Z
akia joined the Faith in the Word mass choir. Her desire to be a part of the creation of such a wonderful atmosphere overwhelmed her. Rehearsal was only one day a week, which gave her time to take a Bible class or two. She was also considering joining the soul-winning ministry. Zakia was aware that her methods of leading folks to Christ had been less than effective, and she deeply desired to sharpen her skills. Fitting these new activities into her schedule, along with the boys’ activities, became a real juggling act.
Because her zest for advertising had all but disappeared, she was missing a lot of time from work. She had been analyzing her family’s portfolio and was seriously entertaining the thought of being a stay-at-home mom. Convincing Jay was the tricky part.
“Honey, I’ve been thinking. There is a lot going on. Our portfolio is stronger than ever. Our assets alone are generating enough income to cover our expenses, and the boys’ college fund is working for us. I really feel this is a good time to be a stay-at-home mom.”
“What about early retirement?” Jay asked.
“Have you looked at our investments lately? You should work for Wall Street, baby.”
Knowing they had been very fortunate that his risk-taking had yielded high returns, he had no argument. “Are you sure you’ll be fulfilled without your work?”
“Oh, I’m positive.”
“I hope this does it for you, Zakia. I’ve been tolerant and patient with you. You have me going to church alone, and that’s just not right. Maybe without so much on your mind you’ll see clearly and come to your senses.”
“Oh, thank you, baby,” she said, hugging and kissing him.
Maybe I’ll learn how to convince him that he’s the one who needs to come to his senses about church,
she thought.
As much as Zakia planned to be home by not having to report to an office, all her extra time was spent at church. Jay was not pleased. While she was working, he had overlooked something he was used to having. His mother, having been a housewife all his life, was always there for her family, so he knew what to expect from a stay-at-home wife. He complained to Zakia that things were not working out as he expected. Zakia still wasn’t home, her housekeeping didn’t meet his expectations, and they still didn’t talk to each other like they used to. They were speaking two different languages. He flat out refused to go back to Faith in the Word to learn this new language she was speaking, truly believing that everything was perfect before she found her new church.
It wasn’t long before the Fig Tree Baptist women noticed Jay attending church alone and began to speculate. His family was respected in the church, but that didn’t stop the rumors. It was said that he and his wife were getting a divorce because Zakia had joined a cult. The women were lining up for when that rumor was confirmed.
“Good morning, Jay,” one of the women sang in a sweet voice to match her big, bright smile as she approached him one day.
“Good morning,” Jay said, returning her smile, not sure of her name.
“Is your wife doing okay? I haven’t seen her in a while, and I didn’t see her name on the sick and shut-in list?”
“She’s fine. Thank you for asking. Excuse me,” Jay said, walking away to avoid any other inquiries about Zakia.
“Looking mighty sharp, Jay,” said another woman as she moved in a little too close for Jay’s comfort. She began to straighten his tie, causing him to take a step back.
“Thank you,” he said, straightening the tie himself as he stepped around her and kept walking to the finance room.
Jay served on the finance committee of Fig Tree Baptist because of his business savvy.
One evening Jay attended a meeting held at the home of the finance secretary. After the meeting was adjourned, she asked Jay if he could stay a while longer to give her some personal investment advice. Jay couldn’t resist the stock game and obliged. She gave him the prospectus of a company in which she was considering investing.
“No, no, no. This company will fold before the year is out,” Jay said.
“Oh my. I would have lost everything.”
“Call me before you do anything in the future.”
“You bet I will.”
And she did. Jessica called him often, at work initially, since it was supposedly about business. Then she started calling at home. Zakia didn’t notice. She was deep into her Bible classes, ministry meetings, and choir rehearsals. She was always at the church, which gave Jay more time to provide investment advice to Jessica.
When Jay got home after work, he would invariably smell nothing cooking. Nobody was ever home. One evening he called Alexis.
“Mamalexis, do you know where my family is?”
“They’re not here. Did you call the church?”
“You know, this is getting old. I thought Zakia would have snapped out of it by now.”
“Maybe it’s the real thing. I mean, I went over there to check it out. If my child had been lured into some cult, I would have promptly blown the whole building up, then turned myself in,” Alexis said.
“So what did you think?” Jay asked.
“Well, what was being preached was the truth, and one thing about my child, she was always in search of the truth. The real deal. She always had that need to know.”
“Yeah, well, she doesn’t act like she needs to know how
I
feel.”
“She’ll come around. I talked to one of the counselors, who told me that new born-again baby Christians are so excited about the newfound things of God that they sometimes throw caution to the wind, believing God has their back, and go out to single-handedly save the world. It made sense and described Zakia perfectly. I decided not to blow the building up,” Alexis explained.
“If you say so. Thanks, Mamalexis.”
“Sure, baby. Hang in there.”
“I’m trying.”
Jay continued to give after-hours financial advice to Jessica, who followed through on one of Jay’s tips and received a windfall that was beyond her imagination. She insisted that Jay come to her house to help her celebrate.
“Thank you so much!” she said, hugging and squeezing him with excitement when he arrived at her apartment.
“You’re quite welcome,” he said as he received her gratitude.
The hug lasted a little longer than their usual Christian embraces. Jessica finally pulled away, appearing shy, causing Jay to feel like he had made her uncomfortable.
“So did you take your own investment advice?” she asked as she led him to the sofa.
“What kind of investor do you think I am? Of course I did.”
“How’d you do?”
“I doubled what you did.”
“Oh, Jay!” she exclaimed as she gave him a big hug and a kiss on the cheek. “I’ll get the champagne. We have to toast your brilliance,” she said, going into the kitchen.
“Let me help you,” Jay said, feeling good to be needed.
As they drank champagne, they talked about how to reinvest. Jay was becoming very comfortable, and after so much champagne, he began to imagine that Jessica was Zakia.
“This is it, the last of the champagne,” Jessica said, emptying the bottle evenly into both of their glasses.
They held up the glasses, toasted, and sipped the remaining champagne as she looked deep into his eyes, drawing him into her. He moved closer to her, and she met him with a long, deep kiss. Jay imagined his wife as they removed their clothes and made love.
When he woke up hours later, groggy from all the champagne, he was very remorseful about what had happened. He thought he had taken advantage of Jessica.
Things were exactly the same between Jay and Zakia. He started feeling less and less guilty about his infidelity . . . until Jessica called Jay at work three weeks later and informed him that he was going to be a daddy.
“I don’t expect anything from you, Jay, but I do plan to have my baby and raise him or her in the church. You have been wonderful, and thanks to you, I am doing fine financially. We’ll be fine.”
“I wouldn’t turn my back on a child of mine, Jessica. Give me some time to figure things out.”
“Of course, darling. Take all the time you need.”
That evening Jay decided to tell his wife everything. Zakia was brushing her teeth when Jay came into their bedroom and stuck his head in the bathroom.
“We need to talk when you’re done,” he said.
“Okay,” Zakia responded with a mouthful of toothpaste. She rinsed and spat, then came into the room wiping her mouth with a hand towel.
Jay was sitting on the side of the bed and patted the spot beside him for her to sit down. Zakia was relieved that Jay didn’t appear to be upset with her for again not cooking dinner. She thought he probably grabbed something on his way home from work, which was why he was late. He had stopped complaining about a full-course meal not being ready every day, so he was probably eating out more often, having figured out that she wasn’t the housewife type. That was good. Less pressure on her.
“Zakia, Jessica is pregnant.”
“Who?”
“Jessica Stone. She’s the finance secretary at Fig Tree Baptist.”
“So?”
“It’s mine.”
The revelation that he was having an affair sent her into a state of shock. She froze as thoughts of Ezekiel’s daddy, Malik, and his cheating ran through her mind. She was numb and couldn’t speak, so Jay continued.
“You are obsessed with the church, neglecting me and your family, alienating your friends,” Jay said. “Is that the kind of God you want to serve, one who makes you lose everything important in your life?”
Shock turned to rage. She mustered all the strength she had to speak.
“Get out,” she managed to say without bursting into tears.
It only took him minutes to pack a few things. He left her sitting on the bed still in shock.
G
od, how? Why? Where did I go wrong? I obeyed Your Word. I believed You. I don’t understand. What is going on?” Zakia cried out.
She felt nothing, heard nothing. She was numb. She must have missed something, but she was too depressed to find out what it was. She just lay in her bed feeling betrayed. Jay’s words rang in her ears, “Is that the kind of God you want to serve, one who makes you lose everything important in your life?” Jay’s question caused her to think hard for the first time in a long while. Her family had been treating her differently, like she was strange. Her friends seemed to always be irritated with her. She began to question her actions, her faith, and her life. Her mind wandered, she lost focus, and she felt drained.
The next day, Jay called Alexis and confessed everything, making sure Zakia was getting the support she needed. Upon learning that Jay had moved out, Alexis immediately went to console her daughter.
“You need time, baby. Just trust the fact that you have everything already on the inside of you that you need to make the right decisions.”
“I do need to figure things out.”
“Do you want me to take the boys home with me?”
“Would you?”
“Of course. You just get yourself together and figure out what you’re going to do.”
A few days later, Zakia was still down. She heard the phone ring but allowed the answering machine to pick up.
“When you hear the beep, you know what to do. And remember, God loves you and we do too,” the machine said.
“Z! Pick up. I know you’re there. Pick up, sis. It’s me, Raquie,” she said.
Zakia reached from under the covers and picked up the phone. “Yeah,” she said in a dry, lazy voice.
“Hey, sis, what it be like?” Raquie said cheerfully.
“It be like nothing with me, what it be like with you?” was Zakia’s lifeless response.
“Mamalexis told me about Jay. You okay?”
“No, I’m not okay.”
“Do you need me to come home?” she asked. Shortly after graduating summa cum laude from Manna, Raquie had taken a job in New York.
“Naw, baby, there’s nothing you can do. I just need to sort through some things.”
“Well, you do whatever you have to do. You want to talk about it?”
“I’m just confused. Jay said something before he left that made sense, and now I don’t know anymore.”
“What did he say?”
“He asked me if I wanted to serve a God that makes you lose everything important in your life.”
“Wow. That’s deep.”
“My whole life doesn’t make sense anymore. Maybe I should go back to work. I need to keep busy to fight these negative emotions, but I don’t want to see people. I don’t know anything anymore.”
“You can do both, you know.”
“Both what?”
“Go back to work and not see people.”
“How?”
“The Internet. Lots of people are doing it.”
“Been there, done that.”
“Yeah, but you still had an office downtown and you saw those people. They knew you and you knew them. I’m talking about no physical contact at all. And in this buck-wild, very exciting entertainment industry.”
“Go on.”
“I contract with webmasters, graphic designers, online hosts, and distributors that I’ve never met. And there’s plenty of work available, especially for somebody with your expertise. Right now I’m working on landing this contract to create a Web site for Jazz Jafari. Ever heard of him?”
“Yeah, I’ve heard of him. I like his sound.”
“Well, that brother needs a fresh cyberpresence like yesterday, and I’m going after it. I could probably use your help with the proposal. If I could say I have the top advertising executive in the state of Virginia waiting to work with Jazz, that might put me over the top. What do you say?”
“You know I’m here for you if you need me. Besides, I probably need to step away from what’s happening here and be productive elsewhere until I figure things out.”
“That’s what I was thinking. It’s all about what’s best for you, sis.”
“I’ve been away from the game for a while now.”
“Hey, it’s like riding a bike. And the fact that all your market research and reports will be done online in the comfort of your own home, you can call your own shots. However you want to work it, sis. You’re the pro.”
“Sounds intriguing. What the heck? I’m in.”
“Are you sure? Don’t feel obligated. I can always get it done. I just want you all right.”