Saving a Legend: A Kavanagh Legends Novel (12 page)

Heading back into the bathroom to put everything away, Kieran found a stack of clean towels and pulled out a small washcloth. He ran it under frigid water from the sink, then wrung it out until it wasn’t dripping wet anymore. One of his favorite things his mother had done when he was sick as a kid was place a cool washcloth on his forehead, so he hoped Shea would feel the same way.

He wondered if this was what parenting would feel like, having a teammate to help you face the world together. If it was, he was pretty sure he’d love it. He already felt closer to Fiona in the last few minutes than he had ever felt to anyone. Something about working together to help Shea had ignited a place in his heart he had never felt so acutely before.

Kieran rejoined them in the bedroom and held out the cloth. “What about a cool washcloth on her head? I used to love that when I was sick as a kid. Is that okay?”

“That’s perfect.” Fiona bit the corner of her lip, as if she wanted to say more. Instead, she pulled down the covers on the bed and Shea immediately crawled underneath, curling under the blankets. Fiona tucked the covers around her and Kieran gently draped the cool cloth over her head.

“How’s that feel, baby girl?” Fiona asked. Shea just nodded her approval and closed her eyes.

“Try to get some sleep; the medicine will work soon.” Kieran smiled at the child and pushed a stray tendril off her face.

Fiona turned on the nightlight by the bed while Kieran picked the drawer up off the ground and slid it back into the dresser. Heading to the bedroom door, he took one last look at Shea, tucked into the small double bed, and wondered again how she and Fiona fit in this space every night. But the sight that made him pause wasn’t the little girl or the little bed, it was the big sister standing over her. Fiona’s arms were wrapped around her own waist, as if to hug herself, as she watched her sister fall asleep. Fi’s eyes closed for a moment and her lips moved as if she was whispering or praying.

The room filled so immensely with love that Kieran felt his heart pound in his chest, as if recognizing the pure beauty of the moment between the sisters. Or maybe the swelling in his chest was all his own. Maybe it was because he’d never met a woman who could make him feel so much, so intensely. Kieran decided he didn’t want to interrupt Fiona’s prayers for her sister, so he slipped out and sat on the living room couch.

Honestly, he was feeling pretty proud of himself for the whole evening. Since meeting Shea, he’d read a few articles and websites that had given him a clearer picture of autism and how broad reaching it was. Nothing was ever entirely consistent, because one child often exhibited symptoms very differently from the next. He knew it was common for some children with autism to respond better to strangers than they did with their own families. Fiona had mentioned this to him before when she had also been surprised at Shea’s willingness to embrace Kieran rather than her, to become more physically affectionate just by his presence. But he didn’t want to chalk tonight up to that entirely, because he felt as if he had a strong connection with the little girl that surpassed anything a textbook could describe. Maybe that was naïveté, but he was really enjoying feeling needed and a part of something special.

Fiona came out and joined him a few minutes later. Despite her overworked appearance, her light blue eyes still sparkled when she saw him. The way she looked at him was still as intoxicating as it had been on the day they met. She looked at him like he could do anything, like he was her hero.

He knew right then and there that’s all he ever wanted to be.

“She’s asleep,” Fiona said softly. “Thank you.”

“I didn’t do anything.” Readjusting his position on the couch, he turned his body to face her.

Fiona pulled her feet up on the couch cushion underneath her, looking at him curiously. “Don’t discount yourself, Kieran. You figured out she was sick, when I was here all day and couldn’t. I’d only said that to you in my text earlier as an excuse.”

Kieran shrugged, feeling uncomfortable accepting the praise.

“How did you know?” Fiona continued, a mixture of emotions on her face he couldn’t identify.

He looked down sheepishly and shrugged. “Her skin was practically on fire when I touched her.”

“She let you touch her.” Fiona nodded as she spoke slowly, tasting each syllable when it left her tongue.

Kieran frowned. She had been there and she knew what had happened, so he wasn’t sure why she seemed upset about it. “Was that wrong?”

“Not at all—you’re great at this.” Fiona turned away from him on the couch, suddenly leaning forward and burying her face in her hands as a loud sob wracked through her thin, long body. “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be a bitch.” Another sob took her.

Alarmed, he gently rubbed her back in hopes of calming her down.

“You’re not being a bitch, Fi. Tell me what’s wrong.”

Her sobs came faster and harder, her entire body shaking with emotion. Deciding his caressing wasn’t helping, he reached around her waist and encircled her, lifting her whole body into his lap. She curled against his chest seamlessly, crying into his shirt.

“Fi, what’s wrong? I hate seeing you so upset. Please tell me.”

She sniffed and quieted for a moment, wiping at her eyes with her knuckles.

“I’ve spent the entire day trying to figure out what was wrong.” Her tear-streaked cheeks and puffy, red eyes made his heart swell in his chest and thump hard with the urge to take away her pain.

“Well, everything’s okay now. Isn’t that a good thing?”

“Of course.” She nodded, looking truly relieved about that fact. She pushed off his lap and settled back next to him on the couch. “I don’t want Shea to be upset, but I want to be the one who’s able to fix it. And I wasn’t, because I’m not her mom, and I’ve no clue what I’m doing.”

Kieran missed the warmth of her body pressed into his, and he wanted to pull her to him. But he understood where she was coming from.

“I’m sorry, I thought I was helping. I didn’t mean to…” He trailed off, unsure of what he had meant to do in the first place. He wasn’t Shea’s father, and he wasn’t Fiona’s boyfriend. Yet he’d forced his way into her home, discovered the most intimate parts of her life, and demanded she let him solve all her problems without asking if she wanted him to.

“You were helping, Kieran, and I appreciate it more than you know. I’m so lucky to have met you, and even more grateful that you were able to figure out what Shea needed. I’m just still trying to figure out all this guardian stuff, and I feel like everyone else is better at it than I am.”

“Fi, you’re twenty-four and raising an eight-year-old with special needs. No one expects you to be perfect at this. I wouldn’t be if I were you.” He pushed a few wisps of hair off her cheek and tucked them behind her ear. Most of her messy bun had fallen to one side.

“I know, but she deserves better than the little I’ve been able to give her. I ruined her life, and I still am a year later.” Fiona sniffed, swiping at her cheek with her sleeve.

“You didn’t ruin her life,” he promised, wondering why she would think such a thing. If anything, she had saved her sister’s life. She’d given her a home with her only family. Fiona was amazing, and he was more than a little taken with her giving and nurturing spirit.

“I wish that were true,” she whispered this time, dropping her eyes to his hands, which were resting on hers.

There was something she wasn’t saying. He didn’t want to push her, especially since he’d already pushed her pretty far by just showing up, but he was curious as to what made this beautiful woman tick. “What do you mean?”

Fiona had a hesitant look on her face. After a moment of silence, she pulled her lower lip between her teeth and then released it. He stared at her lips, his breath catching in his throat at the intensity of the movement. Finally, she shook her head and turned away from him.

“I didn’t mean anything. I just wish I knew what I was doing. I need to work to take care of her, but I need to be with her, too. I don’t know how to balance work and her, and there’s so much she needs that I don’t know how to give.” Fiona sighed. “It’s just such a mess—how do people juggle both?”

“I think you’ve been doing a great job with the resources you have available,” he offered.

She gave him a small smile. “I must look like a complete mess to you. It took you all of five minutes to figure out she had a fever; meanwhile, I spent all day with her, clueless. I felt her tossing and turning next to me all night last night, so I knew she didn’t sleep well. And when Shea is tired, the meltdowns begin. So I kept her home from school and tried to keep her distracted all day, but it was like walking around on eggshells.”

“Sounds smart to me,” Kieran offered.

Fiona just sighed. “Maybe, but no matter what I did all day, she wasn’t happy—which isn’t all that unusual, I guess. But when she also refused to eat, even though I made every possible thing I could think of that she likes, I started getting really worried. I guess it makes sense now if she wasn’t feeling well.” She sniffed, wiping her brimming eyes with the tips of her fingers. “I should have caught that, I should have.”

“It was just a lucky guess, Fi. And I might not even have thought about it if you hadn’t told me she was sick. I was here one time, but you’re here every day, all day. It might feel to you like you don’t know what you’re doing, but anyone who sees you with Shea would say differently.” He squeezed her shoulders gently, closing the gap between them on the couch again, and wrapping an arm around her shoulders. “Do you have anyone who can help you? Like a therapist for Shea, if she needs that?”

She shook her head. “Not really. The public school she goes to works hard with her when they can, but they just don’t have the resources she needs. There’s a school just outside of Woodlawn for special needs that has wonderful programs, but it’s a private school. I can’t afford the tuition, and it’s pretty exclusive, so I haven’t even been able to land an interview.”

Kieran frowned. “So she’s never had any help?”

“Our mother took her to an occupational therapist for a while, plus several other types of therapists when she was younger. My mom worked three waitressing jobs to pay for it, and when she died, there was nothing left,” Fiona explained.

His heart ached as he thought of all she’d been through. “What about your dad?”

“We’ve never known him, not really. He left when I was a baby, only came back for a few days here and there. Shea came about from one of those visits, but after she was born, he stopped visiting entirely. My mother remarried eventually, but he wasn’t a nice man.” Fiona leaned into the couch, resting her head on his arm, which was stretched along the back cushions. She looked exhausted, and Kieran felt guilty for questioning her. “When my mother died, I worked so hard to keep Shea with me. I was barely twenty-one, and after arduous evaluations and court dates, they finally gave me full custody, but Child Services kept checking in on me. The constant threat that they’d take her…it was almost too much. They didn’t trust I could take care of her on my own, and I worked so hard to prove them wrong.” Fiona sighed heavily. “But maybe they were right.”

“You’ve been through so much, and yet here you are—in your own apartment, the sole guardian of a sweet eight-year-old, and a business owner. I think you’ve more than proved them wrong.” She might have been impressed with his college degree, but what had he ever done with it? Fiona had made things happen for herself, without the resources he was so lucky to have behind him. Everything about her drive and determination fascinated him. “You’re absolutely amazing, flower girl.”

She blushed and bit her bottom lip again, and he found himself leaning into her. If he was any closer, he wouldn’t be able to refrain from tasting her.
And damn, how he wanted to taste her.

“You really think so, don’t you?” she asked, almost incredulous, as if she couldn’t understand why.

He squeezed her knee lightly, holding on a little longer than he needed to. “There isn’t the tiniest sliver of doubt in my mind, Fi.”

“I like when you call me Fi. People used to call me that a long time ago. It reminds me of when things were easier and happier.”

He slid his finger softly down her cheek, tracing her jawline. “I like when you’re happy.”

Without warning, Fiona clutched the front of his shirt in her small hands and climbed onto his lap, her face hovering close to his. She invaded his every sense as her light blue eyes became all he could see; her light floral scent tickled his nose, and her shallow breathing was all he heard. And then he
was
tasting her.

Her lips brushed his lightly, as if still unsure of what she wanted to do. Her uncertainty lasted only a moment before she wrapped her arms around the back of his neck and kissed him with unmatched fervor. Kieran was caught off guard by the entire interaction at first, but he quickly wrapped his arms around her back to pull her closer.

He couldn’t
not
kiss her. He couldn’t pull away.

The sweet sugary taste of her lips, the perfect way her body molded into his. He had wanted this since the first moment he saw her, and yet this was more than he’d ever been able to imagine. She was more, and for this moment, she was his.

He didn’t want it to end, but a nagging voice in the back of his mind wasn’t quieting down. It was telling him,
not like this.
With every nip of her lips and slide of her fingers through his hair, he knew it wasn’t enough. He knew he was quickly approaching the point where he wouldn’t be able to think of anything but burying himself inside her. And he wanted more than that.

The realization hit him hard.

“Fi”—he groaned when her lips left his for a moment—“we need to slow down.”

He took her hands in his, holding them as he created space between their torsos. Fiona’s breasts heaved as she tried to calm her breathing, and it took all his strength not to watch them.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have done that.” Her cheeks flushed to a deep pink as she pulled one of her hands out of his. “You were just trying to help me, and I took advantage of that by throwing myself at you. I’m sure after seeing all my crazy today, you want no part of this.”