She’d planned on staying in, poking her head out when Dutch came back from the barn, keeping their conversation to a minimum.

But he’d brought his daughter.

Their
daughter.

Natalie hadn’t gotten pregnant after she and Dutch made love that fateful night in high school, while Claire was away. They’d had a scare when her period was late. And the fallout from that scare put the lid on the coffin that held Dutch and Claire’s dying relationship.

What hurt the most was that Dutch and Natalie had stayed together after the scare and Dutch’s one-night indiscretion. Dutch and Natalie had gone to college together, married and had a child. Dutch’s night with Natalie hadn’t been just a one-night stand, although that was what they’d both told her in those dark days of senior year.

It was a long time ago,
she reminded herself.

Claire wondered if she’d made a mistake in assuming she’d never get over the emotional trauma Dutch and Natalie’s relationship had inflicted on her. Maybe if she’d come clean with Natalie all those years ago and told her they couldn’t be friends anymore…

But back when they were in grade school, Claire and Natalie had promised each other they’d
always
be friends. In high school they’d watched other girls fight and lose lifelong friendships over boys and swore that would never happen to them.

But it had. And instead of leveling with Natalie, Claire had told her she was over Dutch and happy for Natalie, and the two of them would remain friends.

It had worked for a while. Claire came back from college for weekends and spent time with Natalie. It was better when Dutch wasn’t around, which had been often. When he was, Claire never spoke to him if she could avoid it. More importantly, she never allowed herself to be alone with him.

Except the night of Natalie’s bachelorette party.

Claire groaned at the humiliating memory.

After that, Claire had kept up her charade of friendship-as-usual as long as she could. But when the baby came, and Dutch and Natalie were a no-kidding family, Claire found she didn’t have the energy to put on her show of indifference anymore. She’d loved Natalie, but had to save the few scraps of self-respect she had left. She’d seen Sasha once, as an infant at Natalie’s belated baby shower; she’d never spent time with her again.

If she was smart she’d continue that approach and stay in the house.

Her thoughts warred with her curiosity. Curiosity won. What kind of girl had Dutch and Natalie’s baby become?

Claire threw on her merino cardigan, shoved the wool cap she’d just finished knitting onto her head and went out the back door. The afternoon air hung heavy with the threat of rain. As she entered the barn, she saw the gray clouds through the open stalls. They served as a perfect backdrop for the young girl in her periwinkle jacket.

If Claire expected an immediate earth-shattering recognition of Dutch and Natalie’s daughter, it didn’t happen.

Sasha stood quietly off to the side, smiling at the smallest cria. Dutch examined Stormy with the same focus she’d seen this morning. He was a gifted vet; she had to give him that. He knew his job and he didn’t permit any distractions.

Claire walked toward them, her footsteps virtually silent on the hay-strewn ground. She wore her favorite barn shoes—slip-on suede mules with supportive rubber soles. Hand-knit socks from the local yarn store kept her feet warm. She looked forward to the day when she’d be able to knit her own socks.

“Hello,” Claire greeted the girl.

Dutch didn’t respond as he tended to Stormy. But his daughter met Claire’s gaze with uncompromising candor. Just like Natalie would have done.

“Hi. I’m Sasha, Dr. Archer’s daughter.”

“I’m Claire.”

Sasha stared at her and Claire thought she saw a question in Sasha’s huge brown eyes. But none came.

“You look like your mom.”

“You knew my mom?” Claire cringed at the hopeful expression on Sasha’s face.
Great.
She should’ve kept her mouth shut.

“That was years ago, Sasha, before you were born.” Dutch’s voice cut across the stable, but it didn’t appear to affect Sasha as it did Claire. Claire wanted to climb over the slats and run for the hills.

“Huh. So you went to school with her? Have you always lived in Dovetail?”

“No, yes… I mean, yes, I lived here as a child, then left for school.” Complete with a broken heart.

“I know who you are!” Sasha stepped closer. “You’re the TV reporter who came back because you had nowhere else to go.”

“That’s one way of putting it.”

Claire slipped her hands in her pockets. Why had she allowed her curiosity to bring her out here? She would’ve been more comfortable in the dentist chair getting a root canal.

“So you
did
know my mom—she used to point you out on TV. You look a lot different now.”

Claire couldn’t help laughing.

“I don’t dress like that anymore, and my hair’s longer.” She’d abandoned her expensive coif the minute she’d left the press corps. She’d had a few trims in the past year, and her former chin-length bob had grown past her shoulders and was wavy now. No more blow-dried-straight haircuts. She wanted to be herself.

Whoever
herself
was.

“I gave Stormy an extra shot of anti-inflammatory. She’s doing okay, but I don’t like how swollen she still is.” Dutch’s deep voice interrupted them and Claire welcomed the reprieve.

Claire bit her lip. She wanted him and his daughter out of here. It was bad enough finally meeting Sasha, but to have Dutch observe the event…

This could’ve been our daughter.

She blew the thought out of her mind as quickly as it’d blown in. Life hadn’t worked out the way they’d expected. But it wasn’t fair to involve Sasha in any of it.

As Dutch went over to examine the crias, Sasha stared at her with unnerving intensity.

“Did someone make that hat for you?”

Claire’s hand jerked to her head. “It’s a beret.”

Sasha kept staring. “The ribbing’s messed up. That’s why it keeps slipping down past your eyes.”

Claire swiped the hat off her head and looked at it in the barn’s fluorescent light. The creation she’d planned to knit, modeled after a hat she’d seen in the local yarn store, didn’t measure up to her own expectations, either.

“It’s a blend of llama and merino wools. The hand-painted color is supposed to give it a variegated appearance.”

“You
did
make it, didn’t you?” Sasha was more effective than a lot of the journalists Claire had worked with. The kid wouldn’t let up.

Claire raised her eyebrows. “Yes, I did. I haven’t been knitting that long, and it’s my first finished project.”

“Where did you learn?”

“To knit?” Claire stalled. Now came the pathetic truth about her circumstances. “I taught myself.”

“From what?”

“A book. Internet videos.”

“Did you know knitters sometimes get together at bookstores? There’s a group that meets every Thursday at the store in Annapolis.”

Yes, Claire knew that knitters met in bookstores, and she knew about the Annapolis group in particular. She’d already been there. Once. They’d all but ignored her. There were members from all over Maryland, but the core group was from Dovetail. The women in this group remembered her as the girl who left. They remembered Natalie, too.

Another way this small town was keeping her at arm’s length. She didn’t want to resign herself to the status of “Natalie’s horrible best friend” so she abandoned the group after just one visit, along with any intention of trying it again. Victim wasn’t a role Claire had ever been fond of playing.

“I’m usually very busy with the llamas.”

Sasha smiled. “It’s fun. Or at least that’s what my friends’ moms say.”

“Maybe I’ll try it sometime.” Claire watched how Sasha kept looking at her hat.

“So, you knit?” Claire tossed the question at her.

“A little. My mom taught me, and Aunt Ginny tries to help me every now and then, but I’m better than she is.”

So Natalie had been a knitter. Claire remembered when they’d both gone through a brief crocheting phase, but had dropped that in favor of beading.

A wave of nostalgia overwhelmed her with memories she’d pushed down so far she thought she’d forgotten them. Staring at Natalie’s daughter certainly added to the poignancy of her recollections.

“Are you okay?”

“Hmm?” Claire shook her head and refocused her gaze on Sasha. “Yes, I’m fine.”

“You’re crushing your hat.”

Claire forced her hands to relax their grip. Sasha’s bold assessment should’ve made her laugh, since it was the same kind of attitude Natalie had possessed, an attitude that had made Claire laugh many times. But Claire felt her heart constrict. Sasha wasn’t Natalie, and Natalie wasn’t coming back.

“So, do you want to be a vet like your dad?”

Sasha wrinkled up her nose. “Not really. I don’t know. I love animals, of course, but I think I may want to be a lawyer.”

“A lawyer? My sister’s studying to be a lawyer.”

Sasha nodded. “She knows my aunt Ginny. They’re going to be in the same class. Aunt Ginny’s moving to Baltimore next week so she can take refresher courses or something.”

“I bet you’ll miss her.” It was common knowledge that Dutch’s sister had lived with him and Sasha since Natalie became too sick to care for herself. She’d stayed on after Natalie had passed away.

“Yeah, we’ll miss her. But Aunt Ginny needs to have her own life.”

Claire smiled. Sasha was obviously repeating what Dutch had told her, but she said it with such conviction, as if the words were her own.

“Hey, look!” Sasha’s joy-filled squeal startled Claire. Sasha pointed at the twin crias, who’d decided to jump around their pen as though it was seven in the morning and not evening.

“They’re a pair, all right,” Claire said. “The little one’s obviously improving. They’ve started to play together.”

“I want to get their picture.” Sasha reached into one jacket pocket, then the other, and frowned.

“Dad, I forgot my camera!”

Dutch looked at her from the side bench. He’d finished his exams and was packing up his kit.

“Sorry, kiddo. Better luck next time.”

Sasha giggled. “So I’ll come out with you tomorrow on your evening rounds, right? And we can bring Rascal with us?”

Claire stifled the laugh that rolled up her throat at Dutch’s pained expression. Clearly, Sasha’s spending time at Llama Fiber Haven was
not
in his game plan.

Dutch lowered his eyebrows and looked at Sasha. “We’ll talk about it later.”

“Okay.” Sasha turned back to Claire. “What are their names?”

“I have no idea. I keep trying to come up with something. So far nothing’s stuck.” She didn’t want to tell Sasha that she wasn’t completely sure the younger cria was going to make it, and with Stormy still at risk, naming the twins wasn’t a priority.

“Why don’t you name them now?” Sasha watched the baby llamas, her eyes full of sparkle and life. Claire wondered if her own eyes had ever been that young.

“Well…” Claire hedged. Dutch was almost done—maybe she could put off the naming until Sasha came back. She’d be ready for both of them next time, perhaps even have a treat for Sasha. Especially with Ginny moving, Sasha might enjoy some pampering. Claire knew Sasha probably had more than enough attention from Dutch’s parents, but now that Sasha had identified Claire as one of her mother’s childhood friends, it would be nice to offer Sasha some comfort.

“Look! He keeps nipping at her side, to get her to play.” Sasha giggled again. “And she tucks her head in and hides from him.”

“Until she decides to give him a kick—she did earlier today.” Claire laughed at Sasha’s infectious enthusiasm.

“Why don’t you call them Nip and Tuck?” the girl suggested.

“Sounds good to me.” Claire turned back to the llamas. “Hey, Tuck, stop bothering Nip!” She smiled at Sasha. “Perfect.”

“Hey, Nip, go ahead and kick Tuck!” Sasha got into the act and stepped closer to Claire. Claire looked down at her new friend. Same hair color as Natalie, same wit as Dutch. But Sasha was very much her own person. Dutch was going to have his hands full raising her through the teenage years.

Claire looked up from Sasha and over at the llamas. Her eyes caught on the brilliant blue gaze that pinned her from across the barn. Dutch was angry, but she didn’t think it was at her as much as the situation. Claire sent him a slow smile, which only made his brows draw closer together over his strong nose.

Let him be angry. He had to learn sooner or later that he couldn’t control everything. He might have issues with Claire, but apparently his daughter didn’t. And wasn’t Sasha’s well-being his primary concern?