Saviour (12 page)

“You
okay, would you like some more wine?” He asks interrupting my thoughts, I look across at him. What a beautiful interruption, his hair is damp and pushed back off his face, he's standing up in the spa, leaning over to pick up the wine bottle out of the cooler, the water starts just at the end of his happy trail and as he leans over, I get a glimpse of his left bum cheek. There's nothing about the way this man looks, that I don't love. Like, I mean like not love, no, not love. I don't know him, so I can't love him. I really like him as a person and he is mighty fine to look at. That is as far as it goes. Oh apart from the fact that I also desperately want to have sex with him. That's all there is, no more. But first I need to have 'The conversation’

He
stands in front of me and tops up first my glass, then his own. His skin is glistening and I want so badly to touch him. As he sits back down he catches me watching, just as I lick my top lip. Busted I think to myself.

“Come
here” He says very quietly

My
stomach churns. Two words, that's all he's said and I'm a mess, do I stand? He will see me naked if I stand and walk towards him, well what's the alternative, crawling across to him on my knees. That would be sexy. Not. What the fuck is wrong with me, I'm not going into this "relationship" the way I left the last one. If he doesn't like my body, then so be it, I will move out at the weekend with lifelong memories of the hot toy boy I once got to shag in the hot tub, that sounds like a title of a porno and I have to swallow down a giggle, fuck, I’m nervous, get a grip Lauren, get a fucking grip. I stand, glass in hand. He watches me take the two steps to him, his eyes moving from my eyes to my body and back again. He takes the glass out of my hand. Being the short arse that I am, the water is high enough that he only really has my boobs to look at. A part of my body I actually don't mind showing off, especially since he told me I have great tits. Actually I have heard that before but it sounds better coming from him, it would sound even better if he said it in Italian. “Magnifico Breastios” or something. My thoughts turn to Cornetto ice cream. Mmmmm ice cream licked off my breastios now that, really could…Brain please just shush, concentrate please! He reaches out for my hands and holds them as he pulls me closer to him, opening his legs as he stays seated, pulling me between them. I kneel on the spa seat between his legs as his hand goes behind my neck and he pulls my face to meet his. He kisses me so, so gently on my mouth, my eyes, my nose, my chin, my throat.

“Gabriel
stop, we need to talk”

“What’s
wrong?” I feel his hot breath on my ear as he speaks and I shudder but I really need to say this. “We need to have 'The Talk' ... You know contraception, safe sex and all of that”

Shit
this is like talking to one of my children. In fact I remember having this conversation with the boys and I am sure I was not in the least embarrassed, unlike now.

“Aren’t
you on the pill?”

“No,
I have an I U D. A coil, the coil, whatever, I'm not worried about getting pregnant, I think those days are behind me now, I’m more worried about the fact that you have slept with most of the female population of the Southern Hemisphere”

There
I've said it and I don't care if I've insulted him. I’m far too old to be getting a dose of some nasty disease, or worse!

He
laughs.

“
Thanks for your high opinion of my morals but I can assure you, I do only ever practice safe sex and always wear a condom, I learnt the hard way, the consequences of taking the odd chance when my daughter was conceived. I also have regular check-ups, the last of which was just three weeks ago and I was given a completely clean bill of health and am not the carrier of herpes, syphilis or any other STD you care to name”

“
Good, I'm glad to hear it”

“And
I’m glad that you’re glad so are we good to go now that we have established I'm not riddled with dirty disease's?”

“Absolutely
”

He
kisses me hard on the mouth and I know I've pissed him off. He pushes his tongue in and around and the tension is gradually gone from my body, replaced by an all too familiar ache, way down, in the lowest part of belly.

His
hands move to each of my bum cheeks and I arch into him, offering up my breasts, he takes the left in his mouth and grazes his teeth over my nipple then sucks on, it feels good, so good and I let out a little moan or whimper, I’m not really sure if the sound I made even has a name! He rolls my right nipple between his finger and thumb, then moves his mouth over and very, very gently sucks on it, every so often letting me feel his teeth on me. He moves one of his legs between mine so I have one leg up on the seat of the spa; the other is down on the floor. His hand moves under the water and between my legs, he slides his fingers inside me and circles my clit with his thumb, his mouth is on me, kissing at my neck, my shoulders my breasts. I reach below the water and take his cock in my hand and start to stroke him, I feel an enormous shudder run through him as I grip tighter and move my hand up and down. He is rock hard. My God, I want him, I want him to the point where I almost feel sick, it’s the strangest sensation, if I allowed myself, I might possibly pass out, overwhelmed just about covers it, so many emotions are bubbling to the surface, along with a desire like I have never known, never dreamed could even exist, not in real life anyway. He looks up at me and I feel like liquid, like I'm dissolving into the water of the spa.

“I
want you Lauren, I want you so fucking badly, but I'm scared I'm going to hurt you”

I
feel so light headed; this whole scene seems surreal, like I'm looking at it from the outside in. I take a breath and stroke the side of his face with my hand

“
You won’t hurt me, I know you won't hurt me, please Gabe, I want this, I really want this”

His
eyes close and barely open again, the only light is from the sunken lights in the floor of the deck and those from inside of the spa, they only go to enhance the colour of Gabe’s eyes and right now they are the most amazing shade of blue.

“
Do you have any idea what it does to me, when I hear you say that? I know what this all means to you Lauren. I just want you to be sure, I don’t want you to have any regrets, because once we do this, there is no going back and I really don’t want to be responsible for your guilt, so tell me now if you’re not sure”

“I
feel no guilt, my marriage is over, there is no going back for me, and right now, I am exactly where I want to be and I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else, with anyone else, only you”

“Only
me” It’s not a question, it’s just a statement of the facts. He strokes his thumb over my cheek, my jaw and my lips, the way that he looks at me is almost reverential, I don’t think I’ve ever felt so desired, so safe, so wanted.

“I
want to show you how it should be Lauren, how it can be, I want us to be equal and I want you to always tell me, tell me when you like something, tell me when you don’t, when you want more or when you need less, always tell me. This is new and different for both of us and I just want to get this right for you baby, so promise, you’ll tell me?”

“I
promise”

“Good
girl”

Fuck,
I am almost in a dream state. I feel more stoned than last night, when there were actual drugs involved; that’s what it is, he drugs me, intoxicates me, it’s like I’m tripping, just on the edge of reality and I could just so easily slip away, out of myself, out of my mind and body and watch from above, but that’s not what I want. I want, no I need to feel every sensation he can offer me, every stroke, every bite, every kiss. I want to over dose on it and even then, it won’t be too much, there could never be too much of what I’m feeling now. God no wonder people become junkies if this is the state they permanently walk around in, who wants reality when this is an option?

He
shifts forward on his seat and moves his other leg between mine and tilts his hips up and lifts me, I wrap my legs around him and holding on to my hips, he lowers me down onto him and enters me, very gently, very slowly, looking up into my eyes the whole time.

“Fuck baby
, that feels good, but you must tell me if I hurt you Lauren”

I
rock my hips forward so that he goes into me deeper.

“Fuck
that feels good Lauren” He moans and whispers in my ear, “Cazzo, Bella”

Oh.
My. Lordy. Lord. Lord, I have no idea what it means or even if that’s what he said. He could be telling me I smell like sheep… I. DON’T. CARE…It sounds amazing and I am just, gone, lost. His

We
move together and find our rhythm. I tighten my legs around him, pulling him in deeper still. It's almost painful but it feels so good at the same time and I know I'm not going to last long.

“Lauren,
I'm not going to last much longer, you feel too good baby, I’ve waited for this since I set eyes on you”

I
knew he could read my mind, and that just goes to prove it!

“Fuck
me” is all I can say “Just fuck me Gabe please” I beg!

“Open
your eyes baby, I told you, I wanna see you come, I want to see you and I want to hear you, open!”

I
stare right at him, our faces only inches apart. We make barely a noise, other than the very hushed sounds of our breathing.

“Lauren”

Just hearing him say my name in that sexy, raspy voice, the look in his eyes as he looks into mine, he makes me feel beautiful, desired and it turns me on to the point of insanity.

“
Fuck Lauren”

I
start to come, still staring right at him; he's so deep inside me, rubbing everything that needs to be rubbed to send me over the edge as my insides tighten.

“B
aby, that's it, I'm coming, shit, fuck you feel good Lauren”

I feel him let go, deep inside me, I feel the heat of his release as I hold onto his shoulders and look straight into his eyes.
I am incapable of speech, only sounds; my mouth is open as I try to gasp in more air. I don’t think I am crying but I feel tears roll down my cheeks, I’m not sad, in fact I couldn’t be happier. It's such a powerful orgasm; I shudder and rock, as pleasure ripples through me from my head to my toes. I actually see lights flash in front of my eyes and I'm not sure if they're real or just my imagination.

It
wasn't long and drawn out, we were both too desperate for that. But it was intense and beautiful and it was with him. I've had sex with another man, not my husband, and he's made me come, and it was beautiful and gentle and hot and sexy and I can’t wait to do it again and I also can’t stop my happy tears, I’m ecstatic and just overcome with the intensity of it all, the way he’s looking at me right now, I’ve never felt so desired, my stomach is still doing backflips, my heart is bouncing off my rib cage and my thoughts are scattered but in that moment, because of the way he’s looking at me, I feel like there is just me and him on this planet right now, no one else, just the two of us and I just focus on that.

We
sit, still joined, with our foreheads pressed together, both breathing heavily. At some stage, despite his orders, I've closed my eyes. I hear Rita Ora's R I P playing and can't help but smile at the relevance of the words, the Lauren of the past few years is gone, this is the new me and thanks to Gabe, I’m feeling a little more confident about facing my future, whatever it may bring, whether Gabe is part of that future, remains to be seen but, I feel, that right at this moment in time, we are as connected as two people could ever be, I'm struggling to stop the tears, so overcome by my emotions that I am, opening my eyes slowly I see he is still looking right at me . He raises his eyebrows and looks concerned.

“Lauren,
are you okay, I didn't hurt you anywhere did I? Please don’t cry baby, I hate seeing you cry”

He
pulls his head back and tilts it to the side, waiting for an answer; his eyes now look a much softer blue, gentle.

“You
didn't hurt me Gabe, not at all, I’m sorry; I don’t know why I’m crying”

He
closes his eyes and lets out a breath and slowly shakes his head.

“
Lauren, that was, that was amazing, I never knew, I never fucking knew” He shakes his head as he speaks and seems to hesitate about what he’s going to say next “I've never really, fuck don’t laugh at what I’m about to tell you here but, I've never really made love, it’s always only ever been sex, always and it’s different, when you care for, care about someone, it's different and I never knew that. Fucking is not the same as making love. Ha, well, there ya go, I must sound like a complete cunt” I shake my head but he continues before I get chance to respond verbally, not that I’m capable of speech right now. “Was it okay? It was okay wasn’t it, for you too?”

He
is deadly serious; he wants to know if I enjoyed the mind blowingly beautiful love we just made. He kisses me gently on my mouth, my cheeks, then back to my mouth before leaning back and looking at me.