Save Me From Me (8 page)

I laugh as I picture that in my head. “That’s just Gage,” I nonchalantly say as I bend down to pick up the wrapper I had tossed at her.

“And this is just my right tit.” She grabs her boob. “Now, spill the beans on that hot piece of ass that had me wanting to please myself right here in front of him.”

“Gage is my ex. The one I left here when I took off after high school. I left him broken hearted. He’s always been stuck here because his dad got sick and needed him to run the family business. I ran into him at the bar the other night, and we hung out when I got off work Saturday. I haven’t seen or heard from him in three days. I’m not really sure what to make of him these days,” I admit as I think about how he acts at times, the mysterious driver, him booking it at the docks as soon as his phone went off, and not seeing him for days at a time.

“Humph. Well, that explains it,” she says while ringing up a customer.

“Explains what, exactly?” I ask as I scoot closer to her.

“The way he was looking at you. The way you were looking at him.” She glances up at me through thick eyelashes that border the lines of looking fake.

“I wasn’t looking at him any particular way.” I hope that I wasn’t at least. I don’t want to lead him on.

“Mmmhmm. If that helps you sleep at night.” She smirks.

It’s been three days since I saw Gage and now three more days until I will most likely see him again. I’m kind of shocked that he isn’t trying to hang with me more, but I don’t know what his life really entails these days. Maybe Loralee is a part of it like Tyler said. I have to admit that I’m sure looking forward to going out Friday night, and work is going to drag until then.

“Well, hello Gage.” I hear my mom say after the knock on the door. “It’s so nice to see you.” I walk out of my room, lean against the wall, and watch as my mother squeezes Gage in a hug. His eyes scan my body up and down, taking in my short jean skirt and fitted tee accompanied by my cowgirl boots. He’s looking fine as always in his dark jeans, fitted tee, boots, and baseball hat.
Yum.

“I know you haven’t seen him in forever, but let the boy breathe,” I say, pushing off the wall and making my way towards them.

“I know, I know,” Mom says while rubbing her hand up and down his arm in a motherly way. “It’s just so good to see familiar faces.” My mom has a sad look in her eyes, and I can tell all of this has been so hard on her even though she will never say so.

“It’s good to see you, too, Ms. Brooks,” Gage says.

“Pfft. You know better, Boy. Call me Gail.” She smacks his arm, which causes me to giggle before she turns around walking towards the kitchen. I can smell the coffee she’s brewing.

“Who you ladies calling a boy? Do I look like a boy still?” he says as he motions his hands up and down his body. My mom just looks back over her shoulder and smirks, and I roll my eyes while trying to hide my smile. “That’s what I thought.” Now it’s me smacking his arm as I walk past him, pushing the door open.

“Bye, Mom. I won’t be too late. Gotta work in the morning.”

“No rush, Hunny,” she yells back. “You’re in good hands. Enjoy your night.”

I don’t even give Gage the chance to open my door before running and hopping in his truck. I’m so ready to get away from this house. The smooth, leather seat is cool against my legs that my skirt barely covers.

“You in a hurry?” Gage asks as he slides in and buckles up. I change the radio station since it’s on commercial and turn it up.

“Was it that obvious?” I ask with a smile. “You know, it’s not very safe to be leaving your truck running with no one in it, especially in this neighborhood,” I say, making fun of how he locked my doors when he brought my truck back.

He just shakes his head and smiles. “I don’t think I’ll be worrying about anyone jacking my shit.”

“And why’s that? Are you like some mafia lord that no one messes with?” I ask, teasing him.

“Something like that,” he answers with a smirk.

“Hey, I need to ask you something.”

“Okay, go for it,” he says confidently.

“Are you and Loralee like an item or seeing each other?” I ask because, even though I do hate her, I’m not trying to come back into town to start shit if they are in fact together.

Gage starts laughing. “Why in the hell would you ask that?”

“Well, Tyler mentioned how you guys were at the bar before I showed up.” His body slightly tenses, but I can only tell because I’m watching him carefully. “He thought that there might be something going on between y’all.”

“We’re just friends,” he says without any further explanation, and I decide to just let it go. We’re just friends, too. So, it’s not as if it really matters.

I can’t stand the quiet so I decide to just change the subject. “So, where we going?”

“Well, I figured since you didn’t want to stay out too late, we’d stay in town and just hit up the new bar.”

I recognize the new bar as one of the old bars my dad used to venture off to. By the looks of the outside, I can tell it’s been fully revamped. It’s much more appealing now than it was when I was younger, seeing as it wasn’t appealing at all back then. My dad was never a fancy man. You’d never see him in a suit and tie or sitting in a high-class, fancy, stuck-up bar. For him, the dirtier the better, where people just went there to have a good time and bullshit while getting drunk. My kind of time, if you ask me. I’m not into the drama, but for some reason, it always seems to find me. Hopefully, tonight will go a little smoother than last weekend. I just want to relax, dance, and have fun.

“After you,” Gage says while holding the wooden entrance door open for me. The lighting is dim and the music is cranked. I’m wanting to dance all the way to the bar, which I can’t even see from where we’re standing. “Wanna beer?” he asks, bending down behind me with his hands lightly gripping my hips. I resist the urge to fall into him as I just nod my head. He walks in front of me, grabs my hand as he passes me, and lets it hang between us as we make our way to the bar. Once we reach our destination, he lifts my hand and quickly spins me, pulling me snuggly against his chest. We do a few two-steps while he sings some Blake Shelton to me. This right here is something that I’ve missed, the comfortable closeness with a guy who knows all the right moves.

“You can’t be lookin’ at me like that. It does bad things to me,” he admits before letting go of me to place our order. I don’t say anything. What could I say to that? I’m speechless. In all honesty, this closeness to him does all sorts of bad things to me, too.

Two beers and three shots later, I’m heading to the dance floor alone. Gage took off to the bathroom, and he knows me well enough to know where to find me. The song that draws me in is “Crazy Bitch” by Buckcherry. This is just one of those songs that you can never get tired of hearing. It’s sexy even though it seems dirty like it’s an insult. I’m crazy, but I fuck so good? Hell, yeah, I’ll take that, and I do as I make my way around the dance floor listening to the music while singing along. I’ve never been one of those girls that needed all her gal pals to dance with her. You know. The little foursomes that litter the area until some lonely guy looking for some nookie comes up behind one of them and causes their uniform circle to become a triangle. Every dance floor has them.

Songs change and I don’t skip a beat. The release I find in just letting my body take control is long overdue. Why have I been keeping myself holed up for so long? I start to wonder, but the thought quickly, like lightning speed fast, leaves my mind as soon as I feel someone positioning himself behind me. Just as my body starts to stiffen up from not knowing who it is, I feel his breath across my neck.

“It’s just me, Danielle.” I let my head fall back against his chest as he pulls me in closer. His hands fuse to my hips, and I link my hands into his as we just move together to the music. “I’ve missed this,” he whispers in my ear, letting his lips linger there.

“Me, too,” I say as I turn around to face him. A slow country song starts playing and it seems more than fitting. I can’t take my eyes of Gage. It’s hot and humid in here, but I know I’d still feel this heat, no matter what, being this close to him. Maybe it’s the alcohol, but it’s as if my body is drawn to him.

Stupid hormones
.

My mind still isn’t sure what to think, and my heart is still riding the fence about what it should be feeling. All I know is that no matter what, I don’t want to hurt him again. I refuse to do that.

“I don’t want to lead you on, Gage,” I admit, never breaking eye contact with him. “I’m not the same girl I was ten years ago. I don’t want to hurt you. Again.” I look away on that last part. I don’t want to face the pain I caused him.

“Look at me,” he says. “I can’t be led on if there aren’t any expectations. More than anything, I just want you in my life. To what degree, that is up to you. If you need a friend, I’ll be the best damn friend ever. If you want more, I’ll be the happiest damn man ever.” He winks. “But no matter what, I’ll always love you, no matter what level we take it. That never has, and never will change.”

And with all the cards out on the table, he bends down and kisses me. And I don’t resist.

I wake up bright and early with a throbbing sensation buried deep in my skull. Clearly a sign that I drank way too much last night, but the fact that I remember kissing Gage tells me I didn’t drink enough. I had hoped that it was a dream and that I didn’t let it happen, but apparently I let my stupid body betray me into not resisting. I should have put the brakes on. I don’t know what I want with him or anyone or my life, period. I’m pretty pissed off at myself as I look in the mirror.

Self, why’d you kiss him?
Self doesn’t reply, but instead glares at me for making her feel like she’s been in the head over and over with a sledgehammer.

Ahh, I look like shit. Definitely not the look I was going for today, but I’m kind of in an ‘I don’t give a shit mood’ with the way my head is pounding. I’m praying to the convenience store gods that my
Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy
boss isn’t there. I have a feeling that I’ll be clocking out early and jobless if she’s there to hound me all day.

I quickly brush my teeth, wipe my face off, and put my hair up high in a bun before throwing on a pair of shorts and my work t-shirt. We’re not supposed to wear open toe shoes to work, but I slide on my flip-flops anyway. I really shouldn’t be tempting fate or being difficult by going against the rules, but as I figured out moments ago, my ‘give a shit’ is currently turned to the off position.

“You’re late,” Joy says from behind the kitchen area as I walk in. I realize that it’s safer to just ignore her for the moment. Let the coffee and Tylenol I took before leaving home take over before spewing a bunch of nonsense that I will most likely not regret later, but will definitely end my career at this wannabe QuikTrip. That’s something I just can’t afford anytime soon.

I sigh at the thought of being stuck at this job. I really have no one to blame but myself. No one told me to quit the amazing accounting job and give up the life I had going. But as I look back, I see that I was the one being a wannabe. Except in my case, I am not sure what I was wanting to be exactly. I was running from who I didn’t want to be. Which was anything that represented who I was and where I was from. I try not to think about any of it for the most part. There’s no reason to let myself get depressed over things I’m unwilling to change.

Two hours into my shift, Adyn shows up. Thirty minutes after that, Joy gathers her things and clocks out, but not before giving me a lecture.

“Dani, do I need to have you write the dress code a hundred times to keep you from forgetting that you aren’t supposed to wear flip-flops to work?”

I want to wipe the sneer off her face.

I cock my head to the side. “I believe you missed your calling, Joy. Maybe that’s why you’re such a witch.” I smile. “But back to your question. No, I clearly knew when I slipped ‘em on this morning that I was most likely going to get talked down to as if I were a child like you always do. But it was just a risk I was willing to take.” I shrug and then turn back around.