Savage Hearts (26 page)

She kept looking out the window, even though her side wasn’t the one with the view.

“I’ve heard it before,” she finally said.

“No shit,” Soren said. No point pussyfooting around. He wasn’t going to insult her like that. “Your ex-husband?”

“Among others,” she said. He could hear her smile a bit. Improvement.

“Parents?”

“Well, yeah,” Cate said. “And any other losers I picked up along the way. Dad was—is—a mean drunk, my mother is just
mean
. But
not…I don’t know
. I don’t think they’re bad people, I just think they’re unhappy.”

“And
your
ex?”

“Straight-up bastard. A messed up combination of my parents, actually, which…oh my God, that is just horrifying to think about.”

Soren laughed and looked over at her. Cate was hiding an embarrassed smile behind her hand.

“Can you believe I just now, right this second, figured that out?” She shuddered.

Soren grinned. coresec “If this were a movie, you’d be all better now.”

This time Cate laughed, and Soren didn’t know a sound could feel that good.

“Yes, I believe Hollywood has promised me catharsis and a handsome man. Now drive me off into the sunset, please.”

“It’s midnight.”

“You’d better get working on that sunset, then.”

“Yes, ma’am.” Soren looked at her. “Just know you’ll pay for it later.”

The smile that bought him was sweet.

They drove like that, in this relaxed silence full of shared understanding, until they were almost in Malibu. At least it started as a relaxed silence. If Soren hadn’t been driving in the rain on a weekend night full of tipsy drivers, he would have paid closer attention. He would have caught the shift.

Something had taken hold in Cate’s mind.

“Ask me,” she said finally.

Her tone had changed. Soren looked at her as closely as he could. He hated having conversations like this in the damn car, but he knew she needed the movement, the distraction. It was always easier to be vulnerable in a moving car.

And he knew what she meant.

“Did he ever hit you?”

“Yes.”

Soren stared straight ahead, his hands crushing the steering wheel, his blood pounding in his ears. He’d known the goddamn answer, and it hadn’t done anything to soften the blow. And he had to fucking shelve his desire to turn around and hunt the fucker down because he had Cate. Cate was more important.

“What did you do?” he said finally.

“Left.” She paused. “No, that’s not true. I left
eventually
. Which means that for a while I just took it. Because I was afraid, and because it was hard, and because…I believed him, I guess.”

Goddammit, he wanted to hold her.

“Jesus, that sounds pathetic,” she murmured.

“No,” he said.

“I don’t know, I might never know why. I’m tired of thinking about it. But eventually, I left. I left because it felt like…”

Cate paused, her voice catching. Soren waited. He’d wait for fucking ever.

“This is going to sound dramatic,” she said.

"+1">“Don’t apologize,” he said fiercely. “Don’t ever fucking apologize. It
is
dramatic. You don’t have to apologize, ever.”

She laughed, surprising him. “I might hold you to that.”

“That’s acceptable. Finish your sentence.”

“Shit.”

“Cate.”

She
needed
this. The way Soren had needed it once.

Cate sighed. “It felt like I was dying. In little bits and pieces, every day that I stayed, some part of me just died. Until eventually there would only be the parts of me that
did
believe the things he said about me.”

They were almost home. Jesus, he wanted to be holding her.

But Soren knew what he needed to do. She might hate him for it. She might get angry. She might never forgive him. But he wouldn’t do her the disservice of lying to her.

He had to push her.

“You keep yourself hidden away,” he said.
Almost home.
“You’re afraid you’re broken. That this, what we do together, is because you’re broken.”

“No,” Cate said. And then more forcefully, “No, I don’t think that anymore. I don’t know if I ever really did. I think maybe it was just an excuse.”

“So you wouldn’t have to be honest, show it to anyone.”

“Bingo.”

His headlights illuminated the long white wall that separated his property from Malibu Road and he pressed the button, watching the gate slide open as he made the turn.

“You’re not just afraid people will hurt you if you poke your head out and show yourself,” he said.

“No?” Cate asked. “I think I’m pretty damn afraid of that, actually. I mean, all things considered, I have pretty good reasons to be afraid of that. It keeps frigging happening, for one.”

“So?” Soren said, giving her a no-bullshit look as he pulled the car into his covered garage. “You’re strong enough to take it. You’ve done it before.”

“Then what am I afraid of?” she asked, turning to face him as the car came to a stop.

Soren made her wait while he got out and walked over to her side of the car, knowing that dress would give her hell if she tried to get out on her own. Besides, he liked holding doors for her. He liked helping her out of his car. And he wanted to be holding her hand when he said what he was about to say.

He opened the door and gave himself one last look at her, c lo>

Soren helped her up and then pushed her back against the car, wanting to feel her body against his, wanting her to have to see the truth of what he was about to say.

“Look at me,” he said.

She tore her eyes away from his mouth and met his gaze.

“You’re afraid that if you stop hiding yourself away,” he said, “you won’t like what you see.”

And then he waited.

Cate wasn’t used to not having a quick comeback. She was used to always being a step ahead, to having the upper hand, to being able to out argue or out-quip or whatever it was she needed to do.

She had freaking nothing.

Soren had pinned her against the car in that way that would guarantee she didn’t want to get away, and then he’d reached deep inside her head and pulled out that gem. And she had freaking nothing.

“Who the hell do you think you are?” she said.

“Your Dom,” he said.

“Don’t be so goddamn sure,” she said. She was angry.
Really, truly angry.
She felt…exposed, in a way she’d never experienced before.
At a disadvantage.
Vulnerable.
And not in the fun way.
“Who are you to try to get inside my head like this when I barely know anything about you?”

“Why didn’t you tell me you’d been married?” Soren asked. He was completely calm. Unruffled. Unbothered.

Maddening.

“It didn’t seem relevant!” she lied. “Ok, no, that’s it, stop touching me. I can’t be coherent when you’re…”

Cate took a deep breath as Soren pulled away from her. Immediately she regretted it; her entire body regretted it. That only made her angrier. It was so manifestly unfair.

And then he turned around and started to walk away, into the house.

Cate was pissed off enough to follow him, as he knew she would. Soren would make the rules, set the pace, determine the direction, and Cate would follow. How
dare
he?

“Are you seriously walking away from me?” she demanded.

Soren turned suddenly, putting himself very, very close to her. They were both breathing hard.

“Don’t lie to me,” he said.

“Why do I always have to be the brave one?” she demanded.

Soren stared at her.

Stunned.

Soren Andersson was stunned.

Like he didn’t know the answer, and so didn’t know how to respond. Like there were things in this world that somehow Soren Andersson didn’t know.
Things about himself, about Cate, about the two of them together.

And that was when Cate scared herself half to death, because she realized they were having a fight.

A real fight.
A couple’s fight.
A relationship fight.
 

Which was exactly what they were not supposed to have. Which was
exactly
what Cate couldn’t allow herself to even think about, because if she did, if she let herself even entertain the idea, if she let herself think of this as something real, she would get her heart broken. She would be destroyed.

She opened her mouth to take it all back, and no sound came out.

And then Soren beat her to it.

“I only laugh when I’m with you,” he said.

Cate paused. “What?”

Soren took another step closer. There were only inches between them as they stood in this narrow hallway in the dark, not even inside the house yet. Cate could see the muscles roiling in his striated shoulders, his biceps, his forearms—he was opening and closing his fists, his jaw tense,
his
whole body wired.

Had Soren just opened up?

“I am a fucking statue except when I’m with you,” he said. “I only laugh when I’m with you.”

She had no idea what to say. “Soren, I—”

“You see how freaking bad I am at it, you know it’s true,” he said, grinning down at her.

Cate laughed, covered her mouth. He had no idea how funny he was.

“That’s messed up, Soren,” she said, still laughing.

“I know,” he said, and that deep rumble filled the hallway, Soren’s laughter sounding at that moment like the best damn thing she’d ever heard.

Which terrified her.

“Fuck,” she whispered.
/font>

She couldn’t fall for him. It would be a disaster to fall for him. It was a mistake, just a delusion built of great sex and personal discovery and connection. She didn’t even really know anything about him, didn’t know anything meaningful, nothing about his past, his history. She knew more about Soren from the work her investigators had done for the lawsuit than she knew from the man himself.

And yet when he brushed his fingers along her cheek, her knees almost gave out. She leaned against the wall, shuddering.

“Are you ok?” he asked her gently.

Cate closed her eyes. She could
not
fall for him. He had pushed her, and crossed lines, and he’d made her feel like she didn’t know herself very well at all.