Savory Deceits (27 page)

              “Thanks.” I said, and then glanced at Starr. I knew she was biting her tongue. As soon as the doctor and nurse left the room, she opened her mouth.

              “Abortion?” She questioned, crossing her arms.

              “Starr, not now,” I said, hopping off the table to get dressed.

              “Please tell me you weren’t serious.” She pressed.

              “Of course I was! I can’t have a baby!” I exclaimed, putting on my bra and panties. Starr shook her head at me.              

              “I can’t believe you’re saying this.” She said disappointed. Her judgmental tone was starting to piss me off. I pulled on my black slacks, and then reached for my green blouse.

              “Please Starr, not now. I need to figure this out.” I said, stepping into my strappy sandals. Starr stood with her hands on her hips, ready to argue with me. I gave her my ‘back off’ look, and she dropped her arms. Then, she took a breath, to calm herself down, no doubt.

              “Okay. Okay. I’m sorry. You know I’ll always be here for you no matter what.” She told me. Then, I picked up my purse, and nodded.

              “Thanks, Starr.” I replied, giving her a hug.

Back at Starr’s apartment, I curled up on her sofa, racking my brain at my dilemma. How I could have allowed myself to get pregnant was beyond stupid. What am I going to do? Doctor Albeit’s words about abortions being illegal in Wisconsin, played over and over in my head, which further infuriated me. The person who came up with that law was obviously not a woman.

              “Hey,” Starr said, entering the room. “You okay?” She asked me. I gave her a blank stare.

              “I don’t know.” I answered truthfully.

              “Want to talk about it?” She asked me.

              “I can’t have a baby, Starr.” I said, blinking back tears. I started to feel like a prisoner of my own body.

              “Why not?” She asked me.

              “Why not?” I said, looking at her as if she were crazy. “What do you mean ‘why not’? Starr, I have my career, my life, not to mention my dignity!” I exclaimed, hoping she would understand my point of view.

              “All of which pales in comparison to that baby growing inside you.” She countered. I shook my head, because I had no wins with her. She would never see things my way.

              “Nai,” she began, sitting down next to me. I rolled my eyes, and prepared myself for another one of her lectures. “I know this was not how you envisioned things, but that’s not this baby’s fault. He or she did not ask to be a product of your irresponsibility, so do not punish ‘em for it.” She imposed. Then, I stood up, annoyed by her sanctimonious disquisition.

              “Starr, I cannot go through with this pregnancy! I cannot even stand the sight of Chris, let alone have his child! I mean, are you kidding me? He slept with my sister behind my back! What the hell would I look like having that bastard’s kid?” I was hoping she would listen to reason.

              “Oh, so this is about how you’d look?” She questioned.

              “No! This is about my life! If circumstances were different, then yeah, I’d have a different perspective on this, but they’re not!” I shouted. I cannot believe Starr is being serious right now.

              “It sounds to me like you think getting rid of this baby, would be like punishing Chris somehow, for what he did.” She said in a monotone voice that pissed me off even more. Then, I glared at her.

              “He deserves to be punished for what he did to me!” I said, through clenched teeth.

              “Nai, you’re letting your hatred for him cloud your judgment. I know my opinion on this matter may seem a bit biased, because I do not believe in abortions, and you know that. I just think you should sit down, and really think this through. This is not about Chris, nor is it about you. It is about that baby growing inside you. Please don’t make that baby pay for Chris’ mistake.” She begged. I blinked back angry tears, because deep down, I knew she was right. I was taking my anger, over what Chris did to me, out on the life growing inside me. I shook my head, and crossed my arms, feeling powerless over my predicament.

              “He’s hurt me so much.” I finally admitted, letting the tears flow. Starr stood, and came to me, taking my hands in hers.

              “I know he did sweetie, and I’m so sorry for that. Don’t think about him. It’s not about him anymore. It’s about this baby, so fuck him!” She said, with her strong Puerto Rican accent. I chuckled.

              “That’s what got me into this position, remember?” I joked, and Starr laughed.

              “Look, you’re my girl, and I’ll support you, no matter what you decide to do. Like I said, I do not believe in abortions, but I also know that it is not my body, or my life. It is yours. So, whatever you decide to do, I’m here for you, okay chica?” Starr said, giving me an encouraging smile. I smiled back, and nodded my head.

              “Okay. Thanks girl.”

~NENA~

I sat on the kitchen floor, with my knees pulled to my chest, and silently cried. My jaw ached from where Tony had hit me. Thoughts of my mother, and how I felt I could not save her, flooded my mind. The day I watched her let the man she loved, beat her into a coma, haunted me. Then, the news of her passing, several days later at the hospital, hit me even harder. “I’m so sorry, mom. I should have done something.” I now whispered to myself. Then, I heard someone open my front door, but I did not care. I remained on the floor staring at nothing.

              “Nena?” Someone, not Tony, called out to me.

              “In here.” I responded trying to help myself up. Chris rushed into the kitchen, and caught me, before I tumbled back down again.

              “Are you all right? I tried calling you,” he began to say, but stopped, when he looked at me. “Did he do this to you?” He asked, noticing my blood stained lips. When I nodded, his jaw tightened.

              “I’m going to kill him!” He threatened. I shook my head.

              “No, Chris. Let it go.” I told him. Then I walked around him, grabbed a broom, and began sweeping up the broken glass.

              “Let it go? The last time I ‘let it go;’ you ended up in the hospital. I damn sure am not going to let that happen again!” He declared. Then, I leaned the broom against the wall, and turned to face him.

              “Please Chris. I just want to forget about this.” I said to him, feeling jaded. His brows narrowed.

              “And I’m supposed to just do nothing, and let him think he can put his hands on you? No, Nena. I’m going to handle this.” He said, turning to leave. Then, I grabbed his arm, and made him face me.

              “Chris, please! I know you’re angry, but right now, can you just…hold me?” I knew crying would probably make things worse, but I could not help it. Then, he sighed, and took me in his arms.

              “I can’t let him get away with this Nena,” he said, holding me. “I love you too much to just do nothing.” He said again. I closed my eyes, and wished the last couple of hours did not happen. The last thing I wanted was for my lover, to go waging war against my husband.

              “Chris,” I began, looking up at him. “Please, let me handle this. This is not your problem.” I reasoned. He started to object, when I put my finger to his lips, and continued. “I appreciate everything you’ve done, and want to do for me. And I love you for that. I just can’t have you all caught up in my mess.” I explained, hoping he would listen.

              “That’s the thing, Nena. It is not just your mess. It is mine as well. He and I were friends, so stop acting like I’m just an innocent bystander in all this.”

              “I just don’t want you to go picking a fight with him, because that’ll only make things worse.” I pleaded.

              “So you just want me to do nothing? Is that it?” He asked getting upset again. When I did not answer, he pushed away from me. “No, Nena. I can’t do that. First, he tried to step to me at the hospital, and now he put his hands on you? And you want me to just let that go? Nah,” he shook his head. “Nena, the only reason I stayed away from him was because of you. I did not want to make your life any more complicated, than it already was. Now, he thinks he can do some shit like that, and get away with it? I don’t think so.” He said, turning to leave again.

              “Chris wait!” I went after him. By the time I reached the door, he was already in his car. After he sped off, I closed the door, and winced at the throbbing pain I felt near my jaw. Then, I went back to the kitchen, picked up the cordless phone, and dialed Tony’s number. I waited a few seconds, and then his voicemail picked up. Before I heard the beep to leave a message, I hung up. I then dialed Chris’ cell, which went straight to voicemail as well, but this time I did not hang up.

              “Chris, please don’t do this. For me, please? I just…I don’t know…I just want everything to be normal again. The fighting needs to stop. I can’t do this anymore. I know what I have to do now. I have to…” Before I could finish, I heard the beep, indicating the message was over. Frustrated, I hung up.

~ALANA~

I sat on the edge of my bed, watching Tony sleep. The little snores, emanating from his mouth, made me smile. I traced the outline of his chest with my finger, and smiled again, at the contrast of his abs. When I leaned forward, to kiss him on the lips, I heard my cell go off in the living room. Then I got up, and quickly walked out of the room, quietly closing the door behind me. I grabbed my phone, looked at the caller’s ID, and grimaced when I saw Chris’ name on the screen. Straightaway, I hit the ignore button, and set the phone back down. When I started for my bedroom, the phone went off again.

“Ugh! What do you want?” I whispered to myself. Feeling aggravated, I prayed that Tony did not wake up. Why didn’t I just turn it off, I thought. I went back to the phone and answered it. “What?” I said angrily.

“How many times do I have to call, before you answer your fucking phone?” Chris’ voice boomed on the other end.

“Boy please, you don’t own me! What the fuck do you want?” I said sharply.

“Is he with you?” Chris asked, ignoring my question.

“Who?” I asked, pretending not to know whom he was referring.

“Bitch, don’t play dumb with me! You know who the fuck I’m talking about! Is he with you?” He asked again.

“You got a lot of nerve calling me talking reckless. Now, I don’t know what your problem is, nor do I care! Do not call my phone anymore! As of right now, we are done!” I pronounced. He had a lot of nerve calling me a bitch with his trifling ass.

“So, is he with you?” Chris asked again, completely disregarding my stance. Who in the hell did he think he was anyway? I began to regret the day I ever laid eyes on him.

“Even if he was, what’s it to you? What I do, and whom I do it with, is none of your damn business! You got that?” I wanted to get loud, and cuss his ass out, but with Tony in the next room, I had to keep my voice at bay.

“Keep talking that gangster shit. I’ll be over there in a minute.” He threatened.

“Chris I swear, you better not come over here!” I hissed. Then he chuckled.

“So, he really is over there.” He said, sounding as if he were smiling on the other end. Chris’ tone then changed from menacing, to opportunistic.

“And? So what if he is? Why do you care anyway? Aren’t you screwing his wife?” I was a little loud with that one, and glanced at my bedroom door.

“Bitch!” He started, and then he stopped, before he spoke again. “You know what? I won’t come, but I need you to do something for me.” He said. I shook my head, because he really did lose his mind.

“What? No! I am not doing anything for you! We’re done, Chris!” I said in a voice above a whisper, and glanced at my room door again.

“Well, it’s either that, or I’m coming over.” He baited me, and I hated that. Why couldn’t he just leave me alone? Then I sighed, feeling trapped.

“What is it?” I asked defeated.

“Make sure you keep his phone near you. When it goes off, and you see the name, Nena, or baby pop up, answer it.” He instructed, and I rolled my eyes.

“You really are pathetic you know that? You have to go through all that, just to get her to like you?” I said, repulsed by him. His antics were deplorable, and I struggled to see what Nena saw in him.

“I’m pathetic? You’re fucking a married a man, and you call me pathetic?” He chuckled again, and continued, “Baby, you and I, have a lot more in common than you think. We share the same goal. You want him, and I want her. My plan worked. They’re apart right now, and now I need you to help me keep it that way.” He said smugly. I no longer wanted to be any part of his sick game. I cared a lot for Tony, and did not want to deceive him, any more than I already had. He was beginning to trust me, and I valued that. I hated Chris for putting me in this position.