Saved By Him (The Monster Series Book 2) (15 page)

As much as I hate it he’s right. “What did you realize?” I ask when he pauses.

“Diane will never heal completely.” He points to the door where Sophia ran through. “Sophia will forever have those marks, they won’t heal completely. If we wait for them to heal completely then we’ll wait forever. We’re using it as excuses to keep ourselves away from them. We are the ones who are scared, Adam. Not them. Fuck, they’ve been through hell, why would they be scared of dickheads like us?” He nods, making his point. “We are just two shitheads who are scared of the woman they care for. We’re scared we’ll hurt them and in the process we hurt them anyway.”

He turns around and walks away. I hear him say, “I’m done hurting Diane. Life is too short, and I’m not wasting another day by running from the one woman I want.”

Once again I stay behind. Tristan is right. I’m the one saying she’s not ready, that she’s too young – but what the fuck do I know about how she really feels. I’m hurting her more by staying away. It should be her choice too.

As fucked up as I am, I’ll never be able to turn her away if she says the words right to my face. If she says that she wants me, then I’ll act on my feelings, but not before then.

Sophia~

I make sure I stay out of Adam’s way. I’m not angry with him. He did what he thought was best for me and I can’t blame him for my own stupidity and my own silly feelings. I’m angry with myself. I’m angry for telling him the things I did. I’m angry for liking him too much.

I’m enraged at those bastards for what they did to me! I’m angry and a whole lot of broken, but it’s getting better every day that I spend with Miss Ella.

I try not to think of my time as a slave. It’s starting to feel like the life I have now and the life I had as a slave belongs to two different people. Mostly, I feel disgusted with myself for letting them abuse and use me like that.

My skin crawls with repulsion when I remember Lowery with his milk and cat fetish. I feel nauseated when I remember David, how he emotionally and physically abused me.

It feels like I’m standing on the edge of a cliff. Below is darkness and every single thing that was done to me – and it feels like I can fall at any moment – and then that darkness will consume me. The thought scares me to death!

So I focus on Miss Ella. I focus on helping in the kitchen. It’s a simple routine, but to me it’s everything – it’s my sanity.

As awkward as things are between Adam and I, I can’t make myself move out of his house. I still want to be close to him. I feel safe knowing he’s always close by.

I make sure I leave before he gets up and I make sure I get to my room before he gets home. I don’t want things to get more awkward.

The rest of the day I stay with Miss Ella. At least the days go by fast.

Adam~

I give Sophia time to do her thing before I go home. I don’t have the guts to face her yet so our unofficial arrangement works at the moment.

I’ve started sitting out on the patio after dinner. It’s peaceful out here.

The door slams open River comes rushing out. She goes to stand by the railing, her whole body tense.

“What’s nipping at your heels?” I ask.

She walks over and sits down next to me. We don’t get to see much of each other nowadays.

“Jack kissed me.” She drops the bomb.

I stare at her for a short while and wonder if she is in the same spot as me. There’s only one way to find out. “And that’s bad?”

“Yes, it’s bad! He’s still healing. I don’t want to take advantage of him,” she almost cries out.

Yeah, she’s pretty much in the same position as me. I can’t give her any advice. She needs to figure this out on her own. However, I can be here for her.

“How are you taking advantage of him if he kissed you?” I ask.

She sighs tiredly. “He doesn’t know any better and I do.”

Pretty much the same crap I’ve been telling myself, but I’d like to hear her take on it all. “So if I were to kiss Sophia that would be wrong?”

She looks at me and frowns. “Are you telling me or asking me, Adam.”

I sigh, feeling just as tired. “I suppose I’m asking you.”

“I don’t know.” She leans back and stares out into the night. “Honestly, I don’t know. You and Sophia are a different story. Sophia is different from Jack. I’m different from you.”

What a crock of shit! “That’s not an answer, River!”

“Because, there is no right answer!” She jumps up, clearly getting more upset with the situation.

“There is always an answer, it just might not be what you want to hear,” I say softly.

She has her own reasons for not wanting to pursue a relationship with Jack, just like I have mine to stay away from Sophia.

“Then tell me the answer!” she snaps.

I get up and go to stand in front of her. “It’s not wrong for two people to enjoy each other if they both want to. I think you want Jack to kiss you, but you’re scared.”

I see anger flash across her face. “I’m not scared of Jack! He will never hurt me.”

“I didn’t say you were scared of Jack. You’re scared of what he means to you.” Just like I am scared of what Sophia means to me. I shove my hand into my hair and then look at River. She’s really going to make me spell it out for her. “You want to kiss him. You want to be with him, but then you’ll have to admit that your whole life has been a lie. You say you hate sex and I understand where you’re coming from with that, but I think you’re hiding behind your past and refusing sex because you’re scared you’ll turn out to be just like your father.”

The sound of flesh hitting flesh is sharp, and then I feel the sting. I suck in a sharp breath as I try to control my own anger.

I glare back at River. This has gone too far! “Don’t ever hit me again.” I walk away before either of us says something we’ll regret. We’re both way too emotional to think straight.

As I walk into the house, Sophia’s door closes. Yeah, I just gave River a speech about how scared she is to take things further with Jack, and here I am avoiding Sophia.

Fuck this! I walk to her room and knock on her door.

“I’m sleeping.” Her voice is muffled behind the door.

“No, you’re not,” I say back. “You just spoke to me.”

Oh yeah, nice one Adam!

“I’m in bed already,” she mumbles.

I lean back against the door and shove my hands into my pockets. “Fine, then I’ll just stand here and say what I have to say,” I call out.

It sucks talking to a door, but it’s my own fault.

“Sophia, I’d love to be the one who gets your heart, to treat you the way you deserve to be treated,” I sink down to the floor and sit flat on my ass. “You deserve a man who will give you the world, a man who will keep you safe and a man who will love you with all his heart.” I suck in a deep breath and then say, “I joined the army right out of school. I stayed in the army until it broke me. I’ve seen so many people die and many of them by my hand. When I retired I was a lost and broken man. I really thought that was the end of me. I couldn’t hold a job. I kept losing my temper over the littlest thing. I’d just been fired from my last job when River found me. She offered me this position, to help her take care of the place. I’ve poured my heart and soul into The Sanctuary. It’s all I could do to survive the destructiveness that lives inside of me.” I lean my head against the door. “It’s there, a living and breathing force. I’m scared it will explode and I don’t want you around when it happens.”

The door opens suddenly and I fall flat on my back. “Oops, sorry,” Sophia gasps. She sinks to her knees and then sits down next to me. I get up and shift closer to her, until we’re sitting side by side, leaning against the wall.

She’s wearing one of my shirts and I have to admit, she looks fucking hot in it.

“You gave me the world, Adam. I was in a prison and you gave me all of this! You keep me safe. Why do you think I’m still staying here and I haven’t moved into the main house? I feel safe with you!”

She takes my hand and holds it in both of hers, the way I use to do when she first got here.

“It feels like I’m standing on the edge of something. If I fall the darkness will consume me but I just look at all the beauty around me. I have Miss Ella, you, Jack and all the other people. You all keep the darkness away.” She gets on her knees and the shirt pulls up. She presses my hand to her chest and whispers, “Let me do the same for you, Adam. You saved me now let me save you. You won’t explode if you have something else to focus on.” She scoots a little closer to me and the action tugs at my heart. “That’s what I do. I just keep busy. I don’t think about the stuff that happened to me, because it will drag me over that edge.” She looks at me with the most innocent face. “Please, Adam, let’s just try. I want to feel what normal feels like and I want to do it with you. I don’t want anyone else.
I want you
.”

The words create a warm blanket around my heart. That’s all I wanted to hear and now she’s said it. I feel the last of my wall begin to crumble and I lean closer to her. She cups my face in her hands and she leans in the last of the way, letting our lips touch softly.

I bring my arms around her and pull her into my lap. She snuggles up against my chest and she lets me kiss her.

It’s not the same as that kiss we shared at the party. I can feel her tremble. I can feel her emotions spilling over into me through our joined lips. There is nothing robotic about her actions and it lights a flame of hope inside of me.

Maybe we can do this. 

Just maybe she can be mine and I’ll be hers.