Save Me From Me (10 page)

Never in a million years did I ever think that I’d randomly run into her. But dammit, there she was. Gorgeous as ever and so incredibly easy to talk to. I’m not really digging the nickname she has for me, but I’m hoping, that if it’s up to me, and the universe aligns just right to make it possible, that I’ll be able to change that with time. I mean, it’s not like forty minutes away is that far of a drive. I can make that drive at least every weekend if it means that I might get to hang with her. Look at me. Some might say that I’m desperate to even consider it. But the way I look at it, I’d be more desperate to just sit in another town, and take what I can easily get, instead of going after and putting forth the effort of spending time with someone that I’d actually enjoy.

That right there makes more sense to me. Not sure what the whole point would be, but spending countless hours stuck in a hotel room during the week, and then finding random bullshit to do with coworkers on days off is getting old. There’s got to be more to life than just this. Yeah, my dad might enjoy the solitude he has away from his loved ones, but not me. Well, seeing as though my parents, mainly my mother, are the only loved ones I really have, I guess it doesn’t leave me very many people to grace with my presence. Rusty notices my new mood as soon as I slide in and toss him his nasty dip.

“What’s up with that shit eatin’ grin of yours?” he asks as he breaks the seal on the can of snuff, and then opens it after a few flicks of the wrist.

“It’s pretty crazy. I’m not sure you’ll be able to handle it.” I joke with him.

“I. CAN. HANDLE. THE. CRAZY,” he says in his best Jack Nicholson impersonation from
A Few Good Men
.

I just shake my head at his crazy ass. “Well, you remember that girl from the bar a couple weeks back?”

Taking a minute to think about it, he spits out his open window, looks both ways, and then pulls onto the road. Today we are heading to another site to deliver a part they need. Usually we aren’t the run-around, errand boys, but we were heading this way already to do some fishing or some shit. Rusty always wants to go fishing. So, I always accompany him. For the most part, it’s always some place different because he likes to keep changing the scenery. Like we don’t do that enough just with this job. Today we are heading to some lake he used to go to as a kid. He says that about every lake we visit. But, it’s very possible that Big Fish has been to every waterin’ hole in Oklahoma and its neighboring states have to offer.

“Oh, that chick that gave you a blow job.” He smiles.

“Wrong. The other girl. The one who caught me and that chick.” I smile as I remember how that whole thing went down. I’m pretty sure I’ve never had anyone walk in on or up on me while having anything done to my dick. Whether it was getting sucked, or being fucked, it’s never happened, or if it has, the other person didn’t stop and actually watch. I have no idea why the hell that was such a turn on, but her watching and the way her eyes scanned me up and down and her breathing almost seemed to stop. And when she licked her lips, ahh, it was all much more of a turn on than the chick who actually had her mouth wrapped around me taking it deep.

“Oh her. The one who whooped Dick Suckin’ McGee’s ass?”

“That’s the one.” I sigh.

“She’s hot. You better be careful, though.” I look at him, wondering where the hell he’s going with this. “She’s like a ninja with a pool stick. Don’t ever piss her off.”

I just laugh because my boy Rusty is being completely serious, and I can’t help but find humor in that.

Work blows. Waking up at four a.m. blows. Living a life that you never really wanted blows. Knowing you don’t want it and holding the power to change it, yet not doing so… BLOWS. I try to be optimistic. I really do, but damn, sometimes life sucks. I’m sure everyone goes through these times. No worries, I’m very thankful to even have a job and all that shit, but this is not the life I ever wanted. I hate to curse my dead cousin, but that peckerhead is partly responsible for this. Only partly though, because I should have stood up to him instead of letting him persuade me to take off. I don’t kick my ass as often as I used to. I used to, mainly for the fact that I gave up on Jesika when I took off. Sealed the deal on losing the only girl I’ve ever loved and gave up an awesome friend as well.

Being a pussy sucks! I vow to never be a pussy again. I also vow to never run off from something I want. I will never give up without some sort of a fight or at least voicing my feelings. How can someone make a valid decision if they don’t even know there’s a choice? The day I learned that I had lost Jesika to someone else because I wasn’t around, I promised myself to do things differently the next time around. If there ever is a next time. Fucking life. Fucking work. Fucking, scratchy ass blankets and brick-feeling mattresses. Maybe that’s why I’m so pissy this morning – and the fact that this coffee tastes like what I assume ass tastes like. If not, it’s in the same shit-tasting category. If I weren’t desperate for the ten percent caffeine that’s in this full cup, then I’d just dump it. But I need it, anything, right now to somewhat lift me out of this piss poor mood.

“Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Huh, Mr. Grumpy McGrumpersome?” Rusty teases, but I’m not in a teasing mood.

“Fuck off, Dill Weed,” I reply as I pull open the driver side door of our work truck.

“Mr. Sexually Frustrated could have got some at the lake yesterday, but chose to actually do some real fishing instead.”

“I’m not sexually frustrated. Plus, I wasn’t into them girls.”

“That’s never stopped you before.”

He’s right. It never has. I don’t know what my deal is.

“Maybe I’m a changed man.” I look over and smirk.

“Yeah, right, dude. And I’m fuckin’ Hugh Heffner.”

“You wish.”

“You’re right. I want to be him when I grow up.”

“Well, you got a long time to go there, lil buddy.” I laugh. My coffee must be kicking in.

“It’s more than obvious that you are only working for the crew because of your dad and to pass the time, but if you had a dream job, what would it be? Do you have one?”

I stare out the window and really think about his question. Sad truth is I have never in my life been asked that question by anyone who truly wanted to know. I mean, yeah, sure. In school, they always ask what you want to be when you grow up, but to be asked that when you’re grownup makes it harder to answer. Sometimes, it’s just too late to be what you want or to have what you’ve always wanted. Sometimes, you just get stuck and have to settle for any semblance of normal or happiness.

“I really don’t know, Rus. I mean, when I was younger, I was really into computer shit and graphics. If I had my choice, and could just get into whatever I wanted, I’d want to get into something dealing with graphic designs. There’s so many avenues you can explore with it.”

Rusty doesn’t reply. Which is bizarre, because Big Fish is always known for having something to say. One Upper McGee is just another nickname I have for him.

“I think you should go for it. Especially if you have nothing holding you back. It’s not like you are in desperate need of the money from working the pipeline. And forget what Pops thinks. Do what you want. From the sounds of it, you never have.”

He’s so right and I hate it. Not that he knows me so well and can see through the shit I try to hide, but for the simple fact that what little he does know of me, he just nailed it.

“Maybe one day,” I offer as we pull into our new job site. It’s still dark out. I can barely see the sun creeping up between the trees in the distance. I don’t understand why we have to show up before the crack of dawn, but I don’t ask many questions. And I usually try to avoid the leader of the pack, the head honcho, good ole Roy Reynolds. It doesn’t always work out as planned, but don’t blame me for trying.

Our relationship used to be better as I was growing up. I attempted to play sports for his benefit, and even though I wasn’t into them, I was pretty good. Now my body development, on the other hand, didn’t take place until I joined the Navy. If I had been into exercising and conditioning myself through high school, it would have sprouted way sooner. But nope, not me. I was into games, computer shit, and watching my cousin fight. Those were the days when I actually did shit I wanted.

I watch as my dad makes his way to where I’m standing next to my truck. I just want this day to be over and if he’s here, then I’m not sure this day will end quickly enough. I hate that I’m starting to resent my old man. But, I am. It’s not like he held a gun to my head and forced me to work for him, but once I returned, he expected it. I still remember what he said when I showed back up in town.
“Glad to see you’re finally home and done running from the family business. I hope you got what you needed out of your system.”
If he only knew that running from him and the family job he had planned out for me wasn’t what I was trying desperately to cleanse out of my system. And taking off didn’t help either.

When we are on job sites, he’s all business. Hell, even at home, he’s all business when he talks to me. “Holden, I’m going to need you to come with me this morning. I have another area that I need you to work on today. I actually need you to ride up to the rig with me. One of our men was injured and I’m needing you to fill in.”

Oh, that makes me feel special.
“Hey son, one of my workers was hurt over here and now I need you to fill in.”
Yeah, sure. That makes me feel safe about the whole situation. But I don’t dare ask questions. It’s pointless anyways.

“Sure thing. Let me get my shit out of the truck.”

“Make sure to grab your gloves and helmet. We’ll swing by your hotel so you can grab your bag,” he says as he walks off.

I roll my eyes as I open the door to dig through my back seat. As if I’d forget to bring the most important items besides my eyewear. Sometimes I think my dad is a complete dumbass, but then, the more I think about it, I realize it’s me that’s the dumbass.

He’s sitting in his fully loaded, Dodge Dually with his sunglasses on, waiting for me. I get in, buckle up, stretch my legs out, and dread the drive that’s sure to come.

“I’ll only need you over here for about six months,” he says, not taking his eyes off the road.

“What happened to the guy I’m filling in for?” I ask hesitantly, because he better not have lost a limb, or I might be out.

“Nothing major. He just fell wrong and broke his ankle. As soon as his cast comes off, he’ll be back.”

He just broke his ankle. Nice. I guess it could be worse, but hope not. I’m hoping a broken bone is the worst thing that could happen while I’m out here working.

Forty minutes later, we pull in to the small town that I was just in, and for some reason, I get a thrill from it. I want to see her. I have to see her. It hasn’t even been a day since I have, and yet, it’s not soon enough. I see the convenience store at the four-way stop, and instantly, my bad mood that I’ve had all morning is lifted. I need to go in that store. So, I make up the best excuse I can come up with to do so.

“Dad, can you stop at that store? I need to take a shit.”

“Can this not wait until we make it to the rig?”

“No, it can’t. It must have been that shit coffee I drank this morning.” I lie. Well, the coffee did taste like shit, but I, on the other hand, don’t have to.

“Fine, but make it quick. I got somewhere else I need to be in an hour.”

Knowing that he can’t see me, I roll my eyes.

“I’m a quick shitter.” I say as I shut my door. It’s dumb, but as I push through the door, I have this crazy anticipation of seeing Dani. It makes me smile stupid knowing that she might be here. God, I hope she’s here, or my pissy mood will be back with a vengeance. I scan the register area, and the chick that’s working it is shorter and curvier than Dani. I make my rounds all over the store, checking every visible nook and cranny without seeing any sign of her.

Shit.
Guess I’ll just grab a Gatorade and call it good. I hear the bell of the door chime as I’m deciding which color to go with. Let’s face it; most people pick out the color they like best over the actual flavor.

“Hey Adyn, will you clock me in real quick? I gotta run to the bathroom.” I hear her voice and I instantly could care less about what color I pick and just grab the first one my hand touches. I quickly turn around, and she stops dead in her tracks. Her shocked expression changes to a full on smile that I could get lost in. The way she smiles at me is so genuine, and knowing that I’m responsible has my mind doing crazy things.

“Hey.” She walks up to me smiling.

“Hey, you.”

“Are you stalking me?” She laughs.

“What if I was?”

“I wouldn’t mind.” She looks around the store. “What are you doing in town again?”

“Well, looks like I’ll be working around here for a while. Meaning, I’ll be able to up my stalking.” I wink.