Save Me From Me (25 page)

“I’ll never get tired of your touch,” I say.

“You haven’t felt nothing, yet,” he says as he pulls my bra down, allowing my breast to emerge, and wastes no time taking my nipple into his mouth — sucking, licking, and kissing it into submission.

He pushes me back by pressing his naked body into mine. My head falls back, granting his delicious mouth access to my neck as his hips slides between my legs. I feel his hardness pressing up against me, begging to go in. I want him so bad that my body is starting to ache.

After the first time we made love, Holden makes sure to use protection. I hate the extra barrier that keeps us from being as close as possible, but I know it’s necessary.

“I need you,” I whisper into his ear.

“Where do you need me, baby?” He teases my neck as he nips at it. “Is this where you need me?” he asks as he continues his nip fest.

“Yes… and no,” I reply as I squirm underneath him. “I need you everywhere.”

“I’m no superhero, baby. I can’t be two places at once. So, tell me where you want me.” Using the tip of his tongue, he licks from my collarbone to my ear before lightly biting it and sucking it into his mouth.

Taking my hand, I guide it down between our bodies and grab his dick. He moans, letting out a hot breath along my neck as I slide my hand up and down a few times, and then guide it to where I want him most. Using the tip of his dick, I tease him and myself by gliding it up and down my center and letting it linger at my entrance, but before he can push in, I steer it back up, swirling it around my clit. Not able to hold off any longer, I lift my hips, causing the head of his dick to slightly slide into me. Just that contact alone has my body spinning with desire.

“Is this where you want me?” he asks as he pushes himself in with one deep, hard thrust.

“Ohhh.” My head falls back as I press it into the pillow. “Mmmhmm.” I manage to let out as I lick my lips. “That’s where I’ll always want you.”

Love is a crazy, unavoidable emotion. It seems like the more that people try to avoid it, the harder it is to resist.

Now, making love, on the other hand, is the most thrilling, mind-bending experience, ever. Yes, I’ve had meaningless sex with many girls, but sex with feelings is life altering. It makes you think and want things that you now realize are within your grasp.

When the woman you’re in love with wants to be with you, and is willing to embark on a journey where neither of you know where it will lead, but you both blindly accept? That is love at its finest. Love makes you do things that you normally wouldn’t do. Love makes you think about feelings that you have on the inside, instead of strictly feeling only the physical movements as you make love to that person.

Our bodies connected the way they are in this moment, has me feeling as if I’m undergoing an out of body experience. This woman takes my body and heart soaring to ultimate heights. Crashing down together, as we fall from that ultimate high we share as one, is the best feeling ever. Nothing will ever compare. I lie here with Dani snug against me, ready to face what the world has in store for the both of us as we start our life together soon.

My bags are packed and I’m ready to head out on this new adventure with the man I love. I’m leaving this town once again, but this time, I feel nothing but giddiness. It’s crazy stupid how excited I am. I spent most of last night in Holden’s arms talking about our future together before going home to pack. All he kept trying to do was reassure me that it’d all work out. That he loves me, and no matter what, we are going to be happy. It’s finally our time, and we deserve it, dammit.

I couldn’t agree with him more.

For the most part of my life, I’ve been having my own personal, pity party as I watched friends and co-workers getting married and having kids — making families and a life for themselves. I had thought maybe that loneliness is what I deserved for taking off and leaving behind all the ones who loved me… And maybe it was. Maybe I was never meant to find happiness until I came out of hiding and returned to the place that I tried to escape from. Yeah, the circumstances that got me back here sucked worse than anything else I’ve been through, but look at where I am now.

They say to face your demons. That once you’re able to look them dead in the eye, and not flinch when they come at you, that you’ll be able to conquer anything that life throws at you. I’m not completely there yet, but I’m closer than I was six months ago, and that alone is a sense of accomplishment for me.

I pull up to Holden’s work site twenty minutes early. I can’t contain my excitement any longer, and I know he still has doubts that I’ll change my mind last minute. I have a few myself, but know that I’d regret staying more than I would leaving.

All the work trucks look similar, so I can’t really tell if he’s even here yet. I put my truck in park and get out, looking for someone to ask. An older, good-looking man starts making his way over to me. He isn’t smiling, so I assume he’s pissed, and that I’m not supposed to park here.

“Hi,” I say, trying to smile. “I’m looking for Holden.” He doesn’t say anything but crosses his arms, so I elaborate. “Holden Reynolds.”

“I know who Holden is. He’s my son.” Aww, shit. This is not how I wanted to meet Mr. Reynolds.

“Well, it’s nice to meet you, Mr. Reynolds.” I stick my hand out for him to shake, but he doesn’t. I quickly pull it back in and want to turn and run instead of being under his death stare.

“My wife has told me all about you. I don’t know what Holden’s exact plans with you are, but seeing that you showed up here the day they’re heading off to a new job, I’d have to say he’s not thinking very clearly. I don’t think either of you realize these choices he’s making are going to affect his future. He doesn’t seem to care, but I’d think that maybe you would. That is, if you love him.” I confirm that I do with a nod. “You see, Holden is the only one I have to pass our family business down to. If he eventually takes off with you, it won’t be just a job he’s losing. It’ll be his livelihood. His future. His inheritance his grandpa left for him. He loses it all if he takes off. He doesn’t know about his inheritance, but I have a feeling he’d still be dumb and give it up. He let his life get off track ten years ago over some girl he thought he loved. I’ll be damned if I let him make that mistake again.”

“Maybe we should let Holden decide. It is his life,” I say, trying not to let my true colors show. This is father of the man I love. I’m not really sure how to react to any of this. I have so much shit going through my mind, a newfound hatred being one of them. That’s closely followed by thoughts of second-guessing my decision. I don’t want Holden to lose everything because he chooses to be with me.

He laughs. “Did you not hear a thing I just said? He’s not thinking right now. I’m sure you’re a lovely girl, but that’s not what my son needs right now. You’re going to need to be the one who ends this fling you two have going on. Do you see what I’m getting at?”

Holding back the tears, I reply, “Yes. You’re wanting me to leave, and act like I changed my mind.”

“That’s exactly what I want you to do. I want you to forget he even exists. If he calls, you ignore it. Change your number for all I care. I would think you, a convenience store clerk, would want a better life for Holden. If that’s the case, then you just need to go. Yes, my son is going to be hurt because of it, but it will only be short term rather than him throwing his whole life away.” He lets out a laugh. “Surely you know there’s one of you in every town, anyways. He should be able to move on fairly quickly.”

Feeling dizzy and like this is not really happening, I nod and turn around, quickly heading for my truck. I refuse to let this man see me cry. I refuse to let him see what he just did to my heart. Everything in me wants to fight for the man I love, but not with the consequences that are bound to happen. I don’t want to be to Holden what Gage was to me. I refuse to hold him back. I will not be the one responsible for him not getting what he deserves out of life. I don’t doubt Holden’s love for me, but what if he resents me for it one day? People do that when all the lovey dovey feelings aren’t in full force anymore. I wouldn’t be able to handle it if one day Holden felt that way towards me — felt that I wasn’t worth everything that he had to give up in the process. I’m not a weak person, but Holden is my weakness. That much is evident.

I’m filled with excitement as I show up to the job site. That’s something that I’m never filled with when I show up to work. I sit in my truck for a few minutes, hoping that Dani will be pulling in right behind me. But she doesn’t. I see my dad standing near the offices, watching me intently. I figure now’s as good a time as any to go tell him my plans.

“Holden,” my father says in his monotone voice as I walk up.

I nod. “I thought I should tell you that my girlfriend, Dani, is going with me to the next job you’re sending me on. Then after that, I plan on settling down somewhere.” It felt good to tell him that little bit of information.

“You really think a girl from a town like this is who you should be settling down with? You have your whole life ahead of you, Son. You don’t need to be settling down with some country bumpkin who doesn’t have a thing going for her.”

“Who the hell are you to judge her? You don’t even know her.” I’m moments away from getting in his face.

“I just call ‘em like I see ‘em. I’ve been doing this job a whole hell of a lot longer than you. I’ve seen the women these boys end up with. They’re only in it for the money. Then, they take off. Call it what you will, but she isn’t going with you because of love. That is if she even shows up.” He gives me a satisfied look.

I pull out my phone to check the time. It’s thirty minutes past the time Dani was supposed to show. I call her phone, and it goes straight to voicemail. Without another word to my father, I turn and make my way back to my truck. I’m on a mission to find my woman. I’m not sure what’s going on, but I have to find her.

First, I head for her mom’s house—the most logical place she’d be. Her truck isn’t here, but I still get out to knock. No one answers, leaving me to assume that her mother is at work, and the boys are in school.

Second place I go is the dock. It’s her go-to spot, so I figure, if she just needs a place to sit and gather her thoughts, it’d be here. But she isn’t here. There is no damn sign of her anywhere. You’d think I’d at least see her driving around in her truck, but I don’t as I make my way to the last place I can think of.

I don’t expect her to be here, but maybe Adyn will at least be there to give me some insight. I walk through the double glass doors, hoping for some damn answers. But when I don’t see Adyn, I figure I won’t be getting any. On my way out, I almost run right into her ex Gage. Finally, someone who at least knows her is my first thought, followed by God, please don’t let him know more than I do about this situation. Needing answers more than anything, I go ahead and ask.