Saviour (11 page)

I
have nothing to unpack as I have nothing. Nothing at all. Gabriel brings me a T-shirt and a pair of his jocks and says “jump in the shower, then put these on, I'll pop to the supermarket and grab you a tooth brush and stuff”

“Stuff?”
I question.

“
Well, yeah, stuff, you know, deodorant, face cream, all that sort of stuff women need”

“Ok
ay, I'll take a shower; you go get me some stuff” I say with a smile, touched by his consideration.

I
shoo him out of the room. The high pressure jets on the shower are heaven on my aching body and the shower gel smells divine, fresh, citrusy and of him. When I get out, there's body lotion, face cream, cleansing wipes, deodorant, a comb and a toothbrush, all laying on the bed. I slather the lotion all over me, put on deodorant and then pull on his shorts and T-shirt and drag the comb through my hair, finishing off with face cream and the cleaning of my teeth. Once I'm looking fairly presentable I go in search of Gabe. The doors in the family room are open and I can see him leaning against the balcony, looking out across the bay.

I'm
wearing Uggs, his jocks and his oversize T. He turns around and looks at me as I'm looking at him. He leans back against the balcony and wets his top lip with his tongue, I sigh, obvious I know but I can’t help it, he’s just so lush and just the thought of that tongue, on me, in me, I give a little involuntary shudder as I think of how that might feel. I really am becoming obsessed with doing bad things with this man.

“Come
here”

I
walk to where he’s standing and stop right in front of him. Anticipation is building inside me and making my breaths come quickly and my heart to feel like it’s about to beat out of my mouth. He lifts my chin with his index finger, looks me in the eyes and says, “you look beautiful, all fresh, and squeaky clean”

He
breathes in the scent on my skin and then kisses me so, so gently on the lips. I close my eyes and stand on tip toes so that I can increase the pressure, my head swims. I don't know how long I stand there with my eyes closed and mouth open after he has pulled away but I'm brought back by Gabe’s voice,  “come inside” he orders “it’s too cold out here”

He
leads me back inside by the hand and I sit on a stool at the kitchen bench as he gets himself a beer and pours me a wine. Marlborough Sav Blanc no less, my favourite, how does he know?

He
sits on the stool next to me and pulls it closer, so close I can feel his breath on my body. My skin automatically tingles and I get goose bumps, my nipples harden and I can feel my heart pounding in my ears, I slowly let out a breath as I sip my wine .

“That
shower was fantastic” Is all I can think of saying.

“
Glad you enjoyed it”

We
sit in silence for a bit, I have a million thoughts running through my head until he leans in and kisses me; just a little inoffensive kiss on my forehead, my mind goes blank. He slides off his stool and opens my legs so he can stand in between them. I run my fingers through his hair and sigh, “What’s wrong?” he asks

“Nothing
just a bit achy, the shower was great, I think it’s just where I am beginning to relax and release some of the tension that’s been weighing on my shoulders these past days, weeks, months even, you don’t notice it’s there till it starts to go”

“
Didn't that little kiss help take your mind off things?” He pouts and gives me his best puppy dog eyes, which makes my stomach do a little back flip, which is a strange reaction as puppy dogs don’t generally have this effect on me. I need to stop this rambling conversation I’m having with myself, in my head and answer him.

“I
ndeed it did but there are other parts of me you could kiss that would take my mind off them more. My forehead isn't really one of my erogenous zones” WTF, what am I saying? Who mentioned anything about erogenous zones?

“
Oh I am sorry. I didn't realise you wanted me to kiss you on your erogenous zones, my mistake”

He
licks his lips, still looking at me, and then kisses me gently on the mouth. My hands are still in his hair and I pull at it slightly. He kisses me harder and whispers.

“
Dya fancy getting stoned?”

NOT
what I was expecting! Hmm, is this a test, is he trying to work out how old and frumpy I am, I wonder?

“
It’s fine if you don’t, if it’s not your thing. I just thought it might help you relax, your mind and your muscles and help you sleep better” He says into my ear, in-between kisses on my mouth .I really cannot think straight all the time he continues with this

“Sounds
like a plan” I shrug like it’s something I do every day. I’m feeling a bit chilly so I go off to the bedroom to get my hoodie. When I return, he's on the huge leather sofa, just about to light up. I sit next to him and curl my legs underneath me.

After
only a couple of puffs I feel myself relax and some of the tension leave my body. We smoke the joint between us. Then we sit, for a while in a comfortable silence. Then Gabriel asks

“When
was the last time you did this?”

“Last
Christmas actually, we’ve always been open and honest with the boys about drugs, Ryder was still living at home then, he had friends over and one of them asked if we minded if they sparked up. Rather they did it at home, than somewhere they could get arrested so we said yeah fine. They were happy to share and I hadn't had a smoke in about two years before then so I went for it” I reply

“J
ust you or did your husband kick back as well?"

“No
just me, Jay hates smoking, in any form. I've made cakes for him in the past but not in years. We've tried different things, we were big clubbers for a while in the nineties so we dabbled in this and that but we already had the boys and not a lot of disposable income so it was just an occasional thing. Before that, just the usual weed and whizz at school and college” I pause for a second and study his face as he listens to me and he does, listen I mean and it suddenly dawns on me how lonely I’ve been within my marriage, for such a very long time, I swallow these thoughts down and carry on.  “Remember, I was a mother at twenty one and so have always had to have an ‘all things in moderation’ type attitude. Perhaps if Jay smoked more weed he would be more chilled and we wouldn't be in this mess”

“Thanks
” he says sarcastically. I'm confused, why the sarcasm? “That makes me feel wanted” he continues, “if you wasn’t in this mess, then you wouldn't be here with me now”

“Oh
yeah, sorry, I didn't mean it like that” I lock eyes with him and we instantly both start to laugh. We talk shit and laugh and drink beer and talk more shit and Gabe laughs while I giggle snort, which makes him laugh some more. We are lying on our backs in the middle of his family room and find something amusing in every topic from childbirth and football to pap smears. I feel…Free, content and without pain. And at three in the morning, we are starving and Gabe makes us pancakes.

~

I awake the next day and again take a while to get my bearings. My head is on Gabe’s stomach, my arm slung across his hips. He's wearing just his jocks and my eyes wander across his Abs and that V that runs down the front of his hips. His arm is around me and I'm hot and a little bit uncomfortable but I don't want to wake him. I turn my head slightly and kiss his belly and as I do he sighs and ever so slightly tilts his hips up towards me. He has a sheet lying over one leg but the other is bent out to the side and I can clearly see the bulge at his crotch. God I really want to lean across and reach inside his pants. I want to climb over and get on top. I want to lower myself down on to him until I can feel him inside of me, filling me and then I want to ride him into next week. So what's stopping me? I'm now a free woman, I’m definitely old and wise enough to know what I'm doing, so really, what’s stopping me? I can do what I like, so, why can't I just go for it? Especially as I want it so badly. Confidence is the key and that is most definitely something I am severely lacking. Gabe shifts and puts his own hand in his shorts and adjusts himself and thoughts of my dream pop into my head and for some reason I get an uncontrollable fit of the giggles. I manage to keep quiet but can't stop my shoulders shaking up and down and I even have tears rolling down my cheeks and begin to feel slightly out of control.

“Something
funny down there?” Gabe asks and I can't control my laughter any longer. It's painful physically but cathartic mentally. I lay back against the pillow, cross my arms over my face and laugh some more, out of nowhere though, my laughter turns to tears and great, heaving, wracking sobs escape from me. Gabe pulls me into him as gently as possible and just holds me while I cry. I'm not sure if the drugs from the night before have anything to do with it but I just feel extremely sad today.

CHAPTER SEVEN

We
end up hanging around the house for most of the day. We look at paint and flooring on line but I don't physically make it out to the shops. Mainly we talk and talk about anything and everything. I feel so acutely aware of him and his presence actually changes me physically, I switch from hot to cold continuously, depending on how close he is to me and whether or not he is speaking, and sometimes it’s just simply watching him watching me, I can be mid-sentence and the fact that this man is listening so intently to what I’m saying, completely throws me and I lose all track of my words. I cannot believe I have slept in a bed with him for three nights and we still haven’t had sex, and that worries me a little, my horrible insecure self makes an appearance and forces the thought into my head that it’s because he doesn’t find me physically attractive but I try really hard to push thoughts like that aside. Gabriel eventually goes out to the supermarket and buys in some food and grog and because of waking at such a late hour; the day seems to have flown by. We cook dinner together, just a simple pasta and sauce. I’m feeling fairly relaxed and surprisingly, quite happy compared to when I first woke. Gabe’s iPhone is playing, the music system blasts the sound throughout the house and out to the deck and around to the pool area. We are both singing along to Silver chair’s Straight Lines as we cook.

The
weather is unseasonably warm for the end of September so we eat out on the veranda and watch the sun go down over the bay. As we sit back and admire the view, sipping on a nicely chilled Sav Blanc, I unconsciously roll my shoulders. They still ache but I think it’s more because I'm starting to relax, not because I'm tense. It's surprising what a physical effect mental stress can have on your body. I drink my wine and with Adele’s First Love playing over the speakers, I reflect... It’s been over a month since Jason and I had managed a civil word to each other. When it was good between us, it was really good. That was the last time I had sex with Jay, it was the last time I had had sex with anyone, even myself. That evening, Jay had cooked us a couple of steaks on the barbie and we had sat looking out over our own pool, drinking beer and discussing taking a trip away in October. My husband, at forty nine, is still fit, toned, tall, dark and very handsome, he has turned heads all of our married life and until recently, my desire for him had been as strong as it had ever been. My thoughts turn back to the last time we had sex. We had gone to bed that night and made slow beautiful love, he knew my body inside out and knew exactly what turned me on, the only issues we had ever had in the bedroom were when the boys were young and I was often too tired for sex, although just lately we have had issues too, now I understand why. My husband has been fucking someone else. I thought he had just gone off me, which, I suppose he has, otherwise, why else would he be dipping his wick elsewhere?

I
had tried to spice things up in the bedroom. Having a lot more time on my hands nowadays, what with the boys being grown up and moved out and me working much less. I had read a lot of books and many of them had been erotic love stories. I had found them quiet liberating. I have always been a bit slow at being the instigator of sex in our relationship, mainly due to a lack of confidence and a fear of rejection, both issues caused by Jason. Over the years he has thought it funny to knock me back on the rare occasions I had been the one coming on to him first, he just had a way of making one little comment that would make me wish the ground would open up and swallow me whole. He had watched me give birth to two children but he still had the ability to embarrass and affect me in this way and his usual response was along the lines of “What, what did I say? Oh come on, it was a joke, come here stupid”

But
when you’re standing there in killer heels, stockings and a Basque and your husband says…

“
Yeah..... Twenty years ago... Maybe” The damage is done. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't married to a monster. That was just his sense of humour. Warped!

Gabriel
leans forward and tops up my glass, bringing me back to the now. How things have changed in just the space of a month, a week. A weekend even.

“Let’s
get in the spa; it will do your bones the world of good”

“
The spa? I have nothing to wear in the spa”

Shit,
I can think of nothing I would like more than to sit in the spa right now and enjoy the warmth, the bubbles and him, beside me, maybe talking a little Italian. He looks across at me over the top of his glass with a sexy arsed gleam in his eye and shrugs

“
So wear nothing” He tilts his head to one side and gives me THAT smile

“
You’re beautiful Lauren, there is no one else here, and we aren't over looked, what's the problem?”

“Ohhhh
Gabriel, have you ever dated an older woman?” His face falters and something passes through his mind, I just know it but it’s gone in a second

“What
has that got to do with anything?”

“I’m
forty five years old, I've carried and given birth to two children, I'm not twenty five, tight and toned, and I have stretch marks and wobbly bits”

“
Can we please just stop the fuck with all this shit about your age and the condition of your body? Do you really think that I'm that shallow, that that is all I care about? I've known you for four days, I've shared a bed with you for the past three nights and somehow, somehow I've managed to keep my hands to my fucking self, when in fact all I've actually wanted to do is fuck you every which way possible and maybe even try some fucks that are impossible. If all I was interested in was how hot your body is and a quick root, I would have done that Friday or Saturday night, I wouldn't have laid there for three nights, with a massive hard on, trying not to move, in case I cause more pain to the bones that that bastard has beaten and bruised, I’ve already told you how I feel, the affect your having on me. For fucks sake Lauren, I've spent the past ten years living like a wombat; I haven't had a meaningful relationship with a woman, other than my daughter, my mother and my sister in my entire life. And then you turn up and from the instant I set eyes on you, you've flipped my world on its fucking head, I love your body, you have a fantastic body and the best pair of tits I have ever seen. Or not seen as the case would be”

Oookaaay!

“Wombat?” Is all I can think of saying.

“Yes
wombat. Eats, Roots and Leaves”

Our
eyes meet and we laugh.

“Do you realise how many times you just said fuck during that little outburst?”

“A lot probably, you frustrate me no end, I wish you could see yourself through my eyes, you’re gorgeous Lauren, and you need to accept that. Now, go get naked then get that sexy little arse of yours in the spa, I’ll bring over our drinks in a bit and give you chance to hide all your wobbly bits under the water”

I
finish my drink and walk over to the spa. I know without looking back that his eyes are on me. Fuck it, let’s get this over with. I pull the T shirt over my head and off, I take off his trunks that I've been wearing all day, stepping out of them as sexily as possible. I look over my shoulder without turning my body; I smile and wink, then swing his jocks around my head and toss them back towards him. As quick as a flash, he sticks out his hand and catches them, brings them down to his face, closes his eyes and sniffs. Yes... Sniffs. Ohhhh good grief, that boy is all kinds of wrong but he turns me on no end, I don't know whether I should feel embarrassed, horrified or aroused? What should I feel? My cheeks are blazing and what I do know is that despite whatever I should be feeling, I am so fucking horny, it’s making my head spin. I stand and stare as Gabe opens his eyes and stands from the table and I instantly see his erection pushing against his shorts. He grabs our glasses and the wine and starts to walk towards me, should I just climb in and hide myself under the water. My ribs are a nice shade of blue and purple. Yep, real sexy. I turn and stare into the spa but am frozen to the spot. He is right behind me; he puts the glasses and cooler down and then his T shirt lands on the floor next to me, his thongs, his shorts and his jocks follow. He moves my hair from the back of my neck and over onto my shoulder and slowly plants little kisses right at my nape, traveling up and across to my ear. I arch my back and lean into him so that he can have better access, ignoring the pain in my ribs. I raise my arm and wrap it around his neck into his hair, his fingers trace very lightly up and down my spine and his arm comes around me, cupping my right breast, all the while he's kissing and stroking his fingers up and down my spine, moving from the back of my waist down across to my backside to my thigh. He moves his hand onto my stomach and pulls me back, completely flush against him. His right hand is still at my breast, tweaking my nipple between his finger and thumb. His left hand is cupping me between my legs, as he whispers in my ear “Open your legs”

I
do better than that and lift my left leg up onto the edge of the spa allowing him more access to me. Then I panic as I remember I haven't showered today. Shit. Instinctively my legs clench back together and I can feel my face burn with embarrassment. He freezes and stops dead in his tracks

“What
is it?”

I
close my eyes. Shit, fuck, bollocks! What do I say, could this be any more embarrassing?

“
I've not showered today” I whisper, feeling mortified.

He gives a little laugh and I feel his shoulders shake,
then he lets out a soft sigh, right into my ear, causing instant goose bumps across my burning body.

“
Ahhh Lauren, you really do need to chill out a bit baby. Do you really think that bothers me? I love the way you smell, fresh out the shower or not and I can't wait to taste you, showered or not, now open your legs”.

Oh
my fucking god, he is just, he is just, he just is, that is all, I seriously can't breathe. Or think straight it would seem.

I
open my legs for him and he slides his middle finger between my lips, up and inside me. Ooohhhhhh God That. Feels. So Good, I am...

“Lauren”
He whispers right in my ear and I jump “You. Feel. So Good”

Fuck
.... He can read my mind!

I can feel his erection pushing into the small of my back as he pulls me tighter up against him and pushes another finger inside me. We are both naked, standing on his second floor veranda. If anyone was to look up through the trees from the beach, they might, possibly, be able to see us. But at this stage, I really couldn't care less, what has this man done to me? I give an involuntary shudder, I'm not sure if it’s the cold or excitement. I feel so, wanton, so absolutely turned on, my whole body is tingling. Feeling the tremors run through me, he stops what he's doing and puts his arms around me and says, “Get into the spa, it's warm in there and getting cold out here now the suns gone down, mind your step”

He
holds my hand as we step down into the warm water together. It is heaven, Gabe hits a button and the bubbles start, he passes me my glass. God, I need a drink. This is so intense. I have had sex with only three men in my life and two of them were over 27 years ago, what I'm about to do here is massive, life changing, I don't think I was this nervous when I lost my virginity!

We
sit facing each other, our heads leaning back on the padded headrests, drinking our wine and despite the intensity of the moment and this giant step I am about to take with my life, I can't help but close my eyes and enjoy a moment of total relaxation. Adele is singing in the background. I love her voice, 21 has been my album of choice these past months and hearing her tonight is like having a friend beside me, giving me confidence, reassuring me that I am doing the right thing. I look up at the stars and stare. The Australian night sky has always fascinated me. I was born and lived in London until I was thirteen and was not impressed with my parents decision to move here, dragging me away from all my friends and a life that I truly loved. I had defied them at every opportunity in the first few months we lived here and would sneak out of the house and lay in the garden and look up at the stars at night, they were my constant, my thing that I still had in common with my friends I had to leave behind, the moon, the stars, they were the same ones my mates were looking at. I would lie there, plotting revenge on my parents for ruining my life and planning on running away back to England as soon as I could get the money together for my air fare but all the while fascinated by the fact you could see the Milky Way with the naked eye. Something that wasn't possible with all the light pollution in London. Seeing my first ever shooting star, only a few nights after getting here was a memory I would treasure forever. I took great comfort from it, imagining it was a sign, telling me everything was going to be alright.

I
let out a long sigh, not from stress but from pure contentment.  Right at this very moment, I am sure have made the right decision, tomorrow, is another day and I might think differently but right here, right now, wherever things go with Gabe, leaving Jason was the right thing to do, I am now absolutely convinced but I still can’t help being nervous about taking this final step, sleeping with another man, fucking hell, am I really going to do this? And, there is something else that's been bothering me and as embarrassing as it is I need to discuss it with him.