Saving Amy (21 page)

“I’ll leave you two ladies alone.” Richard winked and flashed me that familiar hypnotic smile. I turned and hugged him… hard.

“Thank you,” I whispered meaningfully into his ear.

“I love you,” he whispered back.

“I love you more.”

“Impossible.”

“Sweet Jesus, enough already!” Julie interrupted, grabbing my arm and pulling me away from him. Naturally, I flushed beet-red. Richard just snickered – clearly harder to embarrass than I was.

“Goodbye, ladies,” Richard said with a cheeky glint sparkling in his green eyes. I stared after him as he turned and disappeared, then – in an instant – forgot all about him as I turned my attention to Julie. I’d missed her incredibly. I didn’t realise just how much until now.

“You look amazing,” she enthused.

Me?
Was my instinctive
reaction.
But then I remembered just this morning, eyeing myself up in the mirror, I barely recognised myself. My cheeks were a little fuller, my skin brighter – less grey.

“I feel it,” I replied honestly.

“Good looking son of a bitch isn’t he?” Julie winked at me and of course, she meant Richard. I nodded proudly.

“You need to tell me
everything
. How did it happen? Do you love him? Does he love you? Is he treating you right?”

Woah, slow down!
She fired questions at me faster than a bullet and my overwhelmed mind struggled to keep up.

“Steady on, Jules! We’ve got all day. Let’s get the drinks in first.”

“Good idea. Though, I think we should go somewhere else. I’m sure even breathing the air in this place costs money,” she muttered while her blue eyes – wide with awe – scanned the room.

“Don’t worry, I’ll get them.”

“Of course you will,” she said with a smirk and I knew she was accusing me of being a kept woman. I immediately resented the thought… until I realised that’s exactly what I was.

We headed over to the burnished white bar and I ordered two caramel lattes. After Julie’s innocent quip I suddenly felt ashamed pulling Richard’s money from my purse. I let it go – for now – refusing to allow it to dampen my day. However I knew my subconscious would have a field day when I was alone later.

I led Julie over to a glossy black table surrounded by four curvy white leather chairs at the end of the far room beside a floor to ceiling window.

“I still can’t believe you’re here,” I declared as we settled into our seats.

“Well, when Mr Gorgeous Pants called there was no way I’d have said no! I’ve missed you, Amy.”

He called her? How? When?

“You look so different… so happy. Is he good to you?”

“Oh, Julie, like you wouldn’t believe. He is
so
good to me…
too
good.”

“Bullshit! Don’t you dare sell yourself short like
that.
You deserve happiness, and it’s about time too.” I smiled bashfully at her and idly wondered if I’d ever believe that was true.

“How’s things with your mom and dad? You haven’t mentioned them in a while.”

Can’t it stay that way?

“I haven’t seen or heard from them since I moved in with Richard.”

“Seriously? Things that bad huh?” I shrugged nonchalantly. “So they don’t approve of you and Richard then I take it?” I smiled inwardly at her blissful naivety. I was glad she never discovered the half of it. I didn’t think I could bear the shame.

“Something
like
that.” I nodded impassively, hoping to wrap up that particular topic. “So, how’s college life?” I asked, turning the attention onto her and knowing it would easily distract her. Once Julie got going, it was almost impossible to stop her.

“I’m loving it. New opportunities, friends, independence… what’s not to like?” I was sure my golden eyes must have been exuding some not-so-subtle hues of green right now. I blinked it
away,
my subconscious reminding me this conversation wasn’t about me or my failures. “And as of last week I have a job too!”

Ooo this is news.
I blinked the now blazing green away a little more forcefully.

“I thought your parents helped out?”

“Don’t get me wrong they’ve been amazing. They pay for my apartment and transfer two hundred dollars a week into my account, but with food and bills it’s just not enough. There’s nothing left for a social life, and I’ve been thinking it’s about time I get a car.”

“Well then I’m real pleased for you. Where is it?” I asked, wondering how she even found the time.

“I am now officially a waitress at The Olive Branch,” she announced with a proud, beaming grin. “It’s a little family-run Italian a few blocks from here and I work Monday through Thursday evenings after college and all day Sundays. It’s nothing exciting but it brings in some cash.”

“Sounds great. But how do you find the time? Doesn’t studying take up most of it?”

“It
should,
I suppose. I try and work it around lectures and on Saturdays,” she admitted with a defiant shrug. “If I’m not too hung over that is.” Julie threw a familiar mischievous wink my way – the kind that used to mean ‘let’s ditch this place after registration’. I’d missed it and I couldn’t help but giggle.

Julie continued to fill me on everything that’d happened in her life since leaving Seattle over two more lattes. After just over an hour my ears were starting to ache a little and I now felt like I knew Julie’s new friends personally. I was also pretty confident that I knew my way around The Olive Branch well enough to carry out a full shift there with ease.

“Fancy coming back to mine? I’ll give you a tour of my palace,” Julie asked and the enthusiasm in her voice was hard to resist.

“Sure. I’ll go ask reception to call us a cab.”

“We need a smoke first. Let’s head outside,” she said while reaching into her purse for her cigarettes.

Hold on a minute…
I didn’t smoke anymore. How did that happen? It hadn’t even crossed my mind while living with Richard. How the hell do you give up something that was once as instinctive as breathing without even realising?

“What’s up?” Julie asked upon noticing my furrowed brow.

“
I,
um… don’t smoke anymore.” Her eyebrow shot up and I couldn’t work out if she was surprised or amused.

“Wow. Mr Mega Wallet really has changed you,” she said dryly and it felt like she was mocking him.

“It’s got nothing to do with Richard. He’s never had a problem with anything I do,” I blurted, feeling compelled to defend myself – and Richard. Julie surrendered her hands, playfully it seemed, and on reflection I realised I answered a little too snappily.

“Sorry. Maybe I
do
need a smoke,” I teased with an apologetic smile before heading off to arrange a cab.

W
hat a day. Jesus, Julie knew how to talk. I’d missed that about her – just having to listen without thinking of a reply. I was exhausted. My limbs were so heavy it felt like I’d gained 100lbs. Raiding the mini-bar – though I struggled to actually find anything ‘mini’ about it – I settled for an ice-cold bottle of freshly squeezed OJ and two candy bars for a much needed energy boost.

Slumping back into the soft brown leather recliner, I kicked off my shoes, unwrapped the first bar of orgasmic smelling fruit and nut and lay myself back. I noticed the time on the overstated grandfather clock in the corner of the room. It was 5:45 in the evening. Where the hell was Richard?

I didn’t know whether to laugh, cry or sleep. Today had been an overwhelming rollercoaster of emotions and I was physically and mentally drained. Excitement followed by disappointment, superseded by sheer elation, regrets, jealousy…

Julie and I had shared, reminisced and laughed till we cried. She was doing really well for herself and I was so proud of her. Her apartment was small but homely. Though maybe on reflection it was a
normal
sized place and I was just used to everything being so over proportionate these days. Still, it was fully furnished, modern – decorated in neutral colours – and had all the amenities required by one person. With the occasional guest she was keen to point out.

It seemed her head had been well and truly turned by a guy named Paul from her sociology class. After babbling on about him for ninety minutes straight I’d say she was pretty fixated with him. I couldn’t help sensing a juvenile quality to her feelings however. Hearing her talk of Paul – the giggles, the blushing, the whispers… it all felt very ‘school-crush’. There was no mention of her heart swelling to bursting point, or her blood pulsing through her veins agonisingly fast, her heart being eaten alive by her stomach whenever she watched him leave, the feeling that she wouldn’t be able to breathe without him…

I started to wonder if my feelings for Richard were normal. Were they supposed to be so intense, so overpowering? Was love like that for everyone, or was it just another element of my fucked-up-ness?

Still, she was bursting with a carefree vivaciousness and it was impossible not to be infected by it. It was only today I realised how little I appreciated Julie’s friendship back home. I guess absence really does make the heart grow fonder. Thinking of absence, where was Richard?

In that very instant Richard burst into the room as if he’d heard my thoughts.

“I’m sorry I’m so late. One meeting led to another, then another… I was going to call but my battery died and I don’t know your number by heart,” he rambled in a fluster. I stood up immediately to greet him. I was pretty sure it was the longest we’d ever been apart and my whole, weary body ached to be held by him. His arms widened at my approach and I eagerly fell into them, burrowing my face into his shirt and breathing him in.

“I’ve missed you,” I whispered into his chest. He raised my chin with his forefinger so our faces were just inches apart, then he twisted his fingers into my hair and set his firm, premeditated lips on mine.

After devouring our room service order of steak and vegetables, we finally made it to bed. We lay side by side, facing each other – he was so near I could feel his warm, sweet breath brush my cheeks like a feather. He was so wonderfully beautiful this close up. I could’ve stared at him forever.

“Thank you so much for today,” I breathed and he flashed me the most captivating ‘you’re welcome’ smile.

“Did you have fun?”

“It was perfect. I’ve missed her so badly.”

I continued to ramble on about my day for almost half an hour and even though I was sure I was boring him with my incessant girl-talk, he listened intently – never taking his seemingly fascinated eyes off mine.

“I told Julie I’d go out with her tomorrow night. But of course I’ll cancel if you have anything planned?” I felt guiltier than I thought I would. It would be our last night here. On reflection, I should’ve been spending it with him.

“No, you go,” he assured. “
We
have the rest of our lives together. Who knows when you might see Julie again.
”

Rest of our lives… wow.

“What?” he asked, bemused as I gaped at him in utter awe.

“You’re just so…
perfect
. You completely mesmerise me.” He choked back a deliciously playful giggle.

“Glad you noticed,” he teased. I grabbed a pillow from behind my back and whacked him with it.

After ten minutes of a full-blown, utterly immature pillow fight, we both flopped back onto the bed, exhausted. My breathing was laboured and my ribs were physically throbbing from laughing so hard.

For a few brief minutes I was the child I never got the chance to be.

“I’ll be gone early in the morning, so I’ll leave you some money by the bed.” Wow. My good mood evaporated in a nanosecond.

“About that… I’m just not comfortable taking from you all the time,” I finally confessed because it’d been eating away at me for weeks.
Richard’s eyes widened in genuine surprise.
In fact he’d been taken so off guard his eyebrow took a fraction longer to catch up with him.

“That’s ridiculous. It’s not as if I can’t afford it. Besides, what’s mine is yours.”

“And I love you for that, truly I do,” I replied as tactfully as I could manage because I was pretty sure I’d wounded his ego. “I just want some independence I guess. I’m still young. I don’t want to have to rely on someone else for the rest of my life.” His brow furrowed like I was speaking in some unknown language from outer space.

“Not someone, baby…
me.
”

“I need you to try and understand,” I said carefully, stroking the stubble on his face with the back of my hand. “I love you, you know I do. I just need something for myself – something for when you’re not there. Something to get me ‘out there’ you know?”

“I’ll try.”

“Well, I want to look for a job when we get home.” His body jerked slightly away from me like I’d just told him I’d killed his childhood puppy.

“What kind of job?” he asked dubiously. “I don’t think you’ve ever mentioned which career path you’re interested in taking before.”

Except when I wanted to be a realtor,
my subconscious teased, cheering me up. It must have been having an off day. Richard snuggled into me, his eyes wide and eager for my response. It unsettled me. I was certain I was about to disappoint him.