Saving Toby (20 page)

The clock on her night table said 4:28, and the first light
was beginning to filter through the sky. We’d only slept for a few hours, and
she’d have to get up soon to go to the airport.

Her house had central air, and her room was cool. I pulled a
blanket up over us and curled myself around her. The bed smelled like her, and
now, me. Us. I inhaled deeply.

I heard footsteps coming down the hall. Quickly releasing
Claudia, I rolled as silently as I could to the edge of the bed and dropped to
the floor just as the big guy tried the doorknob. I breathed a sigh of relief
when the door only rattled in the doorframe and refused to open. Claudia had
locked it.

He gave the door several loud raps.

“Claudia, time to get up,”
El Capitán’s
voice came
from the other side. It was calm and gentle. Claudia was probably the only one
he talked that way to.

“What?” The mattress shifted as Claudia shot off the bed.
She looked around, her eyes wide with worry. Motioning for me to stay down, she
went to the door. Opening it, she peeked out.

“I’m up, Dad.”

“Okay. I’m going to make coffee. You want me to make you a
cup?” he asked.

“Yes. Thanks,” Claudia said, and closed the door as his
footsteps moved away.

I crawled up and sat on the edge of the bed, weighing my
escape options.

“Oh, God. We need to get you out of here!” she whispered
urgently. Switching on the light, she flicked on her iPod speaker. The room
filled with soft piano music accompanied by snare drum—a jazz song. A woman’s
clear, soulful voice joined in.

“I’ll go out the window,” I told her.

“Romeo escaping from Juliet’s balcony?” Claudia came and
stood before me, stretching her arms up, over her head. Her sleep shirt rode up
exposing her belly to me. I kissed it, and she giggled.

“Yeah, but in our version, no one dies, and I scored with
Juliet.”

She laughed and laid her hands on my shoulders. “Do I look
different?”

“You look beautiful and sexy as hell,” I answered, and
whipped her around onto the bed. Her hair fanned out around her head as she
gazed up at me. I could get lost in her eyes.

She stroked my face. “No, I mean, do I look less like a
virgin?”

“It’s hard to tell,” I smirked. “I think we should do it
again, just to make sure the transformation is complete.” I slid my hand
between her legs. She automatically arched her hips against me as her breath hissed.

“Oh, you’re so bad,” she panted, before she pushed my hand
away. “My dad is downstairs. We’d go right to hell.”

“I don’t care, as long as I’m with you.”

Her eyes held mine, her expression soft. “Why?” she asked.

I stared at her perfect face and traced a finger over the
light freckles on her nose. The truth was, she deserved so much more than me,
but I hoped she never realized it. If she pulled away and let go now, I would
fall away, spinning without direction.

“'Cause I feel like more when I’m with you,” I told her.

“Ohh, you are Romeo. You said exactly the right thing,” she
whispered, and, pulling my face to hers, she kissed me.

“Claude, if you couldn’t leave, I’d stay for you.”

The smile fell off her face. “Toby, please stop making this
harder than it already is,” she pleaded. “It’s just a week. You’ll blink, and
I’ll be back.”

I sighed and rolled off her. She got up and went into the
adjoining bathroom. A minute later, she came out fully dressed.

She sat on the edge of her bed to put her sandals on. “And
promise me you’ll just stay home this week. No dealing with any of the Devlin
mess.”

I told her not to worry. She joined me at her bedroom window
as I pulled back the curtain and pushed the glass pane open. She said she’d
call me once she hooked up with her mother, and then she touched my face and
murmured, “I can’t wait until we can make love again.”

“Wow, you’re turning into a regular little sex kitten.”

“Meow,” she purred.

I pulled her against me to kiss her once more. Her 'bad'
kitty impersonation had me wanting to take her back to bed, but I couldn’t stay
any longer. Finally, I released her and put one leg out the window. “Hurry up
and come back home.”

“I will,” she promised.

27. Toby

It was a tight squeeze out of her window, and we both
laughed as I maneuvered myself like a contortionist to get through. Her window
was above a covered porch, so I crawled out onto the roof. Moving quietly, I
crossed to the edge, lowered myself over, and hanging from my arms, I dropped
down onto the front lawn. No problem.

The humidity seemed to have intensified. The warm, damp air
sucked the breath from my lungs, and I immediately began to sweat. When I
looked up and saw her at the window, I didn’t move. She put her hands over her
heart and pointed to me. It made me feel like a giant, happy fool, and, as I
jogged down the street, through the quiet, sleeping neighborhood, to where I’d
discreetly parked my Jeep, I couldn’t keep the smile off my face.

I had left the Jeep’s canvas top off, and the seats were
damp with morning condensation. I popped in through the driver’s side, revved
the engine, and started down the road.

In a way, I was relieved that Claude would be away for the
week. There was a lot of shit going down, and I wouldn’t have to worry about
her safety as I tried to ride it out.

I hadn’t told Claudia all the details, not about the knife,
or about what Ray had revealed to me. I’d called him the night Devlin had tried
to mow us down with his car. I wanted to know why Dev suddenly felt so
threatened.

Over the phone, Ray was quick to spill it. “I screwed up big
time, man.”

“How?”

“I got b-b-usted with a bag on me.” Ray stumbled over his
words, more nervous than I’d ever heard him. Since it was his second drug
possessions arrest, the court-appointed lawyer had recommended that he plea
bargain using the information he had on Dev to get his own charges reduced. The
situation was being forced to a head. Ray said a case was being built against
Dev, and it would be just a matter of time before a warrant for his arrest was
issued.

“Do you honestly think he can p-pin this on you?” Ray asked.
“Even if I say you, say you weren’t there?”

“The hell if I know. But I’d rather not hang around waiting
to find out,” I said. “I can’t gamble with this. I have to get the knife.”

Ray promised to help me look for it. Between the two of us,
I hoped we would get it before the case blew open and the police came for Dev.
Once that happened, Dev would scramble to cover his ass, or take me down with
him.

No matter what Claudia said, her father’s privately fueled task
force against me meant I couldn’t go to him for help. I was sure he’d be more
than happy to let me take the rap for Velerio’s murder—just to keep me away
from his little girl.

I got in the house as quietly as possible, but Felicia was
up already, sitting on the couch with Dylan asleep in her lap.

“Wow, you sure are getting in late. Or should I say early.
Lucky girl.”

I ignored the comment.

“Is Dylan okay?”

“Had to feed him, but he just fell back to sleep. Would you
carry him upstairs for me?”

“Sure.” I reached down and took my sleeping nephew from her.
Like a warm rag doll, he melded into my shoulder. His little baby breaths
tickled my neck.

“You going to have some kids of your own one day?” Felicia
asked, following me up the stairs.

“Hadn’t really thought about it. But I like kids, especially
this little guy.”

“You’re real good with Dylan,” she said, as we got into Al
Junior’s old bedroom. “Once that girl goes off to college, what do you think
about coming back to Florida? We can go in on a place together, and you can
help me take care of him.” She stood next to me and watched as I put Dylan in
the crib. I tucked the little guy in and patted his back, thinking it would be
cool to be around him all the time.

Felicia touched my arm. “Raising a kid alone is hard. I
could use help.”

I felt bad for Felicia. My brother had messed up—and not
that I thought Al would play the ‘dad role’ so well—but Felicia was taking care
of their kid on her own. The idea of helping out with my nephew sounded fine,
but I couldn’t imagine putting myself any further away from Claudia.

When Claudia had breaks from school, she’d come here, to
Sayville, to be with her dad, April and me. And Julia, too. If I got settled in
Florida again, it might be difficult to get back up here, especially on the
holidays when Claudia was most likely to come home.

Just the thought of going back to that humidity was enough
to put me in a bad mood.

“I have a pretty good thing going with Claudia and—”

Felicia interrupted. “I don’t know what you see in that
girl. She’s too highbrow. And weird. I mean, I was talking to her about you in
the kitchen and she never even said you guys were together. If you were my guy,
I would have said, ‘honey, you just back the hell off. He’s with me.’ But not
her, she kept quiet.”

“Claudia’s different. She doesn’t act like that.” I leaned
against the crib and turned to face her. “I’m sorry, but I’m going to stay
here. I need to be here when she comes back from school.”

“Back? You think once she gets a taste of that California
lifestyle she’s going to come back here? To this?” She waved her hand around,
including me in ‘this.’ “Toby, don’t kid yourself. She’ll find herself a Malibu
Ken and never look back.”

I didn’t like what she was saying or how she was saying it.
“She’s coming back. She promised.”

“Come on. You know yourself what happens when you leave the
Island. At first, you promise you’ll come back—and you actually mean it. But
then you tell yourself you’re too busy or you can’t afford it. And then before you
know it, a year has passed, then two. Suddenly it’s easier not to look back,
not to miss it. Any of it.”

Her eyes met mine, and she pursed her lips. “Truth sucks.
But here’s your reality check: smart girls don’t have happy-ever-afters with
guys like you and your brother.” She laid a hand on my arm like she was trying
to comfort me. “You’re more likely to end up with someone like me. Someone who
doesn’t expect much more than a steady paycheck and a really good lay.”

I shoved her hand away. “Just shut up. Maybe that’s your and
Al’s version of a dream life, but I’m not anything like my brother. And you
don’t know a damn thing about what I want.”

Dylan wiggled about and made a little whimpering sound.

Felicia’s eyes sparked. “Unless you want to rock him back to
sleep, be quiet!” she hissed, pushing me away from the crib. “I didn’t realize
how whipped you were, you poor bastard. Well, don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
Clucking her tongue, she twisted away sharply. “I’m going out for a smoke.”

I went to my room and tried to fall back to sleep, but I
couldn’t stop thinking about what Felicia had said. Even as I cursed her for
it, I knew what she’d said was a real possibility. Claudia might not come back
for me.

I’d never wanted a long term relationship with any girl because
everyone I’d been with wanted me to fill some missing part of their life. To
make the world right for them. My own world was so far off-kilter, the best I
could do for them was distract them from their own unhappiness for a few
months. I was good at physical diversion, but eventually, they cut me loose
because I couldn’t provide what they really wanted. Love. I couldn’t give what
I didn’t feel.

Love, to me, was a backhanded slap from my father, a
chokehold from my brother, and my mother’s shattered tears. Love opened you up
to hurt. After the anger had spent itself and everyone concerned went back to
ignoring each other, you might be fooled enough to think,
Hey, the
punishment is over
—only to get another beat down. Finally, you learned your
lesson. You kept your distance, prepared for the next strike.

What Claudia and I had was different. She didn’t need me to
save her, but that was its own problem. Unlike me, she was on her way up in the
world. Going away meant she’d be surrounded by smart college guys—guys who were
going to be doctors and engineers. Guys who would be a better match for her.

Yeah, so I signed up for some bogus computer classes—the
same classes I could have taken in BOCES during high school. Had I been a
little more motivated, I’d already be so much further ahead than just
delivering shit for minimum wage and tips. Right now, the best I could hope for
was old Abe promoting me to head stock boy. He’d probably rather stand before a
firing squad than give me a raise.

Fact was, I needed Claudia more than she needed me.

It was the first time I worried I might lose a girl. Even
though she said she loved me, I wasn’t foolish enough to think it guaranteed
anything.

I lay in my bed, alone and missing her. I missed Claudia
like I’d never missed anyone before. I didn’t realize I’d fallen asleep until I
woke to Dylan crying from down the hallway.

I looked at the clock. Damn, I was already late for work. I
called in and spoke to Abe, then went down to make coffee. Felicia was in the
kitchen picking up all the baby stuff that somehow was scattered through every
room in the house. She and the baby would be with us for another day before
they left to visit one of Felicia’s friends and fly back. I played with the
little guy, but Felicia and I barely talked.

Claudia would still be in the air, almost to California by
now. On my way to my room, I was checking Claudia’s flight status on my phone
when Julia stopped me atop the stairs.

“What?” I asked, annoyed at the interruption before I
realized how tired she looked. I tried to squash my anger.

“Felicia seems upset. What happened between you two?”

“Nothing.” I wiped my face on my shirt sleeve. I wished we
had central air like the Chiamettis. The small bedroom a/c window units cooled
only the sleeping areas. The rest of the house felt like an oven.

“Where were you last night?”

“Nowhere.”

“Toby,” she eyed me. “What’s going on?”

“Christ, I just want to be left alone,” the answer left my
mouth before I could tame it.

“Don’t use the Lord’s name in vain,” Julia scolded, and then
looked at my cell screen and saw the airline website. “Claudia land yet?”

I looked down at my feet and exhaled, “Soon. I’m waiting to
hear from her.”

Julia patted my back just as Dylan squealed downstairs. She
turned her head to listen.

“I love having family in the house again.” A little smile
hung on her lips. “I think my cancer was a blessing,” she said.

“And just how do you figure that?”

“Our lives are full again. First, you came home, then
Claudia joined us. And now,” she continued, “Dylan is here.”

The visit had been great. The little guy had warmed up to
Julia, and she was eating him up. As I looked at Julia’s tired but happy face,
I wondered why this all had seemed impossible to do in the past. I knew the
change had a lot to do with Claudia.

Suddenly Julia’s eyes glossed over, and she got that
far-away look.

I squinted at her. “What’re you thinking about?”

“I just wish your father had lived to see our grandchild,
too.”

That was not the answer I’d anticipated. As far as I was
concerned, the kid was lucky my father wasn’t around. Who needed him? She
seemed to be thinking about Big Al a lot lately. The other day, I walked in on
her talking to him, out loud, as if she were having a whole live conversation
with him. She stopped when she saw me. I was kind of embarrassed for her and
hadn’t mentioned it. It wasn’t hard to see she was more emotional than usual.
That she wished Big Al was here slammed me back into a mood. Talking about
family memories was like a trip on bad acid. Going to work was almost a relief.

I decided after work I would go to Ray’s to get the latest
scoop on his court hearing. Feeling tense, I considered stopping at the gas
station to buy a pack of bogies. There was no traffic as I made the turn onto
Railroad Avenue heading south towards Main Street, but a small import came
flying over the railroad tracks and rode my tail up the road. Swearing, I
braked in the middle of the street and stepped out of the Jeep. I clenched my
fists and, fixing my glare on the young driver, started towards his little blue
car to show him what I thought of his obnoxious driving. The kid’s eyes went
wide. He hurried to shift the car into reverse, rounding into a sloppy
three-point turn and then sped back north.

Denied that outlet for my foul mood, I wanted a cigarette
even more, but since I was already late for work, I decided to skip it.