Savage Lessons (Temple of Luna #3) (6 page)

Dejan shifted from exhausted to wary in a heartbeat. "There are rumors about my trouble sleeping?" He made his voice casual, but it wouldn't be enough. It
couldn't
be enough, not if people were starting to talk.

"Just that it's tough to get enough sleep with a woman under you."

His control snapped, and he had his hand around Hektor's throat and his friend's back against the wall before he remembered moving. "Is that what they talk about?"

"What the
hell
are you doing?" Confusion darkened Hektor's features, and he closed one iron hand around Dejan's wrist. "Whatever your problem is, it isn't with me, so I suggest you let me go."

Hell.
Dejan loosened his grip but didn't step back. "Tell me what they say."

"The most popular rumors have linked you with any number of women employed by the Temple. Even a few influential wives from town."

Relief flooded him, so fast it took violence with it. Linking him to Temple employees or ladies from town could get him in trouble, but it wouldn't endanger Lexa. "Have the men turned into novices, then? To gossip like overly excited girls?"

Hektor didn't take the bait. Instead, he stared at Dejan and groaned. "You're
not
, Dej. For the love of all that's holy, tell me you're not mixed up with her."

"Bite your damn tongue, Hektor." Dejan dropped his hand and turned away. "You don't have a clue what you're talking about."

"Right. I don't hear you denying it."

Because Hektor would hear the lie, and they both knew it. Hektor would hear the lie, and he would know that Dejan had spent the last moon's worth of nights on top of Lexa more often than not. Frantic, furtive meetings in the beginning, but lately they'd shifted. He wasn't soothed by an hour slaking his need in her body anymore. Not if he couldn't spend another hour lying with her in the circle of his arms and listening to her quiet voice.

And perhaps that was what had doomed them. "She's a friend," he said finally, because it was the truth, if not all of it. "She's a strong, determined woman who needs a friend."

Hektor sighed wearily. "We've all had at least one who made it tough to let go, but you have to. The Temple is a place for service, not love."

Love. A word neither of them had dared utter. It would be insanity in any case -- who could be in love after a month of stolen moments? But the power and need twisting inside him was so much deeper, so much more desperate than the polite confines of love.

Dejan could tell by the look in Hektor's eyes that he could see it, too. With a sigh, he gave up pretense. "Does everyone know?"

"No, but they'll figure it out if you try to strangle them for teasing you about your conquests."

"Damn it." He scrubbed a hand over his face. "I can't
stop
. It's instinct. It's... feral."

"I wish I had an easy answer."

Dejan wished he had an answer at all. "Who was she? The one who made it hard for you to let go?"

Hektor's lips twisted into a bittersweet smile. "Tatiana. You may not remember her. She barely made it out of her novice robes before some noble returning from the war snatched her away."

The name called to mind the image of a tall, blonde woman, quiet and quietly pretty, but not remarkable in any way. Nothing like the flashy, vibrant women Hektor seemed to favor. "What got to you?"

His friend stared at the ground, lost in memories. "I have no idea. It could have been everything, or just a single moment I can't even remember. But I loved her."

"And you let her go." Dejan closed his eyes. "I've tried. I've
tried
, damn it. The parts of me that are broken used to be an asset. Now they're taking over everything."

Hektor snorted. "I didn't let Tatiana go. She carefully considered all of her options and decided it wasn't practical for us to remain together. She dumped my ass."

Dejan froze. "And if she hadn't?"

"I had asked her to leave with me. To become my wife." He shrugged. "She broke my heart, but she also did me a favor. It would have been a disastrous mistake once the infatuation faded."

Asking Lexa to leave the Temple would be a greater betrayal than leaving her. If the need twisting inside her was anything like the instinctive hunger that plagued him, it might be enough to override sense -- for a time. Until she realized she'd given up her dreams for a broken man who couldn't offer her anything more than a quiet life of obscurity.

An insult to the woman who would undoubtedly rule the Savage Temple as its high priestess one day soon.

"I'm sorry." Hektor looked truly sympathetic. "These things are impossible to avoid, but best ended quickly."

"Perhaps you're right." If nothing else he could broach the matter with Lexa. A cooling off period, perhaps, to protect her until the gossip settled down. If she truly needed him, if it
wasn't
just the mystique of his position...

If.
The word had never terrified him quite so much.

Lexa clenched her hands to hide their shaking and faced Celine, her shoulders shaking. "I don't know what happened. Everything was fine, and then..."

"Sit." Celine's voice sounded strained, but her hand was steady as she gestured to the chair behind Lexa. "I haven't received the healer's report yet. Are you physically well?"

"I'm fine. I had the situation under control. He didn't harm me at all."

Celine didn't look as if she quite believed her. "The situation should not have been one that required control. Your warrior was young and recently gentled. Was his level of need misdiagnosed?"

"I..." There was no way she could tell Celine the truth, that the frightened young man had sensed Dejan's claim on her and reacted with instinctive, angry violence. "As I said, I don't know what happened."

"Then you'd best start considering the possibilities, Lexa." Celine leaned forward, her face fierce. "You will not meet another warrior until I'm sure you will be safe. If that had been a feral wolf, you would be dead."

She bit her lip. Normally, she'd argue with a full removal from service, but the truth was that she'd spent more stolen nights with Dejan over the last month than she had entertaining warriors in need. "I understand."

"You're taking this with surprising aplomb, priestess."

She bristled. "What would you have me do, cry? Something went wrong, but no one was harmed. It isn't the end of the world."

"No, it's not. Not for most priestesses." Celine settled back in her chair. "I thought you were not most priestesses. Perhaps I was mistaken."

Only a few short weeks earlier, this sort of failure would have been unacceptable. Lexa wouldn't have eaten or slept until she figured out what had gone wrong. "No, you... I'm sorry. I'm angry with myself." That much, at least, was true.

"If something were happening, if something had changed... I should hope you would understand you could talk to me."

The words meant nothing, not when the truth of her confession would leave her demoted, and Dejan banned from the Temple entirely. Lexa fixed her face into a calm, serene mask. "I understand, Celine."

Silence stretched out, measured by the gentle sounds of the fountain in Celine's courtyard and the gentle music of wind chimes usually too soft to notice. Finally the high priestess sighed. "You're dismissed. I expect you to have an additional meeting with the healers in the morning, just as a precaution."

The boy hadn't touched her beyond a too-tight grip on her shoulder, but she didn't argue. "I'll see them just after breakfast." Lexa didn't wait for Celine to comment. She turned on one heel and hurried out of the courtyard, into the corridor.

The quickest way to her room was to cut through the main gardens. She stumbled through the door and leaned against the wall, thankful for the fresh air and quiet. She needed a moment to compose herself, to wrap her mind around the fact that Celine had been right.

Then the wind shifted, and it carried his scent. Her body reacted immediately, but the warmth that filled her was more than arousal.

She opened her eyes. "Dejan."

"Lexa." He stood a few feet away, fingers curled into fists and his body fairly trembling with tension, but he didn't move closer. Instead his gaze roved over her face and body, frantic and worried. "Are you hurt?"

So he'd heard. "I'm fine. It was nothing."

"A young man turned violent on you, Lexa. It's not
nothing
."

"And we both know why it happened." She forced herself to meet and hold his gaze. "Please, Dejan. Don't admonish me. I can take it from anyone else, but not you."

"Admonish you?" It came out strangled, and he squeezed his eyes shut. "I should be whipped for it. I should be put down for the danger I've placed you in."

Lexa swallowed tears and clenched her hands in her robes to keep from reaching for him. "We're both to blame."

"We're both in need. But I know better, Lexa. As a trainer, I should have known I was leaving too much of myself on you. I should have been careful. And you paid the price for it, just as you paid the price for my lack of control before."

It hurt more than if he'd placed all the responsibility on her. "So I had nothing to do with it? Because I recall begging, Dejan --
begging
you to take me, to make me yours."

"Because I already had." He opened his eyes and stared at her, longing and hunger plain in his face. "You don't understand what magic can do. Trainers are meant to hold back. Unleashing that sort of power, with that level of intimacy -- we can make you need us. If I'd given you time to clear your head..."

"Stop." A pain colder than anger but hotter than betrayal lanced through her. "I love you. Would you reduce that to an illusion? A silly fantasy?"

"You're everything to me," he whispered. "I care too much to risk you. Do you care enough to trust me? The trainers are talking. Being discovered now would put us both at risk."

A shiver took her, though Lexa barely felt it through the numb haze that enveloped her. "What trust shall I give you? What do you plan to do?"

"Stay away from you long enough for the rumors to subside." That was true enough, but she could read the lie in the words that followed. "And then I'll come back to you."

Only the wall behind her kept her from backing away in disbelief. "You claim that I'm everything, but still you lie to me?" Anger overrode her numbness, and she stepped close to Dejan, so close their faces were only inches apart. "End it if that's what you need to do, but don't
lie
. Don't you dare."

He moved fast, so fast her back had hit the wall before she saw him take a step. His hands closed on her wrists and slammed them against the wall too, trapping her between stone and the unyielding heat of his body. Something wild lived in his gaze, the beast that had broken free and wanted to claim her even now. "I can't be trusted with you."

Part of her wanted to struggle against his grasp, but she knew it would be useless. She refused to flinch away, to close her eyes against the tears that threatened, so she stared up at him.

He was breaking her heart, but it left him in agony, and she knew what she had to do. "I reject your claim," she whispered.

More than just words. She meant them, and the beasts inside them knew. The magic knew, too, pressure building until it snapped with a painful jerk, one she felt in her bones.

Misery painted Dejan's features as he stepped back, releasing her so abruptly she almost fell. The imprint of his fingers stood plainly on her wrists, and his gaze caught on the livid red marks. "I'm sorry for the pain I've caused you, priestess."

She rubbed her wrists and tried to pretend that was all he meant. "I've known worse pain that what you've visited on me." Her turn to lie.

His turn to be devastated by it.

The formal bow he managed was a hair short of obeisance, far too deep for a trainer to a priestess, even one who wore the silver robes. "By your leave, priestess."

He didn't wait for her to return or acknowledge the bow. He turned and practically ran from the gardens, leaving Lexa alone.

Her legs wouldn't hold her, and she slumped to the stone path. The pressure in her chest was unbearable, and intensifying with every choked breath she tried to draw. Finally, her gasps broke in a ragged sob, and she buried her face in her hands.

Dejan had spoken of knowing better, but the truth was that so had she. She'd worked for years, never resting and never veering from the path she'd set for herself. She would be a priestess, she would wear silver robes, and she would one day run the Temple herself.

All of that was in her grasp now, and all she had to do was not screw it up. Stay the course, and she'd have everything she'd ever dreamed of as a young girl of no wealth or family.

Victory had never seemed so hollow, so meaningless. The importance of her accomplishments couldn't ease the ache of a broken heart. It couldn't bring her off her knees or stop the flow of her tears.

Only time and sheer stubbornness could do either. Lexa wiped her face, rose, and set off on the quickest path to her room.

She would survive this loss just as she had survived everything else in her life -- because she had to.