Saving Jazz (6 page)

Saw the ho with several dudes before then, horny mutherfucker

Woah dirty little slut

When drunk girls act like sluts

Who is that filthy bitch

Great arse

Slutty ho

… and so on — you get the idea. Again, the thing that was disturbing (apart from the entire thing) was that the comments were written by both girls and guys. Nowhere, not once on that first morning, did anyone defend Annie. I had been drunk and abandoned her. I had left her in the hands of two drunk guys. She had been drunk and passed out. How was what she had done so bad? Why weren't people hanging shit on Tommy and Jack? Why was Annie not the victim here? Why was Annie the dirty slut who got what was coming?

I defended her.

You people make me sick. You blame a girl who is UNCONSCIOUS. Who does not give her consent to be photographed, let alone stripped and violated. How is she to blame? How is she at fault? How is it okay to say the victim of a crime is responsible?

And the responses came thick and fast.

She was drunk and asked for it

She asked for it

She was acting like a slut before then. I was there I saw her.

I was there and hooked up with her

Me too

Me three

Great tits

Horny bitch

If you are going to trash yourself and pass out then you get what you deserve

And that last comment came from a girl from Namba High. I sat in my room shaking. No one saw this from Annie's perspective. They all blamed her. I thought back to when she was hooking up with the other guys. She was out of control, definitely. She was being a bit slutty. But the difference was she was making those choices (as limited as her decision-making ability was). At least she was consenting to it. Wasn't that the difference? Whether you give consent or not?

A chat window opened in the bottom corner.

ANNIE TOWNSHEND

Fuck Jazz, this is already out of control

JASMINE LOVELY

I know but it's just news at the min. It'll pass

ANNIE TOWNSHEND

I contacted Tommy — he says he deleted them

JASMINE LOVELY

Phew

ANNIE TOWNSHEND

You don't fucking believe him do you?

JASMINE LOVELY

It was on Snapchat

ANNIE TOWNSHEND

Taken on Tommy's phone. And now this one's on FB???

JASMINE LOVELY

What do you want to do?

ANNIE TOWNSHEND

I need to see them. I need them deleted

JASMINE LOVELY

If you want I'll contact Tommy

I waited, but she wasn't typing a response. I didn't know what to do. Should I contact Tommy and ask him to send them, so she could see them? Why would she want to see them? But then I figured if other people had seen them she would want to see them, too. I made up my mind: I'd make Tommy give me those photos even if I had to smash the shit out of him. Before I could message him, Annie responded.

ANNIE TOWNSHEND

Don't bother

JASMINE LOVELY

What? Why?

ANNIE TOWNSHEND

I've seen them

JASMINE LOVELY

Tommy?

ANNIE TOWNSHEND

No, they've been sent to me three times

JASMINE LOVELY

Fuck

ANNIE TOWNSHEND

People are the fucking worst

JASMINE LOVELY

I'm so sorry

ANNIE TOWNSHEND

My reputation is totally ruined and I can't even remember what happened

JASMINE LOVELY

I don't know what to say

ANNIE TOWNSHEND

Nuthin. I'm a fucking ho. That's it now. Gotta go. I'll talk to you later

JASMINE LOVELY

<3

The rest of the day I spent in my room. The pictures were sent to me again and again. There
were more updates on Facebook and Tommy was inviting people to message him for details. By details he meant more photos. Or at least that's what I thought then. It didn't seem like much worse could come out. I messaged Jack.

JASMINE LOVELY

Make him stop

JACK WEST

I keep telling him but he's out of control

JASMINE LOVELY

This is totally fucked. Annie is freaking out. I can't believe what you did. I'm disgusted with you

JACK WEST

I'm really embarrassed. I'm really sorry. I texted Annie. I just don't remember any of it. I can't believe those photos are real

JASMINE LOVELY

Why would you do that to her?

JACK WEST

I guess it was just meant to be a joke. Something funny. People do it all the time. You know that

JASMINE LOVELY

Are you for serious? You draw a penis on their face. You don't draw on their fucking genitals

JACK WEST

We went too far

JASMINE LOVELY

WTF? Is there something else?

JACK WEST

What?

JASMINE LOVELY

Did something else happen?

JACK WEST

FFS. I didn't mean that. I meant what we did was too far. You know me, you know I wouldn't do any shit like that

JASMINE LOVELY

I don't know what to think anymore.
I don't even know who you are

He didn't reply to me for ages. And then after a while I saw he had gone offline. I felt angry that he had ignored me. How dare he? He was the wrongdoer, not me. He should be begging my forgiveness. I'd been harsh with him, but he totally deserved it. His behaviour had been disgusting. You just don't do shit like that to your friends and think it's funny.

For those of you from Greenhead and Namba, you've seen the photos. In fact, you've probably seen the video too. You know what happened in that bedroom. And while I'm wary of perpetuating it here, I know that all the footage eventually went viral, when this all came out. I'm mindful, now, of the damage that the internet can cause, so at the risk of using the internet to further compound the pain and misery that footage caused to everyone, but particularly Annie, I'm being cautious in how I recount what happened next.

I had just dozed off — it must have been nearly 1 am — but as tired and as hung-over as I was I couldn't stop my racing brain. This was turning explosive
and Annie was about to face all the fallout from the gathering. I would've hated to be her that night. I wondered if she would be at the bus stop for school in the morning.

There was a tapping at my window. At first I hoped it was the wind, a branch knocking against the glass. But it was insistent and followed with, ‘Jazz, wake up. Wake up.'

I sat up and pulled the curtain back. Jack's white face appeared in the moonlight. ‘Let me in, something terrible has happened.'

My heart was thundering in my chest. What terrible thing had happened? What thing more terrible than the last terrible thing could have Jack at my window?

He was out of breath and trembling as he landed on my bed. His hands were shaking as he offered me his phone.

‘I'm in so much trouble,' he said, and he was trying not to cry. ‘What the fuck have I done?'

I couldn't take my eyes off him. He sat there with his head bowed, his lip trembling. This had to be bad. I looked at the phone. Tapped on Messages and watched the video Tommy had sent Jack. Lily's
room wavered on the screen. Jack is the cameraman, he zooms in on Annie lying under the blanket (you'll remember the one I pulled over her, twice). Tommy appears in the shot holding up the marker.

‘Now, what do we want to say?' Jack makes a muffled noise, maybe a laugh, and Tommy pulls her top over her head. ‘Fuck me,' Tommy says, staring at Annie's boobs. He starts writing. Jack laughs. It sickens me. ‘Your turn,' Tommy offers him the pen. The camera is swapped, it films the ceiling and then Jack is writing across the lower part of Annie's abdomen. The camera changes hands again. Tommy pulls her shorts off, pulls her knickers down, laughs again. It's vile and awful. I don't want to watch, but I have this feeling creeping over me, that there is more than just the writing.

The next thing Tommy does makes me look away. He turns her over, he writes those words over her arse and then, he sticks his fingers in her. It is the most disgusting thing I've ever seen. I think I retch.

The camera is now filming the ceiling but there is noise recorded. Grunting, laughter, Tommy's voice, ‘Come on, Jack, your turn.' The camera shifts
back to Annie, she's on her back now, her eyes are shut and as it moves down her body, zooming in on her nipples, there's Jack. He's pulling his fingers out of her and writing on the inside of her leg.

The screen goes black.

‘You're disgusting,' I spat. I never thought Jack was capable of this — I thought the writing on her, the stripping of her, was beyond comprehension. But he assaulted her. He raped her.

Jack looked like shit. His hair was a mess and he had the darkest rings under his eyes. His skin had a slightly greenish hue to it. I felt ill to my very core. It felt like my nervous system was going into total shutdown.

‘Jazz,' Jack said. But I couldn't look at him. I stared out of the window, the phone still held limply in my hand. What had he done? I couldn't get it straight in my head. What had they done? I couldn't speak.

‘Jazz,' Jack whispered, ‘say something.'

But what could I say? It'll be alright, Jack? It'll blow over? This would never be alright. I didn't know what to do, or say.

‘Jazz, are you ever going to speak to me again?'

‘I don't know,' I couldn't meet his eyes. The sound of his voice made me cringe. I wanted him to get out of my room. I wanted this to all go away. ‘I don't think I can ever like you ever again.'

‘Jazz,' he pleaded, ‘I don't think I can live if you won't speak to me.' His voice was muffled in his hands. ‘I've done the worst thing ever, but it was a mistake, a drunk and stupid mistake.'

‘You raped her,' I cried, finally looking at him. ‘You're a rapist.'

‘No,' he shook his head from side to side, ‘no.' That's when he started sobbing. Heart-wrenching, gut-heaving sobs. He gagged a few times. I watched him coldly. And then I saw ten-year-old Jack. My best friend. The boy who'd kicked Nathan Reilly in the nuts for grabbing my boob, the boy who taught me how to rollerblade and waterski, the boy who came and sat on my bed when I got my first period and brought me pads, the boy who wrapped his arms around me and curled into me when my heart was broken after Scottie McGough hooked up with Lisa Temple when we were going out together, the boy who I'd always believed would be my best friend forever. My Jacky boy.

And here, dear reader, is where I fear I'll lose you forever. This is what I did next. I looked at Jack, my best friend Jack, who had just gang-raped one of my other best friends, and then I crossed the room, crouched in front of him and put my arms around him. This time, I held him when his heart was broken.

‘Who has Tommy sent that to?' I nodded towards Jack's phone.

‘I don't know,' he said. ‘He knows not to spread it. He must know that this looks bad for him and me.'

And then it dawned on me. And suddenly I knew what was about to happen. ‘You don't get it, Jack,' I spoke to him wearily. ‘You don't see how Tommy sees things. This is a conquest for him. This is a step up from Casey's boobs, and the graffitied body of Annie. This makes Tommy look like the big man. This is going to get out.'

Jack shook his head. ‘No, I don't think he'll do that. It was a stupid prank that went too far.'

‘Too far?' I shouted. I wanted to punch his face in. ‘Rape is more than just too far!'

‘He won't,' Jack said firmly. ‘I know Tommy
better than you. He's all bullshit, talking big-man crap. He won't incriminate himself.'

‘Really,' I said, so, so sarcastically. And I crossed my room to my dresser and picked my phone up, because if there was one thing I was sure of it was that the video was sitting there in my Messages. The app had the red number 1 over it. I tapped it and watched Lily's bedroom come into focus. ‘He already has,' I held the phone up to Jack.

I went back to bed after Jack had crawled out my window and gone home, but I got no sleep. My brain was still racing. I couldn't control it. I couldn't get what I'd seen on that screen out of my head, and it made me sick. I lay in bed, slightly trembling, waiting for the sun to rise. Not knowing what to do. What would I say to Annie? What shit would happen next?

Annie was waiting for us at the bus stop as Jack and I arrived at the same time. It felt like the apocalypse and we were the walking dead. I couldn't look at her but the moment Jack's dark-circled, puffy eyes met mine I knew what I had to do. No matter what happened, I had to show Annie the video before we got on the school bus.