Saving Ruth (24 page)

There they were—the two men in my life who had always been and would always be part of it. The Tonys and even the Chrises of the world seemed very small in comparison. Mom and I stood up and entered their hug together.

26

“C
oach Ruth, do you need help putting the kickboards away?” asked a sopping wet Ali. Swim practice had just ended, and I was gathering their discarded props.

“No thanks, dolly. I can handle it.”

“Okay, see ya later.” She ran off, and I picked up a stack of the blue foam boards. As I walked to the storage closet, I glanced at the tarp billowing around David's mural. I considered it idly. I had promised not to look—not until he was ready.

“Ruth?” I wedged the last board into the shelf and looked up to find him looming in the doorway.

“Hey, David.”

“That girl is here,” he whispered.

“What girl?”

“Tanisha.”

“Oh good. I'm going to need the first lane. I hope that's okay.” I walked by him, and he grabbed my arm.

“What are you talking about? What's she doing here?”

“I'm giving her swim lessons,” I answered matter-of-factly.

“You're what? Why?”

“Because I want to. Is there a problem?”

“Does Jason know about this? Or the board?”

“Cynthia knows.” I looked him in the eye.

“And you didn't ask me about it? Didn't you think I would mind?”

“Why do you mind? What's the big deal? She needs to learn how to swim, and I thought it would be nice to teach her, all things considered.” I looked down at his hand, which was still grasping my forearm. “You can let go of me now.”

“Ruth, I thought this was behind us.”

“Yeah, it's behind us, but it's not behind her. I didn't want her to be scared of the water for the rest of her life. I don't see what the problem is.”

“I just thought this whole thing was over, I guess.”

“Well, it's not.” I left him by the doorway and strode toward Tanisha, who was holding Mary's hand by the snack bar.

“Hi,” I greeted them, as warmly as I could. “Thanks for coming.” Mary's eyes darted around nervously.

“You sure this is okay?” she asked.

“Positive.” I knelt down to Tanisha's eye level. Her brown eyes regarded me coolly. “If it's okay with you, that is.” She looked up at Mary.

“It's okay, baby girl. Sorry, Mama's just nervous. That's a whole lot of water.” She let go of her hand. “I'ma be right here watchin' you.”

“And I'm going to be holding you the whole time, Tanisha. My name is Ruth.”

“I know,” she replied. “I remember.”

“Come on, let's go swim,” I said, standing up. She looked up at Mary one last time for reassurance and took my hand.

“Do you remember this place?” I asked as we walked by David's group. Derrick whispered something to Julie, and she punched him in the arm.

“Yeah,” she whispered. David still lurked in the doorway to the storage room. I chose to ignore him.

“Okay, let's get in the pool together.” I put my feet on the first step of the shallow end, but Tanisha's hand pulled me back. She was shivering.

“Hey, you okay?” She shook her head, and the barrettes on the ends of her braids click-clacked together. “We don't have to do this if you don't wanna. I just thought it would be fun. Here, sit with me on the edge.” I took a seat, and she followed reluctantly.

“What are they doin'?” she asked. David's kids were in the water, freestyling down their lanes.

“That's the swim team. They come here every morning to practice.” She watched for a minute.

“Are you on the swim team?” she asked.

“No, I used to be. Now I coach kids your age.”

“You do?”

“Yep.” Her brown toes flitted through the water like minnows, leaving bubbles in their wake.

“You know how to kick?” I asked.

“Yeah.” She demonstrated for me, and the water splashed onto our knees.

“That's so good! I bet you'll be a great swimmer.”

“I almost drownded,” she said solemnly.

“I know.”

“You saved me.”

“Well, I got you out of the water and onto dry land,” I answered, feeling slightly embarrassed for some reason. “Was—was it scary?”

“Well, at first I didn't know what was happenin'. And then, when I tried to breathe, I got scairt. Water filled up my nose.”

“You know, I can teach you how to breathe in the water. It's not hard.”

“You can?”

“Yes, ma'am. And how to kick and move your arms. Like them.” She followed my gaze back to the swim team. “You won't have to be scared of falling in anymore.”

“Okay,” she said.

“You ready? I promise not to let go.” I took the steps down and held my arms out for her. She looked one last time at Mary, who made a
go on!
gesture with her hand. Tanisha reached out, and I pulled her through the water to me. She weighed as much as a feather. “You've got me,” I said gently. “I'm not going anywhere.” She relaxed her grip. “What does the water feel like?”

“Good,” she answered.

“It does, right?” She nodded. “Let's just float around for a bit together and get a feel for it. Is that okay with you?” I pulled her around the shallow end as she slowly relaxed her grip on my forearms.

“You ready to try to put your face in the water?” I asked. She shook her head fiercely.

“No, ma'am.”

“Okay, maybe we can try hanging onto the wall and kicking. Does that sound good?” She nodded.

“This is fun!” she exclaimed in excitement, as we kicked with abandon.

“It is fun!” I agreed. We smiled at each other as our heads bobbed back and forth with the rhythm of our legs. “You want to try the kickboard?”

“What's that?”

“It's the same as this, except I'll hold on to one end and you'll hold the other. You'll kick your legs just like this, but instead we'll be moving down the lane.”

“Together?” she asked cautiously.

“Absolutely.”

“You won't let go?”

“Nope.”

“Okay,” she agreed. I reached for the kickboard I had left out, only to find it gone. Crap.

“Here.” I looked up to find David handing me one.

“Hey, thanks. How'd you kno—”

“What, it's a small pool? I have eyes.” Tanisha eyed him quizzically.

“Hello. I'm David.”

“I'm Tanisha. I remember you.” He cringed a little, as did I. How did she remember him? As the guy who let her drown?

“You were at the hospital,” she explained.

“Yes, I was.” He shuffled his feet anxiously. “Well, nice to see you again. I'm glad you're here.” She giggled, and I gave him a half-smile.

When we were finished with the lesson, I walked her back to Mary, who hugged her tightly. “Did you have fun, Miss T?” she asked.

“I did! It was fun! I was kicking.”

“I saw that, girl. You were kickin' like nobody's business!” Tanisha laughed.

“Miss Ruth, can we do this again?”

“What do we say, Tanisha?”

“Please?”

“Sure we can. How about tomorrow?” I looked to Mary for the verdict.

“Same place, same time?”

“Yes, ma'am.”

“Sounds good. We'll see you tomorrow, Miss Ruth. Tanisha, you got somethin' else to say?”

“Thank you, Miss Ruth!” She hugged me.

“You're very welcome, Tanisha. See you tomorrow.” As they left, I heard the distinct honk of M.K.'s car. It was my day off, and we were headed to the beach. I ran out from under the snack bar area to wave to her and gathered my things.

“You look happy,” said David, appearing suddenly.

“I really am. I think this was a good idea.”

“Yeah, me too. Sorry I was a dick earlier. It just kind of threw me off.”

“S'okay.” I grabbed my bag and shoved my feet into my flip-flops. “See ya later.” I ran up the hill.

“Hey, girl,” greeted M.K. as I hopped in. “You ready for the beach?”

“So ready.”

We backed out of the parking lot. “Oh man, it has been a helluva week,” I announced.

“Really? Do tell. Everything with me is super boring. Except me and Dwight got back together.” She took her hands off the wheel and did a little raise the roof dance.

“Oh man. How long before the next breakup?”

“Just till we get bored again. Prolly like two months or somethin'.”

“You guys are so weird.”

“ ‘You guys,' ” she mocked.

“Where's Jill?”

“We're fixin' to pick 'er up! Hold your damn horses. Tell me about your week.”

“If I tell you now, I'll just have to repeat it once she's here.”

“True.” She offered me a cigarette as we pulled into Jill's driveway.

“Yo,” greeted Jill as she flopped into the car.

“Wow, Jill, lotion much?” asked M.K.

“What? Malik loves the way I smell.” She flicked M.K. on the back of her head with neon pink nails.

“You smell like one of those paper air fresheners that people hang from their rearview mirrors.”

“Very funny,” replied Jill. She stretched out lazily, propping her gleaming legs onto the seat beside her.

“How ya been, Jilly?” I asked.

“Same ole. Malik is leaving me next week.” She made an exaggerated pout.

“Football?” asked M.K.

“Yeah. Hey, how's Chris?”

“He's really good.”

“Really good, ay? Spill it.”

“Spill what?”

“Wass, quit playin' coy!” yelled M.K.

“Fine.” I laughed. “I like him, okay? We have fun hanging out together.”

“Is he better than you thought he would be? Like, as a person?”

“I guess. I only really knew him as David's friend before.”

“Yeah.”

“He's smarter than I thought. And sweeter.” I pressed my thighs together, remembering the last time I'd seen him.

“Well, that's good. What are y'all gonna do about school?” asked Jill.

“Oh, we don't know.”

“Whaddya mean, ya don't know?” asked M.K.

“We both decided to just try to see how it all unfolds. I mean, the chances of this enduring anything long distance are pretty slim, but we like hanging out now, so—”

“Excuse me, where is Ruth Wasserman, and what have you done with my friend?” interrupted Jill. “The Ruth I know used to plan her school outfits for the week on Sunday afternoon. Suddenly you're happy with just sitting back and letting things unfold?”

“What? What's the big deal?” I asked.

“Wass, come on, you have to admit that this is unlike you,” said M.K. “I mean, it's not a bad way to be at all, but it's definitely a different frame of mind for you, right?”

“Yeah, it is. You're right. I don't know if it's the fact that it's summer and I know I'm only here for a limited time or what, but it doesn't feel so strange for some reason.”

“Maybe it's because he treats you well,” said Jill. “You don't have to sweat it because you're both equally into it.”

“That sounds about right, I guess. And it's casual, you know? You and Malik and M.K. and Dwight have these histories to deal with. We're brand-new.”

“I'd like to be brand-new,” said M.K. wistfully.

“Um, you can be,” said Jill. “Break up with his dumb ass, for the love of God, please!” M.K. sighed beside me and turned up the radio. The smell of beach air filtered in through the open windows, and we rode on in the kind of comfortable silence that only twelve years of friendship could afford. I thought about my family, and about David's predicament. The confrontation had been exhausting, but my parents had surprised me with their eventual empathy. Couples therapy. Wow. I never would have thought they'd be open to that, and yet they were. And then of course, there was my own predicament to think about. Would therapy work for me? I thought of Khaki. I had to try.

“O
h man, this is the life,” purred Jill as we lay on the beach, our towels perfectly positioned for maximum sun exposure. “Will you think about this when it's zero degrees in Michigan?”

“Definitely.” I flipped onto my stomach. “It gets so cold there. You wouldn't believe it.”

“How do you stand it?” asked M.K. “Do you have one of those crazy Michelin Man jackets?”

“Yeah. My mom bought it for me. It's pretty solid.”

“You'd think you would have gained weight up there instead of losing so much, just to keep warm,” said Jill.

“Yeah,” I mumbled. “Not so much.”

“How come you decided to be so skinny, anyway? I'm just curious, I swear.”

“Whaddya mean? Who doesn't want to be skinny?”

“I don't so much,” she answered.

“That's cuz you just are. You've never been on a diet in your life.”

“Yeah, I guess so.”

“I'm gonna start seeing someone,” I said quietly.

“Huh?” asked M.K. She shielded her eyes with her hand and turned her head toward me.

“I said, I'm gonna start talking to someone,” I repeated, this time a little louder.

“Who's someone?” asked Jill, sitting up.

“A shrink, I guess. Someone to help me with my food stuff.”

“Ruth, that's the best news I've heard since—well shit, maybe ever.” M.K. inched over to me and hugged me with a sweaty arm.

“It really is, Ruth,” agreed Jill. She collapsed on top of M.K., and we lay there—a tangled mass of tanned legs and arms.

“Get off of me!” I yelled, laughing. “It's like nine hundred degrees down here at the bottom of this estro-well.” They peeled themselves off.

“Sorry, we're just so psyched to hear this,” said Jill.

“Yeah, we've been talking shit about you all summer,” confessed M.K.

“Oh great, thanks a lot, guys.” I sat up too.

“I mean, not talking shit. That's the wrong way to phrase it. We've just both been so worried, you know?”